Worlds Tourney Report – 3-2

Okay, either you clicked to read a Worlds report under the casual section, or I tricked the Ferrett and this is under the tourney listings. In any event, this isn’t a Worlds report — it’s the Casual Report, Week Four! (Okay, you got me — that was really lame, and all you tourney guys can…

Okay, either you clicked to read a Worlds report under the casual section, or I tricked the Ferrett and this is under the tourney listings. In any event, this isn’t a Worlds report — it’s the Casual Report, Week Four! (Okay, you got me — that was really lame, and all you tourney guys can just click back and pretend you didn’t fall for such a pathetic joke.)

Well here it is: The article that proves that lousy Magic playing and poorly-written articles continue to get published. What is wrong with you people? Surely there are people out there that can either write or play Magic better than me? Come on? I’m sure when Rizzo told everyone to write, he didn’t mean me and the rubbish that I provide. Give The Ferrett a reason not to publish these articles! Bury him in content!

For those of you who have missed out on the previous fun (and for that one fool who has read every single one of these articles, but honestly doesn’t remember any of the previous ones because hey, who really cares?), these articles describe the antics of my Monday night play group. Originally, I thought I would be able to provide small nuggets of wisdom to the casual multiplayer. The problem is that I am not a good player, and pretty much all of my good advice about multiplayer Magic can be summed up in four words: Don’t rock the boat (so does”don’t” count as one word, two words, or 1.5 words?). (One word – The Ferrett, which is two words, counting the obligatory”The”) Just so long as you stay hidden and hang in there until close to the end, then you can take a couple of cheap shots and score a cheesy victory. Hey, it’s okay — because next week you can tell all your friends how you kicked their butts and dominated the entire game. Or you could just shut up, sit down, be quiet again, and win that night too.

Oh, right — the point. The point is that I am a lousy Magic player who doesn’t have any valuable advice to offer, as demonstrated by my three straight weeks of losses. Instead, for you tournament players, consider these articles moments of nostalgia, back to the day when Magic was fun to play, and winning was secondary (yeah, right; like a tourney player ever thought winning was secondary). For you casual players, this will let you know that there is someone out there that is actually a worse player than you. Enjoy.

Game One

As always, we played attack left.* There were only four of us to start the night, as Dave was doing his imitation of me and was late. I’m sure Dave had a valid excuse to be late, but do any of you in ‘Netland really care? None of us playing that night cared either.

The order of play began with me attacking Darren, then Shane, and then Card Shop Scott.**

I chose a deck at random from the box and discovered as I drew my opening hand that I had chosen my no-tap deck. From the original name I have given the deck, you would probably guess that I have creatures that don’t tap, right? Well, you would be only partially right, because some of my creatures do tap. Okay, I know that they don’t really work real well in the deck, but I thought they were a good idea at the time and I have been too lazy to pull them out of my deck and find something better.

This seems like a good place to put my first honest to God, full decklist. Behold my deck (and try to keep your laughter in check until the end):

No-tap deck

Creatures That Don’t Tap

1x Ardent Militia

1x Ardent Soldier

1x Ardent Soldier (Foil!)

2x Bay Falcon

2x Charging Troll

2x Diving Griffin

1x Riptide Crab

2x Serra Angel

1x Tempest Drake

3x Zephyr Falcon

Creatures That Do Tap

1x Cloudchaser Eagle (the one. See the Silver Drake below)

1x Galina’s Knight (pretty much the same reason that I included the Llanowar Knight)

1x Llanowar Knight (I needed to fill the bottom of the mana curve and this seemed like a good idea for two mana)

1x Phelddagrif (how many times do I get the opportunity to put him in a deck and actually have a chance to play him? Not often. So what if he doesn’t tap — he’s staying!)

