I Am Jack’s Regional Report

Regionals was an uncomfortable car ride followed by a big disappointment diced up to lay amidst small flares of occasional fun, the meetings with friends and MODO clan members that were like little pepper granules of merriment amidst the undercooked, salmonella-inducing hamburger patty of defeat. This whole putrid meal was served up with a side order of uncomfortable accommodations and a large Pepsi. No, I didn’t have fun at Regionals, where I saw two weeks of intense study and preparation go down the tubes – but mark my words, I’ll have fun writing about it, or die trying.

I’m back, and I’m still stuck in the buffer zone between the United States of Success and that more ornery nation, the People’s Republic of Mediocre Finishes. In fact, I’m out on highway 2-2-0 right now with my thumb out. No one is coming along (it seems pretty much every other writer did better than me) but luckily I have a wireless modem and a laptop, so I guess I’ll fire up the word processor and spin you a yarn about Regionals, for better or for worse.

It’s a troubling situation. After all, constant reader, how much would Twain have had to tell if Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer had just kept whitewashing that fence? Would R.L. Stevenson, with the mental notion of lethargic pirates sitting in the harbor playing poker for pieces of eight, still have churned out a classic tale of adventure on the high seas? How do you tell it when the subject at hand reads like Act 1 of a hackneyed”rags to riches” screenplay?

I suppose we’ll figure it out – because I have to write something. Whatever number of years may pass, when I’m dead and gone and SkyNet has been built out of simulated Hasbro braincases and used pinball machine parts, I’m hoping that people might know and remember me for what I wrote not just about Magic and about how you shouldn’t pass Starstorm, but also about myself. And so that’s what I’ll do – write about Magic and about myself and how they go together, and along the way maybe you’ll laugh and maybe you’ll cry. For that reason, I can’t take a break because I had a bad day at the office.

It begins.

I didn’t have fun at Regionals, all told. It was an uncomfortable car ride followed by a big disappointment diced up to lay amidst small flares of occasional fun, the meetings with friends and MODO clan members that were like little pepper granules of merriment amidst the undercooked, salmonella-inducing hamburger patty of defeat. This whole putrid meal was served up with a side order of uncomfortable accommodations and a large Pepsi. No, I didn’t have fun at Regionals, where I saw two weeks of intense study and preparation go down the tubes – but mark my words, I’ll have fun writing about it, or die trying.

The Ferrett, a writer of some note, once told me that as a general rule tournament reports were his least favorite type of Magic-related writing, by far, and that he seldom enjoyed them. Of course, the first thing I asked was “Even mine?” and his answer was the verbal equivalent of a noncommittal grunt. The result of this conversation is that instead of writing anything as mundane as a tournament report, I’ve lately been trying to tell stories that happen to have tournaments in them. You know – the type of stories you might want to hear around a campfire when you’ve got a sun-baked highway at your back and some good mixers at your side. These meandering tales are still tournament reports, in a way. You’ll still find out what happened, and if strategic issues present themselves, they’ll probably come to the forefront for at least a couple of paragraphs.

That said, this”report,” quote unquote, is just me following the first rule of storytelling: “Tell ’em what happened.” I don’t kiss a frog and turn it into a prince, nor do I find Cinderella after she runs away from the ball (she went 0-2 drop with Sligh), and while I might climb a beanstalk or two, the giant’s castle proves too daunting for me to tackle, since his lands produce twice as much mana as mine and he plays a lot of copies of Wrath of God and Exalted Angel.

Just call me Jack.

Good ol’ Jack. There are plenty of examples of this guy in the fairytale annals, from the gent who climbed the beanstalk to the frenetic and athletic everyman who was supposedly nimble and quick enough to jump over candlesticks. And of course, let’s not forget Jack Sprat, who would eat no fat – impressive, considering he also had a wife who would at no lean (and lo and behold, I sense a few of you might be able to relate to him in that regard). Jack Horner sat in a corner and ate a Christmas Pie – he was even able to stick in his thumb and pull out a plum. Of these classic prose protagonists, I am none.

We’re starting a new fairy tale today, constant reader. I’ve been cast as a new sort of Jack. Sit back, grab a beer, and settle in to read the whimsical tale of Jack Squat.

