Mike Flores is not always a rational human being. Oh, he will jump up and down and swear to you that he’s more logical than any other human on Earth, but the fact remains that sometimes he’s straight loony tunes. Clown shoes, if you will. Thus, without involving people parking on my lawn and yet still vaguely making fun of Nick Eisel, we come to the story of today’s article.
Last week certain individuals in the forums were ranting that we weren’t doing enough to publish the “good decks” in the format, and if we were, we weren’t doing it fast enough. I don’t agree with that for all the reasons I stated in the forums, but talking to Flores pushed me into action.
You see, michaelj and I were chatting last week about testing various and sundry decks for October 22nd and Flores kept insisting on testing John Fiorillo awful R/W deck because “you don’t test the best decks, you test the decks available to the public” or something similarly inane. Since I hadn’t posted my version of White Weenie splash Red yet, Flores considered it unacceptable to smash his creations into mine. I noted that this was silly, considering I was going to actively change the metagame and what versions of that deck would see play in the matter of a week, but he wouldn’t budge. Flores also informed me that Fiorillo has a much greater effect on what decks will be played at States than I do, and then he peed in my cheerios and poured sugar into my gas tank, just to make the insult complete. Sooooo, today you get my testing version of White Weenie, which splashes Red, and which probably should be added to your testing gauntlet immediately.
This deck is not some amazing creation that came to me in a dream. You aren’t going to look at it and exclaim, “Oh my God, that’s the most clever thing I’ve ever seen.” What it is, is quite simple and most good players have had this deck in their testing gauntlet for at least a week or two. What it is, my brethren, is a relentless beating machine that has been really difficult to deal with in testing. What it is, my people, is a strong version of what is likely to be the most popular deck archetype you will see at this year’s Championships.
Publishing this decklist will not make me look smarter. (Playing this decklist will probably not make you look smarter either, but if it does I doubt anyone would notice.) It will not suddenly seal my ephemeral reputation as a great deckbuilder. This is a deck comprised of thugs for thugs by thugs. Its only purpose is to emulate the political theory of the great Calvin and Hobbes by making the life of your opponent nasty, brutish, and short. But writing about this deck now means Star City delivers a “good, though imperfect” decklist to the public with plenty of time left to test, and (more importantly) it means Flores now has to start testing against my version of this silly deck because you are going to play it, right?
*crickets chirping*
Creatures (22)
- 4 Isamaru, Hound of Konda
- 4 Lantern Kami
- 4 Suntail Hawk
- 4 Leonin Skyhunter
- 4 Hand of Honor
- 2 Hunted Lammasu
Lands (22)
Spells (16)
Unlike other decklists you may have seen, I have not sold out to the Boros Guild with this version. I know some folks have been testing versions of this deck with Boros Swiftblade and Skyknight Legionnaires and I respect that, but I don’t think that’s the way to go. One of White Weenie’s strengths as a deck has been that as long as you had lands (and pretty much any lands would do), you could cast your spells. I like that. Never losing to color screw, even in a deck with no fixers, is a huge bonus. It seems wrong to move away from that unless what you are adding will pay huge dividends, and an extra flier and a double-striker don’t quite fill that requirement for me.
The new dual lands and burn complement give this deck reach even into the late game, but the reason why this deck is so effective now is Suppression Field.* There have been a host of writers mentioning this oh-so-special enchantment recently and every one of them is right to do so. If Field had been available during Block, you would have seen quite a few more losses by Gifts Ungiven players, since it takes that matchup and changes it from a near bye for the control player to a real battle. For the longest time people have been complaining that Armageddon is missing from White Weenie and the Field certainly isn’t Neo-Geddon, but what it can be is a two-mana yoke around your opponent’s neck for every activated ability they need to use. This often translates to a Time Walk or two for you in the early game against decks that rely on activated abilities, which Wizards has slowly developed into an integral and powerful part of the game. One-mana abilities like activating Sensei’s Divining Top now cost you an extra two, as does sacrificing Sakura-Tribe Elders and Frostlings, creating tokens with Meloku, adding counters to Plague Boiler, drawing cards with Jushi Apprentice, sacrificing Kagemaro, channeling Arashi, the Sky Asunder, equipping Umezawa’s Jitte and taking counters off of it, etc. It hits nearly every single deck in the format and makes some of them impossible to play effectively.
