Hail to thee, oh stout and hearty yeomen! To the mailbag!
Dear Doctor Mox,
I have played competitive Magic for some years now, and have regularly placed (and succeeded) on the Pro Tour. Even though the game has been spectacular for me, I’m a big boy now so I don’t care anymore. Consequently, I have lately abandoned Magic in order to concentrate on Poker. This makes me feel more of a man, and it also means I can tell folk my weekend plans without fear of open mockery. And it gets me the chicks.
However, the draw of Extended is strong. Getting the chance to play with proper Magic cards (rather than 1/1 creatures for nine mana) is hard to resist.
Can you suggest a deck for me to play? The last booster I bought was from the Odyssey block.
John, NY.
John’s timely letter allows me to segue straight into the second installment of my Guide to Extended.
In part one, I covered the following:
- U/G Madness
- Life
- Goblins
- Reanimator
Today, we deal with frogs of an altogether different flannel…
Mind’s Desire
Mind’s Desire is a combo deck that attempts to cast as many spells as possible in a single turn, abusing the Storm mechanic to kill their opponent with one devastating action.
1: Is Mind’s Desire fun to play?
I’ll let you into a little secret of mine. No, it doesn’t involve my Swiss ladyfriend Jetta… a couple’s private life should be exactly that: private. What we get up to is our own business, known only to myself, Jetta and our local fishmonger.
My secret is this: I dislike combo decks. To me, they stink of one-upmanship. “Look at me,” they scream, “I can win matches by simply confusing your opponents! Aren’t I the clever one!” Frankly, no you’re not. Mind’s Desire is not fun, or big, or clever. And I should know, ‘cos I’m a bloody doctor.
2: Is Mind’s Desire competitive?
In the current format, combo is left to its own devices. There is little in the way of control decks, and disruption isn’t at a premium in the aggro offerings. The thing is, the Mind’s Desire deck is extremely draw-dependant. With the right stuff, it’ll show you the money. But some games will be so frustrating you’ll wish you stayed in bed with a mug of hot vodka.
3: What type of player would Mind’s Desire suit best?
The combo nature of this deck would appeal to anyone who moves like a spider. Spiders, by their nature, remain motionless for long periods of time, then suddenly move very quickly indeed. Likewise, Mind’s Desire seems powerless for turn after turn. Then… boom. Mind’s Desire players must also enjoy spending all their energies in a single, glorious turn. And going off in people’s faces is a definite bonus.
4: Is Mind’s Desire difficult to play correctly?
The combo is a tricky one to assemble correctly. Of course, you needn’t be a brain surgeon or rocket scientist to succeed with the deck. A simple PhD should suffice. However, there is another alternative, and it’s a rather cunning one at that. If you are terrible at Magic but want to conceal this fact from your peers, then Mind’s Desire is an admirable choice. In playing it, you can choose to keep marginal hands and spend entire games doing nothing but drawing cards and tapping/untapping random things. When you go 0-3 drop, you can simply feign serenity and claim the deck “didn’t feel like performing.”
Voila! Your secret remains safe!
Scepter-Chant
Scepter-Chant, or “No-Stick,” is a lockdown control deck that owns the board with counters and removal. It then sets up a condition to negate any spell played against them for the remainder of the game, match, tournament and lifetime.
1: Is Scepter-Chant fun to play?
If you’re a sociable person who enjoys interacting with people, then the answer is “no”.
If you’re the type of person who enjoys being rabbit-punched in the kidneys by red-faced opponents, then the answer is “yes.”
If you’re a right-minded fellow who feels that, when two folk play a game, it’s no fun when one of them doesn’t actually get to play, then the answer is “no.”
If you’re Nick West, then the answer is “yes,” as fifteen thousand dollars can make a lot of bizarre things seem fun.
2: Is Scepter-Chant competitive?
If you survive to turn 5 or more, then you should be favorite to win almost any matchup. Other than the Rock, of course, because that goes 50/50 with everything. The thing is… would you actually want to last until turn 5 in any game? I know that if I were running with Scepter-Chant, I’d want the game to end as quickly as possible if only so I could run and wash the dirty taste from my mouth.
3: What type of player would Scepter-Chant suit best?
Scepter-Chant is a controlling deck that would suit anyone who enjoys torturing small animals, BDSM and Extreme Tentacle Hentai (or something). An aversion to blinking would also be a distinct advantage.
4: Is Scepter-Chant difficult to play correctly?
The deck can be insanely unforgiving. Without precise play in all areas of the game, it will leap and bite you in the ass time and time again.
