What’s Invasion known for? Extremely expensive spells that do amazing things. Not the least of these are the awesome legends that are included in the set. Ranging from Dragons to Clerics to Angels, Wizards has arrayed the set with various different kinds of legends. But, they left one legend type out: Creature – Writer Legend.
That’s right; I fully believe that the online writers of Magic should have a spot in the coolest expansion ever to hit comicbook store shelves. But, sadly, it is not to be. Therefore, I’ve decided to submit a selection of some of the writers of StarCityGames.com to any Wizards employees who are out there paying attention, and what the writers might look like as Magic cards. And, for those of you who aren’t members of Wizards of the Coast’s elite design team, you can tag along, too, to get a good laugh and a pondering smile out of the idea of having the following in print.
Omeed Dariani 3UU
Creature – Legendary Editor
U: Omeed cannot be targeted by spells or abilities until end of turn.
UUU, T: Change text of target permanent or target spell on the stack that your opponent controls to that of any Magic card that is currently legal in Type II which has not been played this game.
2/2
"The bad end unhappily, the good unluckily. That is what tragedy means." -Stoppard
Explanation: Omeed was the editor of StarCityCCG.com before he moved to Seattle to join the Wizards Crew. Thus, his ability allows him to change text. Also, he was a Standard fanatic, so, naturally, his ability is limited to Type II cards. He’s unshockable as long as you have U untapped, and some of his stats vaguely resemble Morphling. Coincidence…?
Anthony Alongi BRUG
Creature – Multiplayer Writer Legend
B, T: Put target creature from an opponent’s graveyard into play under a different opponent’s control.
R, T: Do one damage to every creature without flying and each player.
U, T: Target target that you don’t control that targets an opponent targets a different opponent of your choice.
G, T: All creatures get +1/+1 until end of turn.
0/4
"Oh no, it’s Thursday! To the keyboard!" – Anthony Alongi each week
Explanation: Anthony Alongi has been writing about casual play for over a year now, so I think he’d make a great multiplayer card. All of his effects are multi-play based, but you’ll notice that he has no power of his own . . . it’s all in his abilities. Also, you’ll notice that there’s no mention of white anywhere on the card.
The Ferrett UUUUBBBGGR
Creature – Multiplayer-Editor Writer Legend
Haste, First Strike, Trample, Flying
You must cast The Ferrett from your hand and by paying its full casting cost.
UUU, T: Interchange target creature’s power and toughness.*
BBB, T: Destroy target creature.**
GGG, T: Target creature gets +4/+4 until end of turn.***
RRR, T: Deal 1 damage to each creature with toughness equal to one.****
WWW, T: Lose the game.*****
4/4
* – If that creature is white, instead return it to owner’s hand.
** – If that creature is white, instead remove it from the game.
*** – If that creature is white, instead add to your mana pool mana equal to the converted casting cost of that creature, and put X -1/-1 counters on the creature where X is the converted mana cost of the creature.
**** – If there are any white creatures, also deal each of them 4 damage.
***** – Serves you right for playing white. (Damn straight. – The Ferrett)
"Visit The Ferrett Domain if you’re not easily offended. Matter of fact, stay away if you’re offended at all. Probably it’s best if you leave now, really…." -William Steinmetz (Who? – The Ferrett)
Explanation: The Ferrett is also a casual player, but he can hold his own in a tournament (not to say that Alongi can’t or anything). He must ALWAYS win by any means necessary, so he’s a powerhouse; however, he does have his price. Also, The Ferrett is completely intolerant of white players, so his card packs excessive hate against them (as is evident in his ever-present footnotes). (Now technically speaking I DID create my own Ferrett card – or "Avatar of Ferrett," to be precise – but hey, who says there’s not room for diversity here?)
Michael Granaas 3GG
Creature – Writer Legend
When Michael Granaas comes into play, put 4 1/1 Newbie tokens into play.
GG, T: All Newbie tokens get +3/+3 until end of turn.
GG: Target Newbie token gets +1/+1 until end of turn.
T: Gain control of target permanent if it is from any basic set or if it is common.
1/3
"It probably won’t be too long before we are up to four or five rares and twenty uncommon cards." – Michael Granaas, speaking about his playgroup.
Explanation: Michael is VERY into helping new players get started in Magic. He’s written about an all base-set format (which was a really fabulous idea), as well as other topics geared towards newer players. He also has a strange attraction to playmats, but I couldn’t fit that on the card.
Sean Erik Ponce 12GGGGGGGG (or 4 x 3GG)
Creature – Writer Legend
When Sean Erik Ponce comes into play, put 4 Deranged Hermit tokens into play. Treat these tokens exactly like the Urza’s Legacy card of the same name except these tokens don’t have echo.
1/1
"Honey, I just got offline, and I traded for my 100th Deranged Hermit!" – Deranged Dad, soon, no doubt
Explanation: Sean Ponce (the Deranged Dad) started out (as far as I know) writing for Magic Campus. Since the Campus has shut down, Sean’s been writing for Star City. Although his fervor for interviews has shone recently, his passion for Deranged Hermits is by far his defining quality. Mix that with a little trading, and you’ve got what makes Sean tick.
Israel Marques, II WWRR2
Creature – Writer Legend
Shadow
1WR: Israel loses shadow until your next upkeep.
1WW: Israel gets +X/+X until end of turn, where X equals the number of cards in your hand, until end of turn. Use this ability only once each turn, and only when you could play a sorcery.
4RR: Deal 4 damage to each other creature and make each player sacrifice 4 lands. This ability can only be played only whenever you could play a sorcery and only once per turn. Put a Cheap-o counter on Israel. If there are three Cheap-o counters on Israel, you lose the game.
T: Put an Article token into play. If there are three Article tokens in play when either Omeed Dariani or The Ferrett are in play, Israel gains flying, first strike, trample, +6/+6 Fading 2, and he cannot be targeted by spells or abilities.
2/2
"I hope my article’s up." – Israel Marques, II
Explanation: Israel has a passion for red and white. His favorite Type II deck? Wildfire. His favorite Extended deck? White Weenie. His favorite multiplayer card? Balance, or Look at Me, I’m the DCI! His favorite deck? His illegal-in-all-formats red deck. Also, Israel wrote for Star City, publishing an article every single week, long before he became a featured writer. He believes that it was because of this ceaseless tenacity that he landed his job as a Featured Writer.
Well, that’s it for the cards this time. There are tons of other writers out there out of whom I could make nifty Magic cards, but I’ve been working on this article for long enough. Perhaps a future article will reveal the Magical personalities of some of the other writers at Star City. Or, if we’re lucky, perhaps you won’t have to wait for me to get around to writing it; maybe Wizards will print an expansion like Unglued. They could call it "Magic: Writers." It’d feature every featured writer on the ‘Net. Whaddya say, guys? You could even accept suggestions by the writers for their own cards. Sounds like a winner to me.
Uh-oh. The DCI S.W.A.T. team is at my window. I’d better get out of here. Catch me next week!