My Penance

The Reverend sees the light and takes up the torch! Yes, Rizzo and Wakefield were the best writers ever… And Wachter must follow, showing off his dogs, his music, and beating the crap out of Zev Gurwitz! Possibly the funniest Magic article ever, though it’s not for the easily offended.

Okay, ya got me. I was wrong, you guys were right. This past week has been a period of intense, agonizing soul searching, and deep personal reflection. Was I too harsh on Rizzo? Perhaps all the people who were insulted by my comments were right. After reading through Wakefield’s old articles on The Dojo archives and looking back at Rizzo’s fine body of work, I realized that I had made a terrible, terrible mistake.

But all was not lost! I had a moment of enlightenment! An epiphany! I have seen the light my brothers! Rizzo really was the savior of our Magic community!

I died for your sins, chief.

The worst part was, it was all my fault. Here I was, being selfish, writing strategy articles, and catering to the players who PTQ hard in hopes of grabbing the brass ring and playing on the Pro Tour. What was wrong with me? Had working for”The Man” really jaded me that much?

I’ve spent two years in sin, writing for Sideboard, trying to make the world’s best players well known.

I’ve spent two years in sin covering competitive Magic, reporting to the world about Pro Tour events, letting readers know how players like Kai Budde play, and what goes through the minds of Jon Finkel and Gary Wise.

I’ve spent two years in sin telling the Magic community about some of the Pro Tour’s greatest battles. I used vivid description to put you in the crowd as Tom van de Logt’s Machine Head deck massacred all of Alex Borteh’s Merfolk to take the World Championship.

Some might say this constitutes a great contribution to the community. I say no! No more! No longer will I sin against the standards set forth by our deities Wakefield and Rizzo! No longer will I write for the great Satan known as the competitive player! No, my brothers, it is time to testify! It is time for someone to spread the gospel and take up the cause that has made our fallen leaders quit the game we love. It is time for an individual of strong will to carry the torch and keep the memory of Wakefield and Rizzo alive. Let’s face it… Who better to bear such a heavy cross – who better to wage this crusade against those who wish to make our game serious and stripped of all fun than The Reverend?

Yes! With the powers invested in me by the Universal Life Church, I will make it my new mission to follow the lead of Rizzo and Wakefield.

Follow me or die! Can you do any less?

Why be original when you can worship the example set forth by the great martyrs? Why should your motivation to write come from yourself, when it can come from someone else? Why aspire to be original when you can follow a formula?

Swing with this Verdant Force, for it is my blood! Regenerate this Nightscape Familiar, for it is my body!

I give in! I am ready to follow their example and lead the Magic community on the road to righteousness. My first attempt at upholding to the standards set by the great ones is this tournament report from this past week’s Friday Night Magic tournament at Neutral Ground.

I have written my fair share of tournament reports, but Brother Wayne Alward has opened my eyes to the proper way to write one. He said”I want to hear about Wakefield’s dogs. I want to know Rizzo’s opinion of life.” Now that I have seen the light, I agree! The only problem is, both of these men have shifted off this mortal coil. Luckily, oh followers of the scripture, there is no need to mourn. As their disciple you will now get to hear about The Reverend’s dogs, and The Reverend’s opinion of life. Normally, I wouldn’t include these details because I used to think no one cared about them and would rather have me simply shut up and get to the point analyzing my deck and the tournament. But hey, who am I to argue with the public? If it’s dogs you want, it’s dogs you’ll get.

This is Sweetie. We got her about eight years ago when she was a puppy, at the pound. She’s a mutt, but I like mutts more than purebred dogs. They’re more loyal, and to be honest, purebreds tend to be, well… Inbred and stupid. Sweetie is incredibly smart. She’ll often understand me when I tell her to go eat, or to go get my other dog Gus when they go for a run, or to get her leash. She is half Greyhound and half German Shepherd, or at least that’s what we think. Sweetie can run very fast, even though she’s getting a bit older now. Her running doesn’t quite have the same intensity it used to… But every now and then she gets that crazy look in her eyes and goes full throttle, reminding me of the”puppy frenzies” she used to have years ago.

Not only is she smart, but she’s incredibly loving and loyal. Now that I’m away at college I don’t get to see my dogs as often, but when I do come home she’s extremely glad to see me. She will jump on me and then flip herself over on the floor headfirst, and roll on her back, asking for me to rub her belly. Then, if I try to go to the computer and do some work, she’ll follow me into my room. She doesn’t really ask for attention even though she wants it, and she’s happy to sit on the floor beside me, or to curl up on my bed while I sit in my chair and work.

