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Monotony

I readily confess that I have a tendency to shy away from the concrete in my articles. As a bonus, there is virtually no tangible tech. Nor strategy. Random decklists only accompany the even more random tournament reports. There are many reasons that I chose to write of our game in more abstract terms, but…

I readily confess that I have a tendency to shy away from the concrete in my articles. As a bonus, there is virtually no tangible tech. Nor strategy. Random decklists only accompany the even more random tournament reports. There are many reasons that I chose to write of our game in more abstract terms, but the biggest culprit is monotony.

Mo-not-o-ny, n. Wearisome uniformity or lack of variety.
-The Random House College Dictionary, pg. 864.

Now I can go on and on espousing the benefits of "card X" or "deck y," but there are plenty of articles like that already. And they are written by better players and writers than I. So why would I waste my time (and yours) by hacking through material that you have seen and discussed ad infinitum?

That could become monotonous.

Granted, some players can never get enough tech. I am not one of those players. I would also hazard a guess that many of you (StarCity readers) are not either. For if there ever was a website that seems specifically catered to the more human aspects of our game, StarCity is it. And perhaps being well aware that there is a limit to the amount of analysis the human mind can take, many of StarCity’s writers jump at the chance to explore the deeper issues.

And that breaks the monotony.

FrigginRizzo: <—Knew a guy named Chance. Jumped at him a lot.

FrigginRizzo: <—Lied about the above Chance thing.

In order to break out of my own perpetual funk, I write about issues and ideas that are highly debatable. They’re not just debatable in the sense of Ponza vs. Accelerated Blue," but debatable in the abstract: the ideas that cannot be proved nor disproved, but certainly argued with much passion and conviction.

The "Big Picture" issues. The philosophical sides of Magic. (Erik Berg still Da’ Man when it comes to philosophy though.) These are the issues that can open up many lines of thought that can potentially benefit the reader more than any strategy or tech article I could write.

Penning an article with an abstract slant is a reward in itself. While the slant contributes no points to my pitiful ratings, nor any grand wisdom to my understanding of the mechanics of the game, and it certainly doesn’t garner me massive outpouring of support from the Magic community at large, it does what I ask of it.

It breaks my monotony.

FrigginRizzo: <—Finds abstract articles can’t cook spaghetti either.

It also feeds my need to communicate issues that I believe are at the root of our game in a forum with many ears. As a given, many of the ears will go no further than to begrudgingly tolerate, but a few do more; they respond.

FrigginRizzo: <—Means "readers" when he says "ears." Is that a metaphor?

When a writer offers up an article for mass consumption, especially one that dares to veer from the sacrosanct waters of familiarity, there is an intrinsic risk of failure; though nothing ventured, nothing gained.

FrigginRizzo: <—Trying to grasp the intricacies of the semicolon.

Opening up mail with the subject "Your StarCity article" is an experience that I can highly recommend. The contents of that mail are secondary to the fact that there is mail. And I believe that any article that evokes responses from its readers is a success. (Try writing an article on cheating and see if you feel the same way – Amoral Troglodyte and Editor Ferrett)

In agreement with me or not, opening up dialogues with readers on an issue that I find compelling that also leads said readers to chime in with a written reaction does more than just break the monotony.

FrigginRizzo: <—Wonders if above sentence was technically flawed.

It crushes the monotony.

Magic is a game that places much emphasis on the abstract. The cards are perhaps the most tangible aspect of Magic, but in the grand scheme they are assuredly irrelevant. While you think you are playing with the cards, it is actually the cards that are playing you.

And new cards every three months breaks that monotony.

Because monotony, while safe and predictable, is not conducive to ascension. Knowing that your favorite deck may need to undergo a massive rebuilding not only breaks your monotony, but forces you to make decisions that you may not be ready for. Flying by the seat of your pants when the "hot new set" is released is not only Glasnost personified, but can also be quite liberating.

FrigginRizzo: <—Used term "Glasnost" to appear politically savvy.

Bye bye, monotoCORE

See ya, MORPHLotonous.

And by the time we are all sick of the SKIZZotonous, we will get another reprisal in the form of another "hot new set." This cycle may seem to be monotonous, but just because it’s settled down into predictable release dates does not lessen the inherent "rush" we feel from its newness.

Where does your monotony lie?

Repeating the same mundane tasks can push many people into an abyss of perpetual social retardation. Since it is difficult to "fight the power" or "stick it to the man," many people lean back in their recliner, put their feet up, pick up the remote, hit the power button of life and say, "Now what do you have in store for me today?"