I’ll begin at the most logical place, the beginning – it works well for my purposes. If I were to take up this narrative in the middle, you’d be left wondering just why Jack was tossing down his hand in disgust and cursing like Andrew Dice Clay at the end of Round 3. And the end? That’s a poor place to start a story, my friend, even if sometimes you can cut through a lot of whining and get to the heart of a matter. No sense doing that here, where whining is half the fun – and, might I add, half the substance. So yes, the beginning. With Regionals, that means choosing a deck.

Scott Johns wrote, with the tournament barreling toward us like a freight train with faulty brakes, that “there’s always first turn Careful Study.” I read that, took a swig from a nearby can of Coke, and nodded. At that point I was already far down the road to U/G at Regionals – I’d been testing and tweaking my version for four solid days, using numerous methods including live playtesting, Apprentice test draws, ancient Celtic augury rites to invoke the favor of the gods (okay you got me – I’m kidding on that one) and lots of internet study. Even now, I’m pretty sure U/G was the best choice given that I had less than a week to test, and if I had it to do all over again, I would run the Mongrels and Logics again without hesitation. It’s a solid matchup for most decks in Game 1, has great sideboard cards, and while easy to play, the deck rewards tight play with even better results.

Here’s the deck Jack played at Ontario Regionals – if you’re looking for anything revolutionary, I’d look elsewhere:

U/G Madness (Jack Squat, 2003 Ontario Regionals)

4x Basking Rootwalla

4x Wild Mongrel

4x Arrogant Wurm

4x Circular Logic

4x Merfolk Looter

4x Careful Study

3x Deep Analysis

3x Wonder

3x Quiet Speculation

2x Roar Of The Wurm

2x Unsummon

1x Ray Of Revelation

10x Island

9x Forest

3x City Of Brass


2x Phantom Centaur

2x Turbulent Dreams

2x Upheaval

2x Counterspell

2x Stupefying Touch

2x Gigapede

1x Roar Of The Wurm

1x Unsummon

1x Ray Of Revelation

Basically, Jack took Jeff Cunningham decklist and then decided he wanted to win the mirror in Game 1, and didn’t want to beat R/G as badly as Jeff did. So he added two City of Brass, removed a Turbulent Dreams from the sideboard, and put the Looters back in the maindeck. A lot of articles by excellent writers and players helped shape the deck. Jeff’s article, of course, provided the base from which to work, and an article by [author name="Ken Krouner"]Ken Krouner[/author] here on StarCityGames gave the Jackmeister some additional sideboarding ideas. Scott Johns‘ work helped him out with a sort of one-stop “did I forget anything?” article to refer to as time was growing short.

Fair warning! Jack didn’t have fun at Regionals. I am, however, going to have as much fun as possible writing about how he did. It seems only fair. That said, I’m now going to freestyle rap the reasoning behind the sideboard choices made for this deck. Keep in mind before you flame that I’m Caucasian as can be, and live in a place where”the hood” is the thing on your jacket that keeps your ears warm.

It’s the G to the T,

Laying down tracks here for free,

Smoke a pizz-ound a day,

Crack money cards like it was 1993,

Bust the fresh flows,

Pay 2GG to keep R/G on its toes

This is the Sideboard freestyle,

when ‘Tog has removal the Centaurs are my H to the E-roes

The Sideboard freestyle


Turn it up a notch

(Oh baby!)

Yeah, turn that bass up

I’m a cyborg from the waist up

Cause I went down to PT Chicago

And fought PTR ’till he messed my face up

I’m a lyrical menace

Gigapede serves like it was PT Venice

It’s a smooth red zone criminal

With more rackets than tennis

The extra Ray’s for the Slide decks

With the fries on the side decks,

Gonna cry? get the Kleenex

Cause I’m here to knee necks,

They call me the G-Rex,

With flows like a T-Rex

The Sideboard freestyle


Throw your hands in the air!

(Get ’em up!)

Bring the Roar in vs. beatdown

Bust a Wrath and I frown, best step back, clown

You’ll be stuck in cement,

Cause me and Suge Knight are down

Ensnaring Bridges get a Turbulent Dreams

I like my clams grilled, not steamed

Got more game than Casper Van Dien

And all the hizzoes know which way I lean

Stupefying Touch I read about in an article by Ken Krouner

There’s a white van out in the lot of which I am the owner

I think my printer is out of toner

At Nats one lady fainted at the tech I’d shown her

The Sideboard freestyle


Don’t be hatin’!

