Insert Column Name Here - Insane White Legends

Last week, I mentioned a theory I had on Magic writers. And since today’s deck features a couple of insane White legends, why not discuss the insane legends of Magic’s past?

Here’s my theory: Ever since the first Magic strategy site, The Dojo, started, there have been several loosely-defined “eras” of Magic writing. I’d count roughly four:

The initial Dojo era;
The “Dojo Decline” era, when The Dojo was still around but not being maintained particularly well, and many sites were thriving but none were so dominant that they eclipsed the Dojo.
The post-collapse Dojo era, when independent Magic sites were flailing about for a bit and battling it out for dominance (and StarCityGames.com, MTGNews.com, and Brainburst slowly emerged as the independent frontrunners, while Sideboard.com was there but not utilized to its fullest);
The introduction and rise of Magicthegathering.com as the largest Magic site.

Now, those aren’t hard dates, of course… But they’re Magic as I experienced it as both a reader, a writer, and an editor. Each era had a different feel to it, both in terms of the challenges that other sites faced and the feel of the writing.

Here’s the thing: Each era had its own hero scrub.

My Magic theory states that for each era, there must come a not-very-good player who accumulates a huge fan base of fellow enthusiasts. This player may not be a pro-level competitor…. But his love of the game (and his honesty about his mistakes) shines through so much that people are naturally drawn to him.

That hero scrub acquires a fanatic base of Magic players who will cheer him on simply because they identify with him.

The hero scrub can always write… And he writes well, breaking your heart with tangential essays on Magic issues, but really it’s about life itself. When you read a hero scrub article, it feels like you’re being escorted into their living room to see what it’s like with them. You know the hero scrub like he was your best friend.

Now, the hero scrub isn’t flat-out terrible. Usually, he’s as good as a mid-range PTQ competitor — he’ll win a handful of PTQs or develop the bare bones of a deck concept that someone else will turn into a real winner, but he’ll never win a Pro Tour. He’s just average, and this puzzles some Magic pros; why are guys following this dude when he really can’t help people to win games?

But the hero scrub is, to a large extent, the face of Magic’s fun. Flores can write endlessly on strategy, and do it well, but he can’t convey the thrill of slapping down cards the way the hero scrub does. The hero scrub’s job is to bring home how entertaining it is to attend a PTQ, to see that heart-stopping thrill when your crazy strategy works.

Or, to share that shamefaced blush when you’ve realized exactly how big your error was.

As I said, there have been four hero scrubs, one for each era. The previous three hero scrubs still write occasionally, but while they’re still popular they don’t have the quite the dedicated fan base they used to. They’ll always be dear in the hearts of those who grew up on them, but they’ve been eclipsed.

Ready to know who was the hero scrub? Remember, this is just my opinion, but I have edited all four of them. Sorta.

DOJO ERA: Jamie Wakefield
No question about this one: Jamie was the template for all other fun Magic writers that followed. He wrote about his wife, and his dog, and championed his crazy 62-card “Secret Force” deck in a way that made you root for him. You knew his life, which is why it was so goddamned heartbreaking to me when I found out that his wife The Lovely Mare had passed on recently.

Aside from Anthony Alongi, the first multiplayer writer, Jamie was the first writer I ever knew by name. He wasn’t just some guy telling me why tempo was important; he talked about the tournament as a whole, showed me his friends, made me chuckle.

Jamie tends to get easily distracted. He likes to play a certain way, and his steadfastness works very well when the world lines up with him… But if Green’s not a good color to be playing this season, he’s in trouble. But I like that tilting at windmills aspect of Jamie; he wants what he wants. I don’t always agree with his reasoning, but his passion and concern for the game are what shines.

DOJO DECLINE ERA: The Ferrett
Yeah, I’m sort of embarrassed to admit this one, but you also have to realize that — as I said — I’m past my prime. But there was a time when I went balls-out to win a local PTQ, and I got fifteen emails every week from people offering to help me out.

When I did win that PTQ and couldn’t afford to fly to Barcelona thanks to a massive tax bill, a group of people offered to hold a fundraiser to pay my plane fare — which would have been well over $1500, and they knew that. But they wanted to see my take on the Pro Tour, and they said they had money already ready for me.

