The Goblin Unveiled: Theme Deck Winners!

Extra-special surprises await those who have the courage to dare the collective creativity of the Magic community!

Well, the theme deck contest is done, and we’ve accomplished two goals:

  • Recieved well over seventy entries, proving that the Magic community is bubbling over with creative energy, and;

  • Given me a really easy article to write this week. Cut-and-paste has never been easier!***

Seriously, folks, choosing the winner was tough. The decks broke down into three basic categories:

Misguided, But they Meant Well. Many people seemed to confuse”theme” decks with”decks with a goal” – as in,”Here is my deck that destroys all creatures.” Any good deck has a goal… But having an outside-the-game theme that ties the cards together is the idea of this contest – which means unfortunately, you’re out.

Great Theme Ya Got There… But Where’s The Deck? Many more people submitted decks where all the cards had things in common, but the decks themselves were thousand-card monstrosities. The ultimate example of this is crazed deckbuilder Tyler Gallant, who created a deck that had a card assigned to each lyric of”U Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer. And I mean every single line, including separate creatures for every”oh oh oh oh,” including Blast-oh-derm, Des-oh-lation Angel, and Oh-rim’s Chant. Great idea – but the deck itself is completely nonfunctional. Tyler’s baby is too lengthy to include here, sadly, but free to email him at [email protected] and ask him two questions: One, can I have your decklist – and two, what in God’s Great Finger possessed you, man?

Decks With Themes That Just Might Work. Ah, the meat of the baby. Wait for it… Someone among these will win!

So What Almost Won: Miscellaneous Musings

  • George Whelan, faithful member of Team AWWAJALOOM, submitted no less than ten decks, all of which he had played before. And just sending me decklists wasn’t enough for George – oh, no. He had to give advice on how to play them. Such a Herculean effort deserved its own section, so I combined his maniacal efforts into a separate article.

  • After I complained that I could never remember how many days November had, helpful reader David Kadonsky gave me a knuckle trick to remember the number of days in any given month. While not technically an entry into the contest, he certainly made an impression.

  • Coolest Title:”Andrew” for”The Sheep Look Up.”

  • Richie Reigle submitted”Rebecca Guay is a bad artist.dec,” which was a great idea for a deck, mainly because your opponents may concede just to stop having to look at all the ugly pictures you’re flinging out. However, Richie had two problems – the first being that he diluted the theme of the deck by using forests drawn by Allen Pollack, who is a good artist… And therefore, his deck is less likely to cause the opponent to vomit out of sheer garishness.

Secondly, I like Rebecca Guay. The worst artist in all of Magic is Drew Tucker.* If I was going to create a bad art theme deck, it would be”What the hell is that?.dec,” where people would take turns trying to guess what exactly each Drew Tucker illustration represented. They’re like Rorshach drawings; you never get the same answer twice.

  • Jon Maske turned in the far cooler name,”Shuler You Jest!”, which features all John Shuler artwork. But alas, the deck itself was weak.

  • Jeff Denault turned in his special”We Didn’t Start The Fire” deck: 20 mountains, 8 Black Lotuses, 32 Kindles. What a Wise guy!


What Almost Won: Special Music Category

Jason Dooley submitted a”Werewolves Of London” deck that was both gnarly and rife with footnotes – and of course, since I am the Footnote King**, this warmed my heart:

I saw a werewolf (Lesser Werewolf) with a Chinese menu in his hand (Vicious Hunger)

Walking through the streets of Soho (City of Shadows) in the rain (Rain of Filth)

He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook’s (Black Market)

Gonna get a big dish of beef chow mein (Feast of the Unicorn)

You’ll hear ’em howling (Howl from Beyond**) at your kitchen door (Cemetery Gate)

You better not let ’em in (Fear)

A little old lady (Grandmother Sengir) got mutilated (Torture) late last night (Darkest Hour)

Werewolves of London again (Animate Dead)

He’s the hairy-handed gent (Dirty Wererat) who ran amok (Reckless Spite) in Kent (Urborg)

And lately (Season of the Witch***) he’s been overheard (Scandalmonger) in Mayfair (Cuombajj Witches****)

You better stay away from him (Imposing Visage)

He’ll rip your lungs out, (Agonizing Demise) Jim (Baron Sengir*****)

I’d like to meet his tailor (Whipstitched Zombie)

Well I saw Lon Chaney (Sengir Vampire******) walking with the queen (Sorceress Queen)

Doing the werewolves of London (Corpse Dance*******)

I saw Lon Chaney Jr. (Frankenstein’s Monster********) walking with the queen (Plague Witch)

Doing the werewolves of London (Dance of the Dead)

I saw a werewolf (Greater Werewolf) drinking a pina colada (Braidwood Cup) at Trader Vic’s (Volrath’s Stronghold)

And his hair was perfect (Coils of the Medusa)

*–This is the only card whose name doesn’t have a direct connection with a line in the song. However, what else could be getting all these werewolves stirred up?