(Show the love!)

Played 3 Cities cause I don’t like to mulligan

Got play with the ladies like Adrian Sullivan

I bring beats with theatrics,

so things won’t be dull again,

In the U/G mirror I don’t like to talk

Drop dimes on Looters with my Stupefying Glock

Surround your homies with stupefying chalk

Then read the forums where I’m openly mocked

Got Unsummon for the tizz-empo

Cause Quiet Spec is hella slow

When you draw two in a row

Going 2nd vs. The Dog Show

And against Angel Wake I board in the ol’ heave ho’

Win Game 2 and 3 fo’ sho’,

Unfortunately Game 1 win percentages are low,

Spent Round 3 getting beat down,

but even that won’t stop this flow.

The Sideboard freestyle


I’m all up in your area!

(It’s on!)

I’m a wizard on the turntables

Parked for the event in a spot designated for the disabled

Put my decklist on my windshield

As proof that my tech was unstable

Hard counters come in against control,

Playa haters and Mutilaters pay the double blue toll,

Deck has more hot ones than coal,

Someone call a judge! Cause I’m on a lyrical roll,

I shine like confetti,

pimp like Szigeti,

think you can beat the nuts draw?

Then get ready

This deck has it all in hand,

but you gotta understand

Is that I played Lam Phan in Round 4

And things didn’t go as planned

He was U/G with Black for Smother

Wish I’d played any other

Hoped he’d lose but he wouldn’t hook up a brother

Time to empty a clip

And send word to your mother.

Well, I didn’t say it would be fun for you, but I had a grand old time. If your ears are bleeding, walk it off.

Now that that unpleasantness is behind us forever, let’s continue with the story of Jack Squat. Basically, Jack was headed out to this magical place – let’s call it”Scarborough” – to try and win a card tournament, and in doing so procure himself a slot at the Canadian Nationals tournament to be held later in the summer. Two hundred and sixty-six other guys showed up to do the same thing, many of them terrible players that Jack expected to beat easily.

Of course, constant reader, what we have here is a lot of two things: Big talk, and mediocre results. Still, I hope you won’t hold it against Jack if he was expecting good things – he’s improved a ton as a Limited player of the course of the last three months, and was expecting that to translate into Constructed success. To be fair, Jack has done well at Constructed tournaments before – he was eleventh at Regionals once, and took first place in a 140+ man GPT at Cleveland, but he’s never made Top 8 at Regionals. Jack’s one experience with Canadian Nationals was the result of a Limited grinder.

All Jack had on the way to the tournament was a dog-eared copy of”Salem’s Lot” and two pillows with well-worn, suspect stuffing. The latter items were to help weather the night on the floor of the Comfort Inn. As it turns out, he should have brought a pillow for his ego, or at least a cold compress and some Advil, because it took a worse beating that day than his spine did, despite the best efforts of Room 131’s unforgiving floor.

The tournament was being held at the Scarborough community centre – and yes, before you ask, there was a pool, though alas it wasn’t anywhere near the bottom tables like at the YMCA of years prior. Jack was pleased with his surroundings as he’d grown up in a one-room farmhouse amidst haystacks and cow-paddies and for a guy like that, even a Skyfox Games venue is an improvement.

So yeah, scruffy beards, determined eyes, free shirts. Regionals 2003. Jack’s first round matchup was a former member of the Canadian National Team – the infamous Ed Ito.

Round 1 vs. Ed Ito w/ Psychatog

You could see Jack’s brow furrow with one look at the pairing sheet – a”name player” in Round 1? (Relatively speaking, of course – Ed may not be any great shakes in international circles, but he is a known commodity amongst Canadian players.) At the surrounding tables, everyone else was playing”some guy” and the real lucksacks like Josh Rider were running Wake against a dude from Tilsonburg that thought”the stack” was a new IHOP breakfast offering. Seriously, Jack’s teammates and friends were matched up with Cro-Magnon knuckledraggers who didn’t know whether to play their cards or eat them.

