When last we spoke, my travel tale had reached the lofty heights of Sea-Tac airport in Washington, with me just about to fly to L.A. for Pro Tour: Hollywood. I’m not usually one for being down on things, but just for a change I’ve decided to tell you all about the PT in terms of ‘disappointments.’ If you finished 371st out of 371, finding things to be disappointed about might not be that tricky. But as we go up the standings, you may discover that my reasoning becomes more and more convoluted, less and less logical, and quite frankly unsustainable. But that’s the challenge I’ve decided to set myself, so let’s go into the jetset world of Los Angeles…
Note: Throughout the article you’ll see excerpts from the final standings at the Pro Tour. They look a bit like this:
50
Parke, Jamie [USA]
30
56.5104%
This tells you that Jamie Parke, from the USA, finished in 50th place. He scored 30 points, meaning a record of 10 wins and 6 losses, and had a tiebreak of 56.5104%. Simple really.
1. Vegas
I get to LA shortly before noon on the Wednesday before the PT, only to discover that my first actual work commitment isn’t until the player party at 6 on the following day. The guy traveling down next to me on the plane points out that for about $100 I can get a 50 minute plane ride to Las Vegas. Thing is, Vegas isn’t exactly somewhere I want to go, it’s just somewhere I want to say that I’ve been. And for $100? I’ll never be this close again without actually deciding to go, unless of course Wizards gets taken over by the Anti-Christ and we end up with Pro Tour: Vegas. (Clue: 400 young men in the gambling, drinking, and vomiting capital of the planet for a week + Family Game = Not. Happening. Ever.) But by the time I get my bags, realise how shattered I am by the preceding week and knowing what’s coming, I bail. A missed opportunity methinks.
2. Playtest Irritation
50
Parke, Jamie [USA]
30
56.5104%
77
Lachmann, Chris [USA]
27
55.7168%
88
Sadin, Steven [USA]
27
51.2463%
278
Van Lunen, Jacob [USA]
6
51.7007%
I love a good story, and I love it when people tell me stuff I don’t know, whether it’s about Magic or not. One of the most frustrating times I’ve ever had in Magic was at the Invitational last year. On the night before the tournament began, the bar was deserted. So was the restaurant and bowling alley down the street. Sixteen of the world’s best players… fifteen of the world’s best players and Evan Erwin were locked away in their rooms deciding what decks to bring out to play the following day. Imagine the scene. You’re standing alone in the hotel corridor. You know exactly who is meant to be in which room. Behind every door is tech so white hot, so secret, so format-defining that if you could just get a glimpse you’d have died and gone to heaven. But who is in which room? What testing teams have developed? Are the Dutchies working alone? Or have they traded away a Vintage list for some Japanese tech elsewhere in the event? That’s with just 16 players. At the Hyatt Regency, hundreds of competitors were staying in the tournament venue, so when the bar clears of Magic players the day before the event, you just know the entire place is heaving with secret meetings, sideboard plotting and prize split negotiations. And in all my time watching, playing and reporting the game, I’ve never got into one of those secret rooms on the eve of the PT. Until Thursday in LA.
See, I finally found my ‘in.’ Three of these four were due to fly from LA to England to stay with me to test before the British Grand Prix in Birmingham the following week, so I could legitimately ring Steve Sadin, casually ask what he was up to — as if I didn’t know — and then wind up in his Double-Room-For-Five (the industry standard Magic event accommodation) to finally get my chance to watch a winning deck in the final stages of creation.
What a letdown.
Did I find The Great Book, detailing hundreds and hundreds of playtest games, neatly defined by matchup in different colored pens? Did I heck. Did I find all four of them playing just one game with all four discussing every decision on both sides of the board? Nope. Did I find glossy black and white pictures of the top 50 in the Player of the Year Race pinned to the walls, with post-it notes attached detailing each player’s play-style preferences? I did not. And did I learn a single thing for the forthcoming tournament? Well, I suppose so, but nothing earth-shattering. Basically, what I saw was four guys playing Magic. A lot. Periodically one of them would say something like, ‘I just don’t see how you can keep that on the draw’ as they glanced sideways at the other match, or ‘have I really got room for 9 post-board against Elves?’ I wanted to see a Grid of their results, their match percentages against the field, their accurate to +/- 3% makeup of the Metagame. And they didn’t have it, at least as far as I could see. Now it turns out that of course they had this kind of information, it’s just that it was floating around their heads rather than on convenient Rich-readable paper. So after a couple of hours of this, I went away again, thinking that somebody somewhere would make a lot of money at the game if they started applying the same principals of record-keeping to Magic as professionals do in the world of Pro Sports. Actually, that’s a big topic for another day. But for now, curse you my American friends, my ticket to the top-secret lab was a bit of a letdown. Still, I got to meet Jamie, and he’s a hell of a nice guy.