Sweetie is also a great guard dog. Almost too good. Every time she hears a sound, she barks like crazy. If a doorbell rings on a television show, she’ll go nutzo and run to the door. This may seem threatening, but her bark is certainly worse than her bite. She’s quick to be affectionate towards strangers whom she has never met before, but that’s a part of her charm. Everyone who meets Sweetie for the first time is quick to point out how friendly and happy she is around people.

She is also one tough dog. A few years back she had a pretty bad lung problem, and even stopped breathing while she was at the vet. Luckily, the doctor on duty who was about to leave for the night saw this, and revived Sweetie. After recovering she was very weak, so we had to put her on medication steroids to build back her strength. This didn’t work too well, and my parents started to hint to me that putting her to sleep would be the merciful thing to do, which I wasn’t willing to accept since I was twelve at the time. Sweetie fought back, and was back to her old self in a few months.

After we had Sweetie for a year or two, we decided to get a second dog to keep her company.

This is Gus. A few years back on Yom Kippur, which is the holiest Jewish holiday meant for repentance of sins, we didn’t go to temple. Instead, we adopted Gus, who was going to be put to sleep an hour before we got him. The reason no one wanted him is that he looks like a total killer. I mean look at the guy! He’s part Sharpei and the other half of him could be either Lab, or Pitbull, or Chow. We’re not sure. Anyway, when we first got him, he was really aggressive. He had spent most of his life either abused or on the streets, and while he seemed happy to have a home, he was prone to randomly snapping on us. We took him to the vet, who told us:”You’d better put him down. He’ll kill you in your sleep.” Honestly, does this look like the kind of dog that would maul you?

After a few months he accepted us as his new family, and became incredibly friendly.

Chopping off his nuts probably had something to do with his change in attitude too.

We’re pretty sure he was abused before we got him, because he will roll over and pee on himself in fear if you yell at him. Yes, the dog that will”kill us in our sleep” rolls over and pisses on himself if you yell at him the slightest bit. Thunderstorms also scare the hell out of him. He’ll duck under a table, or curl up in a corner from the sound. In rain, I have to drag all eighty pounds of him when I walk the dogs, because he doesn’t want to take a single step.

All this neurotic behavior is even more apparent when it comes to attention. I can be sitting down watching TV, and he’ll walk up to me and give me the puppy dog eyes and the”Please pet me” face. If I ignore him, he’ll rest his chin on the couch or on my leg, and increase the”I’m so cute and helpless” look. If this fails, he will take his massive paw and grab at me, leaving marks on my arm from his huge claws. This is only done to catch my attention, but it’s funny that he doesn’t really know his strength. If I do pet him, it takes only a few seconds for him to start pawing and scratching at me again.

Unlike Sweetie, Gus is very quiet. He will only bark if something is really wrong, and he does not like to play. When we take the dogs out to run with other dogs at the park, he will stand and act as a referee, making sure nothing gets out of hand between the other dogs. He may be timid around humans, but he has no problems stepping in to stop a dog that is getting out of hand. Even dogs that seem to be bigger and tougher than Gus back down when he gets in their face.

Gus also got sick a few years back. He had heartworm, and it cost quite a bit of money to treat. We couldn’t really afford it, so I offered to give up my guitar lessons if it meant curing my dog. Now don’t get me wrong – I love playing guitar, but at this point the lessons weren’t doing me much good. I already knew how to play most of my favorite songs and could improvise pretty well, so it wasn’t a hard choice.

To be honest, playing guitar well isn’t that hard. I’ve found that the best thing to know is the penatonic scale. Here’s a chart of how it works:

E —1———————————4————–

B —1———————————4————–

G —1———————-3———4————-

D —1———————-3————————-

A —1——–2————-3————————-

E —1———————————4————–

The numbers represent your fingers, and their space between frets. Also, for those who don’t know, the E on the bottom represents the thickest string, and is the first string you play. So, you would put your pointer finger on the first fret, and play that note. Then, put your pinky or ring finger on the fourth fret, and play that note. After that, go to the next string and play the first, second and third frets, and so on. It can be a bit tricky at first, but once you have the scale memorized and can flow with it, it’ll sound great.

If you really want to have some fun, put on a song you like. Then, slide your finger up and down the low E string (the thickest one) and keep playing different notes until you find one that can be played over and over, while still sounding good within the song. This is the key. Now you just start the penatonic scale on that fret, and you’ll sound great. You can go up and down, or skip around, bend or hammer. Have fun with it. Improvise!