And Jack has to play Ed Ito?

I don’t care if he hasn’t been really, really good since the Reagan administration – that is bad times for Jack. Even off-practice sleepers like Ed Ito are very tough to crack. Ed knows the timing rules. Ed knows the basic and advanced concepts of the game. Jack has to keep it tight or Ed is going to roll him. Meanwhile, Timmy from Tilsonburg is down 1-0 to JoshR before Gary Krakower has even settled into his seat.

Game 1:

Jack Speculates for three copies of Deep Analysis on turn 2, and Ed has no Force Spike. Ed also has no Compulsion. Ed unloads a lot of kill on Jack, but Jack’s Merfolk Looter stays around for a couple of turns, which is bad for Ed who isn’t drawing much. Psychatog makes things dangerous for Jack, who is at eleven life because of all the flashbacked Deep Analysis. He can’t give Ed an opportunity to punch through for lethal damage, so some of his creatures stay home.

Ed starts drawing a bunch of land and he can’t keep up with the Looter, which is popping out all manner of Rootwalla and Wurm beats. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, Jack loots Wonder into his yard and sends for the win.

Game 2:

Jack brings in Gigapede and leaves in a Ray to take care of enemy Engineered Plagues. His double-Rootwalla opening is countered by a Plague on Lizards. They’re dead and gone, so the Ray takes out a Compulsion instead while the creatures start to come out. Psychatog blocks the way again while numerous Chainer’s Edicts start to whittle away at Jack’s forces. Gigapede shows up to put pressure on Ed, but City of Brass damage combined with flashbacked Deep Analysis means that Ed’s Psychatogs are lethal, and the wily Magic veteran has two of them.

Elijah Pollock shows up to watch the match, and Jack starts to feel the pressure. He is used to playing games in a drafty card store, where the most illustrious spectator is a fat tabby that likes to sit in the red zone and launch attacks on passerbys by hiding his portly frame inside a knapsack. Elijah doesn’t hunt pigeons or clean himself with his tongue (that I know of), but as a spectator he adds a new dimension to the contest – Jack must keep it tight like the vise around a Mafioso stooge’s head, or people the world over will be hearing embarrassing stories about how Jack has finally topped his”Crown Of Fury over Smother” pick.

Nothing to worry about, though – Jack eventually wins thanks to Gigapede and other monsters. Jack wins. Jack wins. Jack wins!

And so does everyone else. Every Sarnia player has won, even Andy Kornet, who is running a 62-card MBC deck with Laquatus’ Champion in the main. Andy Kornet, the man who forgets to use Mirari so often that Jean-Marc Babin once stopped in the middle of a game they were playing to draw cobwebs on it. 1-0.

Round 2 vs. Niceguy w/ Goblins (Lightning Surge!)

Game 1:

Jack:“Hey there Niceguy, I see you’re playing Lightning Surge in your deck! Fiddle-dee-dee!”

Niceguy:“Yeah, I might lose every so often, but I sure am nice! See? Goblin Grappler. Go.”

Jack:“You’re much nicer than me. By the way, my draw is awful and features two Merfolk Looters as my madness outlets, and all three of my Deep Analysis. Would you mind not killing the Looters?”

Niceguy:“I’m not that nice!”


Niceguy:“I’m drawing eight land and four spells.”

Jack:“That’s awfully nice of you.”

Niceguy:“It would be nice of you, Jack, to reciprocate by also drawing 8 land.”

Jack:“Sorry, no can do, good buddy! After casting all those Deep Analysis against your slow draw, I have a lot of gas in my hand!”


Jack:“Now you’re getting it! I’ll just cast Roar Of The Wurm!”

Niceguy:“I wish I had my Lightning Surge right now.”

Jack:“Okay, I’ll be nice and only hit you for six.”

Niceguy:“But that isn’t nice at all!”

Jack:“Sorry, it’s my first time.”

Game 2:

Niceguy:“I’m stuck on one land!”

Jack:“That isn’t very nice. I’ll just cast Wild Mongrel!”

Niceguy:“I’m still stuck on one land!”

Jack:“How unfortunate for you. I’ll cast Arrogant Wurm!”

Niceguy:“Still only one land.”

