The penultimate interview this week is with the man who decides if this interview even gets published, Star City’s Esteemed Editor, Craig Stevenson. Craig was a bit of an enigma. I knew his writing and his Magic accomplishments but not much about him. As a writer for this here site, that was a bit embarrassing. Also, I wanted dirt to hold over his head. So, I asked him some questions…
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CBR: I’m keeping track of this one… it’s interesting to me that the non-Magic players in the world presume that all Magic players started out as Dungeons & Dragons players. Are you now, or were you ever, a role-playing gamer?
CS: My god yes. Still am, and I’m proud of it.
CBR: You go, boy-ee!
CS: Back in my youth, I played a lot of AD&DÂ (mainly at school and college). I fell out of it when I left university, through lacking a regular group. Nowadays, I play and GM the wonderful Rolemaster System by IronCrown a couple of times every month. I’ve two groups – one is experienced, and the other is a group of friends who are just beginning to role-play (including my girlfriend, who only got involved so she could share my hobbies, but is now an avid half-elven rogue).
I don’t go for all that “oooh, let’s all be embarrassed about our hobbies” rubbish. Life’s far too short for those shenanigans. I wear my Pro Tour T-Shirts with pride, and am happy to explain about Magic and role-playing games, and whatever else I may be into at any given time. Having said that, I once spent time working with a guy whose hobbies included tactical tabletop miniature wargaming… the historical type. At the time, he was the reigning World Champion, which is brilliant of course. The previous World Champion was his father, who introduced him to the game, and who was the previous World Champion. Apparently, he beat his father in the championship match to take the crown.
It struck me that, to the casual observer, having such a “nerdy” hobby would be bad enough… but playing it because your dad did too? Man, that’s all-new heights of nerdity I can’t even imagine.
CBR: I shan’t mention that to Jay, John, and Bennie who all suggest that they’ll be getting or have already gotten their kids into Magic.
The Magic-playing community doesn’t know as much about your personal
life as we’d like. Are you married or single? (I, of course, asked this question before I got that last answer that mentioned your girlfriend, but we’ll go with it anyway.)
CS: I’m not married, but I’m constantly harangued by my other half (of two years) as to why I’ve not yet popped the question. To make matters worse, both my brother and sister are recently engaged (not to each other, mind. That’d be all kinds of wrong), and, as the eldest, I feel I’m letting the family down somewhat. Like I say to Sarah… all in good time.
CBR: What is it with women named Sarah and gamers? Did you know that JMS’s wife is named Sarah, too?
CS: Is she? Heh. I didn’t know. Then again, Sarah’s a rather common name. It’s not like we’re both involved with women called Persephone.
CBR: True dat. How old are you? Or, if you don’t want to answer that directly: do you remember The Beatles invading Amer… um, breaking out? Do you remember President Nixon resigning? Or are you young enough that you’ve always had the internet and CDs?
CS: I’m thirty-two years of age… thirty-three in November. I feel younger, but I look older. In fact, I’ve looked about forty since I was sixteen. While it was a hindrance in attracting chyx in my youth, it did wonders when trying to buy booze at my local pub.
Actually, I’m mellowing as I age. I’m sure that when I hit forty, I’ll still look forty. When I hit fifty, I’ll still look forty. Thus, I’ll be an aging Casanova, able to attract all the rich widows. If Sarah doesn’t batter me with a crowbar for my philandering ways, of course.
I remember vinyl. My first album purchase was Number of the Beast by Iron Maiden, when I was fifteen. Man, I rocked at school. When I wasn’t hiding from bullies, of course.
CBR: Given some of these answers, you either have a very healthy relationship with Sarah or you’re positive she won’t read this. Speaking of which, all of the subjects of this week’s interviews are getting a question like this. As a Magic player with a woman in your life, there are a lot of players who would idolize you. What advice, as an “aging Casanova,” can you give them on finding a good woman?
CS: Believe me, my track record is far from perfect. Sarah’s great, but previous girlfriends have run the gamut from insanity to psychosis with all stops in between.
CBR: Who among us hasn’t had those experiences?
CS: Advice? Be yourself. Make ’em laugh. Don’t stress, as things will happen one day. Above all, don’t follow them into the ladies’ loos and accuse them of infidelity when drunk off your face and then stand outside their house for hours screaming their name at two in the morning and waking up their neighbors. Not that I’ve ever done that, of course. A huge penis helps too, though I can’t confirm this.
