Adrian Sullivan, that glorious pied piper of playstyle, introduced me to my first game of 5-Color Magic at Pro Tour LA.
"Hey, Ferrett!" he called out to me as I walked out of the elevator. "5-Color Magic game going on down in the Arena! Come on, it’ll be fun!"
And next thing you know, I was Hoovered up into that personality jetstream that always seems to accompany Adrian, and promptly got sucked into the tournament area, where I watched him play three highly-entertaining games of "5" against somebody whose name I don’t remember.
And it was then I made my fatal mistake: I asked to play a game myself.
Because what I have forgotten to mention is that it was three a.m. when Adrian hailed me, and by the time I asked to play it was four in the morning. I do not function well on no sleep. Were you to open up my skull at dawn, you would see a brain with the consistency and electrical activity of a mound of moist oatmeal.
I passed out drunk in the middle of a match once… And compared to what I did in my first 5-Color game ever, losing consciousness was high strategy. At least my body had the sense to concede in that game. "He’s about to take mana burn! PASS HIM OUT!"
In this game, my body stayed awake out of a sadistic curiosity. "Hey, we passed out last time – How bad could it get, anyway? Move the cards! Draw something! Wow, look at THAT!"
Here is how bad I was: I actually bolted awake the next morning and said: "Wait a minute – I was playing against A PERMISSION DECK!" Not that I realized this after the seventeenth spell in a row I cast was either countered or neutralized.
No, my oatmealed brain simply laid down card after card as if I were playing Solitaire. "Countered, huh? ‘Kay."
Other highlights included having my opponent (not Adrian, thankfully) playing a spell, me sleepily looking over my cards, and then asking, "Well, hell… What would YOU do?"
And the damndest thing is, HE TOLD ME.
I is a Magik edditor, and I know stragedy real wells.
So 5-Color is not a format I look forward to, cool as it is; I hear the mocking "Finish Him!" laughter every time I even think of it.
But on the other hand, I hear 5 is Some Fun. And I’m also going to Barcelona for the Pro Tour, where Kurtis "Fat Man" Hahn and Rui "18 Montanhas" Oliviera are going to be.
Rui wants to play in a multiplayer game quite badly.
Kurt wants quite badly to play 5-Color.
And I remember when Anthony Alongi had the quite excellent idea of holding the first Multiplayer Invitational at LA, asking pros of all stripes and colors to play in our little reindeer games. They did. And we STILL kicked their butt.
So, much like Alongi’s "Challenge In The City Of Angels," I hereby issue the "Challenge In The City Of Barcels":
The Second Multiplayer Invitational will be a 5-Color melee at Barcelona.
The Invitational, at a time to be determined later, will have the following rules:
1) All decks must be valid 5-Color decks. I say this merely to prevent stupid people from showing up with Uno cards.
2) No combo decks. Multiplayer’s supposed to be fun, dammit… And I may be an ignorant player, but I know all about that cute little Oath/Anarchist/Replenish trick. "Combo" decks will be defined as "any deck that generates vast amounts of mana to wipe multiple players out in a single shot." Wiping out everyone with a Furnaced Burst is no fun for anyone. However, lock decks are extremely welcome, I fully expect Coalition Victory to make an appearance, and anyone who can manage to deck the entire table in one shot will be met with a round of applause and a sturdy hug.
3) All multiplayer rules will be the Official Sheldon Multiplayer Rules, as developed by the fine Level III Judge, Sheldon "Orim’s Chant Is Not A Counterspell, Dammit" Menery.
4) All banned and/or restricted cards will be taken from the 5-Color website at 5-Color.com.
5) All participants must have a silly nickname sandwiched in between their real names. At a table with Rui "18 Montanhas" Oliviera and Kurt "Fat Man" Hahn, I can’t see why everyone else can’t join in the fun. I myself will be The "The" Ferrett.
6) Last man standing gets the ante, and may also keep all of the nicknames. For example, if I win, I then have the option to call myself The "The 18 Fat Montanhas Man" Ferrett.
7) There will be NO COLLABORATION BETWEEN PLAYERS. I put up with some low-key fudging between Chad and Michelle at the last Invitational, but this time everybody plays on their own.
8) All players must, if it’s early enough after the game, be willing to go out for a beer.
And I’ll add an additional stipulation from me: To make things TRULY challenging, I myself will NOT play a single game of 5-Color between now and the Invitational. The Invitational will be my second game of 5-Color ever, stretching my skills and talents to their utmost.
Besides, I’ll be the weakest guy at the table. Really, do you wanna pick on me? I don’t have any idea what I’m doing…
So what are you waiting for? Email me!