Jack:“Now I’ll cast Roar of the Wurm!”

Niceguy:“Your unabashed enthusiasm in the face of my manascrew is unnerving. I’m starting to feel something that is the opposite of nice.”


Niceguy:“That’s the one. But it’s just not… Me. I have to be nice. I’ll concede!”

Jack:“That was nice of you.”

Niceguy:“Can you give me some advice on how to sideboard against U/G?”


(pulls out a few cards)

Jack:“Next time, put those Threatens in!”

Niceguy:“Jack, that’s a ‘nice’ idea.”

Jack:“Thanks Niceguy – it’s pretty ‘nice’ that I thought of it.”

Niceguy:“Look what I brought – marshmallow squares!”


And they all lived happily ever after.

So, 2-0? Right on schedule. It’s time for Round 3, where Jack faces off with…

(trumpet flares)

…Christian Antonescu!

You look at”the mad Romanian” Christian Antonescu and you look at Jack, and you’ll see a textbook example of people growing closer together via the Magic of Magic Online. Three months ago, Jack barely knew the man. Then one day, he was messaged by a fellow named”Mista_C” with an offer to join the MODO clan”JJJ,” featuring such Canadian Magic icons as Mark Zadjner and Jurgen Hahn.

Since then, Christian and Jack have gotten to know each other a little bit by commiserating over bad beats in the JJJ clan chatroom (a place jack is currently avoiding due to the fact that he has no packs or tickets and owes Steve Cassell a draft set). So it was pretty cool for Jack when he saw Mista_C before the event and was greeted with a warm hello. Of course, this round he would be greeted with something a little less heartwarming.

Round 3 vs. Christian Antonescu w/ R/G

Christian sat down and the first words out of his mouth were very apt:

“S****ty for sure.”

Jack, that tired warrior of a thousand weary exclamations, couldn’t have said it better himself. Sometimes you get the matchup – and sometimes, constant reader, the matchup gets you. Usually right where it’s tender.

Now, Jack won Game 2 with Roar of the Wurm and Christian won Game 3 with Mongrel beats overtop of an opposing double mulligan (“Crippling for sure. Sorry, man.” – Mista_C), but what about Game 1? Well, on the last turn Jack was clinging to his precious two life, facing down massive beats with three cards in hand, Wonder in the grave, Wild Mongrel on the table, and Christian Antonescu at six life.

So close, yet so far. And yet, Jack might have won if he’d stayed more true to the Cunningham version of U/G. Check it out:

  • Before the tournament, Jack was agonizing over playing two Cities Of Brass or three!

  • If he’d played two, it’s possible that the City Of Brass that was in his hand on turn 4 of Game 1, when he drew a Careful Study, might have been an island instead!

  • If it had been an island, he would have laid it instead of his third forest on turn 3 to cast the Arrogant Wurm that he eventually traded with an opposing creature!

  • If he had laid that island on turn 3 and kept his third forest in hand, there would have been no need to lay a fourth land to cast the Careful Study that he drew (and it yielded nothing useful – two more land)!

  • If he had had that fourth land in his hand on the final turn – instead of in play – he would have been able to do six damage and win the game!

  • And if he had won the game, he wouldn’t have had to play…

Round 4 vs. Lam Phan w/ U/G/b (Smother, Duress)

Jack knew he was in for the business this round – ’cause Lam Phan is the reigning Ontario Provincials champion – and his moustache finished 13th. How unlucky for our hometown boy.

Poor Jack. Perhaps I can illustrate how this match went for our hero by bringing you a smidgen of the conversation from Game 3:

Lam:“Landland, smother smother McSmother!”

Jack:“Deadlooter landlandland.”

Lam:“Lootermongrel smother looter mongrel!”

Jack:“Landlandy landski landerson!”

Lam:“Wurm wurm smother wonderpitch smother deepanalysissmotherlandwurm!”

Jack:“Landlandlandlandland…land land…land land land. L-AAAAAAAAAND!”

Lam:“Swingswinglogicswing…logicwurm logic.”

Jack:“Landland…scoop. Frown.”

Lam:“Winwinwin hoosierdaddyhoosierdaddy!”


Poor Jack. I’ll tell you this, though – Lam is going to pay for that insensitive”swingswinglogicswing” remark.