If all else fails, I suggest trying a pool ball in a sock.
I’m joking, of course.
CBR: Of course. Speaking of which, I remember Iron Maiden’s Number of the Beast. As a young drummer, I learned a lot from that album. My favorite song on that album is “Run to the Hills.” What’s yours?
CS: I play the drums too! I played in two bands in my college days: Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine (I was Shaggy); and Badger. We were rubbish, although Badger were on Welsh local radio playing an acoustic version of Ace of Spades, with me singing lead vocals and playing the harmonica.
My favorite song from Number of the Beast? “Invaders,” gotta be. {Craig singing} “Invaders, doo do-do-da-loo, Looting, doo do-do-da-loo! Invaders, doo do-do-da-loo, pillaging, doo do-do-da-loo!”
CBR: Wow. Um, what was I going to ask? Oh, yeah. Have your musical tastes mellowed as you’ve aged? Stayed the same? Or like me, have they just kept getting broader and broader?
CS: In my youth, it was all about the bullet-belt. Maiden, Megadeth, Metallica, Anthrax, Slayer, Suicidal Tendencies. Fast and furious. Nowadays, I’ve definitely mellowed, though I still listen to old-school metal every now and then. I love Frank Zappa, but I also love more accessible stuff too. Basically, anything with a bit of an edge, a bit of realism.
That said, I also like Sting. And Rolf Harris. Go figure.
Chris De Burgh is the Antichrist.
CBR: You don’t like “Lady in Red”? Go figure…
Is being the editor of this here site a full-time job, or do you have another job to supplement your income?
CS: Being Managing Editor of StarCityGames.com is definitely a full-time job. The hours are sometimes quirky, but the work is brilliant. When I started, I kept my old job for a month (through financial necessity as my bank acclimatized to American payments). That month was no fun, I can tell you.
CBR: I can’t even imagine what that might be like. I hate the one full-time job I have.
CS: Nowadays, I rise late and work late. I love working from home. I can edit the site while wearing nothing but pants. Yeah, I know you all love that image.
CBR: It’s a better image than “while wearing nothing but my shirt.”
CS: In the past, I’ve had some jobs that are, frankly, bizarre. I was a Computer Games Designer for about seven years. I’ve worked for lawyers and doctors. I worked in a gas station and a pub. I’ve been a karate instructor, even though my entire knowledge of Karate comes from Mr. Myagi. I even got accepted as a male model, but had to turn it down. Ask me about it some other time.
CBR: You’re kidding, right? How can I let that go? Tell us now!
CS: Oh, if I must.
CBR: You must.
CS: When I returned from Pro Tour New Orleans (after posting an uninspiring 3-3 record), I suddenly found myself out of a job. The trip was expensive, so I signed up with a clerical temp agency to tide me over until I found something permanent.
The only job they could offer me was two days working as a male model.
I was as surprised at this as you are. Me, a male model? Physically, I’m an acquired taste, and I can’t pretend otherwise. I accepted, more through curiosity that desire. Turns out, the modeling was for an exhibition of medical machinery in a local hospital. I would be showing off the latest in rubber tubing and Machines That Go Ping while important medical bigwigs ticked little boxes and nodded sagely.
Thankfully, I got full-time employment the day before the modeling gig, so I never went through with it. The world isn’t ready for Craig in a backless gown, believe me.
As for supplementing my income… I’m trying to do that by winning Magic tournaments. Heh. I’m also writing a novel, thought that’s been on the backburner since Christmas. Rest assured that when it gets published, I’ll do a Ferrett/Alongi and pimp it to the sky.
CBR: Will you call your book The Noun and the Noun of Adjective or Noun?
CS: My book already has a title. It’s called The Bateman Goddard Massacre. Without giving too much away, I can tell you that it doesn’t have a happy ending.
CBR: The two previous editors of this site were driven crazy (The Ferrett) and driven insane (Ted Knutson). Why on earth would you want this job?
CS: It’s indoor work with no heavy lifting.
Seriously… who wouldn’t want this job? I’ve honestly not stopped smiling since I got it. When working in the Real World ™, I’d piss away a chunk of my working day by furtively loading up StarCityGames.com and reading about Magic. Now, it’s what I do for a living. Except, y’know, the furtive bit.
