I Want To Be An Article

Everything blisterguy wants to do in Magic… And more.

  • I want to be qualified.
  • I want to mulligan to three.
  • I want to face Kai on a Sunday, and see him begin to sweat with uncertainty.
  • I want there to be a Morphling on top of my deck. (But you had better believe I?ll make it Repel-proof if you so much as even try.)
  • I want to windmill-slam a Black Lotus against Richard Garfield.
  • I want Richard Garfield to windmill slam a Black Lotus at me.
  • I want to open Aboshan.
  • I want to open Kamahl and Shower of Coals. And draft an Afflict over both of them.
  • I want to have a coffee with Adrian Sullivan, while he hastily scribbles another offering for Misetings.com on a napkin.
  • I want to Traumatize Toby Wachter the turn after he casts Battle of Wits.
  • I want to play a Meddling Mage versus Chris Pikula while he only has Mountains in play, and name Necropotence. (He won?t kill it?)
  • I want to draw an Ophidian or a Forbid off the Shadowmage Infiltrator I just attacked Jon Finkel with.
  • I want to Survival for an Avalanche Riders versus Darwin Kastle, and see how he likes it.
  • I want to attack with my Rootwater Thief and strip Mike Long of his only Drain Life. (And wonder aloud why he appears to be running only three Cadaverous Blooms.)
  • I want to smash each of them with a card with my face on it.
  • I want to Obliterate while we both control an Academy Rector, and Confiscate whatever you get.
  • I want to table judge a Fuller/Wise feature match.
  • I want to face Fuller at the masters, smile back at him, and ask him how his mother is.
  • I want to play a deck that breaks Birds of Paradise, drop it third turn with counter backup, and hear my opponent groan knowing the game is lost.
  • I want to have a totally unintelligible conversation with Mike Flores, and have us both collapse in a fit of giggles.
  • I want to split Rizzo?s Foily Five, and bust out Treva, the Sucky Dragon.
  • I want to Contract from Below into an Antiquities Jewelled Bird versus Kurtis“Fat Man” Hahn, then cantrip it into a Mind Twist.
  • I want to talk deck tech with Zvi Mowshowitz, and surprise him with some bizarre yet innovative idea.
  • I want to play multiplayer with Anthony Alongi and The Ferrett… And while they bicker about politics, Cursed Scroll them, naming Congregate.
  • I want to Cursed Scroll Dave Price, naming Giant Strength.
  • I want to Cursed Scroll Mark Rosewater, and name Infernal Spawn of Evil.
  • I want to Cursed Scroll you, and name Goblin Swine Rider. (466 and counting?)
  • I want to sideboard in all fifteen cards.
  • I want to meet Richard Kane Ferguson.
  • I want to mise tings versus Mike Bregoli.
  • I want to intentionally draw with John Friggin? Rizzo.
  • I want to swing with men against Mike Flores.
  • I want to say that and not have it mean anything even remotely icky.
  • I want to draft with the pros.
  • I want to draft with my friends.
  • I want to draft with Gandhi.
  • I want to Fork everyone in the world.
  • I want to do something that matters.
  • I want to Fork you like an animal.
  • I want to play sealed deck with Britney.
  • I want to play Deep Analysis, without giggling at its name.
  • I want to play Type 1 without having to own any of the Power Nine.
  • I want to own at least one of the Power Nine.
  • I want to be a lumberjack.
  • I want to be a lion tamer.
  • I want to Crypt Rats for two, but only after equipping it with an Armadillo Cloak.
  • I want to build a prison.
  • I want to build a prison.
  • I want to build a prison, with Static Orb and Opposition. (For you and me to live in?)
  • I want to give your Birds of Paradise forestwalk… But not just yet. (Wink, wink.)
  • I want to Bolt, Bolt, Fireblast Oscar Tan.
  • I want to gain threshold, but only after blocking.
  • I want to Aura Graft your Seton?s Desire, block, and then gain threshold.
  • I want Ops in #mtgwacky.
  • I want to argue with Jamie Wakefield about his 26 mana, 62 card decks.
  • I want to attack for two.
  • I want to Pyroblast everything.
  • I want to be able to stall on two land and not have a solitary black creature attack me for five, then six, then eight, all before I even have my fifth turn.
  • I want to enter a standard tournament, and not feel I have to play blue, or EOTFOFUL.
  • I want to enter a Standard tournament, and not fear starting the game again but with you already having a Psychatog or a Mystic Enforcer in play.
  • I want to play without having to worry if my opponent is drawing extra cards, stacking our decks, or messing with the life totals.
  • I want to play some Magical cards. Are you with me?


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