So Jack Squat is 2-2 as the sun sets over Scarborough, the worst record amongst all Sarnia entrants including Andy Kornet, who managed his best finish ever – a 6-3 mark that may or may not be some sort of incantation against the existence of God. His poor performance now set in stone, it’s time for Jack to do what he does best: Mope around and be rude to people. For example:

Some guy Jack has never met, recognizing him from his nametag:”So, how did you do?”

Jack: “S***ty.” (walks away)

That scene repeated about four times before Jack made it out to the car – his plan was to spelunk his way through the insufferable 5th through 9th rounds by a strategically-placed nap. But cars are not comfortable. And neither are 2-2 records when a guy like Jack is trying to qualify for Nationals. Jack didn’t sleep a wink.

Maybe he deserved it. Jack needs to work on being more polite to people after he has lost. You wouldn’t know it from this report, but Jack is actually a nice guy. Honest!


There’s no happy ending here.

This fairy tale ends with Jack curled up on the floor of a room in the Comfort Inn, still awake at 4 a.m. He is being kept awake by numerous things – the snoring of his roommates, the echoes of coitus drifting through the paper-thin walls from the adjacent room (the words”Oh my God!” were uttered more often in Room 129 that night than they were in St. Peters Cathedral”), and the explosive gaseous emissions coming from Andy Kornet, also floorbound but sleeping a great deal easier than our hero.

More than anything, he’s being kept awake by the knowledge that he’s come up short again, and the next drive isn’t going to be three hours, it will be twelve.

Not for the first time or the last, back aching, body shivering, air stinking, ears ringing with utterances that would make a voyeur double over with glee, Jack asks himself why he plays Magic at all. It can’t be worth it, can it? To spend a nice chunk of money on gas and food and hotel just to show up in Scarborough and be beaten? To grind through two agonizing defeats against top notch opponents while other players get matched up against gentlemen best known for eating paste back in grade school? To make an ass of oneself time and again after a poor performance by rudely eschewing all conversation on the way out to the car? To spend four hours twisted up into chiropractic shapes on the back seat of his friend’s sedan while others battle to attain what he couldn’t?

And yet, with this memory fresh and recollections of events like Pro Tour: Chicago, Canadian Nationals, and Grand Prix: Cleveland buried far in the background, Jack can’t really believe that he’ll quit. Magic has got him like the bank has got him, like the land has got him, like his friends have got him, like his pen has got him. Magic is part of his life, you couldn’t dislodge it with a Titan II rocket.

I guess that’s the real message of this story, isn’t it? Like a lot of you, I’ve still got promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. I can either give up or I can keep fighting for the big win that has eluded me my entire Magic career. I want to hold a big check. I want to lift a trophy. I want to win a Pro Tour.

For now, I’ll sleep soundly in my own bed. When troubled sleep does come to me next, it’s going to be on the floor of a hotel in Montreal, staring at the clock, and oh God in the morning the grinders will start and I’ll be staring down a hundred francophones chasing the same thing I’m chasing, but when I finally do break on through, like Jim Morrison belted out, you know it’ll be worth a million nights in Room 131.

Maybe I’ll see you there, on the other side.

Geordie Tait

[email protected]


Special DVD Bonus Section: 25 Minutes Of MODO Clan Chatroom Complaining

Lest you think Jack is all smiles and sunshine, let me bring you a special Jack Squat exclusive – he doesn’t like to lose! Watch as he takes a rough beat on Magic: Online and whines for an astounding twenty-five minutes! And you though you were a crybaby! You, constant reader, have nothing on this gentleman. Maybe Jack was just having a bad day – usually he’s such a nice guy!

8:34 FP_GLyM: Whatever

8:34 FP_GLyM: 1st game stuck on 2 land

8:34 Intellectx: who swims

8:34 Intellectx: ?

