“Give me enough refuse and mana and I will summon an Ooze that can engulf all of Ravnica. And I’ll do it with a Cavern naming Ooze. What up, Dissipate? Get ****ed. —Cevraya, Golgari Shaman” 

—Flavor text on Slime Molding, unabridged version

I finally managed to accomplish something that every kid dreams of from the moment they start playing competitive Magic. You lie awake at night and think about how cool it would be if you could hit the right mix of luck, preparation, and skill it takes to pull it off. You start 2-0 in a tournament and think, “Maybe this is finally my day. Maybe today I finally do it.”

Well, last weekend I finally did it. I finally achieved the goal. I finally reached the finish line for this particular race.

I finally cast a turn 3 Acidic Slime and destroyed my opponent’s second land drop.

Then, on turn 4, I did it again.

On turn 5, I cast a Restoration Angel and did it again.

It’s everyone’s dream.

Oh yeah, I also won a PTQ last weekend. There’s that too. I guess some people might also dream about that.

I’d like to share that story with you.

It’s a tale of how I came to play G/B/W Reanimator, as well as the successes and failures I’ve had along the way. I want to share some of the stories I’ve picked up from the past month on the grind. I’m also going to discuss the hard work I put in the past few months and how it’s been paying off for me, both in Magic and in my life outside of Magic.

Let’s start from the top. It all began with this tweet about a month ago:

4-0’d a daily and 3-0’d an 8 man with two different, but similar versions of this list. Archetype seems good! twitter.com/BraunDuinIt/st…

— Brian Braun-Duin (@BraunDuinIt) March 19, 2013

I built this G/B/W Midrange list that I loved. I was winning a decent amount with it, and it had everything I like in a deck: resilient creatures, planeswalkers, and the ability to really grind out a good game. There was just one problem. Honestly, it was kind of a minor problem, almost not worth mentioning, but in good faith I feel like I should point it out anyway.

G/B/W Reanimator did the same thing but was better at it.

Well then. Adios, G/B/W Midrange. It was fun while it lasted!

I tried to resist this notion for a long time, but eventually I couldn’t ignore the truth anymore. G/B/W Reanimator really was the top dog. Try as I might, I couldn’t find a deck that consistently beat both Reanimator and enough of the rest of the field as a whole. And believe me, I did try. I didn’t want to play G/B/W Reanimator; I wanted to beat it. I wanted to be the lone Jedi who stood up in a field of Reanimator and cut them all down.

It took a while, but I eventually broke down and gave in. And once I did, I turned to the dark side faster than Anakin when Obi-Wan told him he should take out the garbage. “You’re always treating me like a child, Obi-Wan.” Child, please.

G/B/W Reanimator is touted as the big, bad end boss. Is that so? Well, I guess it’s time to show people that in this movie the bad guy wins.

Step number 1:

Elite IQ, Cornelius, North Carolina: Saturday, March 23rd

Chris VanMeter made the trip down with me to play in both this event and a PTQ the following day. After some Magic Online testing and discussion during the car ride down, we settled on the following list:

I tested out Lotleth Troll but never really liked it. The times it was good it was amazing, but often it was just clunky and ineffective. I didn’t want a lot of hit-or-miss cards in the deck and instead wanted to play more always high-impact cards. Granted, I still had all these Centaur Healers, which are the epitome of low impact in the matchups they are bad against, but at the time I felt they were essential to shore up the aggressive matchups.

The Story of the Table Guildgate

After the first round, Chris and I were talking about how our matches went. As we were talking, I noticed that there was a basic Forest and an Orzhov Guildgate just sitting on the table. I suggested that we should run them in our deck since they conveniently produced exactly the colors of mana we were playing.

After round 2, we were sitting at the same table again. We noticed that the Guildgate and Forest were still just sitting there in the same spot, untouched by mortal hands. It was clear that these were no ordinary Magic: The Gathering cards. This was an omen. Chris picked up the Forest and took it for good luck. I was left with the Orzhov Guildgate, but as an Orzhov affiliate I didn’t exactly mind.

Fast-forward a few more rounds: Chris had mulled to five multiple times and his tournament was over, while I had good, smooth draws all day. Never bet against Orzhov Guildgate. Never pick up a Forest for good luck.