1x Silver Drake (I thought the gating ability would be useful for all those creatures that have a comes into play ability… hmm, only one. I hadn’t noticed that before)

Spells (that don’t tap)

4x Armadillo Cloak (this deck sucks. I need some cheesy lifegain or an easy way to remove the usefulness of one of my opponent’s creatures)

1x Aura Shards (I’d play with more if I had them. Our group is currently enchantment crazy)

3x Dismantling Blow

2x Heroes’ Reunion

1x Storage Matrix

1x Temporal Distortion (with creatures not tapping, I thought this would work for me better for the others in my group)

1x Vigorous Charge

1x Wax/Wane***

Spells (that do tap)

1x Icy Manipulator (okay, so technically it is an artifact, but, it pretty much just taps stuff and it feels like it belongs in this deck)

Lands (these all pretty much have to tap at some point. They are lands, after all!)

1x Maze of Ith

1x Vec Townships

1x Aysen Abbey (yes, this is a Homelands land)

2x Elfhame Palace

8x Plains

2x Brushland

3x Island

1x Savannah

2x Coastal Tower

1x Irrigation Ditch (Foil!)

1x Desert (What deck couldn’t use a Desert?)

1x Meteor Crater

Initially, I thought I would ask for suggestions as to how to improve this deck… But I’m not going to go out and buy cards for it, so what would be the point? What I would ask is if someone would suggest improvements to the mana base. If someone thinks I should replace one type of land for another, or that I should put in more or less land, I’d love to hear from you. Remember, I haven’t won a game in three weeks; I obviously need the help.

If you even have a better name for the deck, I would love to hear from you too. I’d offer a prize, but the best I could offer would be a land, proxied into whatever card you want it to be… And I would probably just tell you to just do it yourself, because by the time the card got to you in the mail it would probably be all bent and stuff. Okay, maybe I would just send you a bent card, but it is easier to blame the post office.

Okay, back to the game. Oh wait, I hadn’t even started the game. You’d think I was Rizzo on a rant, trying to get to the point. Thankfully there is no point, just the game.

Much like this article, I started slowly. I managed an early Aura Shards, then followed up with a Charging Troll. My mana wasn’t coming out perfectly, and in the early part of the game I was relying on my Vec Township to provide the one green mana it has to offer every second turn. I did manage to do a little damage to Darren with the Troll but it was still early in the game, so neither of us were getting too excited.

Darren managed to get rid of my Aura Shards before it could really be handy. If you Disenchant something that is already in shards, does that mean it just becomes a big clump of Aura, or would it become Aura Slivers? Either way, I wouldn’t recommend cleaning it up with your hands. Ensure you are wearing the proper safety equipment. This is just one more reason that you want to keep your cards in sleeves; shards are much easier to clean up when they are prebagged.

Shane was playing a G/R concoction and was hammering Scott with everything he had. I suspected this was going to happen soon, and it was as ugly as I expected it to be.

Card Shop Scott is new to the group and has turned the group on its collective head lately. He is a talented player with a wide selection of cards. He generally prefers decks that perform some kind of lock to win the game. I won’t call him a dirty combo player yet, but he has worked over our innocent little group of players… And I expected someone in our group to respond to his play. Not surprisingly, Shane was the one to do it. Shane tends to take these things personally and feels a responsibility to keep our regular meetings enjoyable. He intended to key on Scott’s decks throughout the night and try to neuter him as much as possible.

Some people might suggest that this is the reason to not rock the boat; that this is what happens when you build power decks in multiplayer magic. I tend to agree and disagree. Of course you are going to draw attention to yourself when you play those kinds of decks. On the flip side, those decks should be able to deal with the attention (what an answer — I should be in politics!).

More importantly, how can you take advantage of a situation like this? In my case, Shane’s focus on Scott should pretty much put them both out of the game. Keying on one player like that, will lead you to lose just as often as the player that is being targeted. This reduced the game to just me and Darren, and I was attacking Darren. This looked really good for me.

Scott was playing a mostly discard deck, but with Shane working him over at every opportunity, he never really got going. In spite of saying that, my life total was soon down to six and it appeared that I was going to let this golden opportunity slip through my fingers. While I didn’t want to use an Armadillo Cloak on any creature this early in the game, my life total demanded it, so I cloaked my Troll and hit Darren for six.