I tell you now, you simply haven’t the skill to play this deck.
You think you have, but you’re wrong.
Step away from the deck…
Step away from the deck…
Step away from the deck…
You’ve getting sleeeeepy…
(Phew, that was a close one. The less people that play this hideous filth, the better)
Red Deck Wins
Red Deck Wins is a deck that plays cheap and efficient burn and creatures, reducing your life to zero in record time. There are many variations, such as RDW 2002, RDW 2003 and RDW 1812 (of which overtures have been written).
1: Is Red Deck Wins fun to play?
Burn that, swing with this, have I won yet?
Burn that, swing with this, make these, have I won yet??
Burn them, burn you, swing with these, make those, have I won yet???
Burn them, burn you twice, swing with these, make those, sac these, have I won yet????
2: Is Red Deck Wins competitive?
Burn that, swing with this, have I won yet?
Burn that, swing with this, make these, have I won yet??
Burn them, burn you, swing with these, make those, have I won yet???
Burn them, burn you twice, swing with these, make those, sac these, have I won yet????
3: What type of player would Red Deck Wins suit best?
Burn that, swing with this, have I won yet?
Burn that, swing with this, make these, have I won yet??
Burn them, burn you, swing with these, make those, have I won yet???
Burn them, burn you twice, swing with these, make those, sac these, have I won yet????
4: Is Red Deck Wins difficult to play correctly?
Burn that, swing with this, have I won yet?
Burn that, swing with this, make these, have I won yet??
Burn them, burn you, swing with these, make those, have I won yet???
Burn them, burn you twice, swing with these, make those, sac these, have I won yet????
JUDGE!!! My opponent is stalling!
Red Deck Wins is brilliant.
Affinity
Affinity is a deck that abuses the “Affinity for Artifacts” mechanic, making 2/2 and 4/4 creatures free of charge. It also draws two cards for one mana, and sacrifices all it has in order to kill before you can blink. In one tournament, an Affinity player defeated his first-round opponent so quickly he actually handed in the result slip four days before the tournament began.
1: Is Affinity fun to play?
At first, Affinity was so much fun to play, it was actually made illegal in some states. Then folk began honing and honing the general build, weeding out the “bad” a.k.a “fun” cards in order to up the tempo. Soon, playing the deck became little more than an exercise in mathematics.
I’m a doctor, so I enjoy playing it. I have the professorial brain. Do you?
2: Is Affinity competitive?
Hmmm…
To date, Affinity has triumphed Standard tournaments, Extended tournaments, Vintage and Legacy tournaments, Yu-Gi-Oh and Vs System tournaments, the US Open Golf tournament, the World Series of Baseball and the recent U.S. Presidential elections. Affinity was also the first man on the moon, and it defeated Clubber Lang in the movie Rocky III.
Competitive? I should coco!
3: What type of player would Affinity suit best?
Affinity is beloved of the mathematical among us. For example, I hear it is Professor Stephen Hawking’s deck of choice when he feels the need to kick back and relax. Apparently, his research shows there is an undiscovered game-zone, a single step away from the “removed from game” pile, called the “Removed-From-Existence” zone. Cards sent there are literally removed from the history of the game, and are deemed to have never have existed. They are erased from our memories with special Hasbro mind-rubbers.
The most recent additions to the “Removed-From-Existence” zone are the Red fattie “Wobblin’ Goblin”, the entire Urza’s Orgy block, and the new Betrayers card “Jaychaplin, the Ginger Ninja.”
4: Is Affinity difficult to play correctly?
If you can count, then you should be fine. However, there are more decisions to make than initially meets the eye. Like a deformed sprinter, the Affinity deck is quick and ugly.
Going all-in can be dangerous, especially before the flop with 7-3 off-suited. There! I made a poker reference! Does that mean I’m cool?
Affinity makes you think and gives you opportunities to overplay important situations. Then, just when you’ve given up hope, out pops a Ravager with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates.
It’s difficult to play correctly, but it loves you all the same.
…
So there you have it. Eight Extended decks, discussed and dissected over two days of intense academic rigor. My arms are stiff from the typing, but I hope my wisdom proves insightful. “My deck-tech brings all the girls to the yard,” as Jetta has told on more than one occasion.
Good luck for the upcoming PTQ season. Of course, I plan to do my usual whirlwind American tour for Extended PTQs. If we face off in round one, prepare leave the venue wearing your stomach as a hat.
Until next time, keep tapping for White mana!
NB: If you have a question for Doctor Mox, he can be contacted at [email protected].
Be warned: he is notoriously grumpy in the morning.