Hoof in 60 Seconds

In round 3, I was paired against U/W/R Flash. He managed to win an extremely long game 1 where at one point I actually thought milling him out might happen. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t. That game took about 42 minutes. After the game, I asked a judge to watch our match for slow play to ensure we could finish at least game 2.

Game 2, I curved mana dork into Lingering Souls into flashback Lingering Souls into Grisly Salvage to put Craterhoof Behemoth and Unburial Rites in my graveyard. Game. Hooves.

We started game 3 with one minute left. 60 measly seconds. I almost asked my opponent if he wanted to call it a draw since there was no way we were going to finish a game in time, but I decided to play it out anyway because I figured there was no way he could kill me even in worst-case scenarios.

Both of us had pretty awkward draws and just played land go for a while. I eventually got a few threats in play, but it definitely wasn’t enough pressure to finish the game in time.

Time was announced. Then I drew Craterhoof Behemoth.

With Deathrite Shaman capable of adding mana (thanks Acidic Slime!), six lands in play, and a Grisly Salvage in hand, I was definitely going to be able to cast this Craterhoof Behemoth on turn 5 of extra turns to win the game. There was just one minor catch. I needed my end of turn Grisly Salvage to yield a land. Pretty easy, right?

Grisly Salvage revealed zero lands. It all came down to my last draw step. Would it be the almighty land I needed to pay eight mana and stomp a mud hole in my opponent’s score pad? Or would I brick off and be forced to live with the shame and misfortune forevermore?

It was not a land. My shoulders slumped.

It was an Unburial Rites. I had the second Craterhoof Behemoth already in my graveyard.

My opponent’s shoulders slumped. Mud hole it is!

After it was all said and done, I ended up in the Top 8. Before the start of game 3 of my quarterfinals match, I pulled out that trusty Orzhov Guildgate and gave it a little kiss for good luck. My opponent mulled to five. He missed his third land drop. I Slimed him on turn 4 and turn 5.

Never bet against Orzhov Guildgate.

I split the Top 4, and then we departed for South Carolina. There was a PTQ to win the next day.

Pro Tour Qualifier, Lexington, South Carolina: Sunday, March 24th

Chris and I discussed changes we might want to make to the list on the ride to South Carolina. We decided we were going to maindeck Deathrite Shaman. If I know anything about the Carolinas, it’s that they love to play control decks down there. We sided out Centaur Healers almost every match in the IQ on Saturday, so we decided to just start them in the sideboard and maindeck Deathrite Shaman to combat the heavy amount of control and mirror matches we expected to face.

Here’s the list we played:

Chris shredded all evidence of that unlucky Forest having ever existed, and without that ill omen surrounding him, he very easily went X-0 and drew twice into Top 8. I, with Orzhov Guildgate still residing in my pocket, had a more interesting ride to the Top 8.

In round 3, I got smashed by a U/W/R player who was actually prepared for Reanimator. Pretty ridiculous, I know. Up to this point, none of the U/W/R players we’d faced were actually ready to beat us. He had Rest in Peace and Izzet Staticasters, and I quickly found myself getting Boros Wreckonered.

The very next round, with my back against the wall, I got paired against R/B Aggro.

The Slaughter Games Story

On the ride down to North Carolina on Saturday, CVM and I decided to play a single Fiend Hunter in the sideboard. Fiend Hunter is a great roadblock against aggressive decks, plays well with both Unburial Rites and Restoration Angel, and is great at buying time for your expensive cards to take over.

That Fiend Hunter won me a game in the most unlikely fashion.

My R/B opponent this round basically steamrolled me game 1. I played some land, did a little bit of nothing, and then died. He played some guys, and then I caught him Hellridin’ dirty and that was that.

Game 2, I mulligan to six cards and decided to keep the classically powerful hand of four land and two Thragtusks. I love to keep hands like this just to demonstrate my range: midrange.

My first draw of the game was obviously Thragtusk number three, as anyone could have predicted. On turn 3, I did what any good player would do: I drew my one-of Fiend Hunter to get rid of his Stromkirk Noble and stabilize the board to buy me time for my six-spear-fearing army to come down.