I was a big jerk back then, dismissive of pros and the pro mentality (i.e., “Winning with whatever works”), but I was passionate. That helped. I think I was it, for a brief time, but then came…

DOJO COLLAPSE ERA: John Friggin’ Rizzo
No question here: John defined the fun game as we knew it, churning out huge diatribes on why winning at life was a lot like winning at Magic. When he was on, he was on fire, writing these stream-of-consciousness entries that seemed to penetrate to the heart of Why We Played.

He was foul, so foul I had to edit out his secret jokes to me, but I loved him. The man delivered. Every week, like clockwork, Rizzo would be there.

He was terrible, but he admitted it. And when he eventually stumbled upon a deck design that worked, everyone was thrilled to watch Friggorid catapult to the top of the charts, even if John himself didn’t win with it.

I still wanna meet him some day. He’s kind of a hero. A big, balding, heart-attack-ridden hero.

HONORABLE MENTION: Geordie Tait
Geordie was also awesome, and perhaps one of the best Magic writers around. When he wanted to, he could turn a phrase like it was nobody’s business, and his ability to turn in a tournament report that worked was awesome.

The reason, I think, Geordie merely became one of the top writers and not the hero scrub was an abundance of talent and a lack of humility. Geordie was frequently so good that he practically was a low-level pro, and his inability to bear dealing with the people who didn’t know the game as well as he did eventually wore upon him. Unlike the hero scrubs of days past, who didn’t mind pressing the flesh with guys who had flat-out awful ideas, the idea that someone who didn’t know what they were doing might dare to contradict him bothered Geordie. Thus, he frequently snapped and alienated people, and eventually we had to banhammer him from our forums. Not a pleasant moment.

Still. Geordie was an awesome writer. Still is. Miss ya, dude.

MODERN ERA: Controversy A-Comin’
For a long, long time, there simply wasn’t a hero scrub. Rizzo, Wakefield, and I were all dormant, and nobody rose to the top to take the standard. It’s not like Magic needs a hero scrub; it just naturally occurs. But still, StarCityGames.com had been the hosts of the two hero scrubs of our era, and it always worried me that maybe the hero scrub would emerge on some other site.

Fortunately, he didn’t. But this is a different age.

The new hero scrub? Well, he’s a good writer, I think. Hard to say, since I rarely read him, and when I do it’s not the medium it was intended to be shown in. But he does have that passion, and that humor, and that ability to put himself on the line even when he’s wrong.

He’s also someone who’s ushered in a new era — and I don’t know whether it will be something where people follow in his footsteps, because what he does is so frickin’ hard, but we can only hope.

But ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to the hero scrub of today — the man who inspires others to cheer him on, when when he’s gutbucket gosh-darned wrong —

Mister Evan Erwin. Welcome to the Magic Show.

Cards
Oh yeah. I promised you cards, didn’t I? Well, here’s what I opened:

Sealed Deck Pool

Ferrett Steinmetz

Test deck on 06-10-2007

Time Spiral Limited

Creatures (53)

Spells (37)

And here’s what I thought of them:

White
Solid Playables: Angel of Salvation, Benalish Cavalry, Cloudchaser Eagle, Fortify, Judge Unworthy, Knight of Sursi, Lucent Liminid, Lumithread Field, Mangara of Corondor, Marshalling Cry, Oriss, Samite Healer, Weathered Bodyguards

I’m not even gonna try to kid ya here: We’re going White.

Not only does this read like a “Who’s Who” list of playable White cards (barring Temporal Isolation), but we have several heavy hitters who work well in conjunction. I mean, at worst an active Weathered Bodyguards is a surprise morph-reveal that buys you a turn… But in combination with the bomb-tastic Angel of Salvation? Nice.

What’s that, Timmy? I can combine it with Oriss, Samite Healer to completely shut down the attack phase until my opponent finds a way to deal with one or both of them? Get outta here.

Oh? And I can put them both well out of Rift Bolt range with Lumithread Field? Score.

This is the only deck I’ve ever seen where an opponent got out a Nacatl War-Pride, and I didn’t worry. He was playing White/Green; what could he do to me? I unmorphed my Bodyguard, stalled for ten turns until I could find a win condition, and won. This is an insane pull.