Oh, and Ferrett and Ted were always nutters. This job only made their condition public.
CBR: Speaking of nuts in public, what’s it like to edit Rizzo’s work? I mean, how do you know what’s improper grammar and what’s “art”?
CS: Rizzo’s work is surprisingly easy to edit. With the lovely JFR, I’m more concerned about the threat of improper content than the evils of Bad Grammer (sic). I mean, apparently *sshole is pretty taboo over in the US. Who knew? It’s really tame over here. Then again, you lot laugh at the word “wanker,” which is pretty strong for us Brits. One man’s fish is another man’s poisson, and all that.
As for grammar, aside from cardinal sins and the pure basics, I tend to take a rather fluid approach. Grammar is alive, constantly mutating with common usage. At the thick end, the “rules” of grammar are more like “general guidelines.” As long as things flow and scan well, there’s a nice margin for so-called “error.”
Of course, there’s nothing new here. When Shakespeare was stuck, he’d simply make up new words. I think that’s totally frunctious.
CBR: Speaking of making up words, are you a Dr. Seuss fan?
CS: Of course. I love Green Eggs and Ham. Just call me Fezzik – I love to rhyme.
CBR: Green Eggs and Ham trivia from Romeo: Every word in that book is mono-syllabic except the very last one.
You’ve been pretty successful actually slinging spells in this game. You made Top 4 at GP London (2002) and the Top 32 of Pro Tour Houston. What’s the single best piece of advice you ever got about playing the game?
CBR: Man, that’s a toughie. I don’t think I can actually remember a piece of actual “advice.” I picked up most of my dubious skillset through actual playing and testing.
I suppose the best piece of advice I received, early in my playing days, was “don’t do anything until the last possible second.” That means waiting until the very last second before spending your instants, putting down lands in your second main-phase, don’t cast that monster unless you really need it, etc. Actually, it was one of the first pieces of advice I ever received, and got me thinking about the strategy of the game for the first time. (I was fun fun funboy up until that point.) It’s pretty basic, I know, but it really helped.
CBR: Let’s say that Wizards is setting up a special promotional event. They want you to play any high-profile player that you’ve never played before in a best-of-five match. You get to choose the other player and the format. Who do you want to play, and what’s the format?
CS: Chris Romeo, of course!
CBR: Good answer. Cheesy, answer, but good. And you’re guaranteed a win.
CS: I doubt it. I’m English, remember? The only good player we’ve got is Sam Gomersall. Seriously?
CBR: You weren’t serious about playing me? I’m saddened. Yeah, okay, seriously.
CS: It’s gotta be Jon Finkel. Simply the best the game has ever seen. Sure, Kai was great, and his work-ethic was spectacular, but Johnny Magic is Magic, if ya get me.
As for format . . . something Limited. Probably Invasion Block (or even Ravnica Block) Sealed. Or If I could do an INV or RAV block Draft with Finkel, Budde, Buehler, Long, Oiso, Walamies, and Rosewater… that’d be sweet.
CBR: So, let’s say you get the INV or RAV block Draft with Finkel, Budde, Buehler, Long, Oiso, Walamies, and Rosewater, who do you think wins, and where do you finish? That’s right. I ask the tough questions.
CS: Me and Mark in the finals, obviously.
Seriously, I’d plump for a Finkel/Oiso final, though I’d be rooting for Tomi Walamies all the way. As for my finish… probably quarter-finals. I’ve no illusions.
CBR: You’re from England, right? What city or town exactly?
CS: I’m originally from Birkenhead, a town in Merseyside. It’s a sh**-hole. So much so, I call it “Brokenhead.” It sits on the South Side of the River Mersey: the North Side of the river is Liverpool. Yeah, where the Beatles come from. For all you old music fans, I’ve taken countless Ferries across the Mersey. It’s nothing special, believe me.
Residents of Liverpool are called “Scousers,” (Scouse rhymes with Mouse), a derivation of a once-popular regional stew called “lobscouse.” As I have a “scouse” regional accent, and no longer live in Merseyside, my nickname is (predictably) “Scouseboy.”
These days, I live in Leeds, another Northern English city. It’s about three hours from London, and is a brilliant place. I’ve been here for six years, and I’m not tired of it yet.
CBR: So, you’re four or five hours ahead of people on the East Coast of the U.S. and seven or eight hours ahead of those on the West Coast. Tell us. What’s it like in the future?