On his turn, he Searing Speared my Fiend Hunter, attacked with his Rakdos Cackler, and passed back. No worries, he was going to need six more of those to beat me this game! On turn 4, I draw the fifth land I needed and passed the turn back to him with a hand of Thragtusk, Thragtusk, Thragtusk, and land. I was primed and ready for the Tusken Raiding to begin the following turn.

On his turn 4, he slammed down his fourth land and without hesitation jammed Slaughter Games.

What. A. Beating. He was obviously going to name Thragtusk, rip apart my hand, and my PTQ would be over. What a way to go out. I tried to keep a stoic face, but my heart was racing for the inevitable naming of Thragtusk.

Before I continue, I feel I should mention this minor tidbit of information. As we sat down, my opponent remarked that he recognized me and knew that we’d played before. Having recognized him as well, I remarked that I was sure we’d played, but neither of us could remember where or when.

After he crushed me game 1, he remembered when we played. It was SCG Standard Open: Atlanta where I finished second with Human Reanimator. He was playing the same R/B Aggro deck, and I beat him with the infinite life combo. You know which deck I’m talking about; the Human Reanimator deck that features a full four Fiend Hunters.

It just so happened that the only relevant card I’d cast in the match so far was Fiend Hunter.

He named Angel of Glory’s Rise.

I won that game and then had a great draw in game 3 to take the match.

CVM and I both made Top 8 the event and were in separate brackets, so we could only face in the finals. Basically, it was the perfect setup. Unfortunately, we both ended up losing to pretty bad draws and were sent home packing early.

As Todd Anderson once told me, we left with “a box and a beating.” A box of whatever the current set is just isn’t enough of a consolation for losing the chance of qualifying for the Pro Tour. After losing like this, you try to rationalize things and basically lie to yourself by saying, “There’s always next time.” As you tell yourself that, the only thing you can think is that there might not be a next time and that this might have been your only shot to win a PTQ this season.

A box and a beating indeed.

Thankfully for me, I had more chances to win a PTQ, and my road to qualifying for Dublin wasn’t over quite yet.

Pro Tour Qualifier, Magic Online: Sunday, March 31st

I was planning on going to my parent’s house this weekend for Easter. I was really looking forward to spending some time with my family, something I don’t get to do that often. Unfortunately, I ended up getting really sick. I slept about eighteen hours on Saturday, and I woke up on Sunday still fevered. I almost didn’t play in the PTQ, but I decided at the last minute that it didn’t really matter if I was sick since I was just going to be sitting at my computer all day anyway.

Leading up to this PTQ, I had tested almost everything you can imagine in Standard to prepare for the Invitational. Four-Color Peddler. Four-Color Reanimator. Turbo Fog. Esper Control. Bant. Brad Nelson Act 2 deck. Six-Color Squire Control. You name it, and I’d tried it out at least once. I couldn’t find anything I liked. I felt like the format was starting to become hostile toward G/B/W Reanimator, but at the same time I couldn’t find anything better. Around the time of this PTQ, I stopped trying to find other decks to play in the Invitational and just started to work on making Reanimator the best I could.

The list I played in the PTQ had less than four Thragtusks in the maindeck. That may sound like heresy, but the format was moving away from Tusk. In the Reanimator mirror, I sided out all of my Thragtusks. Against decks like Esper and U/W/R, Thragtusk doesn’t actually do that much. It’s not a bad creature by any stretch, but when I played Esper I rarely found that Thragtusk actually beat me. There was one creature, however, that gave me fits playing Esper. In fact, this creature is why I stopped playing Esper altogether.

Obzedat? Not quite. Obzedat’s a little too big for my tastes. I prefer for my five-drops to trade in combat with Rakdos Cackler.

I wanted to make it rain on my opponent’s enchantments, artifacts, lands, and parade. Acid rain. I’m talking about everyone’s favorite 2/2 for five: Acidic Slime.

In the past few weeks that I’d played with the deck, I found something out. Acidic Slime was really good. My plan for the mirror match was to Slime them and keep them from casting Angel of Serenity and Craterhoof Behemoth. It was highly effective. My plan against Jund was to Slime them. Esper? Slime. U/W/R? There’s this card you may have heard of called Acidic Slime. In fact, a large portion of the metagame fit the Slime Molding. They were primed to be Slimed.

