10. I Missed Another GP *Frowny Face*
Personally, I consider myself a tournament report writer. It’s really all I’m actually good for. I’m not going to be doing any heady evaluations on the tactical advantages of the difference between 61, 62, or 67 cards. And I’d rather ram bamboo shoots under my fingernails than go through every thought process tree during a single game. It’s just not how I roll, brosef.
It’s also becoming increasingly difficult to write tournament reports when, y’know, I’m not attending tournaments.
But I’ve received plenty of sick stories from this weekend through the grapevine, so hopefully you’ll be amused.
Apparently, the first rule of Tilt-Club is that you can’t talk about Tilt-Club. And since I’m not in Tilt-Club, I didn’t exactly get the low down of it. But word on the street is that Alex Kim got his fair share of tilting at Daytona. So be on the look out at future tournaments… you could be next on the Tilt-Club’s Hit List.
Known Tilt-Club members:
Chris “StrWrsKid” Mcdaniel
8. GWalls: The Perfect Canvas?
Being the heterosexual male that I am, I can say with the utmost confidence in my sexuality that whenever I see Gabe Walls smile, my heart melts like an iceberg on Satan’s doorstep. There’s just something about that big guy that brings out the inner schoolgirl in me, causing massive amounts of giggles. If you’ve ever had the pleasure to be in the presence of Gwalls, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
But for those of you who haven’t had the honor, picture the most beautiful setting you can imagine… The sun falling beneath the waves of a golden beach, a toddler learning to walk for his first time with an expression of pure joy, or Katsuhiro Mori go-go dancing in platform shoes with glitter scattered across his bare chest.
Now take that beautiful setting and add the most pleasurable experience you can think of: Holding hands with that high school crush as cherry blossoms fall around the two of you like rain, making the Top 8 of your first Grand Prix or Pro Tour and committing yourself to Magic for the next few seasons in an attempt to relive your former glory, or performing the ol’ motor boat on Big Oots*.
That’s Gabe Walls.
7. Amateur Status Dilemma (continued from last week)
Damn you Kyle Miller. Still a piss poor showing of amateurs… it makes me actually believe that Magic is a skill based game. If Kyle Miller was killed before the Top 8 was announced, Jeremy Shapiro would have been taking home a $2,000 check, which I have a wee bit of a problem with. Sure, sure, nice job, but do you honestly feel that you deserved to win the same amount of the Brazilian Bronco Paulo Vitor Damo Da Rosa? However, since KMill did Top 8, I can’t really fault Shapiro since the blame clearly lies with Senor Miller.
The Top 8 as a whole was pretty lacking for the last GP of the year. Last year, GP: Yokohama was stacked with Antoine Ruel, Suzuki, Jelger, Hoaen, Mori, and Ryou Ogura representing for the pros. The year before was epic in Bejing, with Oiso, Kenji, and Olivier – the three leaders in the POY race at the time – taking home Top 8 checks, along with Mori and Saito rounding out the bunch.
6. Random Deep Thought**
#424: I’ll never forget the time I got caught stealing watermelons from old Mr. Barnslow’s watermelon patch. I was with my friend Bobby. We were giggling so hard I thought I’d wet my pants! At first we tried to steal two watermelons each, but they were too heavy and we dropped them, and that made us laugh even harder. Finally, we each picked out a good one, and we were just about to sneak back through the fence when we heard a low, deep voice behind us. “Just where do you think you’re going with those watermelons?” I gulped and turned around. It was old Mr. Barnslow, pointing his shotgun at us. Bobby dropped the watermelon, then pulled out the .38 revolver he kept in his waist, turned, and fired. But the turning must have thrown off his aim, because the shot only hit Mr. Barnslow in the thigh. Mr. Barnslow immediately fired both barrels at Bobby. One blast of buckshot missed entirely, but the other tore into Bobby’s shoulder. He tried to fire back, but his shoulder was so torn up he couldn’t raise his arm. Just as he was trying to switch to his left hand, Mr. Barnslow ran up and cracked him across the face with the butt of his shotgun. Bobby fell to the ground in a heap. Mr. Barnslow raised the butt of his gun to finish him off, but just then Bobby pulled out his hunting knife and plunged it into the farmer’s big white belly. After that, I don’t think I stole watermelons for at least a year.