Go to work everyday. Or go to school everyday. Hear and ask the obligatory "How was your day?" Go through your base routine. Everyday. Sameness. Predictability. Perhaps you try to escape your monotony by drinking tea one day a week instead of coffee. But that’s just monotony with less caffeine.

Variety really is the spice of life. And that is what I try to bring to the readers. Something a little different. Something out of left field. Anything to break my monotony. And maybe yours too.

FrigginRizzo: <—Always failed to hit cut off man from left field.

Sometimes you nod in agreement, sometimes you spit fat loogies at your screen, but you know you will find a break from monotony when you click on the "FrigginRizzo" link. And if there is only one nod for every twenty loogies, then I will call that a success.

So there.

To demonstrate why I have the need to discuss the abstract, I will offer up a week of the concrete. Then you can perhaps decipher the enigma that is FrigginRizzo. Perhaps you will see how my monotony begs an abstract solution. Or not. It’s cheaper than therapy though.

(Begin subatomic article entitled "A week in the life of Friggin’ Rizzo.")

Monday:

Monotonous:

Get up. Go to work. Ignore as much work as possible. Get online. The Friggin’ Ferrett hasn’t updated yet, and it’s Ten O’ Clock! (Technically speaking, The Ferrett doesn’t update it, he merely sends in the files; Joe the webmaster is the Man Who Updates. – The FTP-less Ferrett) Okay, there, he updated.

Variety:

Read StarCity. Write kudos mail to Clinton "Da’ Lion" Marchant. Go to TheDojo. Read Aaron Forsythe article. See this:

"FrigginRizzo: <— Lost his mind. Up in here, up in here. Now I know my man John Rizzo and many of his cohorts at that other website are adamantly against Net Decks. They see them as dishonorable…Why bring a knife to a gunfight… if you want to be creative, try oil painting, or save it for the casual games."

Fall off chair. Reread above paragraph. Attempt to divine hidden meanings, if any. Reread above paragraph yet again. Decide that he has a point. Write "I’ve decided that you have a point" mail to Aaron. Promise to beat him about the head, neck, breast and chest at Prerelease with random deckboxes and Invasion rulebook inserts.

Enjoy fifteen minutes of fame.

Monotonous:

Ignore more work. Get many annoying phone calls from customers who want to buy stuff from me. Promise to fax quotes to said customers. Forget to fax quotes. Log off. Lock up office. Remember about fax quotes. Hastily send fax quotes. Hope prices are accurate. Go home.

Play with kids. Play with wife. Play with Magic cards. Eat stuff. Bathe kids. Bathe wife. Bathe self.

Variety:

Shave genitalia in preparation for vasectomy. (You thought you’d get through your day without seeing the word "vasectomy?")

Monotony:

Watch "True Romance" for the Nth time.

Tuesday:

Monotonous:

Get up. Go to work. Ignore as much work as possible. Get online. The Friggin’ Ferrett hasn’t updated yet, and it’s Ten O’ Clock! (See Monday – The Ferrett) Okay, there, he updated.

Variety:

Read StarCity. Attempt to write mail to Deranged Dad. Fail to find email address. Go to Feature Article archive. Look at Deranged Dad’s picture and have in-depth discussion regarding his opinions on some Invasion cards. Persuade Deranged Dad’s picture to reevaluate stance on some cards.

Write kudos mail to John Ewing. Go to TheDojo. Read Aaron Forsythe article again, as TheDojo had not yet been updated.

Monotonous:

Ignore work. Shoot the breeze with UPS guy. Shoot the breeze with mailman. Shoot the breeze with customers. Turn off fan, too breezy.
Leave work.

Variety:

Go to doctor. Lie on table awaiting the unknown. Break into the coldest sweat ever. Resist unbelievable urge to watch procedure. Leave doctor. Feel sore. Feel itchy. Go home.

Monotonous:

Play with kids. Play with wife. Play with Magic cards. Eat stuff. Bathe kids. Bathe wife. Bathe self. Watch "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" for the Nth time.

Wednesday:

Monotonous:

Get up. Go to work. Ignore as much work as possible. Get online. The Friggin’ Ferrett hasn’t updated yet, and it’s Ten O’ Clock! (See Monday – The Ferrett) Okay, there, he updated.