3. Zip, Nada, etc, etc.
356
Gates, James F [USA]
0
55.5556%
357
Rolf, Nic [AUS]
0
47.9167%
358
Doong, Allen [USA]
0
47.9167%
359
Hesse, Niko [DEU]
0
45.8333%
360
Kreuz, Alexander [DEU]
0
45.8333%
361
Lanthier, Dan [CAN]
0
44.4444%
362
Humpherys, David [USA]
0
44.4444%
363
Ortega, Andres [ESP]
0
44.4444%
364
Lindroos, Jani [FIN]
0
43.7500%
365
Fleurant, Jason [CAN]
0
41.6667%
366
Dominguez Roldan, Fern [MEX]
0
41.6667%
367
Kelly, Nathaniel [CAN]
0
41.6667%
368
Sibast, Rasmus [DNK]
0
41.6667%
369
Lossett, Joe [USA]
0
37.5000%
370
Fitza, Michael [USA]
0
37.5000%
371
Light, Matt [ENG]
0
36.1111%
I was there when 371st finished Matt Light qualified for Hollywood playing TEPS in a PTQ categorized by some really neat skill and a little bit of luck at crucial points, especially against a Dredge matchup in the Top 8 that he really shouldn’t have won based purely on the decks. I hope Matt had a great time in Hollywood and LA, and, although less likely, that he was able to enjoy the experience of the actual matches. If you’re new to this, you shouldn’t make the mistake of believing that all, or any of these guys, went 0-8. Instead, they probably dropped after 4 or 5 rounds, partly because they couldn’t make Day 2, partly because they couldn’t get into the Top 200 and gain an extra Pro Point, or partly because they were searching the hotel for a hot rusty spoon with which to scoop out their own eyeballs. Because that would be more fun. Still, at least Light was at his first Pro Tour. These two, on the other hand:
368
Sibast, Rasmus [DNK]
0
41.6667%
362
Humpherys, David [USA]
0
44.4444%
Eek. 73 Pro Points for the Dane, and 10th all-time for Pro Points for the Hall of Famer from Your Move Games. And they couldn’t buy a win. So be of good cheer, Matt Light and you other 15 zero pointers, perhaps this is the start of a Hall of Fame drive for you. Possibly.
4. Land of the Free, Home of the Kithkin
353
De Rosa, Antonino [USA]
3
41.6667%
Although I like Antonino very much, I’m always aware that he is a true Gamer, and that what he tells me shouldn’t necessarily be taken at face value. That was never more true than when I saw him playing very publicly on Thursday night with his Kithkin deck. A Kithkin deck that included Somnomancer. And, like I say, in public. So the odds were that this was just a deck he was kidding around with. I mean, most players hide their decks until the last possible moment, and here he was, laughing and joking and playing small White men in front of a very interested crowd.
‘Is this your deck for tomorrow?’
‘Sure. Maybe. It’s either this or maybe I play White with a bit of Green for Gaddock Teeg.’
‘Okay’.
‘Rich, you’re laughing. Why are you laughing Rich?’
‘Because I love Kithkin, and I don’t know anyone who’s even thinking of playing Kithkin, and if that turns out to be a winning strategy and you don’t care who knows it, that would be just plain awesome.’
It would have been, but it wasn’t. Turns out Antonino was a week early.
5. Italians
339
Golia, Patrizio [ITA]
3
50.0000%
315
Neri, Riccardo [ITA]
3
64.0000%
308
Roggio, Fausto [ITA]
6
40.7738%
305
Nediani, Andrea [ITA]
6
41.6667%
301
Calvetto, Marcello [ITA]
6
41.6667%
295
Bevere, Gianluca [ITA]
6
44.4444%
286
Bertinelli, Riccardo [ITA]
6
47.3958%
268
Barra, Giulio [ITA]
6
63.8889%
256
Filippini, Gianluca [ITA]
9
42.8819%
244
Bergamaschi, Paolo [ITA]
9
47.5446%
226
Besso, David [ITA]
9
52.6042%
182
Fabris, Marco [ITA]
12
50.5952%
170
Angeli, Alessio [ITA]
12
52.7530%
165
Albesiano, Enrico [ITA]
12
53.7946%
156
Bonadies, Luca [ITA]
12
55.7292%
138
Zulian, Simone [ITA]
12
61.9792%
With more than a third of the field making it into Day 2 (133/371 if you really care, or 35.8%) you would expect rather more than just 7 Italians to make it out of the group stages. Sorry, that’s a bit of soccer lingo slipping in, what with Euro 2008 underway over here. Amongst the usual blend of PTQ-ers, Messrs Golia, Neri, Bevere, Barra, and Besso will have particular cause for disappointment.