Umezawa’s Jitte vs. Glorious Anthem
Maindeck Suppression Field (which is where it belongs) forces you into making certain decisions with your own deck to avoid splash damage. Once you throw the Field in, the Jittes come right out, leaving you with Glorious Anthems for your pump effect. The creature removal suite probably isn’t as good as it might be if Jitte were in the deck, but I’m a big fan of avoiding “Jitte Wars” altogether and leaving your opponent’s practically useless instead. A number of versions of this deck have had Jittes in the sideboard for when Suppression Field is essentially useless and I still think that’s a reasonable plan, though when you see the number of possible good sideboard cards available to you, you’ll start wondering how you are going to fit them all in.
Shock vs. Char
Convincing people that Suppression Field is der bomb is relatively simple and most sensible folks will immediately come around on the Jitte debate to boot. The Shock vs. Char debate is another matter entirely. I side with Shock in the maindeck for a number of reasons, probably the most critical of which is:
Seth Burn has a completely different R/W aggro build he has been working on, and his consistent mantra for this format has been “Birds must die!” The reason for this is simply decks that play Birds are either ramping into fatties or combos, neither of which is particularly good for the home team. You also don’t want to let people have free, reusable mana fixing if you can help it, so any Birds you see in the early game must be killed on sight. Shock is quite effective at accomplishing that goal. Using Char to kill a Birds of Paradise is slow, and a bit like lighting someone’s cigarette with a flamethrower – you get full marks for style points, but now you have a flaming skull on your hands and have to figure out where to hide the body.
The real reason for Shock over Char in the maindeck is simply mana efficiency. I’m running 22 lands, have no card drawing, and no way to smooth mana. There have been plenty of testing games where I have been stuck on – and yet almost fully operational – at two or three mana. You can’t cast a Char with only two mana, and casting it with three wipes out a whole turn. Playing Shock allows me to zorch a blocker and then put another two-drop on the table to smash again next turn, which is a surprisingly big deal when your sole purpose as a deck is to kill your opponent as quickly as possible. It’s also amazing at blunting an opponent’s tempo simply by burning out whatever weenie he equips his Jitte to before it can deal damage and gain any counters.
Hunted Lammasu vs. Hokori, Dust Drinker
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Hunted Lammasu is a dragon. It is a dragon that costs four mana. And it flies! If you scroll back up to that decklist thingy, you will also see that there are four guys in your deck with Protection from Black. Horror? What Horror? You are also a balls-to-the-wall aggro deck with just a hint of disruption for taste.
Hokori? He’s a 2/2 for four that doesn’t fly.
Obviously you are going to play the dragon…
Or not. Truth be told, I think this is probably a game time decision you make based on how heavy the metagame is slanting towards control. A good curve followed by Hokori is really hard for control decks to beat unless they Wrath your life away, and at States you are going to pretend to be a good player and not drop Hokori until your opponent is nearly tapped out. Right? This is essentially an open slot where you can season your build to taste, so go nuts.
(I will note, however, that Hunted Lammasu is an impressive recovery from mass removal, especially if you have a Glorious Anthem on the board or if you’ve been holding a Hand of Honor back.)
Why Not Run More Burn?
This is another area where I tend to play it safe, while others like it fast and loose. At tournaments like States, I hate having dead cards in hand even more than normal and color screw does exactly that. This build runs a lot of spells with WW in the casting cost, and as the deck is built now, you are guaranteed that hitting WW will never be an issue provided you have any two lands. I’m running all the dual lands I can at the moment without dipping into Ice Bridges and my desire to play actual Mountains is close to nil. If you really want to pack more burn in, feel free to drop a Plains or two and throw in Mountains, though I’m not sure what spells you should be taking out to do so. The deck is primarily designed to throw down small men that get bigger as you go while causing major problems for would-be blockers. I don’t think extra burn will help much in accomplishing that task, but that’s just my opinion… I could be wrong.
The Sideboard
This is where things get tricksy, both in the nature of the cards and the composition of the board itself. I’m reasonably certain of about ten slots right now, but the other five could be anything. Let’s start with the locks.
Bathe in Light
I was in my study recently, smoking my pipe and idly pondering sideboard ideas because I was stuck on figuring out how to deal with Meloku the Clouded Horde. The foppish legend and his flying friends kept chewing up attackers and blunting my offensives without so much as a greeting kiss or a parting gift. Char was generally a fine answer, but as I mentioned earlier, Char is Red and I’m still hypersensitive about screwing up the manabase to cast burn spells right now, so I was mostly concentrating on answers that were either White or Artifact. About that time, I screwed up a combat phase in the Ravnica beta by casting Rally the Righteous on my own guy and watching it radiate over to the other side of the board and wreck my counterattack as it untapped most of my opponent’s men as well. Aside from putting a giant neon sign on my forehead flashing “Bad Limited Player!” which I most certainly am, this also taught me that the radiance spells are going to affect the entire board, which could be a big deal.