I registered three maindeck Acidic Slimes. I was gonna Slime the ever living **** out of some people, and I was going to love every minute of it. Once you understand how awesome it feels to Slime someone, you realize that the kind of MTG you played pre-Slime was just a hollow shell of what it could have been. There’s no going back.

As Lord Victor Nefarius once eloquently said: “Let the games begin”

Was Acidic Slime good in this tournament? I don’t know, is grass green? Is the sky blue? Is Squire the best white two-drop of all time? Of course Acidic Slime was good in this tournament. To doubt the Slime is to doubt oneself.

In the Swiss, I played against a lot of midrange and control decks, including playing against Esper three times. In a match against Prime Speaker Bant, I was about 100% convinced my opponent had at least one Angel of Serenity in his hand that would completely end the game if he could cast it. When I won the game, my opponent had two Avacyn’s Pilgrims in play and a mana base that consisted of only Forests, Breeding Pools, Hinterland Harbors, and Gavony Townships. I Slimed him off of about four or five white sources, and he never could cast that Angel of Serenity.

In one of my matches against Esper Control, I took the following screenshot:

I killed him on turn 7. He didn’t miss a land drop and never had a chance to cast Supreme Verdict.

I can only imagine that my opponents in the Swiss looked something like this after the match was over:

I ended up going 8-1 and was the first seed going into Top 8. Unfortunately, Magic Online hasn’t implemented the new play/draw rule, so it really didn’t matter whether I was the 1st or 8th seed. I should also note that there were 409 players in this tournament, one short of the 410 needed for it to be a ten-round tournament. As a result, one player went 8-1 and finished in 9th place. It’s quite ridiculous to think that X-1 isn’t good enough to Top 8, and I know I would have been very frustrated to be the one who ended up in 9th on tiebreakers.

In the quarterfinals, I played against a Naya Midrange deck, which is a very good matchup. His draws weren’t particularly good either, and I was able to fairly easily win the match 2-0.

In the semifinals, I played against R/G Aggro. My draw in game 1 was awesome, and I managed to win it. In game 2, my opponent mulled to five and couldn’t put up much of a fight. Just like that, I found myself in the finals.

I won game 1 pretty easily against U/W/R Flash.

Game 2 went super long. My opponent cast three big Sphinx’s Revelations, but I was able to match his card advantage with Unburial Rites and Angel of Serenity. Eventually, we reached a position where I had two Angel of Serenitys, a Thragtusk, and two Deathrite Shamans in play, one already tapped from eating a Think Twice. One of the Angels had a few of my creatures tucked underneath it, but the other Angel had two of his Restoration Angels and his Aurelia, the Warleader underneath. At five life, I felt like I needed to end the game as quickly as I could before he found an answer to my two Angel of Serenitys and killed me with all the fliers he would get back.

On the second to last turn, my opponent flashed back a main phase Think Twice and then activated Desolate Lighthouse before passing the turn to me. It was clear to me that he was digging for a Supreme Verdict. At the end of his turn, I decided to activate my Deathrite Shaman to remove a card from his graveyard and Shock him in order to ensure that I had lethal the next turn. I considered the possibility that he might kill me with two Searing Spears if I did it, but he had less than 20 cards left in his deck at this point and he hadn’t cast one yet. I figured he had probably sided them out.

I activated Deathrite Shaman to Shock him. In response, he cast Searing Spear and then Snapcaster on Searing Spear to deal six to me and end the game. I was a bit shell-shocked at this point, but I recovered and sideboarded again for game 3.

The hand I kept game 3 had two Lingering Souls and three land but no green source. Many turns later, I’m still sitting on B/W lands. By the time I hit the green source, my opponent was casting Aurelia and killing me.

A box and a beating. All I could think about was that Deathrite activation and how I had thrown away my chance. “There’s always next time.” “There’s always next time.” “There’s always next time.”

This was the fifth time I’d found myself in the finals of a PTQ. My lifetime record was now 1-4, and that one win was a gracious concession by someone already qualified. I couldn’t close a tournament, and it was somewhat discouraging. Was I doing something wrong, or was I just unlucky? It was hard to tell and harder to figure out how to tell.

The only thing I could do was move on.