CS: We have flying cars, and all are meals are dispensed in pellet form.
The time difference is confusing, actually. Currently, England is five hours ahead of EST. Therefore, to update the site by midnight EST I’m usually pottering about at four in the morning, rubbing my eyes and drinking espresso. Good job it’s in pellet form, eh?
CBR: Espresso pellets? My wife would die for that. She’d eat them by the handful, unfortunately. By the way, you might want to patent that before Starbucks makes a fortune off of your idea.
CS: It wouldn’t be the first time. I invented carrot cake, and I’ve still not been paid for that.
CBR: That’s yours?!? I love that!
Have you ever met the Queen?
CS: Hah. Yes.
It’s a long and rather amusing story. I’ll do my best to recap it here.
When I was young, around eleven or twelve, my four-year-old brother was taken into hospital for routine tests after drinking something dark and syrupy he found in a discarded bottle. He was fine, of course – it was a simple precaution. Anyway, as luck would have it, the hospital was due a Royal Visit in the second day of his three-day stay.
My mum, my brother, and I gathered around his hospital bed in the children’s ward, dressed in Best Bib and Tucker, awaiting the Queen’s entrance at midday. There were twenty beds in this ward, each occupied by a coughing child, and each surrounded by nervous, overdressed family members. My brother’s bed was near the door.
Midday came and went. The Queen was late, dallying with the geriatrics in the pensioner’s ward. My brother, at four years old, had quite a temper. He was bored. He was tired. He wasn’t actually ill. He wanted to go home. Even his miniature flag, a replica of the Union Jack, couldn’t hold his interest. All the other kids had one, to wave and cry “Hiya, Queen!” when the monarch entered the room braced by paparazzi.
We gave him a bucket of building blocks, and pleaded with him to “be good.”
Eventually, the Queen arrived, almost an hour late. She swept into the room with photographers clicking. A chorus of voices raised the roof. “Hiya, Queen!” Nineteen shiny children, waving their flags happily.
Nineteen shiny children…
My brother wasn’t having any of it. The Queen, stood at the end of his bed, took the full force of his petulant tantrum. “NOOOOOOOOO!” he screamed, waving his arms above his head. Then he took the small plastic flag, the symbol of our once-great nation, and hurled it at the monarch.
He threw a Union Jack.
At the Queen.
It hit her on the foot. Flashbulbs popped and whizzed.
He then picked up his bucket of building blocks, scattered them wildly about, and put the bucket on his head. The rest of the Queen’s visit was punctuated by his listless, desperate wailing.
The Royals saw the funny side, of course. A few days after (once the media interest had dissipated – my brother was in all the less-respectable rags), we received a letter from Buckingham Palace saying that although it was well within their rights, they would not be pressing charges of Treason against this four-year-old terror. Assaulting the monarch is serious, but could be overlooked this time.
My mother was mortified. Especially with the press coverage, that had pictures of my brother in a romper-suit and with angelic smile alongside tales of fabricated horror concerning the boy’s apparent uncontrollable wildness. Of course, she’s had her revenge many times since: when my teenage brother came home with a new girlfriend, out came the yellowing press-cuttings.
He’s a policeman, living and working in London. From assaulting the Queen, he now works for her.
The guilt must be crushing.
CBR: Oh, come on. Is that true?
CS: One hundred percent. I have a rather bizarre family. My life is plagued by frequent stories of this type. I often attract sticky situations and wayward people with odd consequences, and much hilarity ensues. Verily, I am a Mecca for those with no agenda.
CBR: Do you read comic books? If so, which ones are your favorites?
CS: Comic Books are foreign to me. I bet ya weren’t expecting that answer, heh.
CBR: Honestly, no, especially since you heartily approved of my suggestion a few weeks ago that people read The Watchmen to pass the time when opponents play Warp World.
CS: My childhood was a rather frugal one, and I never had the money for comics. Nowadays, the genre is sooooo daunting, I wouldn’t really know where to start.
I’ve read Watchmen, which was recommended to me by a friend. It was bloody brilliant. Unfortunately, it’s probably the best of its kind, so anything else I read would pale in comparison.
I’d love to be a comic geek. I just haven’t got the energy.
CBR: When a woman turns you down in a nice way, she says something like “I’d love to, but I’m busy.” How does a nice editor turn down a submission?