8:34 FP_GLyM: 2nd game 6 spells, 12 land

8:34 FP_GLyM: He had no chance with any draw that was ever remotely good

8:35 FP_GLyM: I’m so sick of this

8:35 FP_GLyM: Other players are all terrible

8:35 FP_GLyM: All of them

8:35 FP_GLyM: And yet I lose

8:36 FP_GLyM: I played Berserk Murlodont and attacked, he misblocked as

much as possible pretty much

8:36 FP_GLyM: And of course I still lost

8:37 FP_GLyM: That was a foolproof deck I thought

8:37 FP_GLyM: But I kept a 2 land hand and drew no land, kept a 4 land

hand and drew 8 land

8:37 FP_GLyM: Why do I even bother

8:40 FP_GLyM: Every worthless bag that beats me when I get screwed can go

and die somewhere

8:40 FP_GLyM: They don’t deserve to win

8:40 FP_GLyM: I hope they lose 200 times in a row and get evicted and die on

the street of some loathsome disease

8:42 FP_GLyM: My deck was 100x better than his

8:42 FP_GLyM: 100x!

8:42 FP_GLyM: I am praying for a lightning storm or a computer crash to wipe

that guy right out of the draft

8:43 FP_GLyM: I hope he gets electrocuted too

8:43 FP_GLyM: And dies of electrocution

8:43 FP_GLyM: And syphalis

8:43 FP_GLyM: Simultaneously

8:44 FP_GLyM: And that his undertaker is a necropheliac

8:44 FP_GLyM: I wish poverty and unexplained sores on his family and his

children’s children’s children

8:44 Reed1206: lolol

8:44 Reed1206: me too man

8:44 Reed1206: me too

8:45 FP_GLyM: # of Centaur Glades drawn while landflooded: 0

8:45 FP_GLyM: # of Glades drawn while stuck on 2 land: 2

8:45 Reed1206: hfl

8:46 FP_GLyM: Drafts like that are why gun laws exist

8:46 FP_GLyM: My deck was IN-SANE

8:46 FP_GLyM: I kept a hand with 2 land, 4 3cc spells (all of them good), and

Explosive Vegetation, going first

8:47 FP_GLyM: Like, my hand was Wirewood Savage, Branchsnap Lorian,

Timberwatch Elf, Aphetto Exterminator, Explosive Vegetation and two land

8:47 FP_GLyM: I drew Glade, Glade, nonland nonland and then died

8:47 Reed1206: never drew 1 land?

8:47 Reed1206: that is lameeeeeee

8:47 FP_GLyM: I drew one land on turn 6

8:48 FP_GLyM: He had two Screeching Buzzards

8:48 FP_GLyM: And some morph

8:48 FP_GLyM: Next game I kept Stonewood Invoker, Krosan Vorine, Vitality Charm and 4 land

8:49 FP_GLyM: Drew Berserk Murlodont, 8 land, and died

8:49 FP_GLyM: Oh, and Explosive Vegetation

8:49 FP_GLyM: I had 11 land in play when I died on like turn 9

8:50 FP_GLyM: He plays 6 land


8:50 FP_GLyM: Death Match might as well have not been in my deck

8:50 FP_GLyM: Because I never saw it

8:51 FP_GLyM: And even if I had, it wouldn’t have done anything

8:51 FP_GLyM: But WTF

8:51 FP_GLyM: I had Death Match, 2x Centaur Glade, Nantuko Husks, El”Symbiotic

Elves, 2x Timberwatch Elf, 2x Wirewood Savage, tons of beasts, and lose to

this SOB in the first round

8:52 FP_GLyM: I thought that MODO could not depress me any worse than



8:52 FP_GLyM: And if you’re saying that sounds mana intensive

8:52 FP_GLyM: I had Wirewood Channeler AND Veggies

8:52 FP_GLyM: The deck was RIDICULOUS

8:53 FP_GLyM: I was going to log on and write in between rounds of drafting

but that just ruined it

8:56 FP_GLyM: I played Mista_C Round 3 and lost after a Game 3 double

mull, then Round 4 I played Lam Phan who is not only a good player, but

running a tough deck matchup, AND I got landflooded

8:57 FP_GLyM: So basically I played talented players with good

decks and I got draws that they could easily punish

8:57 FP_GLyM: And they wasted no time in punishing those draws

8:57 FP_GLyM: There is no END to the amount of bitching that Magic provokes

in me

8:58 FP_GLyM: I was having a good day today too, you know? A fun day. Now I just want to go shoot someone. Where is the nearest bridge, I am jumping.