Darren immediately played his Cloudchaser Eagle and targeted the Cloak. He could have also targeted Pestilence, but opted for my Cloak instead. Of course, I don’t know why — I’m not a mindreader!

Scott managed a Pestilence for three and the board was cleared of creatures, with the exception of Shane’s Horned Kavu. Your brilliant writer didn’t have any green mana to regenerate his Troll.

I decided I needed a creature and put out the Phelddagrif. The dilemma I had now was whether or not to play Temporal Distortion. It really did defeat the purpose of the Distortion with the Phelddagrif out there, so I waited a few turns. With Shane’s help, tapping Darren’s creatures, I managed to put Darren out of the game.

Now if things would just follow the plan, I could let Shane overextend to kill Scott, then swoop in for an easy victory. But after three weeks of losses, no win was going to come that easy.

With only the three of us left, I cast the Temporal Distortion, knowing that Scott would surely kill me if he ever managed to put another Pestilence in play. The Distortion would buy me a couple of turns, so I played it. Within a turn, I had a Tempest Drake and a Llanowar Knight in play. Shane decided that he didn’t want any surprises and finished Scott off with the Horned Kavu. This was going just as I had hoped. I did expect Scott to push Shane a little harder, but I hoped it would be enough.

With only two of us left, my next draw netted me Galina’s Knight. Naturally, with Temporal Distortion in play, I would have only one creature that doesn’t tap on the board. The Distortion was causing me as many problems as Shane. The Cloudchaser Eagle I cast next turn solved the problem. The turn after that I had a solution for the Horned Kavu with an Icy Manipulator. We traded blows with small ground creatures until my Tempest Drake could go the distance.

A WIN!!!!!

Shock, ecstasy, relief! I felt so many emotions wash over me at that moment. Oh wait. I won a game of Magic. Yippee; next game.

Game Two

Dave finally decided to arrive. For those you who don’t know Dave (and that would be all of you), he is rarely late. I suspect he was in a car accident or one of his children was rushed into the hospital. That is what it would take for him to be late.

After the appropriate amount of hazing from everyone already there,**** and Dave’s appropriate response (“[edit] you, you bunch of [edit]ers, let’s play”) we rolled the d20 to decide who would get to drop the first land. The die roll decided that Dave would go first, then Darren, myself, Scott and finally Shane.

I could see that this game was going to be a problem. While Darren’s decks are sometimes the best deck to have attacking you, quite often his part of the table can become truly hellish. With Scott attacking Shane, I was sure that Shane wouldn’t be attacking, but would instead try to stuff Scott. That would mean I would have to try to fight through both of them to win, all the while hoping Darren and Dave would fight each other.

Dave’s deck was the feature for the evening. It featured Kobolds and Coat of Arms. For the newer players, Kobolds came out in Legends. They are mostly red 0/1 creatures with no abilities, which have zero casting cost. There are other Kobolds that cost one or two red mana, that give all Kobolds abilities (one Kobold gives +1/0 to all Kobolds, another gives all Kobolds trample), but generally, these decks always look laughable. Coat of Arms was where Dave was hoping for the nasty surprise, as only myself and Card Shop Scott even knew he owned a couple. The deck also included Howling Mines, Iron Stars for some small lifegain, and other red cards you would expect to see in that deck.

Not surprisingly, Dave got off to a quick start but wasn’t able to take advantage of the situation, as Darren’s deck was designed to get off the line quick as well, so it took the steam out of Dave’s deck pretty quickly. No one had really expected anything from the Kobold deck, and it seemed to live up to expectations.

Darren’s deck was also a theme deck. He ran with a Zombie/Goblin deck with Dralnu’s Crusade. He managed to cast several creatures, and the bonuses from various enchantments and other creatures in play started to make them look really ugly. I was hoping that Dave would not find his Coat of Arms, because I would be finished quickly.