If anyone needs some more help with this by the way, feel free to email me.

Wow, four pages and I’ve yet to even talk about my deck! Or mention anything that has to do with Magic! Isn’t this great?

RevToby: <— Getting the hang of this

Well, if I’m going to become a cult writer, I need to develop my own school of Magic. Wakefield had one, which involved a few odd ideas. I’d like to address these, and present my own.

The Wakefield School of Magic says: Play 62 card decks.

Rule #1 of The Wachter School of Magic: If 62 cards is better than 60 cards, why not 80? Why not 100? Why not 246? Bigger is better! Not that you’re compensating for anything. Damnit, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar! And, sometimes a big dic… Err, DECK, is just a big deck!

The Wakefield School of Magic says: The last fatty that hits the table and sticks around is the one that kills your opponent.

Rule #2 of The Wachter School of Magic: The last Battle of Wits you play that hits the table and sticks around kills your opponent. And makes him want to blow off his head with a shotgun.

The Wakefield School of Magic says: Fatties!!! W0000 FaTtIeS!!!! CREATURES r00l OMG VeRdAnT FoRcE LOL!!!!11

Rule #3 of The Wachter School of Magic: Creatures Suck.

Unfortunately, now that I have dedicated myself to being your new paragon of virtue, I can’t quite hold to my school of Magic. See, playing a netdeck is a sin! Why play a good deck with good cards when you can play a cool deck with bad cards? You might lose – but you’re being original, dammit! Screw Kai Budde, screw Finkel, screw Zvi, we’re going to play our Reya Dawnbringers and Coalition Victories! Finkel and Kai may win Pro Tours… But we are the real champions because we are original!

The only problem with following this path of righteousness is that we have to put up with the sinners beating us all the time. We tune and tune our deck with tons of big, vicious creatures, and when we summon Vampiric Dragon, our opponents just tap two mana and Counterspell it.

bLuE mAgEs SuCk iT’s s000 UnfAiR!!! It’S CheEzY!!!!11

Here’s an illustration to prove my point:

Seems pretty simple to me.

Still, purging all my sins is a slow process. I decided that I would still run Battle of Wits at Friday Night Magic. It may be”rogue” and not a total netdeck since I made it myself, but it still uses lots of good, solid utility spells – and we all know that’s a big no-no.

So Friday afternoon I came home from school, checked my email, and then guess what I did?


Aren’t you happy, Brother Alward?

The funny thing is, I’ve been writing about Magic for well over five years now, and not once have I included useless personal fluff like this. All these years I’ve been so very, very wrong! I have been depriving you of the honor of the details of my personal life! Some might say it’s arrogance for a writer to think the reader actually cares about these things, but I say it just adds to the experience of reading a Magic article.

Dear Rizzo and Wakefield,

How is it possible to go six pages into a Magic article without providing any helpful advice whatsoever?



Speaking of things that have no relevance whatsoever to Magic, here’s Gus taking his afternoon dump.

Well hey, you wanted realism, right? Just because it smells bad and looks ugly doesn’t mean we should turn back now!

This may be a bit vulgar, but hey, you people wanted to be taken on a Magical journey, am I right? I’m sure Gerrard and Squee had to use the toilet every now and then. And if one wasn’t available, I’m sure they used the poop deck on the Weatherlight.

Heh heh. Poop Deck.

But wait! Gus didn’t just take any dump. Let’s get a closer look.

Yes, Psychatog is a great card….

…for Gus to poop on.

Aww, how cute! Gus hates netdecks too!

You’re a cute little doggie, aren’t you? Who’s a rogue dog? Who’s a rogue dog? Gusie is! Gusie is a rogue dog! You’d rather play your own bad decks and lose than play a good deck and win, and you’ll chastise anyone who doesn’t make this same decision! Everyone should be just like you- loyal, noble, and willing to waste $25 losing every weekend, content in the fact that you are at least”original!”

Aww, how precious!

Sorry, once I get into the doggie-baby talk I tend to lose my train of thought.

I cleaned up the mess and brought the dogs back into the house. I always give them a treat once we get back from a walk, and they expect it as soon as the leashes come off.

This time, however, things were different. Joseph Ganis said my last article was”pointless and vapid.” Hopefully he will find more meaning in this one now that I have seen the light, but his insult still hurts me greatly. So you know what? Just because he said that, THE DOGS GET NO TREATS TODAY. Mr. Ganis, I hope you can sleep well at night knowing you made two very cute, loving dogs suffer. It’s all your fault.