**–It’s mandatory when playing this card (and many of the other cards in this deck), to say”AH-HOOOOOOOOOOOO” very loudly.

***–This is a nod to Anne Rice’s books about the Mayfair witches. It’s not directly on theme, but it’s too cool to pass up.

****–See above.

*****–He’s always looked like a”Jim” to me.

******–Chaney played the vampire in the 1927 classic silent film”London After Midnight.”

*******–In the song, the words”werewolves of London” are used here to refer to some sort of dance step.

********–Chaney Jr. played the monster in the 1942 horror film”The Ghost of Frankenstein.”

Oh yeah, and he included some lands to fill out the rest. Not a bad effort, me boyo…. But can it compare to Chris Warren’s REM deck?

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake…

1 Earthquake

Birds and snakes, an aeroplane –

4 Bird of Paradise

4 Ophidian

4 Mystic Snake

1 Telethopter

…Lenny Bruce is not afraid. Eye of a hurricane,

1 Hurricane

…Listen to yourself churn – world serves its own needs, don’t misserve your own needs. Feed it up a knock, speed, grunt no, strength no….

2 Simian Grunts

Ladder structure clatter with fear of height,

1 Vertigo


Six o’clock – TV hour. Don’t get caught in foreign tower. Slash and burn.

1 Coastal Tower

4 Assault/Battery


4 Repulse

…listen to yourself churn. Lock him in uniform and book burning, blood letting. Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate….

1 Mindless Automaton

4 Incinerate


Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You symbiotic, patriotic, slam, but neck, right? Right.

1 Bomb Squad

1 Symbiosis

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

3 Armageddon

1 Vitalizing Cascade

And lands and stuff.

This one came so close to winning… As a four-color deck, it can work with the Birds of Paradise (which are actually in theme, amazingly), and the Snakes and Incinerates are decent board control. Plus, nobody in the world could figure out the frickin’ theme unless you told them. But I’ve gotta be petty; if you’re gonna mention the great God Lenny Bruce, then you gotta give him a card.

What would Lenny be? Beloved Chaplain? Old Man of the Sea? Nope; Preacher.

Besides, I don’t feel bad about letting Chris down for his colossal effort; he feels fine.

The Orgg (of CPA fame) sent in a classic example of a”great theme, suck deck” entry – his deck is based on Pink Floyd’s The Wall, and practically gets the entire album. He also gets points for gratuitously insulting the editor of this hack site not once but twice… But your feeble excuse of”I guess it’s a 5-color deck” cuts no ice with The Ferrett. Even thin ice of modern life.

Those of you who get screenshocked may wish to scroll down. This is massive.

1 Rethink (So Ya Thought Ya Might Like To.. Go To The Show)

1 Warmth (To feel the warm thrill of confusion, that space cadet glow)

1 Darkness (Tell me is something eluding you sunshine?)

1 Polymorph (Is this not what you expected to see?)

1 Illusionary Mask (If you want to find out what’s behind these cold eyes, you’ll just have to claw your way through this disguise.)

1 Zodiac Pig and 1 Thoughtlace + 1 Shifting Sky (Mamma loves her baby, and Daddy loves you too. And the sea may look warm to you Babe, and the sky may look blue. Ooooooh Babe. Ooooooooh Baby Blue. Ooooooooh Babe.)

1 Goblin Rock Sled (If You Should Go Skating)

1 Iceburg (On the thin Ice of Modern Life)

1 Mammoth Harness (Dragging Behind You)

1 Seething Anger (The Silent Reproach)

4 Rain of Tears (Of A Million Tear Stained Eyes)

1 Jolt (Don’t Be Suprised)

1 Overburden (When A Crack In The Ice)

1 Earth Elemental (Appears Under Your Feet)

1 Riptide (Just Slip Out of your Depth)

1 Mind Peel (and Out of your Mind)

2 Fear (as your Fear flows out from Behind You)

1 Tiger Claws (As you claw)

1 more Iceberg (The Thin Ice.)

