Music Cue: Fountains of Wayne – Bought For a Song
How does one follow-up an article like my last one, where everything is filth and bile? Well, I could flip it and reverse and talk about the things that I really like, but where’s the fun in that? I mean really, who wants to see me fellate random pros, give shout-outs to my bitches, and write with a sunny and smiley disposition? It would just be Knut doing the same old s**t… Booooring.
Instead, let me continue to embrace the dark side for a bit longer and examine a couple things I wrote about last week in more depth and take a gander at the Onslaught Block metagame. I’ll finish it all off with just a bite of Obligatory Cheesecake and some Kitchen Sink stuff. So much to do, so little time… So Zoom Zoom we go.
Music Cue: Fountains of Wayne – Little Red Light
For starters (and with full props to SammyG) the Mixed kNuts Soundtrack has returned, complete with music cues and everything. Download and enjoy.
For those of you unaware of what this week’s title means (assuming my editor hasn’t once again changed it, a habit that grows ever more annoying since the”Sabermetricians and Magic” fiasco) (Fiasco? – The Ferrett)”in my wheelhouse” is yet another baseball term used to describe the location of pitches where batters typically hit them the hardest. Just after I turned in my last article, both Nick Eisel and Rob Dougherty released articles dealing directly with topics that I discussed – and needless to say, I was a bit dissatisfied with the product. I figured if these guys were tossing me such huge softballs to hit, I may as well crank out some more ranting and be done with it.
We’ll start with Nick first, since that carries a bit more strategic import…
Kanoot’s Guide to Drafting U/W in OLS
Remember when Nick Eisel was the pinnacle of Limited strategy? Since it was a mere six months ago, I hope you remember, else you should probably lay off the Mary Jane a bit. Anyway, with Nick on an enforced two-year hiatus from competitive Magic and doing community service here at StarCityGames, both his writing quantity and quality have slipped a bit, while Tim Aten has clearly stolen the Limited Writer crown for himself and hidden it away in his dysfunctional bedroom. Eisel’s most recent article continues this trend by screwing (softly and tenderly) both Pros and scrubs alike.
Confused? Allow me to do some ‘splainin… In any environment (and particularly in Booster draft), there is common knowledge out there available to Pros that most scrubs don’t know. This knowledge is typically first learned by Kai (seriously – he learns this stuff like it’s his job or something), and then gradually spreads through the ranks of the Pros, their friends and barns, and to certain good players that figure it out for themselves. Often, that’s as far as such information will actually be disseminated until somebody goes and writes an article discussing it.
With MODO available, more people actually discover this sort of knowledge for themselves… But it also increases the value of keeping such knowledge secret, because the fewer people that know about a viable draft strategy, the more likely it is that you will be able to exploit it. Therefore, whenever people like Nick spill the beans on something like U/W in OLS and how to draft it, it forces the Pros that have been cleaning up with a particularly color combination (Jimmy Bean , US Nationals competitor and future Gravy Trainer, recently won eleven drafts in a row drafting U/W on MODO) out of the archetype and into something new.
Unfortunately for everybody that learned this new information, Nick fumbled some of his pick orders, left out some crucial uncommons, and generally made a mess of things. Fortunately for you, I’m hitting clean-up.
Music Cue: Jimmy Eat World – The Authority Song
Nick’s | Kanoot’s |
Useful Uncommons: Improvised Armor, Inspirit, Essence Fracture, Meddle, Complicate
Sideboard Cards: Mage’s Guile, Riptide Biologist, Demystify, Crown of Awe
The plan in pack 1 is to completely cut any good Blue from the players to your left, thus allowing you to get much later Echo Tracers and Seaswifts than their power levels would warrant. Since White isn’t amazing in Onslaught, you simply fill in your Blue picks with the solid White ones that make their way to you while poaching another color in case something goes wrong along the way and you get forced out.
Overall I think Nick has his head on straight about the Onslaught picks. I rate Choking Tethers a bit higher than he does, as it seems like 60% of the time Tethers is a pure game-breaker. I also rate Glory Seeker a bit higher than Piety Charm because I prefer the beater over the versatile instant, but having both in your deck is definitely part of the plan. Lastly, I consider Mistform Wall unplayable in the U/W archetype and wouldn’t even have put it on the list if it weren’t already included on Nick’s – but Grassland Crusader still manages to make the cut every once in a while.