I chose my R/G sorta-Fires. For the new readers, I created a Fires deck. However, I have no cards to create Saprolings and no Flametongue Kavus, so calling it a Fires deck is an insult to Fires decks. I did manage to add a Flametongue Kavu to my collection, and he was in the deck already. This deck had seen some serious fine-tuning since the days when it had no direct damage in it and no way to deal with enchantments. Okay, easy — I took enough of that kind of abuse the first time I mentioned that. Next week I’ll try to remember to put the decklist for this deck in the article, so you can all see just how bad this deck still is.

I got off to a slow start, mostly due to Darren’s insane start. I lost a few creatures early as sacrificial lambs, and it was a fight from there.

Scott was playing a blue deck. It included Masticore and Morphling, and a ton of counters. Unfortunately for Scott, Shane had exactly the right cards to handle that. What kind of a deck can handle a deck with Morphling, Masticore and counterspells to back them up? Shane was playing U/R. It was all counters and direct damage. As we were playing attack left, Shane only had to stop Scott and put all his efforts into that, choosing not to attack at all. Although I was not putting much pressure on Scott, he did at least have to consider my creatures and possible direct damage. Battles with two separate fronts are rarely won (something for you history buffs to ramble on and on and on about), but Scott was keeping things interesting.

All of this was a huge boost for Dave. After an initial burst, he was having a terrible time keeping creatures on the board. That can happen with 0/1 creatures. With Shane preoccupied, and everyone else locked up behind the wall that Shane was providing, Dave could afford to struggle, looking for the cards to get his deck moving again.

By the midgame, I was dead. I couldn’t put enough pressure on Scott for Shane’s liking, so Shane had tried to kill me with direct damage. Scott managed to keep me alive, and I repaid him by being the wall he was looking for. By letting me die, Scott was going to have to face Darren instead of me. Darren’s deck was starting to come to speed, and the last thing Scott needed was to be viciously attacked by Zombies and Goblins with Shane doing what he can to make sure the attacks are successful. It is a real joy when other players want to keep you in the game just as badly as you want to stay in the game. Unfortunately, even Scott couldn’t protect me forever and I took eight, then six, then four points of damage on three successive turns, to finally get finished off. I probably could have held on for at least four or five more turns, but Darren cast Void, costing me two Dragon Whelps and the Multani’s Decree that was in my hand. With practically no blockers, I was easy pickings.

Not surprisingly, Scott was the next to go. Shane wouldn’t let him get any creatures into play, so he was taking damage. He did manage to cast Nev’s disk, and it sat waiting to go off until Scott was within a turn of dead. He saved himself for a turn, but even without the horde of creatures, Darren’s Tsabo Tavoc alone was enough to finally finish off Scott.

On Darren’s end of turn, Shane hit him for seven direct damage. On his own turn he hit Darren again — this time for eight, finishing him. By taking me, then Scott out so quickly, Darren had stretched his deck too far. I don’t think there was much he could do against direct damage, even if he hadn’t pushed so hard, so I don’t think Darren was kicking himself afterwards. Scott really wasn’t putting any pressure on Shane and Darren needed to push through and attack right away.

Often, the player who puts out the third player left in a multiplayer game ends up overextending to do it. Unfortunately for Shane, he appeared to have done just that. His battle with Scott, then having to use two direct damage spells left him open to attack. Fortunately, he was facing a Kobold deck.

Dave just wasn’t getting anywhere. For three turns they simply drew cards, with Dave doing a single point of damage each turn with a Kobold. Shane finally found two Palinchrons on his turn and the game was over. Although Dave was at thirty-five life, Shane had enough mana to be able to return and recast a Palinchron each turn, allowing him to attack with one Palinchron and replay him, untapped and able to defend. Dave simply couldn’t draw anything and was eventually run down to zero. With three Coats of Arms in his deck, Dave didn’t manage to draw one until it was only he and Shane left. At that point he only had two Kobolds and couldn’t seem to draw any more, so there wasn’t a point in laying the Coat of Arms.

