Hello everybody, this is Evan Erwin, bringing you the first ever Two-Headed Giant Magic Show.
Yo yo yo, my fellow pimps, this is Kevin. I don’t really like that Evan guy, but as it turns out my head is stuck on him.
That’s right, now stop b*tching. There are a few things you need to know about Two-Headed Giant, so let’s start there.
How about we start on how cool I am?
You… aren’t cool.
Says Mr. Clownboat.
Man, that is not cool.
You have this hang-up with being cool…
I have a cool hangup? Let’s just… can we move on here?
Whatever man, your sucky ass show.
But it’s one of the most well-received Magic articles on the net!
And you’re a big fat loser. So?
Would that make you second fiddle to a big fat loser?
I—
– don’t want to hear it. Now, Two-Headed Giant has a few things that are different than your basic game. First, you have thirty life instead of twenty.
That’s like… more than usual.
Yeah, thanks for letting them know. Now with thirty life, you also have two different modes of play: Sealed deck and Draft.
Isn’t Drafting, like… hard?
For someone of your esteemed stature, probably. Sealed brings a whole new level of fun, and specifically in the role of each deck. Do you know who the Beatdown is in your Two-Headed Giant?
I know I can kick your ass.
Which is beyond fascinating, but doesn’t pertain to what we’re actually talking about. In each Sealed, you’re better off finding out who should be the control and who should be the beatdown.
And who keeps life totals. I’m usually too blitzed to notice.
Charming. With this distinction, you also need to realize how powerful some cards are in this format. Specifically Storm spells. Volcanic Awakening, while being garbage in virtually every other format, is an unmitigated –
Unmiti-what?
Just… just let me talk here. Storm spells are huge in this format because you can build a huge storm count by cooperating with your teammate.
I prefer to be called “Head, the Second,” yo.
I prefer a teammate who doesn’t smell like Pabst Blue Ribbon, but we can’t all be so fortunate.
Other cards get much better as well, such as Essence Warden. Still a fantastic card in Draft and Sealed, but it gets even more explosive when you’re working your way through four players’ worth of creatures.
In other words, you kill that girl as soon as she shows up?
Well, there’s the conundrum. You don’t want to “waste” a removal spell on such an “unimportant” 1/1 creature. But when you’re talking about 15+ life over the course of a game, she’s quite the subtle powerhouse.
Hey, didn’t you have a problem with the word subtle?
I got problems with your face. We should really solve them.
You gots anger issues, man. I don’t take kindly to threats, yo.
I don’t take kindly to idiotic teammates, “yo.”
[[Staring contest]]
Fine, do your damn show already.
Good. Another aspect you may have not noticed is the role of the Primary Player. Why is this important? Because the Primary player performs their actions first. There’s also a new play-draw rule associated with this. If your team is on the play, and you’re the primary player, then you do not draw a card but the secondary player on your team does draw.
Who gives a sh—
Getting to that. This means that you’ll need to make a decision based on how bad or good your aggro / control deck is, and whether you want them to draw a card on Turn 1. There are conflicting opinions as to which is preferred. I would suggest your aggro deck draw a card if you’re playing first, meaning you put your aggro deck in the B seat.
As you can imagine, I’m the control player in this relationship.
The ‘hell that supposed to mean?
Nothing Kevin, nothing.
Look, look. I gotta drop some knowledge on these peeps. You ready for this? Now, fo sho, you’re gonna need a lot of creatures. More’n that, you’re going to need those creatures you normally sideboard in, because you only get one shot with 2HG, just like Rabbit in 8 Mile. Yeah… that was a good movie.
Ugh.
Shaddup. Yo respect is expected, ‘know?
Can you just finish?
Okay, okay. Creatures like Jedit’s Dragoons, mad flava masters like Subterranean Shambler, answers like Molder and Seal of Primordium are meant for the maindeck, because you don’t get second chances at a bad matchup.
Well… yeah. That was pretty good, Kevin, thanks.
Yeah, and your momma’s a ho.
[[Sigh, look of disappointment]]
Moving forward, let’s tackle mulligans. You get one free mulligan—
Mulligans! That sounds like a kick ass bar.
Except it isn’t. With your mulligan, you have to decide at the same time whether to mulligan. You can’t look at your partner’s new seven and then figure it’s time to throw yours back. Doesn’t work that way.
Yeah, this idiot can’t even shuffle correctly…
You barely know how to play this game! If you weren’t connected to my damn neck of all places…
You’d what?
I’d… you don’t want to know.
No, explain it to me.
[[Dismissive look.]]