128
Bruno, Gerardo [ITA]
19
53.0896%
126
Nocci, Federico [ITA]
21
47.8770%
124
Kratter, Filippo [ITA]
21
51.1310%
98
Cavaglieri, William [ITA]
25
54.4891%
87
Rampini, Stefano [ITA]
27
51.3393%
Although these five made it to Saturday, none threatened Sunday action. These next two, however, had good strong finishes, especially the leading Italian Pascoli, who cemented his growing reputation with a fine performance following his final loss to Finkel in Kuala Lumpur. I have to tell you that to me Italy is really on the rise in terms of European Magic at least, and arguably globally as well, especially if you decide to include Fabiano and De Rosa. I can’t wait to see a bunch of them in action at Grand Prix: Madrid. Which is in Spain.
32
Morra, Matteo [ITA]
33
52.2922%
22
Pascoli, Mario [ITA]
33
59.6354%
6. Where did it all go Hron?
327
Hron, Mike [USA]
3
54.6667%
328
Saitou, Tomoharu [JPN]
3
52.0000%
You may be wondering how I could bring myself to make a joke like that, and I’m wondering the same thing. Still, two wins between them is a little less than they might have been expecting. To say Saitou is in trouble in the Player of the Year Race is a bit like saying Iraq is war-torn, but as Craig the Editor can attest, Saitou is a great advert for the game whether he’s winning or losing. Regardless, he will spend hour after hour trading away with anyone and everyone. If you want to spend time with a great Magic player, just turn up with a trade folder, find Saitou, and be prepared to do lots of pointing. Unless you speak Japanese. As for Hron, he didn’t get full credit for his terrific performance in Kuala Lumpur, largely because he’d been dumped out of the spotlight before the cameras could get to his quarter-final. Still, one win not the value here.
7. More Chap-Out than Chap-in
293
Chapin, Patrick [USA]
6
44.9830%
You have to hand it to Chapin. The man really is fearless. Knowing for certain that thousands of us here at StarCityGames.com are going to be at least quietly rooting for him to tear the place apart, he finds himself up against opponents who do partially irritating, partially unexpected, totally game-winning things against him, and he proceeds to lose lose and lose. While some will be delighted — because nobody should be as good as he appears to be, or so the argument goes — for most of us impartial observers, his non-story was a disappointment. Yet he came out and held his hands up totally afterwards, as he always does when things go awry. And if, for an unfathomable reason, you don’t yet regard Evan’s ‘The Magic Show’ as an appointment-to-view part of your Magic life, I implore you to go watch Chapin talking about his Combo, in one of the funniest clips you’ll ever see. Even beating the one with the hooker and the banana. Yeah, it’s that funny.
8. BDM Threatens to Kill Me
280
Thompson, Gerry [USA]
6
50.0000%
So BDM and I are in Seattle the week before LA as you know, and there’s a discussion about the planeswalkers, and he and I are speculating about who/what might come next. I say, ‘Well at least I know the name of the next one. It’ll be “Planeswalker Texas Ranger”.’
I couldn’t help it, it was purely involuntary. And BDM hit me, which he couldn’t help, it was purely involuntary.
Never let it be said I don’t learn from my mistakes.
A week on, and we’re having lunch on the Sunday before the semi-finals when I realise I have a hideous pun just bursting to get out, a bit like the Alien out of John Hurt, but with the possibility of more blood this time. Mine. So I attempt to negotiate a non-proliferation treaty, and make him promise not to hit me again, the internal bleeding having stopped by this point. He tells me that indeed he will not hit me, then pulls out a hypodermic syringe, and tells me that he has some really fast-acting insulin right there. Richard Hagon, 1972-2008, cause of death: crap joke/anaphylactic shock. So tell me readers, do I deserve to die for a joke like this:
I was thinking about GT, and what card he might make if he ever won the Invitational. And it would have an ability like this:
All playtest teams play with their decklist revealed. All players who know this guy get +1+1 until end of tournament.
And the card name?
Merrow ReeGerry Thompson.
…
Personally, I think BDM is just naturally predisposed to violence.
