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I am putting some of the most disgusting cheats out there for you to absorb. This is an Up, Up, Down, Down, B, A, Start quality cheat sheet. In one sense I think it might be a bad article to write because I am empowering people to cheat in a more sophisticated fashion, but I think that kind of damage is probably going to be minimal. Nothing you read in this article will transform you from an honest player into a cheater, even if it does help people who were going to cheat anyway to cheat more effectively. On the other hand, I think that a guide like this one will mostly be helpful, because if you don’t know about them, cheaters will abuse you savagely.

I’m not going to bother with foreshadowing. I won the PTQ, got the girl, and saved the day. By that of course I mean, I won the PTQ with the deck that my teammates and I worked on, tweaked, and felt was the best deck since day one, and my preparation was rewarded with a dominating day that included four total game losses on the way to a 9-0-2 record and qualification for Pro Tour: Columbus. If you’re still searching for the best deck in Mirrodin Block Constructed, Joey Bags is here for you. He will tell you about the deck, all the matchups, and why he’s playing Ouphe Vandals in the main.

It’s still early days for the MD5 metagame, and I’m a bit short of decklists. However, I can give you the breakdown of the results so far. I will also do a card by card count for Mono-Green T8 decks, and do a very short report/analysis on the Mono-Green I took to T4 in a thirty-eight-player GPT last weekend.

If I received a dollar each time someone said”Affinity has been hated out of the metagame”, I’d be Dave frigging Williams. Victims of their own success, Affinity decks have been rightfully feared since the Block began. Fast, consistent, devastating and deadly. But nowadays, their chances are scoffed and derided. Apparently, Ravager is as likely to win as a dolphin at a dog show.

So what’s changed?

Do any notable pros have obvious and exploitable tells, like scratching their head, or swearing furiously?

Looking to become a StarCityGames.com employee someday? Perhaps you can take a few hints of what (and what not) to do from the story of how Bleiweiss got his job.

I think the remaining cards are all fine cards to have in a deck focused on cogs. Version 2.0 can show up in the Casual Constructed room unapologetically and feel fine about its chances, rarely cringing at a draw. My recent stretch of games has proven that at least now I can sometimes have a winning streak. Each card now makes at least a modicum of sense.
Which means that now the changes get interesting. Today it’s time to play: Weakest Link.

Game One: Osyp is, simply put, a national treasure. His outlandish tales and bubbly personality are the envy of the whole Magic-playing community. As has been said before, women want him, and men want to be him. Osyp’s deck is Red/Green with like, you know, guys I guess? And some spells? Lands too, I think. This game, he kills Glissa and plays a haste guy, kills Tangle Golem and plays a haste guy, then plays another haste guy. Since I am incredibly non-masterful, I actually, somehow, did not win this game. I can think of at least two people who would have won it, but I’m not gonna name names. I don’t want to make anyone blush.

Jim Ferraiolo, no matter how he is photographed, looks like an ugly transvestite in pictures. He doesn’t look anything like this in real life, but the lens makes him looks like an ugly man in a wig with bright red lipstick. I don’t know why this happens. Jim may have kicked a puppy as a child, and now karma is getting him back.

Which of all the Mirrodin block mechanics makes you gurgle with joy and why?

I have the quick Chromatic Sphere, Leonin Squire, Leonin Squire start and am attacking early and often. He has removal, but it comes in the form of Devour in Shadow, so his life is still going down. By the time he gets Consume Spirit, I have a Trinket Mage and Aether Spellbomb, so his spells fizzle (and grab me more cogs). To add insult to injury, I have a Leonin Elder, which brings my life up to twenty-five. He Fireballs to try and clear the board, I save a Squire with the Spellbomb, drop a second Trinket Mage to join him and my opponent concedes.

That’s when current Player of the Year leader Nicolai Herzog perks up and asks,”Have I told you about the time I woke up next to a naked and handcuffed Eivind Nitter?” Here’s the rest of the tale as related to me by Nicolai through e-mail, as I may have been a bit too tipsy to get all the details right. (Yes, I may have thought Nicolai said,”Did I ever tell you about the time I woke up handcuffed to a naked Eivind Nitter?” Slightly different connotation there.)