Game Three

I was satisfied enough with the position around the table that I ended up with. Shane was first, with me second, Darren would be third, Dave in fourth and Scott in fifth. Shane’s decks usually give you a chance to build up, then hit hard. However, with Scott attacking him, I expected Shane to continue to ignore everyone else and focus his wrath on Scott. I love it when other players hold grudges!

Shane was playing a G/B deck. He managed some early creatures and did some early damage to me, but was soon busy trying to block everything Scott was sending his way.

I opted for my Tim deck. For the one person who hasn’t seen a Tim deck, it is essentially four Prodigal Sorcerers and a number of cards that do the same thing. It is fun to play and a truly irritating deck. My play group hates it, even though it rarely wins. My particular Tim deck has no direct damage, and no way to deal with artifacts or enchantments. It usually collapses during the end game, when the board gets ugly.

This time, I got the perfect start and dropped a Tim on turn 3. The Horseshoe Crab and a Sigil of Sleep were out on turn 4.

I expect once Darren realized what I was playing, he got giddy. He knows that I just go after the person with the best board position, irrelevant of where they are sitting, so Darren would probably get free reign to hammer around the board. He decided to use a G/W deck with a bundle of elf-powered fatties.

He managed to get an early Aura Blast, targeting my Sigil of Sleep. I guess he didn’t really want to have to cast his big guys over and over again; I am still not sure why he would do that, since I wouldn’t target his creatures until he had cleared everyone else off the board. I would rather let someone else do all the work. I thought there were better targets available on the board, but I guess he decided I was going to be a loose cannon or something. Considering my play style, that is probably a good idea.

Dave chose an all-green deck. The deck didn’t seem to want to explode out of the blocks like Dave expected it would. In spite of this, he stayed well in the game, handling Darren’s threats every way he could.

Scott was playing what I originally believed to be a B/G deck with Pernicious Deed and Spiritmonger, among other things. Slowly, other lands started to hit the table and the Dragon Arch suggested dragons were on the way.***** He had a splash of every colour in case the Dragon Arch did not appear.

Once I see either Scott or Darren put out their fourth land, I immediately begin to suspect a Coalition Victory. Both have tried to win with it, and it would irk me to no end to lose a game to that ridiculous card. With my ability to bounce creatures, I was keeping a watchful eye.

The game seemed to be heading nicely into the midgame when Scott started to have troubles. Rather than cast some more creatures to deal with the problem (the Dragon Arch was in play) he did the Deed, clearing the board. I was a little frustrated, as my excellent start was now kaput, but I still held several Tims and another Sigil of Sleep, so I felt good.

The restart did not bode well for Dave. Everyone began casting creatures, including A Thorn Elemental from Darren. The Elemental was practically impossible for Dave’s deck to handle, and the end looked near. Dave managed to cast Rhox and was racing to see if he could bring Scott with him. Scott had managed to cast another Spiritmonger with the Dragon Arch, but refused to block with it, as he was unable to regenerate.

Scott wouldn’t attack with it either, as Shane had two Cockatrice****** up and defending. Shane tried to cast Ernham Djinn, but I was returning him to his hand, thanks to a brand new Tim and another Sigil of Sleep. I would, of course, wait for him to give my Clone forestwalk.

Oh, didn’t I mention the Clone? Let’s see, what creature did I clone? Oh right, Darren, seven to the dome with my cheap blue Thorn Elemental! Ha ha — I LOVE MY CLONES!

By now, the end of the game was in sight. Dave managed to win the race and put Scott out of the game first with Rhox beats. Darren followed through and put Dave out. Shane had managed to get rid of Darren’s Elemental (and mine too, just in case you thought Shane was playing favourites), so Darren was using Reya, Dawnbringer as a beatstick.

Shane had taken the opportunity to hit me with some damage, but I had reduced the number of creatures he had on the board all the way down to just the two Cockatrices.

With Reya, Dawnbringer in play, Darren’s side of the board soon bunched up with uglies. I was hitting Shane with the Thalakos Dreamsower for one, then keeping one of the Cockatrices tapped, content to take two points of damage from the other one if Shane wanted. I could tap for three points of damage at this point, so I was willing to block with the Thieving Magpie and finish off the Cockatrice with the tappers. Shane instead chose not to attack. One the next turn, I cast another Tim variant, the Anaba Shaman, and hit Darren again with the Dreamsower, this time tapping the other Cockatrice. I had Darren down to two and knew I could finish him on my turn.