In addition to rating the commons, I also thought it would be useful to work through a list of the useful Uncommons that you should be drafting as well, since you will frequently encounter those cards and will need to figure out where they fit into your pick orders.
For starters, Improvised Armor (or”Fat Pants,” as it is commonly referred to) is ridiculous, and is pretty much a first pick for anybody playing White these days. Sticking Fat Pants on any of White’s fliers or first strikers is likely to end things for your opponent very quickly unless they find the proper black removal in time, as +2/+5 takes a creature well out of burn range.
Inspirit is another fantastic combat trick for White – but since it’s an instant, it falls down into the Tethers/Glory Seeker range, as do Essence Fracture, Meddle, and Complicate. Those three cards are each solid on their own, but I consider them to be a bit more control oriented than U/W usually desires.
Musical Cue: REM – Orange Crush
Nick’s | Kanoot’s |
Useful Uncommons: Willbender, Cloudreach Cavalry, Aven Warhawk, White Knight, Swooping Talon, Wall of Deceit
Sideboard Cards: Wall of Hope, Whipgrass Entangler
The plan for Pack 2 is to draft as many Echo Tracers as are passed to you, and then start filling in your Soldier count with Stingers, Deftblades, and sundry good stuff. This is where your deck really starts to either develop into something decent that you want to run, or just another steaming pile of booster draft poo – and if you aren’t getting heavy hitters in at least one of your colors in Legions, you could be in real trouble.
With regard to pick orders, Nick and I concur that Echo Tracer is clearly the best common available to you. Ken Krouner mentioned in the forums that he thinks Daru Stinger is a much better choice, but I have found Stingers to be inadequate far too many times recently to rate them in the number one slot. Tracer is never dead (while a 1/1 for four is definitely a dead card to me), and often provides crucial tricks either during or before combat that lead to wins for U/W.
Unfortunately, after Tracer and Stinger, Nick and I start to disagree a great deal. I’m of the opinion that this is caused mostly by our Scourge pick orders and not by the inherent value of the Legions cards themselves. The fact that Dragon Scales is so ridiculous causes both Deftblade Elite and Aven Redeemer to move up my draft order dramatically, resulting in a corresponding shift downward of Mistform Seaswift and Keeneye Aven. I have Wingbeat Warrior rated slightly higher on my board than Nick does, and above the Keeneye because it’s a morph (also known as”Aven Farseer food”) that often provides useful combat tricks at vital moments.
In addition to the deep common pool, Legions also provides some outstanding uncommons to compliment the archetype. Number one on my list here is the completely unfair Willbender, a card that essentially reads”unmorph to increase chances of winning target game by 50%.” Seriously. Every time this kid sees action, he seems to bring it home. Running a close second in the uncommon sweepstakes is Cloudreach Cavalry, a card that becomes very unfair if you meet it’s relatively simple (in this archetype anyway) condition. Cloudreach Turn 2, Wingbeat Turn 3, beat, beat, beat.
Aven Warhawk, White Knight, Swooping Talon, and Wall of Deceit round out the list of excellent uncommons available to you in Legions, and you will rarely be saddened by picking any one of them.
The two sideboard cards I listed out of Legions are for special situations, like when you have to face a fast R/B deck (Wall of Hope), or are stuck in the White mirror where your opponent has a bunch of Clerics (Whipgrass).
Music Cue: Pete Yorn – Strange Condition
Nick’s | Kanoot’s |
Useful Uncommons: Daru Warchief, Silver Knight, Dragonstalker, Karona’s Zealot, Wing Shards, Aphetto Runecaster
Sideboard Cards: Coast Watcher, Wipe Clean, Temporal Fissure
Scourge is where I feel Nick whipped out the hash pipe and started to hit it with a vengeance. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Dragon Scales is the number one common in Scourge for U/W. It’s not even close. Scales sets up the whole Turn 1 Deftblade, Turn 2, Scales, Turns 3-Infinity Good Things Happen chain. Yes, drawing cards from Rush of Knowledge is good, but this deck is all about applying the beatings as fast and as evasively as possible, and Scales consistently creates headaches that opponents have a hard time dealing with. In fact, on my list, Rush drops below Cutthroat for that very reason… Tempo is what will let you win here, and Scales + ZC creates it.
