The Oshawa YMCA has a very nice swimming pool. It has somewhat of a stigma attached to it as far as Magic is concerned, though – if you’re playing anywhere near it, it means you are, for lack of a better turn of phrase,”sucking huge”.
Rizzo’s left Magic – and he’s never been happier. Why? The Ferrett explains it all to you, UNCENSORED FOR THE FIRST TIME AT STARCITY, and issues the challenge to the next generation. But if you want a piece of Rizzo’s legacy, you’re gona have to work for it.
Many readers write to me regularly to tell me that”other than Rizzo, you’re my favorite author, dood.” I’m on a silver medal dias, and if I take a quarter turn, I’ve got a startlingly correct view of Rizzo’s ass.
You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed with your wife and eggs. Everyone loves you, you pound out 10,000 words a week, you’re a legend among geeks. You’ve got 3-5 tournament records for as long as tournaments exist.
Rizzo should have been a flash in the pan – a freak of nature dismissed among the serious players out there who are”names.” But he has become – like it or not – the conscience and soul of Magic. How?
Doubtless Wakefield’s writing warranted the fame he received, but I can’t testify to that. The man for whom I can testify is the man I consider to be Jamie Wakefield’s replacement: John Friggin’ Rizzo.
In an article entitled”Note to self,” I find the following line: (Note to self: legally change name to”Blisterguy” to get Blisterguy to write again. And then tease his natty dreads into 80’s Mallchick Hair. Or maybe a mullet.)
The Ferrett has promised the revelation of a great secret on Friday regarding the mysterious fate of John Rizzo. My palms began to sweat; what could it be?
Maybe it’s better that he never showed me. Maybe he wasn’t supposed to follow the Wakefield model of”stay the course – qualify – die happy, thinking I made my point.” Maybe he wasn’t supposed to end up on Team CMU… But I’m glad he was.
This Friday is a very special day for StarCity… In which a huge surprise concerning our own John Friggin’ Rizzo will be revealed. As such, we’re asking for any and all submissions on how Rizzo Changed Your Life – or your Magic style, or even how you hate the balding joik. The best submissions will get a very special Rizzo prize, the legacy of Bruce himself… So send ’em in quick, as time’s a-wastin!
All right, all right; Regionals is over for you Americans. Now me, I have another shot at it, so I’ll go over some popular T2 decks… What? You want decks with Judgement in ’em? All right.
A tutorial for beginning players who don’t know why they’re losing, Will looks at a typical beginner’s deck… And dissects it to see what lessons we can learn about consistency.
The Sexiest Man In Magic takes Itchy and Scratchy to Regionals! What’s Itchy and what’s Scratchy? And how did Dave do?
Peter Szigeti walked up. He sized me up, looked me in the eye, and said,”I guess you took that whole gravy train thing and stuck it right up my ass.” Then he half-smiled and walked away. I took it as congratulations.