Speaking of beating someone to death, combat occurs with simultaneous attackers declared and simultaneous blockers. Things are split up differently depending on the complexity of the steps.
Yeah, like, he says to me, “You finished with attackers?” which says to me this boy ain’t got no conviction. Conviction man, that’s what it takes to survive out there.
Out where?
In the real world.
Yes, you’re obviously living there. Now something to note: You have to do extremely well in order to make Top 4 in a 2HG event. This means you’ll need at least an x-0-1 record—
X-O What?
As in, you don’t lose any games, and you draw the final round. And sometimes, depending on the number of rounds, that won’t be enough!
So Two-Headed Giant is, like, hard or somethin’?
Yeah, sorta.
Finally, the draft portion is beyond fascinating because, as I said earlier, many cards get much better depending on the environment. The most powerful card I can imagine someone opening would be Pyrohemia, as it’s simply insane with four players. Sweeps the board, kills your opponent, is tough to deal with considering the low number of enchantment destruction in the format.
Yo, yo…didn’t BDM explain that Volcanic Awakening is a first pick bomb in the format?
I think that’s a bit of a stretch, but virtually any Storm spell is first pickable, yes.
But you get two picks per pack?
Yes. You pick two cards from each pack, meaning you get to really hone your deck two cards at a time.
Heh. ‘Hone.’
Shuttup. Now before we go, is there anything you’d like to add?
I miss the Team events from last year, yo.
Yeah, me too. I thought it was a brilliant and fun format. Now we’re at the mercy of several packs and a draft. Feels quite a bit tougher and more stressful. Plus you lose a player.
Anyway, thanks for watching Kevin and I talk about Two-Headed Giant. I’m sure we’ll be seeing Kevin at some point in the future.
Dude I’m a mad flava pimp boyee!
Or… maybe not.
The Great Nerd Fight
I don’t know how much you have or haven’t seen of this, but Osyp Lebedowicz latest article has cause a flurry of nerd and ego-related fury.
It boils down to this: Osyp phrased a comment about Willy Edel being the bestest player who ever slung cardboard. In this backhanded comment, in addition to Gadiel Szleifer insistence , the big C word was thrown around. Which, to anyone who doesn’t play this game, means that our winningest Brazilian may have Cancer.
But instead, and much like Cancer, the word is Cheater. Is Willy Edel a cheater? How important is this issue to folks who sling cardboard around kitchen tables and local card shops? What about PTQ players? When does it “get serious”?
The last World Championships had a record six disqualifications (SIX!), many of them for cheating in the form of lying to a judge. Edel doesn’t seem to have any problems telling the truth to the judges… it’s the actual gameplay that many are harping on.
How important is not taking a damage from Burning-Tree Shaman? What about an untapped Ravnica dual land? One life point can be the difference between making Top 8 and scrubbing your way back to your regular life.
In this world of $40,000 first-place finishes, it seems paramount to me, and obviously Wizards of the Coast, to keep everyone honest. The problem is, of course, that there is no actual evidence of this cheating, which many Brazilian players will happily point out.
But here’s a few choice quotes to keep in mind:
Gadiel writes, “I happen not to enjoy Magic, and haven’t for a while,” which I think is extremely sad. We U.S. boys need to represent! Or… something. Our own Ben Bleiweiss perfectly explained how burnout works in regards to Magic in his last article.
Gadiel also notes that Edel did not take damage from a Burning-Tree Shaman in his Top 8 Match. Is this a pattern, or an honest mistake? How many “honest mistakes” does it take to get to the center of a Cheater?
I’m not taking sides, but I’m really curious as to what your “average player” thinks of these “professional players” and their “shady conduct.” No one wants Mike Long-esque cheaters in the game, and I don’t want any cheating, period. So what we can we do to fix this? How hardcore must judges be?
“You! Picking your nose while searching your library is not allowed.”
When are going to see a Magic Online Pro Tour? Wouldn’t that be awesome? Not only would it be completely, 100% cheater free, it would bring even more players into the online world!
Of course, there is that whole “crashing every hour or two” problem they’ve had in the past, but hey, Magic Online 3 just entered private beta! Woohoo!
Man, I bet those avatars they worked so hard on are going to make the game so much fun. Yeah.
But I’ve ran out of time here. Join me next week, when we’ll talk about more Magic goodness. I’m sure it won’t be long before we get another hot topic to chat about.
Until then, this is Evan Erwin, tapping the cards so you don’t have to.
Evan “misterorange” Erwin
dubya dubya dubya dot misterorange dot com
eerwin +at+ gmail +dot+ com
Written while listening to Jack Johnson