Moving on, I can’t understand why Nick rates a six-drop above U/W’s best two-drop and one of it’s most effective flying morph tricks. Don’t get me wrong; Shoreline is good, but Farseer is a royal pain in the ass if your opponent can’t deal with him early, Liberator is remarkably effective, and for some reason”six-drop” just doesn’t scream aggression to me, and that’s what U/W is all about.
I’ve also had a lot of discussions lately on IRC about just how good Frozen Solid is, and I appear to be in the minority when I say that it’s very good. These words,”When damage is dealt to enchanted creature, destroy it,” plus Daru Stinger or any of White’s first strike creatures, keep me coming back to valuing Frozen Solid relatively highly. Besides, it shuts down Timberwatch and opposing Stingers (something Guilty Conscience can’t do), making it a key card for dealing with two creatures that U/W can’t handle any other way. It’s not a card that I want in copies of three or four, but one or two in my deck will generally leave me very pleased, even if 1UU is sometimes difficult to achieve.
The last three cards from Scourge that I really want to be playing in this archetype are Strategist, Templar, and Inquisitor, with the Initiate and Dispersal Shield being late pickups that may or may not make my deck. The reason why I dropped Strategist so far on my list is that a) he leaves you with a crappy 1/1 body when his trick is done, and b) he comes back around! Why bother picking him 4-5 when you can get him 8-10? Meanwhile, Templar is always solid, and he’s excellent at clogging up the ground game, and Zealous Inquisitor is a 2/2 that practically reads”this creature is unblockable” for most of the game – and should you have the mana to make the threat of him blocking an effective deterrent, he can play some mean defense as well.
Switching over to the uncommons for a second, Daru Warchief is by far the sickest card that you can get for this deck. In fact, he’s so sick that he may as well be considered a rare, because anybody playing White will pick him, and anybody not playing White will think very hard about cutting him. Silver Knight is slightly less worthwhile than White Knight, but remains one of the most efficient beaters in the format, while Dragonstalker, Karona’s Zealot, and Wing Shards are all excellent cards that provide additional depth to an already remarkably deep card pool. Aphetto Runecaster doesn’t fit particularly well into aggro U/W builds, but he’s done enough dirty work for me in the last couple of weeks that I couldn’t leave him off the list and still feel good about myself.
The sideboard cards listed here are also quite useful, as Coast Watcher has a habit of shutting down Green decks long enough for you to push through enough damage to win. Wipe Clean is the best enchantment removal in the game not attached to an Insect or Cleric body, and is generally thought to be maindeck-worthy (particularly if you didn’t draft any Sanctifiers). And Temporal Fissure is a recent Pro suggestion that has proven to be very effective in bouncing beastly blockers out of the way or in the mirror match, especially if one should find oneself short of timely Echo Tracers.
So there you have it – my take on the U/W OLS draft archetype, and how I feel it should be drafted in order to be at its most effective. My hope is that I’ve given you a more complete idea of how everything but the rares fit into the deck, while adjusting the pick orders that Nick discussed so that they correspond a bit better to the aggressive nature that this deck style demands. It pained me to give up this information, since it has been so successful for me and my friends in the past, but once Nick let the cat out of the bag, I figured I may as well chime in with my advice before I kissed all those 5th-and 6th-pick Echo Tracers goodbye.
The Onslaught Block Metagame
Music Cue: The Shins – Caring is Creepy
Due to the fact that we’re still very early into our Block preparations in Charlottesville, I’m going to be very brief here (stop yer cheering) and give a listing for what our gauntlet looks like at the moment with a few notes on each deck.
1) Astral Slide – While a lot of things on this list have changed since Venice, this one definitely has not. I agree with the folks over at TOGIT that Slide remains the strongest deck in the field, particularly if people are not packing Stabilizer in the sideboard. I don’t know what proportion of decks in a field would need to be Slide in order for that to happen, but I suspect that the more this deck wins during the PTQ season, the more likely the probability of Stabilizer seeing heavy rotation.