1 Skull Catapult (Daddy’s Flown across the Ocean)

1 Haunting Memories (Leaving Just a Memory)

1 Flash (A Snaphot in the Family Album)

2 Forget (Daddy, whatelse did you leave for me? Dammit, Daddy, what did you LEAVE Behind FOR ME??)

2 Wall of Tears (All in all it’s just another Brick in the Wall, (repeat) )

1 School of Parana (When we grew up and went to school)

1 Sleeper Agent (There were certain teachers who would hurt the children any way they could)

1 Scalding Tongs (by pouring their Derision Upon Anything we did)

1 Weakness (Exposing every weakness)

1 Elven Cache (however carfully hidden by the kids)

1 Maniacal Rage (Maniacal Laughter)

1 Telepathy (But in town it was well known,When they got home at night, their fat and psychopathic wives would thrash them, within inches of their lives.)

1 Counterspell (We don’t need no Education)

1 Thought Devourer (We don’t need no Thought Control)

1 Deathlace (No Dark Sarcasm In the classroom)

2 Confound (Teachers leave them kids alone! Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone!)

1 Wall of Opposition (All In All, it was just a brick in the wall. All in all, it was just a brick in the wall)

1 Chaos Orb (Mother do you think they’ll drop the bomb?)

1 Musician (Mother do you think they’ll like this song?)

1 Shatter (Mother do you think they’ll try to break my balls?)

(I might go for Black Vise here, myself – The Ferrett)

1 Animate Wall (Oooowaaa Mother should I build a wall?)

1 Manakin (Mother should I run for president?)

1 Denied! (Mother should I trust the government?)

1 Goblin Bombardment (Mother do you think they’ll put me in the firing line?)

1 Wood Elemental (Oooaahh! Is it just a waste of time?)

1 Misdirection (Look Mommy! There’s an aeroplane up in the sky!)

1 Terror (Did did did you see the Frightened Ones?)

2 Mind Bombs (Did did did you see the Falling Bombs?)

1 Shelter (did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter)

1 Apocalypse (When the promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath the clear blue sky?)

Another Terror (Did you see the Frightened Ones?)

Another Mind Bomb (Did you see the Falling Bombs?)

1 Douse (The Flames are all long gone, but the pain, it goes on!)

1 Pyroclasm (Goodbye Blue Skies. Goodbye, Goodbye goodbye. Good bye, goodbye.)

1 Urza’s Bauble (What shall we use to fill the empty spaces, where we used to talk? How shall I fill the final places? How shall I complete the wall?)

1 Joven’s Ferrett (I am just a newboy; A Stranger in this town.)

1 5-color Magic deck (Where Are All The Good Times? Who’s gonna show this stranger around?)

1 William Steinmetz, a.k.a. The Ferrett (OOoooh! I need a dirty woman.)

1 Orgg (OOooOOhh I need a dirty gal.)

1 Desert (Will some woman in this desert land)

1 Chaotic Goo (Make Me feel like a Real Man[flavor text: ‘Ewww!’])

1 Icy Prison (Take This RockNRoll Refugee (The Ferrett) and, babe, Set Me Free!)

1 Atog of Rick Swan (Day after day, love turns grey like the skin on a dying man.)

1 Nightsoil + Nightmare (Night after night)

1 Foil set of promotional-alternate arts from Planeshift (We pretend it’s alright.)

1 Seven-year time period (But I have grown older)

1 Singe + Joven’s Ferrett (And you have grown Colder)

1 Academy deck (and nothing is very much fun, anymore.)

1 Touch of Brilliance (I can Feel)

1 Final Fortune (One of my turns coming on.)

1 Razor Pendulum (I Feel Cold as a Razor Blade)

1 Coils of Medusa (Tight as a tourniquet)

1 Dust Bowl (Dry as a Funeral Drum)

1 Aerathi Beserker (In the suitcase on the left you’ll find my favourite axe.)

1 Fight or Flight (Don’t look so frightened ’cause it’s just a passing phase, one of my bad days!)

1 French Fry Grease Stain (… Would you like something to eat?)

1 Flight (Would you like to learn to fly?!?!?!?)

1 Jump (Would you like to see me try???)

1 Hesitation (Do you think its time I stopped?)

1 Evacuation (Why are you running away?)

1 Drop of Honey (well, in the awesome feature film size music video, there’s some great footage of a drop of blood spashing… and blood is thicker than water, and honey, when warm, is about as thick as normal blood…)