CS: Turning down articles is surprisingly easy. I was a little worried about this at first… I am English, after all. Usually, the articles are turned down for a noticeable reason: they’re too short; they’re redundant; they are about topics we’ve recently maxed out in coverage; etc.
Even if the article is, let’s say, “textually challenged,” there are often good things to say about it. Highlight those, thank people for their efforts, ask them to resubmit… simple.
Anyway, you should know how this works. I turn down your stuff every week, but you still persist despite my best efforts.
CBR: Sadly, I don’t know the meaning of the word “rejection.” “Persist” has me a little sideways, too, to be honest.
We now enter the rapid-fire section. Best not to think. Just go.
CBR: Fawlty Towers or The Office (the original BBC version)?
CS: You’re asking the right guy. I love my comedy programs, me.
It’s a tough question. Fawlty Towers is a classic, no doubt about it. But The Office will go down as a classic in time. It’s like comparing Finkel and Budde. Each one is very special.
As for the best, I’ll probably go with The Office. It has more “cringe-worthy” moments, and I love that in comedy. I like being made to laugh, and then being questioned as to why I’m laughing. The Office is incredibly sad in places, and it makes me ask if I should really be laughing at all.
My tips for current British comedy? The Mighty Boosh. If you ain’t seen this, you’re really missing out. Other than that, try The IT Crowd, a sitcom about an IT department in a massive corporation, populated by misfits. It’s written by one half of the Father Ted team.
CBR: Coldplay or Pink Floyd?
CS: The Floyd. While I like Coldplay, they haven’t got the stamina. Other good British acts at present include Franz Ferdinand and The Arctic Monkeys. I’ve also got a soft spot for Goldie Lookin’ Chain… comedy gangster rap in a Welsh accent, with songs like “Your Girlfriend’s a Nutter.”
CBR: Kate Lawler or Caprice Bourret?
CS: I don’t go a bomb on Blondes, to be honest. I wouldn’t kick either of them out of bed, mind… but give me a fiery redhead any day.
Kate Lawler wins, but barely.
CBR: Han Solo or Luke Skywalker?
CS: Han Solo. He’s the guy that makes Star Wars great.
This was the problem with the prequels, if you ask me. The Phantom Menace was full of Obvious Good Guys and Obvious Bad Guys. There were no iterations… everything was black and white. In the originals, we had Han Solo, the perfect shade of gray.
One of my mates knows the bloke who did the voice for Jar-Jar Binks. I’ve tried to get his address – to send excrement through the post – but no luck yet.
CBR: Let me know when you get that address. Hellblazer or Sandman?
CS: Erm… Spiderman?
By the way, anyone know why the Spiderman films are called Spider-hyphen-man? It bugs me something chronic.
CBR: That’s actually the trademarked name: Spider-Man. Why Stan Lee and Steve Ditko did it that way, though, I have no idea.
CS: Probably because Stan Lee is a mentalist. I don’t trust anyone who has a first name for a surname. I mean, just look at George Lucas.
CBR: I’ve been saying that for years, and no one believes me. Look at George Michael. Or, worse, James Earl Ray.
By the way, Hellblazer and Sandman are both creations of great British comic writers. You must pick up some trade paperbacks and check them out. Please, please, please, don’t let the Keanu Reeves movie throw you off of Hellblazer.
CS: Ha! I’ve not seen it. Gotta love the Reevester, though. The Bill and Ted films rule.
CBR: Fish or chips?
CS: Chips. Although Fish and Chips is fine fare, chips can go with just about anything. Just don’t forget the mushy peas.
CBR: I don’t think I ever can, now, thanks.
Any final pieces of advice for (a) Pro Tour hopefuls and (b) Magic writing hopefuls?
CS: Just keep playing. I myself got onto the Pro Tour without doing anything markedly different to my normal routine. When I made Top 8 at Grand Prix London, my Constructed ranking going into the event was 1636. There’s no trick to making The Big Show. Just play, and read the sites, and try your best. Winning at The Big Show… that’s a whole new kettle of fish. If anyone has any tips, let me know.
As for writing, again, just keep at it. If you’ve something interesting to say, get it down and submit it to StarCityGames.com. If you can make me laugh while doing it, that’s a big bonus.
CBR: There you have it, kids. The secrets of life and stuff.
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Tomorrow, The Best Looking Writer in Magic.