Wow, maybe I do have some”growing up to do,” huh?

After leaving a pair of disappointed, hungry, brokenhearted canines behind me, I grabbed my discman and put on a CD to listen to on the train.

This is The Process of Belief, the latest album by Bad Religion. Now, normally, I wouldn’t bore you with the details of my favorite band – but as you know, today is the beginning of a new era.

Bad Religion first formed in 1979 in Los Angeles, when the members of the band were still in high school. Their first full length LP, How Could Hell Be Any Worse? sold 10,000 copies – a remarkable feat for an independent band with very little radio exposure. Without a record label to release their albums on, the band started their own – Epitaph Records. It started off with no office, and the band members would press the vinyl records themselves, and operate sales from a parent’s basement or garage. Years later, Epitaph would be home to bands such as Pennywise, The Offspring, Rancid, and Voodoo Glow Skulls.

After a few years of little activity except for one EP, the group rejoined in 1988 to record the now-classic Suffer. This release was a true breakthrough, combining blistering tempos with intelligent lyrics and incredible harmonies. Many punk singers, such as Black Flag’s Henry Rollins and Minor Threat’s Ian MacKaye, were not about hitting the right notes as much as they were about expressing the anger and aggression of a dejected Reagan-era youth. On the other hand, Bad Religion utilized soaring background vocals, which allowed the harmonies to carry the songs.

The group continued to use this formula on their follow up albums, No Control and Against the Grain. These, along with Suffer, make up what many call”The Holy Trinity of Punk Rock.” Pro Tour legend/has-been Chris Pikula once told me”I love The Holy Trinity more than some people love their children.” Generator followed, and was a much darker album, reflecting the country’s involvement in the Gulf War, and the state of the environment. It contained more mid-tempo songs than previous Bad Religion albums, but revealed a fresher, deeply philosophical side of the group’s songwriting.

Speaking of which, Bad Religion’s two songwriters, Greg Graffin and Brett Gurewitz, are essentially the punk rock version of John Lennon and Paul McCartney. From the time they met and first formed the band, their lives have taken two completely different paths. Gurewitz dropped out of high school and concentrated on running Epitaph Records, and had frequent drug abuse problems. He is a big fan of The Beatles and Elvis Costello, and his songs reflect their catchy, melodic style. Gurwitz is also inspired by Jack Keurac, and this is reflected in his more poetic, metaphorical songs. As the owner of Epitaph Records, Brett Gurewitz has become a multi-millionaire, and a business-savvy icon in the independent music scene. His artistic integrity still remains intact, as he turned down many buyout offers for Epitaph that exceeded $100 million.

On the other hand, Greg Graffin, the son of a professor at Wisconsin University, finished up high school, and received a Masters Degree from UCLA in Geology. He then began work on his Phd at Cornell University, but this has been delayed due to his musical career. His doctorate should be finished within the next year or two. His biggest musical influence is Todd Rundgren. Graffin’s songs tend to be more analytical, reflecting his studies in science. In fact, some of his lyrics read like well-researched essays, yet he has no trouble singing each consonant in time with the fast tempos that often accompany them. This is not to say that his songwriting is strictly cold and calculating, as he has written many introspective, philosophical songs as well. Graffin released a solo album in 1997 entitled American Lesion, which was a drastic departure from his work with Bad Religion. He played every instrument on the record (drums, bass, guitar, piano), and most of the songs could best be described as folk-style music.

In 1994, Green Day and Offspring broke into the mainstream, selling millions of records and bringing about a punk revival. The result on Bad Religion was twofold. First, they decided to leave their own Epitaph Records in favor of major label Atlantic Records. Their first Atlantic release was Stranger Than Fiction, which is their biggest selling album to date, containing minor radio hits 21st Century Digital Boy and Infected. Soon after the record was released, Brett Gurewitz left the band so that he could concentrate fully on Epitaph, which was growing at an astounding rate. This success would lead to a relapse, as he returned to the drug abuse that plagued him earlier in life. This, coupled with the feeling that Gurewitz found it more important to be a businessman than a musician, created a rift between him and the rest of the band.