1 copy of Farewell to Arms (I don’t need no arms around me)

1 Orgg (and I don’t need no Drugs to calm me!)

1 Words of Wisdom (I Have Seen the Writing On the Wall)

1 Karavek’s Spite (Don’t think I need anything at ALL!)

1 Mana Drain ( NOOOOO!)

1 Aladdin’s Ring (Don’t think I need ANYTHING AT ALL [well, the ring is called the”shotgun” – make of that allusion what you will)

1 Wall of Resistance (All in all it was all just bricks in the wall. (repeat))

1 Tinker (Goodbye Cruel World [to get the shotgun])

4 Sisay’s Ring (I’m Leaving You Today [ammunition])

1 Transmute Artifact (Goodbye, Good bye GOOD BYE!)

And lands and stuff.

The Orgg and I also determined that we were both die-hard Devo fans, which was both heartening and distressing at the same time. Ask him about his Devo deck, which was cool but not quite as weird as this.

What Almost Won: Amusing Decks

Christopher Hearns turned in this amazing counter.dec, based on a theme that I’ve wanted to toy around with for awhile: Moving counters with Giant Fan. It couldn’t win because technically it’s a deck that abuses a mechanism, not a theme deck… But damn, I was tempted to break my rules anyhow.

The Harbinger of Night (during your upkeep, put a -1/-1 counter on all creatures) and Serrated Biskelion, combined with Giant Fans and Heifers to shift and eat counters, are some bad news in multiplayer.. Out of all the submissions I got, this is the one I’d bet would kick butt the best. I’m tempted to build it.


Manipulate those counters:

4 Giant Fan //move bad counters into good counters

4 Hungry Hungry Heifer //Remove bad counters outright

Bad counters:

4 Serrated Biskellion //creature kill

4 Wall of Roots //mana

4 Harbinger of Night //mass kill

1 Divine Intervention //emergency card

3 Jabari’s Inflence //Hah! No -1 for me

Good counters:

1 Triskellion //creature/player kill

1 Mindless Automaton //card drawing

1 Thopter Squadron //creature generator

1 Spike Weaver //fog (the bomb, baby!)

1 Thorn Thallid //creature/player kill

1 Thallid Devourer //creature generator

1 Soul Echo //Keeps me alive, excellent with the Fan

1 Magistrate’s Scepter //infinite turns with the Fan!

1 Mindwarper //discard

1 Spike Feeder //life gain

1 Pursuit of Knowledge //card drawing

1 Woodripper //artifact destroyer

1 Skyshroud Behemoth // perpetual big boy

1 Blastoderm //we don’t need no stinkin’ Fires!

1 Smokestack //with the heifer, I never lose a permanent

1 Chloroplast //massive generation of counters

4 Gemstone Mine //and they told me I couldn’t counter land!

4 Undiscovered Paradise

4 Scrubland[/author]“][author name="Scrubland"]Scrubland[/author]

4 Bayou

4 Savannah

4 Forest

Jackalpup emailed me – no, that’s right; Jackalpup called me on the….


4 Tangle Wire (don’t you hate it when the cords get all tangled?)

4 Chatter of the Squirrel (talk, talk, talk)

4 Peace Talks (talk some more)

1 Hurkyl’s Recall (stupid salesmen keep calling back!)

1 Ancestrall Recall (it’s the phone company again!)

1 Recall (Um… No, I still don’t want to purchase a subscription)

4 Call to Arms (What? Hunting season starts today?)

4 Eladamri’s Call (Mom, it’s the president!)

4 Call of the Herd (You called the zoo for the tickets, right?)

4 Call of the Wild (Well…)

1 Wizard’s School (Mom, I’m sick, come get me)

1 School of the Unseen (Mom, please! I’m about to throw up)

1 Tolarian Academy (Tuition)

8 Island

13 Forest

5 Swamp

Jonathan Andrews submitted a deck that was also damn close to winning, mainly because it’s a mono-colored deck that might actually work. However, he has no actual threats in his deck aside from the Rootwater Thief and Treachery, which means that winning games’ll be tough. Still, the DCI’s gonna love….