Variety:

Read StarCity. Notice The Ferrett "FrigginRizzo" reference. Feel The Ferrett pain at lacking a proper aside oozing throughout body. Nuzzle The Ferrett to bosom. Stroke his hair. Tell him it will be all right. (It’s all platonic, though, since Rizzo’s still recovering from his vasectomy – The Ferrett)

Build bunch of Invasion T2 decks. Goldfish for hours.

Monotonous:

Do absolutely no work at all. Go home.

Play with kids. Play with wife. Play with Magic cards. Eat stuff. Bathe kids. Bathe wife. Bathe self. Watch "Glengarry Glen Ross" for the Nth time.

Thursday:

Monotonous:

Get up. Go to work. Ignore as much work as possible. Get online. The Friggin’ Ferrett hasn’t updated yet, and it’s Ten O’ Clock! (See Monday – The Ferrett) Okay, there, he updated.

Variety:

Read StarCity. Bust scrotal stitches reading Tony Boydell column. Receive emails that have way too many terrible cards for Universal Net Deck. Think first attempt at Net Deck will result in 0-8 day.

Monotonous:

Do no work. Wonder why business is bad. Go home.

Play with kids. Play with wife. Play with Magic cards. Eat stuff. Bathe kids. Bathe wife. Bathe self. Watch "A Clockwork Orange" for the Nth time.

Friday:

Monotonous:

Get up. Go to work. Ignore as much work as possible. Get online. The Friggin’ Ferrett hasn’t updated yet, and it’s Ten O’ Clock! (See Monday – The Ferrett) Okay, there, he updated.

Variety:

Read StarCity. Note Alan Webter’s use of "Searching for…" Not sure if intended as compliment or not. Or not anything. Reread Brook North’s PTQ-Edison report on TheDojo. Amazed that Limited report is actually very good. Print out sixty-one page Invasion FAQ from MTGNews.com. Make mental note to ignore as much work as necessary to read entire FAQ.

Compile early "spoiler" of Universal Net Deck. Chew on partial list of submitted cards:

Okk, Raze, Rhystic Shield, Ignoble Soldier, Security Detail, Keldon Battlewagon, Quicksilver Wall, Rhystic Cave, Rainbow Crow, Kangee-Aerie Keeper, Winter Sky, Aku Djinn, Horrible Hordes, Rock Basilisk, Thieves Auction, Pale Moon, Brand, Scrapheap, Rolling Stones, Suleiman’s Legacy, Aboroth, Melting, Apocalypse Chime, Winter’s Night, Pretender’s Claim, Lashknife, Goblin Spy, Oath of Mages, Carnival of Souls, Essence Vortex, Iceberg, Snowfall, Taniwha, Thought Lash, Cold Snap, Cooperation, Leeches, Teferi’s Isle, Wintermoon Mesa, Sunstone, Lion’s Eye Diamond, Lapis Lazuli Talisman, Diamond Kaleidoscope, Blood Hound, and lots more.

Vomit repeatedly.

FrigginRizzo: <—Bit off more than he* could chew?

Monotonous:
Answer way too many "I’m sorry I have the wrong number" calls, which interrupts proper reading of entire FAQ. Take twenty-minute siesta after extremely large lunch. Go home.

Play with kids. Play with wife. Play with Magic cards. Eat stuff. Bathe kids. Bathe wife. Bathe self.

Variety:
Get online for some odd reason. Open mail from "Nick." Notice that his list of really bad cards is ATTACHED. Download list. Take thirteen minutes to read entire list. Attempt to count number of cards on list. Stop at ninety-eight. Start to believe that Universal Net Deck has a chance to actually put up decent showing with such a large card pool. Write "Wow, you are a studious lad and I thank you" reply to Nick. Log off.

Monotonous:
Watch "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" for the Nth time.

Saturday:

Variety: (Begin subatomic article number two entitled "The Friggin’ Prerelease.")

After hitting the hay last night at ten something, I am amazed at how refreshed I do NOT feel when I stumble out of bed at 6 a.m. A quick shower does not help to revive me either. Neither does coffee. Nice. It’s not like I’m about to try to play competitive Magic for the next fourteen hours with Dragons and Leeches and Split Cards, oh my!

(I am actually going to include irrelevant details and random comments about the day, which seems to break with my tournament report mantra of just gettin’ to da’ matches." Although, if you had suffered through either one of my MBC reports, you may conclude that I am indeed the King of Irrelevant Details and Random Comments. Digression complete.)