Meanwhile, Brian Baker of Minor Threat and Dag Nasty fame turned down a spot playing guitar on a R.E.M. tour to permanently replace Gurwitz on guitar. Baker was a true virtuoso, bringing a dynamic style and strong solos to the band. However, the loss of one half of the group’s songwriting was a heavy blow, and Graffin was never quite able to carry the weight of writing all the songs on his own. Their next three major label albums met mixed criticism, and seemed to be missing the fire that Bad Religion’s earlier work had. This can be attributed in part to producers Ric Ocasek (The Gray Race) and Todd Rundgren (The New America), who brought a more sparkly, crisper sound to the band’s recordings that never quite fit. After The New America tour, drummer Bobby Schayer was forced to retire due to a shoulder injury.

With all of their Atlantic commitments fulfilled and the future career of the group in limbo, Graffin and Gurewitz got in contact with each other, and Gurewitz was invited to rejoin the band after eight years of separation. Additionally, Bad Religion came back home to Epitaph Records. Brian Baker remained in the band, bringing the guitar count up to three (ex-Circle Jerks guitarist Greg Hetson has been in the band since 1984). With the president of the record label in their band, Bad Religion once again has full control over the production and marketing of their work. Brooks Wackerman, a 24 year old child prodigy musician who has played with The Vandals, Suicidal Tendencies, and even Spinal Tap, was brought in to replace Schayer.

The result of Bad Religion coming full circle is their January 2002 release, The Process of Belief. The album starts off with three short, aggressive songs (Supersonic, Prove It, Can’t Stop It) that bring back memories of the band’s classic style. Broken, Sorrow and Epiphany are catchy, radio friendly tunes, and Kyoto Now! is political, but not over-the-top preachy. The album debuted at #1 on the Billboard independent music charts, and has been critically acclaimed as a record that will be on many”Best Of” lists for 2002, even though it was released in January.

Yeah, so umm… That’s what I listened to on the way to the tournament.

I know it’s not the same as Father Wakefield providing you with eight pages on his Asheron’s Call adventures…. But I don’t play online RPGs, so I need to go with what I know. Besides, writing within this style means I need to go at least ten pages before I provide anything strategically relevant. Who needs to hear about Magic when you can hear about Jamie’s computer character, or my favorite band, right?

Fine, I get the hint. You want the tournament report. Here ya go.

My deck box:

My decklist:

4 Shadowblood Ridge

4 Dromar’s Cavern

4 Skycloud Expanse

4 Darkwater Catacombs

4 Coastal Tower

4 Salt Marsh

4 Urborg Volcano

4 Adarkar Wastes

4 Underground River

4 Sulfurous Springs

4 Caves of Koilos

4 Forge[/author]“]Battlefield [author name="Forge"]Forge[/author]

4 City of Brass

4 Terminal Moraine

4 Shivan Reef

20 Islands

7 Plains

9 Swamps

2 Mountain

4 Battle of Wits

4 Fact or Fiction

4 Teferi’s Moat

4 Opt

4 Counterspell

4 Syncopate

4 Repulse

4 Exclude

4 Rout

4 Circular Logic

4 Disrupt

4 Wrath of God

4 Insidious Dreams

4 Absorb

4 Undermine

4 Dromar’s Charm

4 Prophetic Bolt

4 Vindicate

4 Recoil

4 Fire/Ice

4 Lobotomy

4 Addle

4 Opportunity

4 Peek

4 Compulsion

4 Diabolic Tutor

4 Tainted Pact

4 Yawgmoth’s Agenda

4 Duress

4 Flametongue Kavu

4 Urza’s Rage

4 Wild Research

4 Chromatic Sphere

4 Innocent Blood

4 Chainer’s Edict

4 Sleight of Hand

4 Memory Lapse

As you can tell, I’ve made a few changes from my last version posted to the Sideboard.com. Basically, the field went from creature-light control decks to more creature-oriented decks, thanks to Braids decks and various forms of green beatdown, so eight Wrath effects and four Moats became the right call. To fit them in I cut most of the red, only leaving in the best splash cards.

I walked into Neutral Ground, and spotted internet strategy writer Seth Burn. Normally, I would say hi and ask how he was doing, but my new mission overrides politeness. He spreads the evil of netdecks, and feeds the fire of those who are consumed by the desire to win.

Seth was going to be the first person to discover firsthand my new attitude towards his kind.

I would describe what I am telling him in this picture – but it cannot be reprinted on this wholesome, family-oriented website. Seth may not look too impressed in that article, but I assure you he was huddled in the corner a few minutes later, dejected and sobbing uncontrollably.

As other players went over to console Seth, pairings went up, and I sat down ready to greet my first opponent.