5. How Many GP Top 8’s = 1 PT Top 8?
This is an interesting question that I’ve been putting excessive amounts of thought into for no real reason. To solve this problem, I asked the first five people on my buddy list who would respond.
How many GP Top 8’s = 1 Pro Tour Top 8?
Ken Krouner: None. Well… I guess six or so?
Cheon: Hmm… dunno, probably something like two or three in terms of prestige. In terms of difficulty it’s closer to two.
Brian David-Marshall: Three. But they have to be within two years of each other.
StrWrsKid: I’m the wrong one to ask… after all, I do have more PT Top 8’s than GP Top 8’s. SHOULD HAVE TIED IT UP LAST WEEKEND! BUT I GOT F***ED! Got paired against a guy who couldn’t even make Top 8 if he won, and I was a lock. Worst part is he was unreal lucky ….
And then in Game 3…
Out of all the answers, I think BDM’s hit the closest to home, with Cheon coming in second, and StrWrs presenting little to no information.
4. Top 5 Colored Commons
Neck Snap is the only other card that I could see putting in the Top 5 here, but honestly its value has dropped significantly now that people are aware of it. Four mana is so much to leave open without dropping a threat on the board in this format. What happens when they know you have it and they just keep dropping dudes to overwhelm you? You lose! Judge of Currents is a card that’s much better than the 2-5 slots in the Merfolk deck. However, White isn’t really the color for Merfolk. Many of my Fish decks end up being URw a good amount of the time. There just aren’t any White common Merfolk to support it, and I’d much rather have a sick Elemental/Merfolk deck than a UW filler Merfolk deck just to abuse the Judge.
Sentinels of Glen Elendra
Blue is completely busted, and everyone knows it. The Silvergill Douser/Mulldrifter debate is extremely close with numerous supporters on each side. The Douser just does more for me than Mulldrifter, and given the fast-paced nature of the format I just want a two-drop over the sometimes clunky five-drop whenever I’m in Blue. I added the “whenever I’m in Blue” clause because Mulldrifter is clearly a much better pack-one-pick-one choice because it’s a much better splash card. Streambed Aquitects is a much better pick than the Faerie cards in a Merfolk deck… however, the Faerie cards are universally better. I’m extremely tempted to throw Amoeboid Changeling in there because he’s such a cute little dooder.
Some people have Peppersmoke above Weed Strangle, which is perfectly acceptable considering all the quality creatures it hits. It just seems like whenever I lose in this format with a Black deck it’s to Treefolk, and I’d much rather have Weed Strangle to help with the problem matches. Peppersmoke also isn’t on everyone’s high list, and is much more likely to come later in an average draft. One of my big debates is Moonglove Winnower versus Weed Strangle. Which is better? If it’s the Treefolk and Giants matchup you’re worried about, it seems like Winnower would be better. However, is it worth having the slightly better card to sacrifice ground in the decks with problematic flying creatures?
Smokebraider and Daredevil are really the exact same card, just for different decks. Both of them also go up ahead of Tarfire if you are in their respected archetypes, especially Daredevil. There is literally no card better for a Giant deck, other than Thundercloud Shaman or Brion. One of the problems with the Elemental deck is that it seems Smokebraider is in common runs with Aethersnipe and Mulldrifter, which can create some tension in deciding whether you need to mana ramper or the fatties. The fatties almost always win, but it’s still inconvenient as hell.
Lys Alana Huntermaster
Fistful of Force
Before you castrate me for not putting Woodland Changeling on there, let me explain: I just like all the other cards better since they have much more impact on the game. One of my problems with Winston Churchill*** is that sometimes he just doesn’t do anything. Hes a random 2/2 donk that sits there in the face of a Daredevil, Douser, or Battlewand Oak. Not to mention that you can’t even attack with him on turn 4 if the Blue mage has four mana up, for fear of Sentinels of Glen Elendra. The fact that he’s Changeling doesn’t do much for me. There are those times where I’m craving for one in a draft like a heroin addict in a cold room, but he never comes! People take him too highly, and instead I get more big dudes like Nath’s Elite and Cloudcrown Oak.