Goals for day:

1) Defend StarCity’s honor by beating up on Aaron Forsythe. Beat him so badly that he calls Chris Senhouse and tells him to "Watch out for dem StarCity guys. Dey crazy and stuff."
2) Acquire the following cards:

4x Blazing Specter
4x Skizzik
3x Phyrexian Delver
2x Cauldron Dance

The above is my first and only offering of tech.

3) Spend less than three hundred bucks.
4) Drink less than twelve bottles of Diet Coke.
5) Play Magic until I vomit, then play some more.

Looking at the PES webpage tells me that there will be 32 player Flights beginning at 8 a.m. Of course, they are running tourneys in three states this weekend, and Pittsburgh is the only locale that doesn’t have a spillover tourney on Sunday. Make mental note to beat up on Mike Guptil after I finish trouncing Forsythe with random Invasion-related merchandise.

So, I get to the locale, which is packed with a whole seven or eight people, and ask about The Flight. "When we get thirty-two people we will start," says an official looking youngish man in a DCIish shirt. "What’s the chance I can sign up for The Flight, get my cards, then drop to play in the Prerelease?" Inquiring minds wanna know, ya know?

Wrong question to ask at 8 a.m., apparently. After a long huddle, the most official looking youngish man says, "Well, if you drop before round one, you’ll get a loss and lose DCI points."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not DCI points! Oh, the humanity! And at K value=16!!!!!!!!!

So I cough up forty-five bucks, fill out my slips, and start looking to buy some cards that I will pay way too much for and really don’t need.

"Oh, the dealer is here already?" Mission accomplished.

Well, maybe I really did need three Sinkholes, two foreign Hyppies, a foil Uktang, and eight Oath of Druids. Okay, probably not. But ya see, I was bored. At least that’s the reason I used to justify spending ninety bucks, and I’m sticking to it.

FrigginRizzo: <—Ain’t even sat down yet.

"You ain’t even sat down yet."
-Gary Oldman, True Romance.

Upon doing the math, I figure the best case scenario is as follows:

1) Get cards for flight.
2) Build deck.
3) Win first round.
4) Drop.
5) Amble to Prerelease, which, oddly enough, is just about to start.

Sure looked good on paper.

At 9:45 I finally gave up all hope of pulling a Friggin’ Rizzo duo-gank move on The Flight and Prerelease. For the flight still needed twelve more people.

At 9:50, all hell broke loose. I was scribbling random notes on my scorepad when Chas Tressler (one of my teammates from Grand Prix Pittsburgh) walks over, says " ‘Sup, Rizzo," and mentions that he read some of my articles. I assume that The Grand Experiment was one, because he seemed to know about the StarCity vs. TheDojo battle for Internet Domination that began shortly thereafter.

"They’re not bad." He said, "They’re not bad." Ouch? Maybe OMC can back me up on this: Tell me they’re great or tell me they suck, but please don’t say, "they’re not bad." Ever. But as I wipe away a tear, I continue…

Seconds after Chas leaves me broken, alone and confused, I spy Neil Forsythe. Yes, that is Aaron’s brother. And, if I do say so myself, the REAL architect behind "Angry Hermit." So there. I tell Neil that he should expect to take Aaron away in an ambulance, as I intend to beat him about the upper torso with random scorepads and pocket lint.

By the way, the only reason Aaron did so well at Worlds is because he used a Friggin’ Net Deck. Bam! Pow! Hurts, doesn’t it Aaron?

FrigginRizzo: <—Will suspend as much reality as necessary to Tim Aaron for one.

Then Aaron notices me and apparently does NOT fear being beaten by me in the finals. Oh those Pros. The audacity.

[Side note: Just because the average rating of TheDojo’s featured writers is around 1950, and StarCity’s average is, well, a lot less, they think we will go quietly into the night. That’s right. Stay smug. But as the saying goes: The meek shall inherit The Net. I think.]

All right. We get our seating assignments, and can you possibly guess who is seated right next to me?

I’ll pause whilst you calculate the odds of this guy sitting next to me for deck registration in a tournament of 189 players….

Apparently, The God of Fate reads StarCity. Or something.

Now it is just getting scary, for both of us. Aaron trembles perceptibly, while I remain calm and stoic, like the rock that I am.

FrigginRizzo: <—Cool and collected.

FrigginForsythe: <—Fears the wrath of Rizzo. A lot.

So I open a great deck and I know that I’m just going to pass it to the guy sitting across from me. And it’s his first tournament. Well, congrats, Jim (I think that was his name) – welcome to the world of God Decks.