Darren knew this as well, but for some reason, pounded on Shane again. It didn’t make any sense to me for Darren to do this. He needed to keep Shane alive so he could continue to hit me, or at least pressure me so I couldn’t finish off Darren. I assumed Darren had something in his hand that could either put out my creatures, or keep him alive, and Darren didn’t disappoint. He attacked and put Shane out on that turn. I tapped and did the four points of Tim damage to Darren at the end of his turn, and he responded with Hero’s Reunion, bringing him to five life.

On my turn, I attacked with the Dreamsower and tapped the four Tims to take the win.

Darren didn’t really have an option, as Shane clearly wasn’t going to be able to do the damage he would need to do to kill me off, so Darren had to take him and hope for something to happen in his favour. Unfortunately for Darren, lame, tacky decks would rule the day. A second win for you, writer!

Game Four

By Game four, I didn’t really care what happened. I had already won twice that night, and that was more than enough. I certainly don’t want to be seen as greedy.

The order of play was, as it usually is in our games, fairly important in deciding who would win the fourth game of the evening. Shane played first, followed by Dave, Darren, Scott and finally, me.

The game started slowly, thanks to a Tangle Wire on Darren’s side of the board. Everyone played through it and a couple of creatures hit the board, but nothing special. Around turn 8, Wildfire hit, causing a major restart for everyone. Dave’s Kjeldoran Dead were the only creature to survive. Shane had been kind enough to play Sadistic Glee on it, while Dave had played Spirit Link on it. After the Wildfire it was a 6/4 creature and Darren, with no way to stuff the regenerator, quickly dropped out of the game.

Shane’s decision to put his creature enchantment on another creature is fairly common in attack left play. Many times, it makes perfect sense to help out the player on your left. With that play, it becomes obvious that Dave and Shane will be working together to eliminate everyone else. Shane can shut the door, holding off anyone attacking him, while letting Dave steamroll around the board with creatures and direct damage, supported by his spells. When everyone else is finally dead, he can turn on Dave, the workhorse, and stab him in the back. I personally loved doing this. It is an easy way for an average deck to steal many multiplayer games.

Our group regularly sees two or three opponents gang up against one player, but you never actually say it out loud. If you block, hoping someone else will do the final point of damage necessary to kill the attacker, you just sit and hope; you never actually ask the player to do it. This kind of play really gives the advantage to the players in the group who follow everything going on and understand what the others are trying to do. I love this type of thing.

Within a turn of the Wildfire happening, I cast Wandering Eye, revealing three Binding Grasps and an Acid Rain, among other things, from my hand.******* Shane’s cards didn’t really concern me, as I also had Meddle and felt confident that I could handle what he had in his hand. Dave would be the problem, as he had two Thrashing Wumpi in his hand — although he did have only one swamp in play. My deck is designed to steal creatures, but stealing a Wumpus is not what I wanted to do. It seems such a waste of a card simply to get the equivalent of a Hill Giant — at least for my deck, which held no swamps. Scott was holding a Shivan Dragon, which would need to make an appearance soon, or I would be next up on the chopping block.

Scott did manage to get the dragon out, but the Kjeldoran Dead was far too big at this point to be stopped. After another chump block, Scott’s totals quickly decreased and he too was out of the game.

During this time, I had managed to cast the Dream Fighter, which would allow me to block the Dead forever.******** Dave had managed to cast the Wumpus while working Scott over, so I was far more worried about it. Thanks to Scott’s Pillage, Dave had no black mana available, but once he did, my Dream Fighter would be gone and the Kjeldoran Dead would become a creature with double digit power and toughness. Besides, Dave was also leading on life totals, so I knew any Pestilence-type damage would not only put me out of the game, but would give Dave an easy win. Rather than sit back and hope for mana screw, I used a Binding Grasp and took the Wumpus, intent on killing it off.