Andre Coimbra had Lignify as the 3rd best common earlier this week, but I just can’t agree with that. There are very few times that you want to have more than one in your deck, and they will almost always go late enough to pick one up at a opportune time during the draft, so wasting a high pick on it just can’t be right. It just can’t be. It just can’t. It just. It.
3. Daytona Pics
2. Saitou All But Claims POY
Tomoharu Saitou – 63
Kenji Tsumara – 57
Shingou Kurihara – 55
Guillaume Wafo-tapa – 52
Olivier Ruel – 51
Paul Cheon – 49
Raphael Levy – 44
With only one tournament left and a 7-point buffer, it’s hard to believe that anyone can surpass Saitou. In fact, all Saitou really has to do to all but secure the win is squeak out 10 wins in the 18 rounds to receive 3 pro points. From there Kenji and Kurihara would have to make Top 4 to earn the title, and all the others would have to make finals or win.
Kind of depressing really. The first year I really started following the Pro Tour coverage was the year Kenji, Olivier, and Oiso were inches away from each other. It made the World Championships much more exciting to read about. Last year Yasooka had a pretty good lead, but Tiago or PV could have surpassed him with a win.
1. Musical Shoes / Pooling Vomit
Several players decided to rent houses for the duration of the Grand Prix, which resulted in The Netherlands Jelger Wiegersma doing a lot of house hopping. After a disappointing Day 1, Jelger did what any Dutchman in his position would do…
Drink until you can’t remember what you did the next morning!
After having a few too many drinks, Jelger ventured to John Pelcak crib, where they continued to drink until Cak eventually had to get some sleep for Day 2 action. Jelger took the hint and decided to head out to another house, but due to a sizable distance he decided to “borrow” Cak’s shoes since he was lacking walking shoes of his own. After the long trek he needed to quench his thirst again. Eventually The Best Player in the World showed up at the Canadian-filled house, who’d also had a bit too much to drink, and decided to take a rest on one of the beds. Several minutes later he was found in a pool of his own vomit by the owner of the bed, who cleaned the poor pro up, and (more importantly) his sleeping place before eventually crashing on top of several layers of towels.
All the while, Jelger was busy drinking.
But Jelger wasn’t through, and after he filled up a refreshing mix he decided it was time to take his pants off and jump into the glorious cement pool with said drink in hand. Apparently the motion of the pool had its effect on Jelgers stomach, and he spewed a hearty collection of all the different beverages from the evening into the warm water. This was Jelger’s cue to leave, but due to his extreme inebriation he made off with someone else’s shoes before leaving the vomit-filled residence, and made the long walk home in his wet underwear since he couldn’t find the pants he so carelessly misplaced.
After a rough night of sleeping on various towels, the poor guy who had to sleep in vomit opted to take a morning dip in the pool to relax, eventually diving face first into some of Jelger’s leftovers from the previous night.
One must feel a bit envious of the guy who was surrounded by two of the best players in the World’s vomit.
All shoes and pants miraculously made their way back to their owners before the weekend’s end.
That’s it for the Daytona 10, and hopefully all _______ 10 articles for the rest of the year. Erm… wait a sec… The Stuttgart 10 will be out in a few weeks. What’s up with that anyway? Random GP at the end of the year that isn’t a part of that season. Are they going to put it under the ’07 or ’08 Grand Prix listings?
Thanks for reading,
Top 5 Picks
1) Good Clothes – Little Brother
2) Chromakey Dreamcoat – Boards of Canada
3) Like Spinning Plates – Radiohead
4) (Fork and Knife) – Brand New
5) We Were Born the Mutants Again With Leafling – Of Montreal
* weeeeee123x: who has the nicest breasts in the world?
KKrouner1: big oots
weeeeee123x: that’s going in my article
weeeeee123x: ; )
KKrouner1: go for it
KKrouner1: but if anyone asks, I’m denying it
weeeeee123x: ha! That’s going in too!
KKrouner1: I mean, obv
KKrouner1: but still denying
** Jack Handy is such gas.
*** Geddit? Woodland Changelings initials are WC, the same as Winston Churchill!