I should add, however, that a card I’m not sold on is Chronomantic Escape. I played it, and it was… Well, okay. It did shut down the attack phase, but the fact that it was extremely predictable once it got going meant that my opponents could work around it. And it could win me a race when I was at six and cast it, but I had to be winning for it to be worthwhile; if I was losing, maybe I could catch up, but that was about it.

I mean, I like the idea of it. Hasn’t worked out so well in practice. More testing is needed, but I’m not sure if this is an auto-playable or not.

Green
Solid Playables: Avoid Fate, Edge of Autumn, Greenseeker, Hail Storm, Imperiosaur, Llanowar Empath, Molder, Penumbra Spider, Petrified Plating, Riftsweeper, Thornweald Archer, Wrap in Vigor

The March of Good Cards continues here… But first, an apology.

Imperiosaur, I’m sorry I doubted you.

When I saw you at first, I was thinking about Constructed, and the abundance of nonbasics there shut me down. But when I faced this on turn 3 for the first time in Limited (thanks to an Edge of Autumn), I realized how good an early 5/5 can be.

It’s not a powerhouse bomb, of course — it’s just undercosted vanilla. But it is to be respected, so bow before Godzilla.

There were three cards that looked good but I wasn’t sure about: Llanowar Empath, Riftsweeper, and Wrap in Vigor. Llanowar Empath is a nice drop; if you have something better to cast on turn 4, like a Penumbra Spider, go ahead! It doesn’t matter how late you drop it, since it lets you gas up. At four mana, it’s about right.

Riftsweeper I was worried about because its ability might not come in handy all that much — but this is Time Spiral, and I was routinely plucking Keldon Halberdiers and Errant Ephemerons out of the sky. At worst, it’s a Grizzly Bear, but it’s usually worthwhile.

Lastly, Wrap in Vigor? Just as nice as you’d expect it to be. Sure, sometimes you have to burn it to save a single dude, but generally this allows you to survive a massive onrush when you shouldn’t. Block very carefully if someone has 1G open, because it could be wrecktastic; the only danger, of course, is that you attack and leave yourself too wide open for the counterattack if your opponent also has a trick, making this best as a defensive card for a trick-heavy bum rush.

Red
Solid Playables: Coal Stoker, Fatal Attraction, Gathan Raiders, Goblin Skycutter, Lightning Axe, Orcish Cannonade, Riddle of Lightning, Subterranean Shambler, Thick-Skinned Goblin

What’s that, Lassie? Arf arf. Good burn, you say? Arf! But a host of overpriced and/or wrong-manaed creatures that could completely screw us over with echo costs if the Thick-Skinned Goblin doesn’t show up?

Arf! Yeah, I agree with you, too. A support color, but not maindeckable.

That said, Grinning Ignus wrecked me the other day with Grapeshot, as it was supposed to do, taking me down for seven after a long game stall. (Good thing, too; I would have won the next turn.)

Oh yeah; I still don’t know whether Haze of Rage is any good. When I’ve played it, I’ve never drawn it, and no opponent has whipped it out on me. Like most Storm spells, I’ll say it’s probably good in Two-Headed Giant.

Black
Solid Playables: Augur of Skulls, Deathspore Thallid, Death Rattle, Deepcavern Imp, Festering March, Gorgon Recluse, Haunting Hymn, Stronghold Overseer, Urborg Syphon-Mage, Viscid Lemures

Me likes a big Stronghold Overseer, but me do not like his mega-Black cost. Then again, Black in this block rewards playing multiple Black cards more than it usually does (barring, yes, I know, Torment), and Nightshade Assassin and Gorgon Recluse and Haunting Hymn and Festering March (sorta) require it.

Thus, it’s possible we could go with this. It’s certainly not bad. But is it better than Green or the as-yet-unconsidered Blue? Hard to say.

For the record, though, I really like Augur of Skulls; it’s not the best card, and certainly your opponent can work around the “discard two cards” thing, but I’ve won because I’ve maneuvered my opponent into dropping his hand straight into my mass removal.