As usual, I am right all the way. We exchange decks and I open up weenies, weenies, and white cards. May I vomit now? As if weenies are not annoying enough, the only decent cards I have are WHITE!?

The heavens shone down upon someone… and it wasn’t me.

Being the Friggin’ trooper that I am, I take my lemons and make a deck full of lemons. "Highlights" of my deck:

My removal consisted of Annihilate, Agonizing Demise, Cursed Flesh, SHACKLES, and Mourning. I could’ve done better, but I have done a lot worse.

My "fat" creatures were a 3/3 Trench Wurm and a 3/2 Phyrexian Delver – who I already love, but he’s not really a fat dude, now is he? Some late game, huh?

Above questions were rhetorical. No answer required.

Seven little white guys with the regular annoying white abilities were my Sligh curve. And what a curve it was. Two Ardent Soldier, a kicker Knight, the wall that thinks he’s a real creature, a Benalish Trapper, and some random typical white stuff that is just as annoying to play with as it is against.

One flyer was my evasion. One Spider was my flying defense. Three various Quirions were my mana helpers. Recover was the coolest card in my deck. I needed miracles. On a regular basis.

Although I didn’t assail Aaron with a boxful of discarded Invasion rules inserts, I did wipe a booger on him.

Okay, I didn’t.

But, I could have.

Round one: Mike Patnik, playing those new cards.

Game 1: I peck at him with my white stuff while I actually kill his guys by drawing all of my removal. He concedes at five life, as this game already ate up about fifty minutes. Whoever invented white should be hung. Or hanged. Or whatever the Friggin’ proper conjugation is.

Game 2: We run out of time and extra turns with me at three and him at eight. I’ll take it, though. Because I have white cards.

After we fill out the match slip, Mike tells me he hopes I have a high rating. Twelve minutes later, after I’m done laughing, I tell him he’s about 200 points better than me. He is not so happy to hear that.

But I do talk to him later to find that he is 4-1. Thanks for the great tiebreaker, Mike, but I won’t be needing them.

Match: 1-0 Games: 1-0 Friggin’ white cards.

Round two: Brian Larsen, playing Invasion cards.

Game 1: Who cares? It’s a Friggin’ Prerelease. I win.

Game 2: We run out of time with me at twelve and him at five. I win.

During the extra five turns the judgey guy announces that The Flight is finally starting. Nice. I go get my starter and three boosters and a first-round loss-drop, which isn’t going to help my rating a bit. But I figure I made enough points from Mike Patnik to last me about a year.

Match: 2-0 Games: 2-0 Friggin’ white is broken.

Round three: Ron Kotwica, playing a deck that does not inspire him.

Game 1: I kill the two creatures he gets out all game and peck him to death. Boy does that take forever.

Game 2: He has fat creatures in there. They do the nasty to my life total in short order.

Game 3: Wanna hear about the stupidest mistake ever? Ron has out a 4/4 First-striking Knight and a Power Armor with 3 basic land types. The Knight is crunching up my dudes as a 7/7 First-striker in short order and I’m getting kind of sick of it. It must die I decide. And since I can’t draw real removal, I’ll pretend all my guys are Squee and put up a big ole’ roadblock.

He attacks with his Knight so I get all clever and block with seven creatures. Seven. All weenies, but about nine total power to kill the Knight. See the problem?

Yeah. I am that stupid. Even after Ron tells me he’s going to First-strike four of my guys to death before they hit the Knight, I am still so stupid that I must call a judge and hope that I get a really incompetent one, as I’m starting to believe that Ron is correct.

This does not help. See, apparently, First strike can be spread among a whole bunch of blockers. And he did just that. And he got a four-for-one.

I suck. I can’t believe I didn’t know that.

FrigginRizzo: <—

See? I’m speechless.

Match: 2-1 Games: 3-2

Round four: Luke Something, also playing Invasion cards.

Game 1: He gains so much Friggin’ life that I feel bad for me. But I still win. You figure it out, because I can’t. Well, I did use white in a more responsible manner than Luke did, and maybe that explains it.

Game 2: I snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, somehow.

Game 3: I have twenty life when it’s over. But he has ten. Friggin’ white cards.

Match: 2-1-1 Games: 4-3

Round five: Justin Kotula, with a deck of Magic cards.

Game 1: I delude myself into thinking I don’t really suck at Magic. But I do.