2) Goblins – In the wake of all the control builds that beat on it in Detroit, the Goblin deck has already started to transform. Large gobbos are replacing some of their smaller brethren in the hopes of providing a better fight against mass removal spells, while also delivering a body that can get blocked by Silver Knight and/or Dawn Elemental and survive. We don’t know what this will do to the deck’s success rate, but expecting it to simply disappear after it comprised a quarter of the field in Detroit is sheer folly.
3) R/W control – You are not Bob Maher. That said, you may wish you were, and a lot of people are probably going to pick up Bob’s deck and hope that some of his play skillz trickle down to you as well. I myself don’t like the deck as much as Slide, as it is less forgiving of play mistakes, but the power and the fury cannot be denied. I’d expect some of the better players in each area to pick up this deck and run with it for the course of the Block season, tweaking it to metagame shifts as they go, and qualifying more than a few.
4) Mono-White Control (or Teen Girl Squad) – I’ll confess… I haven’t liked this deck since I realized that splashing Blue for Rush of Knowledge and Complicate didn’t really get me anything, but a lot of other people are enamored of the simplicity of the Plains-only build and the anti-Goblin/Starstorm tech inherent in Silver Knight and Dawn Elemental. The idea that this is really a control deck has mostly been debunked by now, since it seems to be a lot more appropriate in the midrange slot for this Block with Form, Slide, and R/W control occupying the control section. Regardless, this deck still features some of the best creatures in the block, and tight variations on Chris Leather’s deck have the possibility of making a splash this weekend at GenCon.
5) U/B Zombies – Check out StarCityGames’ chat with Dave Williams about this deck, and realize that it’s probably a bit better than the performance it showed in Detroit. That said, I haven’t figured out yet if it has an auto-loss against Form decks, and that worries me a bit.
6) Mono-Red Form of the Dragon – The mad Russian brought this YMG build to light, and it proved to be a very clever design, beating goblins with a disdain generally reserved for street bums in Manhattan. Unfortunately, if the metagame continues to slant more towards the White decks, will it be at all possible for this deck to do well in a field that’s now prepared for it?
Extra Credit – Beasts
Can”the best deck” from Venice actually be dead already? Or will it be revived? At this moment it isn’t part of most people’s gauntlets, which would make it a nasty surprise, should someone find a build that can straddle the line between needing to beat Goblins and Zombies while still being effective against Form, Slide, and TGS.
So that’s our gauntlet at the moment… It runs six decks deep and still has a lot of matchup questions to be answered, but if you test your decks against the entire thing, you should do pretty well during your local qualifier season.
Goblin Bidding in Block
Music Cue: Ben Harper – With My Own Two Hands
When RobD’s article went up last Friday I almost cried, because this was exactly the sort of thing I was bitching about in my last article (which I expected to be posted on the same day but was delayed until Tuesday). Rob posts another untried and untested deck simply to explore what looks like an interesting idea, then leaves it to the reader to figure out if it’s any good.
The thing is, I felt exactly the same way when I first saw the Bidding deck from Wolfgang Eder. I said,”Wow, this is really clever – I wonder if it works in Block…” and I told Jim about my theory. Jim was at least mildly interested, took about three hours to test a few builds of the deck against the gauntlet and came back with the results:
It Sucks.
The reason for this is, unlike in Type 2 where creature types are widely varied, Onslaught Block decks are typically very tribal. Therefore, Bidding for a bunch of small Goblins while your opponent gets back Dragons, Beasts, Zombies, or other Goblins, isn’t particularly effective. Add that to the fact that there is no tutoring ability in Block like there is in the Japanese versions of the deck (Goblin Matron is a delightfully silly and effective addition), and the fact that you need a very specific set of Goblins in your graveyard before Bidding is going to be game breaker, and you have a deck that is very inconsistent, draw-dependent, and not all that powerful.
It took Jim only a few hours to figure this out, and we knew it more than a week before Rob’s article was posted. It’s possible we could be wrong and that somebody else out there will break Goblin Bidding wide open for Block… But I doubt it. And if it was going to happen, wouldn’t it most likely come from the exceptional Constructed minds residing on Team Your Move Games? A few hours of testing here, a couple of deck tweaks there, and we’d know the answer. This is why I ranted about Rob in last week’s article, and it’s why I’m still frustrated today.