SCG Invitational, Atlanta, Georgia: Friday-Sunday, April 5-7th

In Legacy, I was already set on playing the Deathblade deck I’d been working on. Deathblade is a Stoneblade deck featuring Deathrite Shaman and Dark Confidant. I feel like Deathrite Shaman is the ultimate fair card in Legacy right now and that it’s a mistake for a fair deck like Stoneblade that can easily cast it to pass on doing so. Javier Arevalo and I had played a worse version of the list at #SCGDC and had a combined 13-3-2 record in the Swiss, with Javier making Top 8. Having made improvements to the deck, I was sure that I would do well in the Legacy portion of this event.

In Standard, I was still on G/B/W Reanimator. I had no clue if the deck was even good or not anymore, but I was comfortable with it and felt like I could find a way to win matches with it even if I wasn’t playing against “good” matchups.

The list I played was very similar to the one I played in the Magic Online PTQ the week prior. In fact, the only maindeck change was swapping the Vault of the Archangel for a Cavern of Souls because I expected a lot of the Invitational players to be playing U/W/R after it won both Magic Online PTQs. I also added a second Obzedat to go with my second Cavern of Souls in the sideboard. After board, I had a multifaceted game plan that featured Cavern of Souls, Obzedat, Acidic Slime, and Garruk Relentless along with the usual cards like Restoration Angel, Thragtusk, and Angel of Serenity. My opponents were typically forced to answer too many varying threats and would come up short.

After day 1, I found myself in first place at 8-0. All I could think of was how Cedric Phillips had a similar start in a prior Invitational and missed Top 8. In fact, later that night I ran into Cedric at Carrabba’s, and he basically told me the same thing: “Don’t screw it up!”

I lost the first two matches on day 2. I could feel it slipping away from me.

The first was a match on camera against Phillip Lorren. You can watch the replay of that match here and draw the conclusion that I lost game 2 because I got unlucky. I kept a one-lander on the draw with a Ponder and lost about five turns later having never seen another land. I had two Force of Wills with a Jace, and in all of those draw steps that didn’t produce a land, I couldn’t even draw a second blue card to turn on my second Force of Will. How unlucky.

What you might miss is that I had outs to win that I didn’t take. On turn 2, I cast Inquisition of Kozilek to see my opponent’s hand of lands, Sneak Attack and Emrakul. He had cast a Ponder the previous turn, and he had a fetchland in play. I had a Force of Will in my hand for his Sneak Attack. As long as he didn’t draw another Sneak Attack or a Show and Tell, I had time to draw out of my one-lander.

On his upkeep, he didn’t crack his fetchland. This meant he wanted to draw the card he left on top with Ponder. I had a Surgical Extraction in hand. I should’ve just cast it on any card in his graveyard to make him shuffle those cards away and lower his odds of drawing a relevant card. I didn’t. He drew Show and Tell and cast it. I had to Force of Will it. I lost to the Sneak Attack.

The second was a match against Shaheen Soorani where, to put it bluntly, he got very lucky to win both games when I was ahead. Multiple times I knew his hand and he ripped the card he needed the following turn to beat my lines of play.

At this point, I realized I left the Orzhov Guildgate in the hotel room on accident. I hadn’t won a match yet without it. CVM actually asked Ali Aintrazi to drive back to the hotel to get it.

Never bet against Orzhov Guildgate.

In the third round of the day, I was paired against RUG Delver. In game 1, I had a Liliana on one counter and a healthy life total. He had nothing in play. We both had no cards in hand. I felt very favored to win this game. He drew a Brainstorm into Nimble Mongoose and Tarmogoyf. I drew bricks and lost. Was I gonna lose again and start 0-3? I was already thinking about how I was going to sign the match slip as Brick James.

I shook myself out of it and told myself that I was going to win no matter what.

In game 2, we were in a situation where I was at seven life. I had a fetchland in play with a Deathrite Shaman. I wanted to crack that fetchland to search up a Tropical Island to start exiling creatures from his graveyard to gain life. He had two cards in hand and a Nimble Mongoose that was itching to eat my life total away. A few turns ago he had cast Brainstorm, and he had a fetchland in play. He didn’t crack the fetchland, actively choosing to draw both cards with the Brainstorm, yet he hadn’t cast those cards.