By now, at least some people are thinking that I am a moron for not just taking the Kjeldoran Dead. I did think of that, but, I would never manage to get around to Dave before he managed to kill everyone with the Wumpus. I expected to see at least two swamps in the next five turns.

After three turns, I still had the Wumpus and nothing was happening. I was eager to see it die and get the upkeep mana back. I drew Dominate and decided it was time to take the Dead. Between the Dead, the Wumpus, and a Kingfisher I had found, Shane was eventually put out of the game. Dave was at forty life (we cap lifegain at forty life, because we like to play more than one game in a week), while I sat at 20. It was decided that the Spirit Link was still Dave’s enchantment, in spite of the fact that I had stolen the creature, and he would gain the life.

Within a couple of turns, it didn’t matter. I still had a Binding Grasp and had picked up an Abduction. Mental Discipline and a Douse — Sleight of Minded to counter black spells — were in play, along with a Shimmer that was wrecking his plains. I had enough islands to run everything without worry of getting tapped out. I managed to just keep coming with the Wumpus and the Kingfisher and managed to run him down to zero.

I had my third win of the night! At this point I was feeling pretty good. I have never won three games in a night of multiplayer! Wahoo!

Game Five

If I didn’t really care about game four, then game five was practically ignored. On turn four, Scott’s Tinker deck went off. It had a combination of Megrims and Memory Jars that managed to do twenty-four damage to each of us, giving him a win.. It was an anticlimactic end, but I didn’t care at that point.


I should probably make a note that the two games I didn’t win were won by the two players who seemed to be playing their own grudge match the entire night. I don’t understand how either of them managed to win with another player totally focussed on ensuring that they don’t, but it happened. I even said earlier in the report that as long as they were going to play like that, the games should really be reduced to the remaining players. Hmm, it seems as though I really do know only one thing about multiplayer Magic.

Next week will be a return to reality for me, I’m sure — but for now, I will bask in the glow.

Bruce Richard

[email protected]

* – For those of you who haven’t read any of these articles, my group endlessly plays attack left. For those of you who are multiplayer challenged, attack left is a style of Magic where each person attacks the person on their left. Enchantments and artifacts affect all players, and sorceries and instants can target any legal target on the board, not just the player and permanents on your left. For those of you who have read one of these articles, you should know better than to scroll down here and read the footnotes. Get your eyes back up the page!

** – If you are checking down here to find out why I called him”Card Shop Scott”, as opposed to just”Scott,” then it really doesn’t matter to you… Because you wouldn’t know about”College Scott” from previous articles, would you? If you knew why I called him”Card Shop Scott,” then why did you scroll down? Were your parents paranoid, too? Sometimes it is okay to miss something. Relax.

*** – I always thought it would be funny if someone in our group was named Wayne, then every time this card got played everyone could kick his butt. Maybe your demented play group drips hot candle wax on your groups’ Wayne. But, much like Zephids in Stijn’s part of the world, we don’t see that much here.

**** – For those of you unaware, one minute of hazing for every ten minutes late is the appropriate formula, although the folks in the service industry would tell you it is 1.5 minutes for every ten.

***** – What else was it going to suggest, Lava Zombies or Gaea’s Skyfolk?

****** – Why couldn’t he have three Cockatrice? The chance to use Cockatrice thrice in the report would have been pretty spiffy. (“Hello, my name is Bruce and I’m a big geeky loser.””Hi, Bruce!”)

******* -“Wandering Eye,””Binding Grasp,” and”my hand” all in the same sentence? The sexual innuendo in those phrases would be enough to make Anthony Boydell giddy.

******** – Our group assumes that as soon as the Dream Fighter is declared as a blocker, it and the attacking creature phase out before any damage is resolved. The Dream Fighter phases back in on my turn, ready to block again the next turn. I don’t want to hear from you if this is not the way it is supposed to go. It works to my benefit to do it like this, and I don’t want it changed.