Lifetime Ban

20 Island

4 Sleight of Hand

2 Ancestral Recall

2 Disrupt

2 Peek

2 Mind Games

4 Memory Lapse

4 Rootwater Thief

2 Timetwister

2 Hoodwink

2 Manipulate Fate

4 Rethink

4 Misdirection

3 Bribery

2 Fervent Denial

2 Time Spiral

2 Opportunity

2 Time Stretch

James Willson sent in this cute little counting number, which I liked – but again, I didn’t think it could win. I was fascinated to see Serrated Biskelion, a card that nobody plays with anymore, show up in two separate themed decks, however.

Oh, and James would like you all to know:”Granted, the Sol Rings (Sole Ring) are a stretch, but the pickings for the one-slot are slim.”


1 Null Brooch

1 Null Chamber

3 Sol Ring

3 Serrated Biskelion

1 Second Chance

2 Second Thoughts

2 Triskelion

1 Three Wishes

3 Tetravus

3 Clockwork Avian

1 Nova Pentacle

1 Pentagram of the Ages

1 Kaervek’s Hex

1 Lim Dul’s Hex

2 Shapeshifter

3 Clockwork Beast

3 Giant Octopus

2 Eightfold Maze

3 Dodecapod

9 Plains

9 Island

5 Swamp

What Almost Won: Cool Concepts

My old pal Ariel Jones sent in one of her decks, and I feel kind of obligated to post it or she’ll bitch at me for ignoring her again. Hi, Ariel!

Also note that”Crazy” Pierre DuPont sent in a similar knight-themed deck, but he broke the rules, putting in eight white and black knights. Who do you think I am, Mark Rosewater? Anyway, this is Ariel’s deck.

4 Mother of Runes

4 Soltari Foot Soldier

2 Castle

2 White Knight

1 Northern Paladin

1 Southern Paladin

1 Serra Angel

1 Gerrard Capashen

2 Reprisal

4 Urborg Skeleton

4 Blood Pet

2 Necra Sanctuary

2 Black Knight

1 Eastern Paladin

1 Western Paladin

1 Fallen Angel

1 Volrath, the Fallen

2 Diabloic Intent

12 Plains

12 Swamp

“Pretty obvious,” says the babeolicious Ariel (Really! Check her out!),”But someday I want to find a chessboard with card-size”squares” so I can actually play it. Bishops are hard! Not so much for white, but for black.”

She’s right. But what’s not hard is coming up with a Harry Potter deck, which three people did. However Planeshifter2 gave me a great one which worked because he had spells which duplicated the, um… Spells in Harry Potter…

Which game are you playing again?.dec

Students at Hogwarts:

1x Apprentice Sorcerer (Portal)

1x Apprentice Wizard

1x Daring Apprentice

1x Disruptive Student (There’s always one in every crowd)

1x Temporal Adept

1x Stormscape Apprentice

1x Nightscape Apprentice

1x Thornscape Apprentice

1x Sunscape Apprentice

1x Thunderscape Apprentice

The Staff:

1x Keeper of the Beasts (Hagrid)

1x Oracle En-Vec (Trelawney)

1x Barrin, Master Wizard (Dumbledore)

1x Rayne, Academy Chancellor (McGonagall)

1x Zuran Enchanter (Flitwick)

1x Nightscape Master (Snape)

Other Wizard Staff:

4x Patron Wizard (great synergy with other wizards)

4x Puppeteer (great synergy with Patron Wizard)


1x Memory Lapse (Obliviate!)

1x Confound (Confundus!)

1x Teleport (Apparate!)

1x Incinerate (Incendio!)

1x Stupor (Stupefy!)

1x Levitation (Wingardium Leviosa!)

1x Sever Soul (Avada Kedavra!)

1x Control Magic (Imperio!)