I wanted to crack that fetchland so badly, but I had to put him on having two Lightning Bolts in hand despite him having already cast one earlier in the game. What else could he have in hand that he kept but hadn’t cast yet? Learning my lesson from my match against Phillip Lorren, I played around two Lightning Bolts, as unlikely as it may have seemed that he had that exact combination of cards. I ended up winning that game and then game 3 to take the match. Afterward, I asked him if he had the two Bolts. He confirmed it.

Playing around those two Bolts and taking that match was the turning point in the tournament for me. It restored my confidence, and I ended up winning the next two matches as well. I went 6-2 in both formats, which was good enough for Top 8. I won my quarterfinals match against Merfolk in a very thrilling fashion: by activating a Deathrite Shaman to exactsies my opponent in response to the Dark Confidant trigger that would kill me in my upkeep, as I was at one life.

I won the first two games against Gerry Thompson in the semifinals, but he clawed back and won games 3-5. He fought through everything I could throw at him in skillful fashion and demonstrated why he was the best player in the tournament. His victory was well deserved. I was forced to settle for 3rd place, but I was accepting of it. It was a good finish, and I felt like I had played well throughout the tournament.

My Diet and My Improvement as a Player

The Invitational marked the fourth straight event I had made Top 8 of with G/B/W Reanimator in a row. I felt that during this stretch I was playing very well, far beyond any level I had ever played at in the past, and my results were agreeing with my feelings. In fact, in the six months since November, I had put up far better results than the full previous year or any other time in my Magic career. I had two Legacy Open Top 8s, a Standard Open finals, an Invitational Top 8, and 5 PTQ Top 8s, including two finals losses. While I still couldn’t manage to close a tournament and win, I was consistently doing well in nearly every event.

Something had to have changed. A player who has played as long as I have doesn’t just improve overnight without a catalyst. I’m not just going to randomly get better—there had to be some root cause for my growth as a player.

There was. As I grew as a player, I shrunk as a person. Since November, I’d changed my lifestyle. I started doing a low-carb diet, exercising regularly, and drinking lots of water. I’ve lost 70 pounds.

I talked about how the diet had helped me in a prior article, but I wanted to mention it again because it’s just as true now as it was then. Since I have been on the diet, I am thinking far more clearly than ever before, my memory is better, and I have significantly more energy. I used to get headaches all the time in tournaments and would often lose win-and-in rounds, probably due to my fatigue at the end of long tournaments. That doesn’t happen anymore.

I can’t overstate how important the diet and lifestyle changes have been to my improvement as a player. There’s no way I would have experienced this level of success if I was still at my original weight and eating fast food and drinking soda every day. I am taking lines of play that old me would have never seen, and I’m playing around cards that old me would have walked right into. Sometimes those little things can be the difference between Top 8 and getting 13th place or the difference between winning a tournament and finishing in 7th.

I’m also the happiest I have ever been right now. Not because of my tournament success, but because I have something to work hard at accomplishing—losing weight—and my hard work is producing results. Similarly, I’ve put a lot of work into improving and tuning the G/B/W Reanimator archetype to prepare for the metagames I expect to see at each tournament, and those tweaks are also yielding results.

It’s refreshing to work hard at something and see the fruits of your labor. In a game like Magic, where there is a significant luck component, this isn’t always the case. You can do everything right and still lose sometimes. But when it does come together, it’s a beautiful thing.

If you’re looking to improve yourself, not only as a Magic player but also as a person in general, I can’t recommend enough trying to first clean up how you take care of your body. Eat well, drink water, exercise, and see what results from the new and improved you. It may surprise you.

But let’s get back to talking about Magic, shall we? The story isn’t quite done yet.

Pro Tour Qualifier, Glen Burnie, Maryland: Saturday, April 13th

Chris VanMeter again accompanied me to this PTQ along with Reuben Bresler. My faith in G/B/W Reanimator was at an all-time low. If I’d thought the format was hostile before, it was positively brutal now. G/R Aggro had recently made Top 8 of SCG Invitational in the hands of Ross Merriam and was picking up in popularity. It was becoming popular largely because it had a great matchup against G/B/W Reanimator, thanks in no small part to the power of Thundermaw Hellkite and Bonfire of the Damned in the matchup.

