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Dear Magic

Have you ever broken up with someone you knew you weren’t going to marry? Let’s say for argument’s sake that they didn’t do something horrible like sleep with your best friend. You just decided, after a lot of soul-searching, that it was time for the relationship to end. Ever done that? Let me tell you,…

Beatdown Bargain

One of the major problems that Sabre (or Bargain) has compared to the older version is that it can sometimes be stopped by an initially lucky counterspell draw, or by an extremely quick beatdown draw. While a lot of players initially found that they were winning against mono-green, as time passed and people began making…

Make Your Own Alongi Article!

Over the past two or three months, I have entertained several offers by well-meaning readers to pool resources and co-write a column or two. I have (politely, I hope) turned all of these down, not least because it is hard enough coping with the multiple screams in my head that direct my writing, without entertaining…

Tragic Poetry

"Love is like Oxygen…" ——————————– Since time immemm imemoreel immorem… since time began, man has wooed* the fairer sex with songs and poetry; primarily, of course, the purpose being to try and get into their pants – but we won’t be covering that today, o my brothers, not today. Poetry takes many a form and…

Breaking Into New York

That afternoon, while getting into my car, I dropped my bag. Bad omen. Oh yeah. I’m all about some bad omens. Aside from my almost getting strip searched (who’d have known there was metal in the hair-pull-back-majigger I use?), and Pete being harassed by a crazy x-ray detector guy, the actual trip was uneventful. Then…

Three Decks For Regionals

I am completely demoralized. My Limited and Extended ratings have both fallen below 1800. My writing was attacked by Tom Guevin. I failed to qualify for yet another PT. And it looks as though my magic future is in jeopardy. I need to save money. I can’t afford to go traipsing around any more trying…

Importance Of Weaseling In Multiplayer: Is It?

There is a theory of parapsychology that says that BELIEF DEFINES REALITY. In other words, all those -Filey things like ESP and telepathy actually do exist… but they’re dependent upon the good will of others to make them happen. If you put The Amazing Kreskin in a room with a bunch of doubting scientists, their…

Call It “Hom-o-nock-a-lus” Again And I’m Going To Smack You

So there I am, playing a little Nemesis mini-masters, safe from the allergens floating around outside just waiting to plague me, when my opponent slaps down a 1/1 blue creature and announces that he has cast a“Sneaky Hom-uh-NOCK-ah-lus.” And this virtually drives me to an apoplectic fit of rage. I want to reach across the…

Withholding Information

We’re headed up to Pro Tour: New York, for the weekend, which explains why this article, which would normally have surfaced on Friday, is here lousing up the internet today. I’m excited about going to New York– it’s going to be my first Pro Tour. I’ve been to Nationals, but never a Tour. Bear in…

The Cynical Approach To Choosing A Regionals Deck

Most people who know me would probably describe me as a generally happy-go-lucky, optimistic kind of guy. I tend to expect the best from people, and generally count on things working out for the best in the world around me. I wasn’t always like that; my childhood and teenage years weighed heavily on my psyche,…

The Quiz Show

A very recent -Files (quick! if you taped it last Sunday and haven’t watched it yet, STOP READING) featured a quiet housewife who ended up being the alter ego of a horrible, vengeful monster. I enjoyed this episode immensely – have you noticed many of the really good ones feature Scully and Mulder doing most…

Conglomerate Mess

Greetings, Magic players out there in E-Land. It’s time for another addition from your favorite author! (I think Omeed posted something today…) But seriously, if you’re reading this, you’re probably going to read the rest; bonus points for you! "So," you’re asking yourself. "What’s he going to write about today?" That’s a very good question,…

Spoiled!

I’m on a bit of a Star Wars kick, currently. Alright, alright, I’m a Star Wars fan. I see Star Wars as America’s Homeric Epics: an Iliad and Odyssey. I totally saw Episode I at the midnight-before showing. Now. To explain. I’m not the zealot who stands in line for a month, waiting for tickets,…

Why You All Are A Big Bunch Of Ridiculous Whiners

It is now the time to reveal The Secret History Of . This history brings up two very important points that you need to understand BEFORE I get into my rant about what a bunch of dithering nincompoops you Magic players can be, so listen closely: I understand that many of you may think that…

Maro-Ed With Children

An Homeopathetic ———————– Relax and unwind, light up that joss-stick, kick off those shoes, undo that constricting belt (steeeeeeaddy on there, old hoss!), reach out for that steaming mug of herbal tea (Bullrush & Nettle, or maybe Thorn & Potato), and be at one with yourself – feel those tired and drawn muscles melt. Comfortable?…