9. Jacob’s Crackers
278
Van Lunen, Jacob [USA]
6
51.7007%
This guy is so much fun to be around, so it was a shame that he wasn’t around for Day 2, having retired gracefully from the stage once the bonus Pro Point was beyond reach. Still, his big disappointment, and there are no jokes coming in this story, came in a cheating controversy. You should understand that I know and like Jake, he was coming to stay, and I like to think the best of people. Nonetheless, I’ll attempt to keep things fair and balanced.
It’s game 3. Thanks to a clash via Lash Out, Jake knows that his opponent holds Wrath of God. Jake also knows that his opponent has only one White source of mana in play and is holding no lands. Jake decides to throw everything on the board, knowing that if his opponent finds a second White source Jake will lose, but without it Jake has the guaranteed win on board.
That’s all undisputed fact. Now here’s what happens from Jake’s perspective. His opponent draws, throws a land into play really really quickly, shuffles all his land together at Ferrari-like speed, taps a bunch haphazardly, and announces Wrath Of God. Jake points out that the land he drew comes into play tapped. His opponent claims that land was already in play from a previous turn, and that Jake is mistaken. Jake calls a judge. Having conversed quite happily through the match to this point, Jake’s opponent suddenly loses all command of even the most basic of English language skills. The judge says nothing can be proved. Jake appeals to Sheldon Menery the Head Judge. Investigation ensues, and once again nothing can be proved, so the play stands.
One of two things happened here. Either the Pro Tour champ from San Diego decided to employ his big-gun reputation against a first-timer and couldn’t swing it, or Mr. PT Debut ran the big cheats in a truly savage fashion. Digging around subsequently led to the interesting, though not necessarily relevant fact that Mr. Debut is regularly refused entry into store Friday Night Magic events back at home because he is known for being the most ridiculous cheat in a country that has a less than fabulous reputation for straight play. Now, as both table and head judge said, nothing could be proved. But my understanding was that burden of proof wasn’t essential to reverse a situation like that, only a belief in the balance of probability. I know a bunch of you fellow Judges read my column, so do me a favour and please come comment in the forums on this. Because, as far as my knowledge takes me, by not ruling for van Lunen the judging staff effectively said that they believed Mr. PT Debut. And that means they think JvL is a dirty cheat.
Like I said, trying to be impartial. I’ll say this: If Jake was cheating he is one hell of an actor, and that’s coming from someone who is one hell of an actor. He was distraught coming out of that game. Distraught.
And just before we move on, please please please, try to be fair and balanced in the forums on this. It’s an emotive subject, and what I’m attempting to do by airing it here is to learn a bit more about the DCI policy on resolving ‘failure to agree on reality’ situations. Thanks.
10. Getting Mullered
262
Mueller, Andre [DEU]
9
41.4435%
67
Müller, Andreas [DEU]
28
59.4852%
262nd, the runner-up from Pro Tour: Valencia. 67th, somebody we’d never heard of. Guess who got the Feature Match midway through Day 1? Shurely shome mishtake.
11. The Price is Wrong
252
Herberholz, Mark [USA]
9
44.2177%
293
Chapin, Patrick [USA]
6
44.9830%
105
Cheon, Paul [USA]
24
52.6042%
51
Nassif, Gabriel [FRA]
30
56.0640%
47
Scott-Vargas, Luis [USA]
30
57.3438%
Last time around, Mark Herberholz ended up winning Montana on ‘The Price Is Right’. Or something else good. Or something good. Anyway, the key thing is he won stuff. This time around, not only did Chapin not hit the home run, none of his teammates particularly excelled either. Most disappointing from a Metagame viewpoint was that there wasn’t The Deck to look at, which all of them played, contrasting with the Sadin/Lachmann/van Lunen/Parke/Mowshowitz crew, who were all unified. Cheon played Green-White, as did Scott-Vargas. Nassif played precisely zero spells to complement his 35 Goblins, Herberholz went with Faeries, and Chapin… well, we all know about Chapin. Still, the likelihood of this lot producing more quality goodness in the future is extremely high. Except for Chapin, who’s obviously rubbish. Obviously.
12. Beating All-Comers
247
Comer, Alan [USA]
9
46.9388%
Historically, Comer makes decks that are bonkers. Sometimes, that’s all they are. Sometimes, they’re bonkers and really really good, which is one of the reasons he’s in the Hall Of Fame, since ‘bonkers deck design’ isn’t on the ballot list of things to look out for. Here, Comer played a Combo version of Elves, and one of my abiding memories of this Pro Tour is watching Belgian Jan Doise’s face as Comer’s deck erupted in one of the more dastardly explosions on the weekend, culminating in the immortal line, ‘Distant Melody, I’ll draw seventeen.’ Priceless. Doise won the match 2-1.