A little more research and some thoughtful consideration taught me that Bathe in Light might just be completely ridiculous in a number of matches. For starters, it gets rid of any number of Threads of Disloyalty as an instant, returning your wayward animals to their rightful owners at the end of your opponent’s turn so that they are available to smack them for their insolence on your own. It also lets your flying zoo swing right through Meloku and cohorts, solving the original problem I was encountering. Fast as fast can be, you’ll never block me.
But wait, there’s more.
Bathe in Light stops Wildfire from crushing your team. It counters Pyroclasms and prevents silly Yosei from tapping down your men. It stops spot removal from Black decks, can be used on your opponent’s creatures to prevent them from being legal targets for useful colored spells, and it folds your laundry. Last, but perhaps most importantly – it solves the mirror. That’s right kiddies, there will be no more sitting on your thumbs and staring at each other stupidly, waiting to see who draws a Glorious Anthem to put them over the top. Now you just cast it before combat on your opponent’s man, wait to see if they decide to burn him in response, and when it resolves you swing for the win.
Char
As I noted above, some people are playing this card straight up, but I think Shock is just better in the maindeck. You have 22 lands in this beastie and the key phrase to keep in mind, as with all aggro decks, is “mana efficiency.” That means I want to be able to lay a threat and still Shock or Helix something during my opponent’s turn if necessary, and I generally can’t do that if I’m holding three-mana burn spells in hand.
That said, there are going to be some matchups where Shock is pretty bad and Char is better, so right now I’ve got some number of Chars (probably two) in the board. It’s still a useful answer to Meloku, and four to the nug is a very nice thing to have available when you need it, whether it’s too remove a burly creature or to finish an opponent off before they get to stabilize.
For those of you who care about such things, Char is a rare. Shock is not.
Hokori, Dust Drinker
This also belongs in the sideboard, though I’m increasingly thinking that it won’t be in quantities of four. Three seems about right, especially since I can’t remove extras to Shining Shoal, though there’s still a lot to be said for the synergy between Suppression Field and Senor Orbo de Winter.
Promise of Bunrei
If the metagame shifts so that there are oodles of good White Weenie decks, all the smart players are going to run decks with Wrath effects and cards like Hideous Laughter. I personally haven’t worked on many decks like this yet, but I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if they exist and end up being good. (If nothing else, you can at least be assured that Shaheen Soorani will probably make the Top 8 at Virginia States and not only play Wrath of God, but also his beloved Rewind.) Aaaaanyway, this is a fine answer to Wraths and your deck actually gives you the ability to create an instant speed army if you feel like Shocking one of your own men for the cause.
Pithing Needle
From now until it rotates, Pithing Needle will be the one card that goes in every sideboard I make when I don’t know what else to play. It seems to overlap a bit too much with Suppression Field to my liking though, at least in this deck.
Boros Fury-Shield
Oh look, my opponent just cast a fattie, thinking it will stop the onslaught. Little does he know that I’m going to swing into it anyway, not lose a creature, and his own man is going to deal five to his dome. This card has been moving up the ladder of playables pretty rapidly…
Kami of Ancient Law
Kills enchantments. Beats down. Not a great combo with the Field.
Terashi’s Grasp
This does more than the Kami and should probably be run instead. It’s just that word “sorcery” that makes me a little queasy.
Umezawa’s Jitte
There will be some decks out there where Suppression Field is irrelevant. When that happens, siding in the Jittes is a very good plan, but how in the world do you find the room to carry a full set of these? Maybe you just include two?
Shining Shoal
There are better options than this card noted above, especially since your mana curve basically stops at three.
Wrath of God
Playing this in the sideboard can’t be right.
Paladin en-Vec
This is only useful if the metagame dictates that you need it. Right now I don’t think it does, but keep it handy for later in the season.
Otherworldly Journey
I haven’t tested this, but it seems like there are better options. Feel free to disagree in the forums.
As I said, there’s still a lot of information left to be determined regarding the sideboard and part of that comes from having a good metagame forecast, which we certainly do not have right now. I would chalk that up as yet another reason to love States.
