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Greetings from Russell’s old room. Some have thought me a fool for remaining silent on this card advantage issue for so long, but now I’m about to open my mouth, as the old saying goes, and remove all doubt. After what seems like an eternity, it’s time to wrap it all up, a package from mama, signed, sealed, and delivered with care. Along the way, I have a lot of things to say about theory in general, alternative card advantage solutions, and why you shouldn’t bite down on a piece of tinfoil.

Myr Matrix

Myr on crusade. Myr dot deck can’t be good. It just can’t be. Seriously, the other aggressive decks are just faster. Having said that, if someone wanted to find a home for Darksteel Forge this would be it. If this deck ever became good, Affinity would just start packing Furnace Dragon and be done with it.

As a consequence of losing… a lot, I have accumulated far more tales involving the “agony of defeat” than those concerning the glory of victory. In fact, sometimes I get so wrapped up in the feelings of anguish and impending doom while losing a match that I just can’t separate fact or fiction into two neat little piles. The blows to my psyche actually feel like physical blows to the head. Defeat on Dominaria is almost a palpable death. Losing a game hits me harder than losing my job (hah!), my wife (done!), or my beer (Nooooooo!) — in that order.

Guaranteed to make you crack a smile or two or your money back, even for you non-Multiplayer-article-reading-persons!

Not a true story: One time a guy was watching another guy play. The dude playing was a Hollywood producer and liked the look of the observer, so he cast him in a bunch of commercials and everyone made millions, except the guy’s twin brother, who thought he was too good at Magic to watch other people, and was possibly getting high.

What does this have to do with becoming better at Magic? Enquiring minds want to know!

A new set is out, so it’s time for set reviews. Since I doubt Ted has seen enough of these so far, I’ll write one. However, I’m writing from the perspective of multiplayer and casual. That means I will simply skip all the cards aimed at limited, and many of the constructed-worthy but un-amazing cards. If I want a Blue flier for 2U in casual games, I will play Serendib Efreet or Skywing Aven before I consider Neurok Prodigy.

That does make the review a lot shorter, so I will flesh it out with some deck concepts, to make sure you get your money’s worth.

Three players are convicted of the ultimate crime: liking casual! If the any player confesses to the crime, and helps the police convict his fellow players, then the police will look kindly upon him. In fact, a player who confesses and convicts their partners will get away without being charged. However, the players who are convicted will go away for ten years plus five probationary years. If all players happen to confess, each will receive three years of jail time. Of course, if none confess, then all players get off with six months of jail time and then go free.

What do you do?

Me and my imaginary friend were having a heated conversation over this card. I said it sucks, that it’s too slow and would only be usable in a control-ish Mirrodin Limited deck, either B/x or U/x. Rodrigo, on the other hand, said it could be very powerful in a W/x weenie deck which doesn’t need more than three lands at any one time. I was winning the argument until Rodrigo pointed out that I originally called Broodstar “one of the worst cards ever printed,” at which point I brained him with a shovel.

I lose more imaginary friends that way.

Wirefly Hive – 3

Artifact (U)

3,T: Flip a coin. If you win the flip, put a 2/2 Wirefly creature token with flying into play. If you lose the flip sacrifice all Wireflies.

At long last another card to use with Krark’s Thumb. I’d rather use another appendage for this card, if you catch my drift.

Now even though Tom was the genius of this testing session, as Napster’s mommy, I constantly voiced my opinion as to what I thought would be right. Jon kept telling me that he was trying to concentrate on testing with Tom, and at one point, even said”Mike, you make, on average, one mistake per turn! Please let me test with Tom!”

At that point, I did not understand what a mistake was, so I necessarily disagreed. The next game, Jon opened up with a strong anti-Angry Hermit draw of Dark Ritual, Skittering Horror, and was presented with any number of options for turn 2. I said”Why don’t you play Skittering Skirge to make this a three-turn clock [instead of a five-turn clock]?”

Honestly, I thought we’d seen the end of broken Mirrodin Limited uncommons with Loxodon Warhammer, Grab the Reins, and Crystal Shard. Skullclamp is likely as big a mistake as Wild Mongrel, even if it isn’t as obvious at first.

This week at CMU I was lucky enough to get shipped two copies of the degenerate piece of cardboard, right into my near mono-White deck. I didn’t come close to losing a game, and especially not those games where I dropped the Clamp. One game I drew sixteen additional cards by turn 6 off of my Raise the Alarms and 1/1 dorks.

You know one of the most amazing things about life? Everything is relative. +1/+1 doesn’t seem like much when compared to all 6000+ Magic cards. But you may want to compare it to just the 300+ cards in Mirrodin. Making your 2/3 a 3/4 or making your 4/4 a 5/5 can be absolutely devastating in this format. The one damage from Longbow, while also better in this format, doesn’t always help improve your board, and the extra equip cost tips the balance to the Scimitar.

Plus Patrick Sullivan is your Good Man of the Week.