13. Close, but no Chegar
220
Huber, Christoph [CHE]
9
54.6875%
221
Komuro, Shuu [JPN]
9
54.1667%
222
LaPille, Thomas [USA]
9
53.6458%
Don’t feel too sorry for LaPille failing to generate Bonus Points here. He’s already got one of the best bonuses known to Magic players anywhere, a job in R&D in Seattle. So congratulations to him, proof if proof were needed that sometimes in life all that’s required is great ability, staying power, a will to win, and ginger hair. Or, in my case, ginger hair. Komuro was the best-placed Japanese player in Kuala Lumpur, and also did rather nicely at Worlds, finishing 11th in New York last December. Huber has missed the odd event here and there since being the last man undefeated in that World Championship, but there can be no doubting the legitimacy of the Swiss as Team World Champs, given their other finishes here:
2
Bohny, Nico [CHE]
39
57.5521%
17
Bucher, Manuel [CHE]
33
61.6629%
(Gennari did not start.)
14. Piano Players of the World Unite
212
Harvey, Eugene [USA]
9
63.9456%
When I heard that Mike Hron was, like me, a tinkler of the ivories, I couldn’t wait to find out more. Regrettably, Hron gave it up some years ago. Not so Eugene Harvey, the man who sat passively as his teammate John Fiorillo got screwed to oblivion in the semi-finals of Pro Tour: San Diego last year. That was a shame, not just for that match, but for the Sunday as a whole, since the Americans looked to have drafted the kind of decks that could have given Lachmann and van Lunen and their Slivers a run for their money. Harvey really does play the piano, to the extent that he’s taken his instrument with him to the island where Ted Knutson is busy kidnapping almost every half-decent Magic player you’ve ever heard of to work for his global spy ring. Or whatever it is they’re doing down there. (They’ve got Craig Jones, so presumably there’s a fully-equipped room for ‘Experiments.’) At the rate Ted’s acquiring the services of former and current Pros, and even the odd Judge or two (and yes, all Judges are odd) you can expect to see Pro Tour: Netherlands Antilles sooner rather than later. And, in related news, expect to find the islanders chartering a jet to PTs in the future, as they all work out whose turn it is to leave Alcatraz, sorry, Curacao, and whose turn it is to stay behind and do the cleaning. This time it was Rich Hoaen. So, back to Harvey. When it’s a proper chore to get from your workplace to the PT, does it matter more? Do you care desperately that you didn’t get an extra Point? Are you properly gutted about not making Day 2 in a way that a random Iowan isn’t? And do you fear that this will be the last PT you get to this year? Or, do you remind yourself that you live on an island paradise where your average draft would put some PT Top 8s to shame?
15. Supporting Karst
207
Karsten, Frank [NLD]
10
50.5208%
One of the players with a really interesting world view, Karsten has taken a step back from day-to-day Magic, and that regression looks set to continue. It was the Dutchie who pointed out to Zac Hill that the American’s fire had gone out, which was handy as Hill doesn’t have central heating. For Karsten too, Magic no longer has the importance in his life compared to the time when he was arguably the world’s most read columnist with his Metagame overviews, and was finishing runner-up at Worlds in Yokohama in 2005. So the disappointments? First, that he only ended up with one draw, well below the over/under. If I ever get to commentate on a PT final between Karsten and Guillaume Wafo-Tapa, even if they’re both playing mono-Red Burn, I’ll be bringing the sleeping bag to the booth. And probably hooking up an intravenous drip. The second disappointment is that he doesn’t cheat, because then I could have called this ‘Slippery Karst(en)’. Can’t have everything, and that’s something that Frank definitely realises. The skill is still there, but the dedication isn’t.
16. Until Next Time
200
Charoenkul, Supakit [THA]
12
43.3780%
201
Castor, Kenneth [USA]
12
42.3363%
So now we’re into the realm of players who’ve done more than simply turn up to collect 2 Points. I guess if you’re Kenneth Castor you’re probably pretty disappointed to be in the last place to get nothing extra. Still, that’s cause for double celebration for the Thai player. First, that he got that third Point. And second, can anyone truly lay claim to a better first name than Supakit? God I want to commentate on a Thai grudge match between him and Veera Sirilertvorakul. Perhaps as a side event between turns in Karsten v Wafo-Tapa…
Next week, a veritable bucketload of more disappointment from Hollywood, this time featuring the players who should be pleased with themselves.
Until then, as ever, thanks for reading.
R.