Round 1 vs. Cory Braiterman (Blue/Green)

Battle of Wits cannot beat Blue/Green. It is the worst possible matchup. To make up for this, my deck tries to intimidate his.

This does not work. I get crushed. It doesn’t help that he sided in Disrupt, Elvish Lyrist, and Druid Lyrist, among other things. I drew a Teferi’s Moat on my last turn, which would have been great against most Blue/Green decks, but he had Lyrists so it didn’t matter much.


Here’s me being all frowny over this misfortune.

After I lost, I said hi to Zev.

Zev Gurwitz is the creator of Zevatog, the most dominant deck in the current Standard environment. He is also my roommate, and we have been very good friends for a long time.

Unfortunately for Zev, my recent change of heart means he has to be my mortal enemy. I mean, if the goal here is to stop people from using netdecks and playing good cards, how can I possibly be friends with someone who invented the deck that has caused so many players so much grief? Between Standstill, Upheaval, and countermagic, how can we ever get our Serra Angels to resolve, stay on the table, and swing away?

It’s people like Zev who make this game stupid, dammit!

On the other hand, I would feel bad about doing something mean to him. This presented a horrible dilemma.

Fortunately, at hard times like these I can ask myself a question that always provides the answer.

What Would Jesus Do?

No… Not quite that.

What Would La Parka Do?

The answer was quite obvious. La Parka would grab the nearest chair, play it like a guitar, summon the power of thunder from the heavens, and strike the infidel with all his might!

The awesome power of La Parka is often enough to defeat any opponent – but alas, I am not La Parka. Merely his disciple.

Time was running short. I had to destroy the evil netdeck creator before he continued on his rampage. As the inheritor of the Wakefield/Rizzo torch, I had to make sure Zev would not live to make the Thorn Elementals and Petradons of this world cower in fear.

Suddenly, I knew what had to be done.

I picked up my trusty chair, and threw it at Zev. On instinct, he caught it to avoid being hit in the face.

Then, as he was confused, I jumped up in the air with a mighty leap and kicked the chair straight into his skull!

This knocked him out cold, and probably killed a whole bunch of brain cells.

Little Timmy, this one’s for you!

Check out those red, Terminator eyes! I am a pure killer! I have avenged the emotional pain that Upheaval/Psychatog has caused you, my faithful reader, by inflicting physical pain on the man responsible! I am a competitive player annihilation machine! In fact, dare I say this… I have surpassed Wakefield and Rizzo! I have taken their cause and gone the extra mile! I will not simply write articles condemning players for having the nerve to want to win even if it means playing an established deck – but I will destroy them for doing so!

I even left a calling card. A warning to others who may commit the same crimes.

Casual players! Unite and worship me as your new rolemodel! I once was lost, but now am found, and have brought your cause to a new level! I am the champion of the common man! I will travel this land far and wide, bringing justice to those who would drain the fun out of our great game by doing appalling things such as intentionally drawing!

Oh, so umm…

Here’s Round Two.

Round 2 – vs. Bye

Yep. Not much to see here, although in the tradition of Rizzo, I am obligated to provide a picture of me next to my opponent.


I was hoping to play and spread the gospel, but I now had time to kill on my hands. I asked myself:

What Would Rizzo Do?

Rizzo would most certainly have gone outside for a smoke. Unfortunately, I don’t smoke, but I did something even better. I ran down to the local convenience store and picked up a pack of smokes, and handed them out to all the kids at Neutral Ground.

Hey, we’re supposed to be encouraging people to be like Rizzo, right? Why not start at an early age? It’s best to bring them to our side while they’re still young. Besides, if we’re going to aspire to follow the ways of the Rizzo, we cannot pick and choose. We must embrace the wholeness of Rizzo – whether it’s refusing to intentionally draw or smoking. Those kids may grow up to have lung cancer, but at least they won’t copy any decks from the internet. I think that’s a fair trade.

With a clear conscience and the rewarding feeling of a job well done, I sat down to play my third round opponent.

Round 3 – Joseph Shi (Blue/Green)

Nope, Battle of Wits still can’t beat Blue/Green. I won’t even bore you with the details. Here’s the obligatory picture.

1-2 Drop

Yes, I dropped. Forgive me Rizzo, for I have sinned. My penance will be to never do well in a tournament ever again.

Wow, I can feel the spirit of Rizzo guiding me already!

I hope you learned a lot from this article, and it helped you become a better player. I don’t think adding all that personal information took away from the informational, strategic elements of my work, do you?

The Reverend Toby Wachter

[email protected]

RevToby on IRC

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