I also swear that this will be the last time I complain about this aspect of a RobD article in a public forum. I’ve made my remarks and they’re done with, no need to think I’m of the opinion that Rob isn’t an excellent writer (he is), or that I have any issues with him outside of the whole”testing thing.” In the meantime, thank Jim for wasting a little bit of his time so that you have to waste a lot less of yours.
The Obligatory Cheesecake Section
Music Cue: ZZTop – Legs
The lovely Josie Maran, in all her glory…
Oh, and in response to a special reader request to mention Turkish girls (who apparently are the hidden hotties of the world), I give you Tuba Unsal.
Special Pirate -themed photo:
and Sweet Allah! Cagla Sikel:
Do Turkish girls attend Catholic schools?
The Kitchen Sink
Music Cue: Weird Al – Amish Paradise
My schwanz is so confused by this picture that he’s requested I get him therapy to, um, straighten him out. Normally Jennifer Garner is hot, plain and simple, but now she’s underage / Pippi Longstocking / Seussical… We clearly do not understand.
The new and improved Mandy Moore – Now with bosoms!
I’m currently working part time for a local Opera company as their house manager, and while the job doesn’t suck, I was intrigued to discover that the female cast is comprised of equal parts cute girls and 200-pound women. This might just be an interesting summer.
Married Jessica Simpson isn’t quite as hot as single Jessica Simpson, but she’ll definitely do.
So my buddy John in Houston is a single, dating machine who apparently picks up a lot of his women at swing-dancing parties. That rotten sonuvabitch recently informed me that last month he participated in the”ultimate male fantasy” with not one, but two female models who look just like this and just like this. Oh yeah, and”it” happened twice. When he told me I was torn between feelings of”I hate you and hope you die” and”Oh. My. God. It really can happen,” so keep hope or something. Did you notice the ladies are like 6′ and 5’9? Sweet jeebus…
If I had to pick a female athlete with a body that defies everything you know about what bodies should look like, it would be Serena Williams. The shapes and how they are affected by gravity would appear to suggest plastic, but she’s 100% woman.
Music Cue: Weird Al – It’s All About the Pentiums
And the award for worst makeover of an annoying French Canadian singer goes to…
Bennie Smith: Did you know that your name anagrams to”Nudest Knot”, and”Knotted Sun”?
Me: Why yes, and my name backwards is Det Nostunk. Somebody must be really bored at work.
For the record, this is not Natalie Portman, but if God has decided to clone her in a more scantily dressing form, who am I to complain? (For the record, the resemblance to Natalie Portman was the reason she landed he breakout role – this actress was Sabe, Natalie Portman’s character’s body double, in The Phantom Menace – but thank God, she can act a lot better! – The Ferrett, who thinks that Pirates of the Caribbean is the bets movie he’s seen this summer)
I swear to God, she recently said she hasn’t been laid in months. No need to ask for volunteers, I’ll just assume that you all want to be added to the waiting list and move on.
Can’t… Quite… Get… them… to touch!
I had to think long and hard about whether to run this one, as it easily could come off cruel instead of comedic (and I know Jarrod reads the column from time to time), but it’s just too funny not to include.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Brian Kibler, Raver Extraordinaire, presents… Jarrod Bright’s raver profile!
[Kibler] I’m DJ STAR!
[Kibler] I’ve played lots and lots of gigs in my home town of Perth, Western Australia… I really have!
[Kibler] I spin hard house and trance at the top clubs in Perth. When I’m not booked you can catch me at all the raves, glowsticking and firedancing, or at my job working at a hobby store in a shopping mall. I love to meet new people so I have someone to hang out with.
[Kibler] I’m a professional Magic: the Gathering Collectible Card Game strategy writer, and am quickly becoming one of the top players in Australia. In 2003 I will be making my Pro Tour debut and beginning my career as a professional player. I should be able to combine this with my DJing by playing internationally as I travel. Look out for the name DJ STAR at a rave or club near you.
Do not forget to check out the photo as well… Absolutely priceless.
That’s all for this week. Enjoy GenCon and your 8th Edition prerelease weekend for me, as I’ll be sitting through about six hours of The Magic Flute and trying not to claw my ears off.
The Holy Kanoot
Ted Knutson
[email protected]