1x Chain Stasis (Petrificus Totalitus!) (tapping)

1x Enlightened Tutor (Accio!) (searching)

Other Hogwarts-related items:

1x Illusionary Wall (the trap doors, hidden passegeways, et cetera)

1x Skulking Ghost (representing the ghosts of Hogwarts)

1x Xenic Poltergeist (Peeves)

1x Memory Jar (A Remembrall)

4x Sage Owl (mail delivery services)

1x Wand of Ith

1x Wand of Denial

1x Tawnos’s Wand

1x Arcane Labratory


4x Wizards’s School


10x Island

4x City of Brass

4x Terminal Moraine

2x Plains

2x Forest

2x Swamp

2x Mountain

Other junk:

4x Sol Ring

4x Puppet Strings

“When I first started testing it,’ says Planeshifter2,”I thought that it would simply be a pile, but it isn’t. While perhaps not the strongest deck ever, it is capable of many interesting multiplayer plays, such as playing Patron Wizard and Puppeteer with many Wizards on the table, allowing for multiple countering ability. With Arcane Lab in play, this becomes even more devastating… And once Chain Stasis is added to the mix, there is a potential for total game lock. Oracle en-Vec works well with the tappers, enabling you to destroy many of your opponent’s creatures unless they agree not to attack you with anything, as attacks are where this deck is weakest…. This deck needs a lot of colorless mana to be amazing, which Sol Ring and Apprentice Wizard do excellently. Finally, if Arcane Lab hits the table, you are put in an amazing situation; with spell casting now at a minimum, your creatures’ excellent abilities take center stage. Indeed, this deck contains a ton of synergy, which may not win every game, but certainly will provide many interesting and powerful plays that can catch an opponent off-guard.

“In addition, playing this deck is just fun,” he adds. And isn’t that the point?

Loyal Team AWWAJALOOM member Roger Johnson sent in his obvious, but well-tuned little deck that gets severe points for trying to use Mercadian Lift

Biology 101 or”It’s Alive! Alive!”

16 creatures:

4 Stronghold Biologist — the mad scientists

2 Clone — experiment #1

1 Frankenstein’s Monster — experiment #2

3 Lab Rats — test subjects

3 Disease Carriers — test subjects

3 Plague Dogs — test subjects

23 spells:

2 Arcane Laboratory — mad scientist work space

2 Unnatural Selection — nature gone mad

2 Unstable Mutation — test subject results

4 Miscalculation — just one error and BOOM!

4 Accumulated Knowledge — the purpose of science

3 Engineered Plague — nature gone mad, Mark II

2 Twisted Experiment — more test subject results

3 Cannibalize — parts are parts

1 Desperate Research — isn’t it always desperate?

5 artifacts:

1 Volrath’s LaboratoryThe mad scientist work space

3 Thran Dynamo — something to power those Jacob’s ladders

1 Mercadian Lift — gotta have a way to raise the monster into the storm

23 land:

1 Phyrexian Tower — mad scientists always have towers

10 Swamps

12 Islands

How it works, according to Roger:

“The mad scientists hold off the nastier beasties while the test subjects work over one’s opponent. If something tough gets into play, Clone it and then destroy it, either with Cannibalize or with Engineered Plague/Unnatural Selection and some creature damage. The combo is enough on its own against smaller creatures, for whom -1/-1 or -2/-2 is fatal. There is card drawing to support the Biologist abilities, and the Dynamos provide a little mana boost, as can the Tower.

“How it performed: Yes, the deck won its first action. Against a mono-green creature deck, the countering combined with reusable destruction for small, utility creatures was just too much for it. Frankie even went in for the kill.”

Killing with Frankenstein? Who’da thunk it?

What Almost Won: Well, What Did Win, Actually

So now we come down to the winners… The real workhorses of the contest. The runnerup position goes to JD Whitney, who came up with a deck that uses the most ridiculous cards in the most ridiculous ways… But with a little tweaking, it could work quite well without breaking the theme….

…but let’s have JD tell us.

“Here’s my submission: The Blob. Me and my friends made some movie decks for fun a while ago – we had zombies and vampires as a horror movie, the Lion King, Dragonslayer… And this one. The Blob is exceptionally stupid as horror movies go, and funny. So when we heard about your quest for the best theme deck, The Blob received several votes of confidence (well, two, anyway…) So Kevin and I watched the old 50’s version for research.

“This has been somewhat modified for maximized theme/humor at the expense of effectiveness, but I have won several games with this – especially group games – using multiples of the best cards, like Creeping Mold and Fireball. However, in the following decklist, there is one of each card except where noted.”

Your attention to detail is appreciated, chief.

The Blob, in G/R/B Technicolor!

