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There are over 6000 unique cards in Magic. Only one hundred cards made this list (0.6%). Considering that virtually no two cards are created equal, that’s quite a testament to both R&D’s ability to design useful cards, and the flexibility players have shown in finding strange uses for seemingly underpowered spells. Previous”worst of” lists on the net have named cards such as Phyrexian Dreadnought or Lion’s Eye Diamond as”worst cards of all time,” which is a farce, given that both of these cards appear in tier one Type One decks. You won’t be seeing any rubbish like that in my list.

So how would I define a card which would belong to the Magic Hall of Shame?

In more advanced game theory, you study problems where the payouts are uncertain, or where guarantees are available, or where other factors can influence the payout matrix. Multiplayer is like that. In multiplayer games, you have an ability that you can use without spending cards or mana. It’s an ability you can use even when you don’t have priority. Used properly, it can counter anything – even concessions.

It’s the verbal equivalent of what I put in these articles. No, not bulls**t. At least, not all bulls**t…

So I was talking to Mike Flores the other day, and Mike told me,”You know, the great thing about writing Magic Theory is that it immediately rules out all the dumb people from reading your articles.”

I replied,”Well, Mike, the fact that they can’t talk never seems to hinder their ability to type ‘STFU n00b!’ in response to my theory articles.”

When Mirrodin first came out I constantly joked about finding a way to break this card. Apparently, I’ve come close to doing it, as I’ve drafted”The Hysteria Deck” three times with a total record of 8-1 in matches. Basically the only constraint here is that you need lots of large Green men and you can basically count the Hysteria as a”trick” of sorts, since there’s no way your opponent is going to be playing around it right off the bat. I’ve stolen games with a surprise Malachite Golem or Clockwork Condor before, even when my opponent knew the awful Red rare was lurking in my deck.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve cast an eye towards the state of White in Magic. One might think from these articles that I’m wholly unhappy with how the game has been developed. This couldn’t be further from the truth. As far as I’m concerned, Magic is healthier than it’s ever been before, and the person who deserves the most credit for surge of vitality the game experienced from Invasion forward is none other than Randy Buehler.

This week Geordie drastically increases the difficulty, as he hits the meanest of the Green, including”13. Elite Dungheap.” Don’t miss it!

No clear consensus emerged from my last article about where to go next. Some folks wanted me to try and turn one of my Betrayal of Flesh decks into something worthy of Friday Night Magic, others wanted me to do the same kind of pseudo-brainstorming I did with Betrayal but using another one of my Mirrodin Class I cards. In the end, there seemed to be slightly more people wanting me to move on from Betrayal of Flesh (due in large part, apparently, to people thinking Betrayal is a pretty boring card), and more people mentioned Fireshrieker than any other choice.

The people have spoken. Fireshrieker it is.

Greetings from Russell’s old room. Some have thought me a fool for remaining silent on this card advantage issue for so long, but now I’m about to open my mouth, as the old saying goes, and remove all doubt. After what seems like an eternity, it’s time to wrap it all up, a package from mama, signed, sealed, and delivered with care. Along the way, I have a lot of things to say about theory in general, alternative card advantage solutions, and why you shouldn’t bite down on a piece of tinfoil.

Myr Matrix

Myr on crusade. Myr dot deck can’t be good. It just can’t be. Seriously, the other aggressive decks are just faster. Having said that, if someone wanted to find a home for Darksteel Forge this would be it. If this deck ever became good, Affinity would just start packing Furnace Dragon and be done with it.

As a consequence of losing… a lot, I have accumulated far more tales involving the “agony of defeat” than those concerning the glory of victory. In fact, sometimes I get so wrapped up in the feelings of anguish and impending doom while losing a match that I just can’t separate fact or fiction into two neat little piles. The blows to my psyche actually feel like physical blows to the head. Defeat on Dominaria is almost a palpable death. Losing a game hits me harder than losing my job (hah!), my wife (done!), or my beer (Nooooooo!) — in that order.

Guaranteed to make you crack a smile or two or your money back, even for you non-Multiplayer-article-reading-persons!

Not a true story: One time a guy was watching another guy play. The dude playing was a Hollywood producer and liked the look of the observer, so he cast him in a bunch of commercials and everyone made millions, except the guy’s twin brother, who thought he was too good at Magic to watch other people, and was possibly getting high.

What does this have to do with becoming better at Magic? Enquiring minds want to know!