As promised yesterday, today I’ll be posting my interview with Nathan Zamora, the surly, crazy dude in the Jigglypuff shirt. Most of you probably don’t know who that is, and most of you probably don’t care. I personally wanted to find out more about Mr. Zamora, and I was hoping he’d give some entertaining responses.
Quite frankly, though, I no longer give a rat’s behind what you do and don’t care about. I feel pretty disconnected from my readership nowadays. If you don’t want to read what I’m writing, then don’t. I’m basically untouchable at this point, so your services are no longer required. I built a proud legacy over the past few years, earning a Pro Player card and a slot in the 2005 Invitational with my slightly above-average writing, so now – and this will continue to be the case as long as I still get a few straggling sycophants from my heyday to laud me – I can basically do whatever I want. Take the Dailies, for instance. The requirements for these are that they must be 800+ words, about Magic in some way, and nonfiction. If I wanted to submit a 179-word coming-of-age story about a gay Doberman Pinscher as tomorrow’s Daily, Craig would publish it, and a majority of you would still love it. [Well, we can check the truth of that claim tomorrow… – Craig.]
Strangely, the critical point of my disillusionment seemed to coincide with the self-promoted rise to semi-glory of one “Ridiculous Hat.” Are these phenomena related? I’ll leave that to the philosophers. All I know is, I don’t care about Magic anymore, and my writing has become much worse and more sporadic, though I suppose those cancel each other out.
And it is all Ridiculous Hat’s fault. Okay? I said it. I could write an entire daily on that… but I won’t. Right now, I just interested in getting right into…
The Senseless, Pointless Nathan Zamora Interview
TA: Tell us a little bit about yourself.
NZ: Well, I work. I’ve lived in Texas forever, ‘cept when I was like 3 and it didn’t matter. I got into cards when I was 12 and have tried to play competitively ever since.
TA: What else do you do when you’re not playing Magic?
NZ: Well, when I’m not playing Magic, I’m usually either hangin’ out with friends, doin’ whatever – usually playing more games, talking about games, that sort of thing. I work at a card store. I started trying to get healthy recently, what with new health info and research. I figure it’s vital to success.
TA: What’s your proudest Magic accomplishment?
NZ: 65th at Hawaii… I suppose that’s “most valuable." My proudest would have to be when Pro Tour: Houston was coming (I live in Houston), and I said, "If I don’t q for this, I’m quitting." My friends and I had never q’d before, and then I q’d, and I was like, "Whoa, sweet – I don’t have to quit!"
TA: How would you describe your outlook on the game?
NZ: Personally, I’m a little fed up with Limited. It seems a little too "lucky" to me. The game is clearly better than it’s ever been, though, and the hard work that Wizards puts into the game is easily shown and such. I just wish it were easier and more efficient to play on "Pro" level events.
TA: I know what you mean about the last part. It’s why I skipped Prague – all that traveling and whatnot. P.S. The reason you’re fed up with Limited is because you suck at it!
NZ: I’m not fantastic at Ravnica; that’s for sure. I personally liked OLS best.
TA: I loved OLS and am not a huge fan of Ravnica either.
NZ: Colors FTL.
TA: So how "serious" a competitor would you say you are?
NZ: For a while, I would have said "very serious," but coming to reality, I don’t really have the knowledge or team or pool of info for testing necessary (or so I feel) to be "very serious" about the game (though I would like to be and feel I am good enough to do so). Everyone has good runs, though **cough cough Chris Moneymaker cough cough**.
TA: I found some of your lingo amusing. Can you give us a few examples and what they mean?
NZ: Like “tender n’ tasty?”
TA: Yeah.
NZ: Haha. Well, I mean, who doesn’t like tender n’ tasty stuff?! If something goes well, it’s “tender n’ tasty,” and if it’s because of something other than luck, you “’preciate it” (i.e. when opponents make mistakes and such). The words got overused when we said "juiced" when we were playing DotA, and it just pretty much stuck.
TA: Do you have any Magic-related goals?
NZ: I wanna win more than Kai Budde.
TA: Seems reasonable.
NZ: Reasonable or not, I wanna win everything. I mean, but baby steps…
TA: What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever done at a Magic event?
NZ: Oh, gosh… Well, I’ve since changed my ways, but at one event, me and this dude got in an argument, and it turned into a barrage of negativity, and I just put the guy down for like 45 minutes. Looking back, it’s pretty embarrassing. I threw a deck I drafted, etc. etc. – just lots of over-the-line stuff. I should not have done this, and I regret it.
TA: Do you have a favorite memory from a Magic event?
NZ: That’s tough. I have a lot. I certainly have a least favorite: I would have to say it would be when I went to Grand Prix: New Orleans, and Ben Stark was looking for Crimson Acolytes (again, I have since changed my ways), and so I went around to everyone and collected them all. End of round 2, he was still looking for them (because he’d registered them), and so my plan originally was to go, "Well, I have five – they’re $25 each." And clearly he says "no," so I rip ‘em in half and raise the price. Now, my friends at the time told me it was a dick move, and said, "Just sell em for $10," which I did – but devising the plan to sell them for $50 each was hilarious.
TA: Who do you hang out with at PTQs, GPs, and PTs?
NZ: I usually am there with friends, and I talk to random super pros and make some jokes. I’m making a few acquaintances…but mostly people who attended the event from my area.
TA: Like that Solis kid?
NZ: Yeah. He’s really good – probably a little better than me. He tends to eke out more matches than I can, though we both have similar accomplishments.
TA: What’s next for you as relates to Magic?
NZ: I’m thinking about going to Nationals and trying to grind in (I was 119th in composite). I hope to Top 8 a Pro Tour or win a GP sometime in the next year, though… though considering my GP attendance this year is zero, that seems a little difficult. Have more Texas GPs, damnit!
TA: Finally, since you currently have the ears of literally dozens of readers worldwide, several of whom aren’t my blood relatives, is there anything you would like to tell the people?
NZ: Stop voting for Rewind over Dismiss in the reprint votes!
TA: Thank you.
NZ: ‘preciate it. Hope it comes out tender n’ tasty.
…
A repentant sinner who’s changing his ways… not nearly as entertaining as the raucous troublemaker he once was. Nevertheless, I’d like to wish Mr. Zamora the best in all his future endeavors.
Join me tomorrow when I bring you a very important newsflash.
Love always,
Timothy James Aten