Matchup Analysis
If I were writing this and submitting it next week, you’d get a lot more information here, but I’m not so I’ll be brief and maybe you folks can fill in what you know in the forums as the week progresses, or maybe I’ll include a further playtesting report as an addendum to my metagame article next week.
Stock White Weenie
Your deck is just better than theirs. You have spot removal for the little men, almost an identical creature complement, and more options in the sideboard. It’s a bit of a mirror match, so it’s always going to be a little random, but if someone shows up to States with Mark Young stock White Weenie deck from three weeks ago, you should punish them. Not that Mark’s deck isn’t good, because it’s great to test against, but tech stands still for no man.
As for the WW/G decks, I think those could be problematic, but you have enough tools in your sideboard to come out on top there as well. I’d rather have Lightning Helix and Shock than Watchwolf, Giant Growth, and access to Naturalize.
Good Form/Wildfire
The maindecks of both of these can be problematic because they are designed to kill all your little men early (Pyroclasm) and kill all your little men late (Wildfire), or simply steal them out from under your nose (Confiscate). Thankfully, Form of the Dragon is nearly irrelevant since most of your men fly, but White Weenie is typically weak against solid board control decks and this one is no different. Post-board you get Bathe in Light, which completely stops at least one of their colored damage spells and gives invalidates the Confiscate plan. You also get enchantment removal if you think you need it (you probably will against Good Form), but they likely get more removal and/or Wrath of God. Welcome to the enlightening realm of matchup advice where I say something like “Get a good draw and hope your opponent screws up.”
Mono-Blue Control
As I noted earlier, this matchup was problematic because Meloku trumps your whole team, especially after some of them have defected. What you have going for you is that you can burn out their draw engine, making it impossible for them to stay ahead of you on cards and blunt Meloku’s effectiveness in the maindeck. Add Bathe in Light from the sideboard and Blue decks are going to have a tough time dealing with you unless they start playing stuff like Drift of Phantasms to stall. Bleagh. This won’t be easy, but unless the deck flips to U/W Control and starts playing Wraths, I think you are still advantaged.
Gifts Ungiven
This matchup was a Bye for good Gifts players during Block Constructed season, but it seems pretty even now. One of the toughest parts of playing Gifts in Kamigawa Block was mana management, and Suppression Field throws a hefty monkey wrench into those gears. Gifts remains an incredibly powerful, synergistic deck, but it may need to start running a suite of maindeck Wear Aways just to combat the Field effect.
The Rest
Once again, I’m still testing so I don’t have all the 4-1-1 for you that we’d normally like to present. G/B decks will see play and they have the potential to give you a run for your money if they run Hideous Laughters in the board and a bunch of spot removal in the main. Mono-Black Control, if it is good (and I remain skeptical for now), can do exactly the same thing and probably has almost as much removal as you have men.
Conclusions
This is a very strong, fast aggro deck with a versatile suite of answers in the sideboard. You should slice through most randomness like a hot knife through butter and you will absolutely punish slow draws from your opponents. Most of your men have evasion, and opponents die quickly when they can’t deal with multiple 2/2 fliers pounding away at their life total, particularly if you still have a burn spell or two in reserve. Minus the lands, four of which are admittedly pricey, the maindeck is actually pretty cheap to build. From there you can work on a budget sideboard if you need to, meaning the deck is rather accessible to anyone who wants to build it for an FNM or for something bigger.
Would I play it at States? Well, aside from Affinity, which looked too powerful not to play when it first came out, I never play aggro decks at States. I’m always helping to build decks that blunt the aggro strategies instead, so I usually take advantage of the States metagame as a whole and play creature control. That said, I really like this deck and think that it will do very well for any number of people at their Champs – I just need to figure out what the rest of the metagame will look like and get more playtesting in.
5 Rumors I Would Like To Clear Up Before I Go
5) I have never cuddled with Antonino De Rosa for warmth. Gerard Fabiano never leaves me enough room to do so.
4) This would have been the funniest thing I read all week if it weren’t for Yawgatog.
3) My milkshake does, in fact, bring all the boys to the yard.
2) I am not Dr. Mox. I did write under a pseudonym once a long time ago, but it’s probably best to forget that ever happened.
1) I have never engaged in oral sex in order to lure a writer to our website. I may, however, have offered…
Cheers,
Teddy Card Game
Mail us at https://sales.starcitygames.com/contactus/contactform.php?emailid=2
*Full props to the banned-from-the-forums Nicotine Jones for declaring just how good this card would be first.