And Festering March is a mega-necessity in a release league, just because of one card: Sprout Swarm. Sprout Swarm and a Thallid Germinator — an all-commons combo I saw all too commonly — is very, very nasty. Having something to destroy many Thallids before they build up steam is nice indeed, especially when it repeats at about a Thallidable rate.

Blue
Solid Playables: Blind Phantasm, Cancel, Delay, Errant Ephemeron, Pirate Ship, Riftwing Cloudskate, Snapback, Stormcloud Djinn, Tolarian Sentinel

Hey, it’s Pirate Ship! And here’s a gag I’ve been waiting to do since the damn set came out: Hold your tongue. Now say, “I was born on a Pirate Ship.”

BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH. I can’t believe you did it.

Heh.

Okay, Rizzo got it. The rest of you? Ask a friend.

In any case, we have some nice cards here that don’t quite gel. We’ll rule the air, of course, with some of Blue’s strongest fliers, and in a color that’s often struggling to gum the ground in the early game, Blind Phantasm works quite well. But there’s next to nothing here that affects the board at instant-speed once something’s out, and to me that’s the sign of a color I want to stay away from. I don’t like being a sitting duck in combat.

And The Rest
Solid Playables:

Okay, there’s Soultether Golem and…. All right, not so much. Maybe the big follow-up to a Nactatl War-Pride, or something with Thallids, but not in these decks.

Oh, wait. There’s a Weatherseed Totem! You know, I hadn’t considered that because I’ve already gone green and it’s in my deck. Here’s what I ran with pre-sideboarding:

8 Forest
8 Plains
1 Angel of Salvation
1 Benalish Cavalry
1 Chronomantic Escape
1 Cloudchaser Kestrel
1 Edge of Autumn
1 Fortify
1 Greenseeker
1 Hail Storm
1 Imperiosaur
1 Judge Unworthy
1 Knight of Sursi
1 Llanowar Empath
1 Lucent Liminid
1 Lumithread Field
1 Mangara of Corondor
1 Marshaling Cry
1 Oriss, Samite Guardian
1 Penumbra Spider
1 Petrified Plating
1 Riftsweeper
1 Thornweald Archer
1 Weathered Bodyguards
1 Weatherseed Totem
1 Wrap in Vigor

I hated to leave out Herd Gnarr and Avoid Fate, both solid cards… But I had to cut at least one combat trick to slim down to forty, and without any Thallids or suspend creatures to speak of, the Herd Gnarr’s value goes down slightly. Arguably, it’s still superior to Thornweald Archer even then, but with as much protective spells I thought the deathtouch gave it the nod.

So How’d I Do?
Well, I went 7-2 in fun games. Unfortunately, the 2 came during the actual League matches.

Generally, it was as dominating as you’d expect. The Achilles’ heel of this deck is Sprout Swarm; unless I get the Weathered Bodyguards/Oriss combo, I wind up getting plowed down in short order. I soon learned that I could sideboard into a tasty Black concoction that helped, particularly with the repeating mass kill, but in Game 2 of the first Sprout Swarmish match I got mana-screwed. Ah well.

Two cards disappointed me: Marshalling Cry’s whole “I’m not an instant” thing really hurt a lot, even though it’s still playable — but I like saving my guys during combat, not before. And as I said, Chronomatic Escape was all right but not world-shattering; maybe it should have been a Herd Gnarr or an Avoid Fate.

Generally, though, it was a poundin’. This deck has a lot of synergy, and when I’m not struggling for mana — it’s a low curve, and sixteen lands gets riskier when you have to mulligan even with a Greenseeker and an Edge of Autumn — I’m usually ramping into some fairly strong plays and winning in the air.

Good stuff, baby, good stuff.

The Weekly Plug Bug
What is it with webcomics? I get one, then Craig Stevenson gets one — now MagictheGathering.com has one! Jeez, everyone’s a dang copycat.

That said, this week continues the Karla’s New Minion storyline. Karla, who harbors dreams of world domination, has a new secretary — and she hopes to mold that secretary into her minion. Alas, her first attempt at command failed, but perhaps there’s a subtler method…

Sincerely,
The Ferrett
TheFerrett@StarCityGames.com
The Here Edits This Here Site Here Guy