That’s not even considering the fact that The Aristocrats was back. Brad Nelson rounded up the gang for another go at it, and after his Standard Open Top 8 and numerous videos about it, it was sure to be a popular choice. The Aristocrats: Act 2 is a terrible matchup for Junk Reanimator, and outside of dedicating a large portion of my sideboard to beating it, I wasn’t sure exactly how I was supposed to win this matchup.

The good guys were too strong. I didn’t like being evil anymore. Maybe this movie is exactly like every other one and the good guys win in the end. I sleeved up G/R Aggro as well as G/B/W Reanimator. I wasn’t sure which one I was going to play until the night before the event.

I decided on G/B/W Reanimator. One last hurrah. I still had the Orzhov Guildgate. It hadn’t failed me yet.

Just like every other tournament, you had to adapt or you were going to die. The format had changed—Reanimator had to change as well.

In this case, the main change was adding three Garruk Relentless to the maindeck in place of the lackluster Centaur Healers we had played before. Garruk Relentless, as we found, was good in actually every single expected matchup. Hopefully, playing these would be enough to swing the poor matchups in our favor.

The night before, I also decided that I was going to play two Trostani, Selesnya’s Voice in the sideboard. I wanted the card to beat the aggressive decks that were sprouting up. To say that I didn’t regret that decision would be an understatement. Selesnya’s finest opted to skip on using their Library voice for this tournament and went with the outdoor voice instead. Trostani was heard.

There were 127 players, one short of the threshold for an 8th round. It was going to be a seven-round tournament, and there was no guarantee that any X-1-1s would make it in. Players were cheering when they announced it was only going to be seven rounds. I was not. Having an eighth round gives you significantly more leeway over the course of a tournament. In a seven-round, 127-player tournament, you can only lose once and might not be able to take any draws, intentional or not. In an eight-round, 128-player tournament, you might be able to make Top 8 at X-2. If you feel like you have a good deck and are a good player, having an extra round lowers the variance in a tournament. The more rounds you play, the more likely it is that luck balances out and the best prepared players rise to the top.

As it so happened, I started 5-0. Normally, you can double draw at 5-0 and get into Top 8 at 5-0-2 in 3rd or 4th place. When I checked the standings, if I double drew at 5-0, I would end up in 10th or at best 9th place since my tiebreakers were the worst of the 5-0 players. Nobody with an X-1-1 record would Top 8 this event. It was X-1 or better. There wasn’t any room for losing.

Thankfully for me, one special card ensured that I didn’t do any of that.

Did you forget about Acidic Slime?

He was a popular show airing during the 6-7 PM block on TV: Slime Time. I offered my opponents some chips between games in case they were hungry. They were Tostitooze: Hint of Slime. Have you tried the new weightless plan? It’s called Slime Fast.

Let’s put it this way: I played Esper twice, Jund twice, R/G once, and Reanimator once in the first six Swiss rounds. Every one of my opponents was susceptible to my subsliminal messages.

My opponents would hit their fourth land drop and pass the turn, waiting for the following turn to start the chain of Thragtusks and Garruk, Primal Hunters once they could play their fifth land.

Then I would Slime Walk them a few turns in a row—suddenly those five-drops didn’t seem quite so appealing.

Acidic Slime was a monster in this event. That card outperformed my wildest expectations, and I already knew how good it was.

After the Swiss rounds, The Lonely Island showed up at the PTQ to show off some of the verses from their new hit single, I Just Had Slime:

Detention Sphere my Thragtusk?

(Didn’t matter had Slime)

Curse of Death’s Hold?

(Didn’t matter had Slime)

Missed a land drop?

(Didn’t matter had Slime)

I bounced my Slime with Restoration Angel

(Still counts)

I ended up at 6-0-1 and in 2nd place going into the Top 8.

In the first round of Top 8, I played against Alex Majlaton piloting U/W/R Flash. Game 1, he blew me out completely with an overloaded Electrickery when my only action was a bunch of Lingering Souls tokens. In games 2 and 3, I was able to keep him choked on mana with special thanks to my little green friend, Acidic Slime. Obzedat, Ghost Council was able to follow up and do the heavy lifting afterward.

I was on to the semifinals.

If there’s one motto this article has taught you, it has to be: “Never bet against Orzhov Guildgate.”

My semifinals opponent was playing B/W Zombies. He led off with Orzhov Guildgate in game 1.