Our Cast:

Steve McCoffin Queen (Yes, he’s the hero in the original movie)

Anarchist (The cops kept accusing the kids of creating a scare for fun)

Thrull Surgeon (The Doctor is one of the first victims)

Plague Witch (His nurse actually dies first)

Goblin War Buggy (I know, I know… But there is an unbelievably cheesy scene in the 50’s original where the cops are trying to crack down on these crazy kids and their super hopped-up drag racers! Woo hoo!)


(drum roll, please)

the BLOB!!

Chaotic Goo

Squirming Mass

Primordial Ooze

Mwonvuli Ooze (grows the fastest, and has the flavor text”Eww!”

Wall of Putrid Flesh (haven’t seen that one in a while, have you?)

Actually Useful Theme-Oriented Cards:

4 Rowen (Card advantage that screams”Jesus, there’s MORE?!?”)

3 Mana Flare (Speaking of more… Plus, the extra mana tends to burn people who don’t have artifact mana, which I do)

3 Malevolent Awakening (Great theme for the littlest blob that could, and it recycles creatures — including painful cumulative upkeeps — at instant speed, so you’re never without a key character when you need them!)

And The Blobular Cards Just Keep On Coming!

Fireball (The meteor the blob arrived in)

Creeping Mold (Very blobby and versatile)

Panic Attack (Remember the screaming kids running from the theater?)

Grim Feast (Bon appetit!)

Traveling Plague (Especially good in group games)

Befoul (Versatile, and excellent blob art)

Do or Die (Controls opponents’ hordes – plus, the town really had to make a stand before they all got slimed)

Spreading Plague (Best in group games, but playing three colors, I’m pretty good to go in most cases)

Volrath’s Laboratory (Makes 2/2s of a color of my choice — for the fourth color using Spreading Plague — which are fodder for the Malevolent Awakening. And, of course, all three of the blob’s first victims died in the doctor’s office)

Brush With Death (lots of close calls in the movie, and recurring life gain/opponent lifesucking is good, especially with Rowen and Mana Flare)

Cautic Tar (mmm, gooey, and more life loss!)

Lastly, What Stops The Unstoppable Blob?

Cold Storage! (Literally stops the blobs – and everyone else – until I want them to come out. can be used multiple times, plus it sacrifices as an instant. A Great card!)

The Juice:

4 Fellwar Stone (looks just like the meteor the blob came out of)

9 Forests (must get Rowen out immediately to speed up a slow deck)

8 Swamps

7 Mountains

JD also included a blobbish sideboard which included legitimately-blobby-but-useful hosers like Deathgrip, Lifeforce, Meltdown, Perish, Innocent Blood, Destructive Flow, Nausea, Dread of Night, and Goblin Vandal (those damn kids again!)

He gives some advice on the effective blob deck, which has multiple copies of good cards:

“The effective deck is simpler: multiple Thrull Surgeons are great early disruption, even against a control deck. Mwonvuli Ooze gets three slots ’cause it grows so fast. Creeping Molds, Fireballs, and Befouls get the nod for versatility. I also add at least one more Spreading Plague because my three colors (or four if I use the Laboratory) wreak havoc if I can survive to the midgame.”

So JD wins $15 in StarCity credit!

So who won the grand prize of $25?

Well, it has to be George Whelan! I can’t say I agree with all of his choices (A Star Wars deck without Vindicate? A Princess Bride deck without Westley?****), but dammit, George not only made his decks, but he played ’em and built ’em all. Dedication like that has to be rewarded. None of his decks were gamewinners on their own… But the Collected Works of Whelan can not be denied.

So that’s all, folks –

– what? I said I’d pony up extra money for every thirty entries? You bastards. Well, since I had over seventy entries, the second $15 runnerup prize goes to Chris Warren, for his REM deck!

Okay, that’s enough. Three hours spent looking over all of these. Much pain. Must go drink eggnog…

Signing off,

The Ferrett

[email protected]

The Here Edits This Here Site Here Guy

Footnote Master

* – The worst art in all of Magic is Stasis, as done by Fay Jones…. But fortunately, she apparently died of shame after she turned in the”Bozo The Clown goes Picasso” piece.

** – Okay, Tony Boydell comes close. But he hasn’t laid claim to the title.

*** – Big lie. I’ve been doing this for two hours now and it’s like having your anus brushed with steel wire and acid toothpaste. All this cutting and organizing! Help me!

**** – Sure, technically it featured the Dread Pirate Roberts, but all good Princess Bride fans know that that’s a title, not a character. We need a Gerrard as Westley.