Game 2: I suck at life. He was at seven when I thought I could pro: black exactly seven points through. Turns out I didn’t see the two WHITE creatures he also had.

Match: 2-2-1 Games: 4-5

Round six: Jesse Vodvarka, playing Five-Color Invasion.

Game 1: Oh, he has flyers? Well, I have removal…at the bottom of my Friggin’ deck.

Game 2: He gets out a Dragon. I tap it with my Benalish Trapper. And then I Shackle it. And Zvi thought Bargain was broken! I win on the last of the extra turns.

Match: 2-2-2 (You gots ta be kiddin’ me?) Games: 5-6

Round seven: Christopher Owens, not playing anything I guess.

Oh, Christopher. Where for art thou?

Match: 3-2-2 Games: 7-6 (Damn right I’m counting the no-show!)

Should I wait around for another fifty minutes to play another match?

Since I’m old and decrepit, but not yet incontinent, although that does sound appealing, I decide to go home. For home is where the heart is. Well, at least where the food is.

A check of my goals for the day reveals that I met exactly two of them. I spent less than three hundred bucks, and I drank less than twelve bottles of Diet Coke. It’s good to be goal-orientated.

FrigginRizzo: <—Alpha male.

I guess I’ll have to beat the piss out of Aaron with The Universal Net Deck. (If the big famous Pros are allowed to play with us dirty li’l scrubs at PTQs, that is. Or maybe I’ll just wait until the Planeshift Prerelease. That’s right, Mr. Forsythe, imma comin’. And tell Mr. Senhouse, too.)

"Tell ‘im I’m comin! And hell’s comin’ with me! Hell’s comin’ with me!"
-Kurt Russell, a longtime StarCity reader, Tombstone.

Maybe we’ll even make it a cage match.

(End subatomic article number two entitled "The Friggin’ Prerelease.")

Monotonous:

Watch "The Matrix" for the Nth time. Wonder if Keanu Reeves knows that he is the worst Friggin’ actor in history. Watch "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" for the Nth time.

Sunday:

Do I really need to explain just how monotonous Sundays are?

Go to Monday.

(End subatomic article entitled "A week in the life of Friggin’ Rizzo.")

Some of you may have a schedule that is equally monotonous, or maybe I’m just boring.

Collective voice of readers: "Yes, you are just boring."

FrigginRizzo: <—(Defensively) "Hey, when you get to be 31 with a wife, two kids, and own a business you hate, then you can call me boring!"

Collective voice of readers: "But we are 31 with wives and kids and businesses that we hate."

FrigginRizzo: <—Oh.

Except for Saturday, my days begin and end in identical manners. Monotony is broken only by the in-between moments that, coincidentally, involve Magic. Or a vasectomy.

So there you have it.

One can only take so much monotony before the abstract comes-a-callin’. And it comes-a-callin’ in spades. With flowers. And a box of candy. And tickets to OzzFest. So of course I should put out, if only to appear gracious to my benevolent benefactor that promises to deliver me from my monotony.

And now you know why I do what I do.

Or not.

John Friggin’ Rizzo
[email protected]

(End article entitled "Monotony.")

(Begin longest footnote in history.)

* – By the way, I have decided to let the readers try their collective hands at building The Universal Net Deck. Next week I’ll post the entire card pool so all y’all can get busy with the building. Until then, keep sending in those tinkers. I’m sure you’re getting a better idea of the cards that suck in Invasion by now.

So print out the list, build a deck that isn’t assured of an 0-8, and send it to me. I’ll pick the one that seems the least sickening, then use that deck in the next Constructed PTQ. Um, add a sideboard too if you can, ’cause I really extra-suck at building sideboards.

If you are the one that builds the best (read: least crappy) deck, you will not only be forever known as The Father (or Mother) of The Universal Net Deck, but will be heaped with oodles of praise and admiration, and as a onus, will win the entire Universal Net Deck autographed by none other than yours truly.

As if 75 crappy cards with my signature isn’t tempting enough, I just may throw in a bunch of very random memorabilia and stuff. And you’ll be like, really famous and stuff.

Apparently the next PTQ season is for PT Tokyo, which runs during November and December and is Extended format. That means all y’all have roughly five weeks or so to kick it.

So kick it. Into shape. Shape it up. Get straight. Go forward. Move ahead. <unintelligible>. So kick it. Kick it good.

FrigginRizzo: <—Bought Devo’s record. You know what a record is, right?

(End the longest footnote in history.)