Damn.

Regardless, I was able to grind out a win in both games. And I truly mean grind. Trostani was instrumental in winning game 2 by gaining me a ton of life and by populating a 2/2 Wolf every turn for only God knows how many turns. Reuben Bresler was hand-drawing Wolf tokens for me each turn, and he now suffers from a debilitating case of carpal tunnel. It was that long. But eventually I broke through his near infinite supply of Lingering Souls spirits and Cartel Aristocrats to finish him off.

Finals.

My opponent was Tommy Ashton playing R/G Aggro. He was easily one of the Top 5 players in the event and certainly no stranger to this kind of a match. The matchup was in his favor. It wasn’t going to be a cakewalk. It could, however, possibly be a Slime Walk. One could only hope.

We split the first two games. I won game 1 thanks in no small part to Acidic Slime, which blew up four of his lands and held off a Wolfir Silverheart bonded with a Ghor-Clan Rampager long enough for me to stabilize. He ended the game with those two creatures and a mere two Forests in play. Game 2, I stumbled on land, and he ran me over.

It all came down to game 3. Before the game began, I pulled out the Orzhov Guildgate and put it on the table. At this point in time, it had been weeks since I originally picked that Guildgate up. A corner was missing, and it looked like it was molested by the tire of a truck. Even in a sleeve, there’s no way you could play this card. But looks can be deceiving because this Orzhov Guildgate made up for his poor shape with one huge intangible: heart. This Guildgate had heart.

When I pulled out the Guildgate, Tommy looked at me and said something to the effect of, “That doesn’t work on me. Unlike your last opponent, I’m not actually playing it in my deck.” I guess we’d see about that!

An early Grisly Salvage put an Unburial Rites and Angel of Serenity in my graveyard. Turn 4 Angel of Serenity would be game over for him. His only out at this point was one of his two Ground Seals. He untapped and…had it. There would be no free wins in the finals of this PTQ.

I played a Trostani on turn 4 and a Thragtusk on turn 6. He bonded a Wolfir Silverheart with a Flinthoof Boar. It was anyone’s game.

He attacked with his 8/8 and 7/7. I flashed in a Restoration Angel to blink my Thragtusk and gain fifteen life. I populated my Beast token before blocks and gained another three. I put fourteen power and thirteen toughness in front of his Wolfir Silverheart. If I could get that off the table, I could begin the process of grinding this game out with Trostani and Gavony Township. By blocking with it all, I played around Ghor-Clan Rampager.

He didn’t have a Ghor-Clan Rampager. He had two. His 16/16 Silverheart lived, and my board was destroyed. Thragtusk made a Beast, and I was left with a Trostani and a Beast token to fight off his horde of huge monsters.

The next few turns were a blur. I took a lot of damage, but I gained a lot of life. In fact, I imagine I gained over 50 life this game. He had a Hellrider and a third Ghor-Clan Rampager to blow me out on another block, and he cast a Bonfire from his hand. Through it all, Trostani populated Beasts and Gavony Township helped push them out of Bonfire range. I was starting to run out of gas, and despite all the life gain I was down to a pretty low life total. I was still facing down the Flinthoof Boar bonded with a Wolfir Silverheart. I needed some help.

Acidic Slime came off the top to save the day. I Slimed his Ground Seal. I just needed to survive one turn, and then I could finally Unburial Rites my Angel of Serenity and clear his board. He drew a card and paused.

It wasn’t Bonfire. He cast a Bonfire from his hand for three, leaving me with just enough blockers to chump his Silverheart and Flinthoof Boar. I untapped, put an Angel of Serenity into play, cleared his board, and gained life with Trostani.

The following turn he conceded.

I wouldn’t say I had slim outs to win the game, but I would definitely say I had Slime outs to win. I needed to hit a Slime or an Abrupt Decay for his Ground Seal, or I needed to raw dog another Angel of Serenity to cast from my hand and Wrath him. It was enough cards that I felt comfortable I would draw one eventually, and I did.

It was a hell of a finals match, but I’m glad I finally came out on top.

2-4

Never bet against Orzhov Guildgate.

Dublin, prepare to get Slimed.

Thanks for reading,

Brian Braun-Duin

BBD on Magic Online

@BraunDuinIt on Twitter