I woke up Monday morning with a minute-long yawn and an almost empty handle of Grey Goose on the night stand. I had to wash the taste of morning yuck out of my mouth, so I mixed it up with some Kahlua with a splash of milk and a splash of coke to make one of the tastiest beverages in the history of alcohol. It even has an awesome unconventional name that makes me feel like a man when I order it: Colorado Bulldog. Definitely one of my first picks, but being out of Goose meant I’d have to supplement with Crown on my Monday binge.
After checking out, it was time to do some Seattle sightseeing, so we drove by Pike Place Market downtown that everyone had been raving about, but it looked a little fishy so we didn’t bother stopping. Mike and I had a Hooting planned, and walking around a fish market rather than getting some beers while conversing with cute eighteen year olds was not an option.
This is when we figured out that Seattle has perhaps the worst road design in America. Between a four-mile on-ramp that looks like a figure eight in Tacoma, no access roads or feeders, getting lost three times in the same intersection on the way to Hooters, and the snail’s pace that Seattle Highway 5 drivers seem to cruise at, I feel like the Sonics were justified for their move to Oklahoma City. Back when the move went down, I always figured Seattle was a pretty nice place to live, but after my experience there I wish I had stayed in my hotel room the entire time to avoid traffic headaches.
The Hooters was a quite pleasant experience . Down here in San Antonio it’s been my pub of choice for the last few years, and I find myself there around four or five times a week, grabbing some drinks or beers watching whatever sports game I can bet on. They immediately noticed our regular visitor swagger and warmed up to us quickly while we made fun of what appeared to be an inebriated seventy year old guy who was harassing every girl that walked by the bar. Emily said he’s a regular who has been coming here for ten years, but he gave up drinking after the war and is just plain crazy in the head. Naturally, I tried to have a conversation with him.
Turns out he just likes looking at young legs and perky postures. Go figure.
We left the Hoot with an hour until our flight, putting us in that panicky rush mode, but I assured Mike that I was in line with the universe and everything will turn out peachy.
Turned in the car, forgot to refill the tank. Bladder was burning, they pulled me aside for additional screening because my Magic cards look like plastic bombs. I unleashed my bladder, and caught the guy next to me eying my Johnson twice. We had ten minutes to spare, so I spared some change for a tall double shot Colorado Bulldog.
We walked out of the bar, confident in the time remaining…
“…Michael Conley, Kyle Sanchez, your flight to Denver is waiting for you, we will close the doors at the end of this message…”
!
Run time, got to the gate without a ticket! Run back time, found it just outside the bar where I started to run. Sweat time, there was no A/C whatsoever on the plane, and worse, there was nothing but middle seats left. Thankfully I was able to crash out the moment I sat down, thanks to the painkillers I got from my recent car accident.
I awoke dreary, sweaty, and with a well-endowed young lady catching my attention out of the left side of my eye. A young brunette with a fresh face sat in the row to the left, in a middle seat of her own. We made brief eye contact before I wiped the sweat dripping from my brow and passed out again. I woke up with some peanuts, water, and crackers in front of me, and the brunette still looking pretty and perky, but I zonked out again after devouring some tasty nuts. My next eye-opening was to a stewardess picking up my trash and telling me to put my table and chair up. I told her we just took off, and she told me I was asleep for the entire two hours.
I’m going to try my hardest to make every flight go this quickly in the future.
After getting a couple of drinks in Denver, we met a guy name Mark at the bar. He was also headed to SA. He was a good dude who’s actually an airplane mechanic that lives right down the street from me. It also led to a sale, since he is in need of some pallet racking for his warehouse, and I have the best prices and availability in town.
I soon noticed the same well-supported brunette sitting at a table in the back, and looked at her awhile to make eye contact that would hopefully lead to her having a drink, but she never spared me a glance, so I never had a chance. I couldn’t target her, and she wasn’t making combat very easy. It was like she had a Runed Halo set on Sanchez in play.
Mark left after a few drinks, but returned shortly after to inform us they’d moved the gate to the other end of the airport. The brunette noticed us leaving and probably overheard the conversation we had with Mark, and quickly packed up her bags to follow us. We cashed out and took a cross terminal journey, with the young brunette in hot pursuit.
We waited for awhile, but our flight was delayed with no definite time set. I politely asked the ladies at the desk if I had enough time for a brew or two, they said “you do,” but they also said wouldn’t hesitate to leave me behind if I wasn’t through, and that I should step out and check every minute or two.
Another couple of Colorado Bulldogs found my stomach, and we chatted with the bartender about the crappy Seattle traffic, the comic book shop chain Heroes & Fantasies, and the attractive blond youth and her mom that walked in wanting wine. On the walk back, I talked to Mike how I usually find some kind of female to converse with each Magical airport outing, but this trip was packed full of Y-chromosomes. We got back when A was boarding, and being on the B team meant our seat selection would probably be poor.
After making our way to the wing, I noticed the same perky brunette with two seats next to her, so I made the sacrifice and leaned back in another two-hour middle seat.
The conversation was crisp from the start. She had a notebook, out so it made an easy inquire. She informed me her passion is women’s lingerie, something we both have in common, but she’s more interested in design, whereas I like to collect piles of them on the floor at the base of my bed. As soon as the seatbelt sign turned off, I bolted for the restroom and on the way back the stewardess offered me a few beers.
Danielle is witty, sarcastic, beautiful, perky, intelligent, and (most importantly) visiting San Antonio for a week, so I made a plan to make plans whenever she was bored and had no plans. She’s not a beer gal, and only 20, but said she wouldn’t mind getting some liquor in her system sometime this week.
About midway through the flight, she spilled water on her lap, which gave me the opportunity to dry the seat underneath her. The rest of the flight was spent discussing bras, panties, swimsuits, the zombie apocalypse, fun things she can do with me in SA, her relatives she hasn’t seen since she was five that were going to bore her to death this week, her softball college career, her female coach that dates one of her students, smelly people, Patrick Chapin, tattoos, piercings, cancer, and the b*tch flight stewardess who gave me the evil eye every time she walked by.
She asked me what I was doing in Seattle, so I explained Magic, why it means so much to me, and informed her of a little Grand Prix tournament…
Creatures (16)
Lands (25)
Spells (20)
I honestly felt like I was way ahead of the metagame in this tournament. The Jund Cascade decks have been getting more and more respect, and I feel like this version is the next step in finding an answer to the mirror matches while staying dominate in the other matchups. Many have been choosing Cryptic Command as their four-mana bomb, but I’ve always been a Wrath man, and in a format where its fallen in value due to all the Pyroclasm effects running around I feel that people aren’t giving it the respect it deserves.
Round 3 — Jund Cascade
Game 1 was a long one, where we battled back and forth, but my triple Anathemancer draw (along with Runed Halo to stunt his ‘Mancers) was too much for him.
Game 2 I had a quick Leech into Finks into Bloodbraid draw.
3-0
Round 4 — Faeries
Game 1 saw Bitterblossom being protected by a pair of Scion of Oona, with Mistbind Clique to lock me out.
Game 2 I drew my sideboard cards, and after a Fallout and a Jund Charm he didn’t have enough gas to keep up.
Game 3 I didn’t draw my sideboard cards, and Bitterblossom plus Scion of Oona did me in while Countersquall and Cryptic Command kept me out of the game.
3-1
This matchup is so bad if I can’t draw my sideboard cards. I knew Faeries was going to be a huge player this weekend, but I felt my five instant-speed sweepers would be able to put up a decent enough fight combined with my already problematic Anathemancers and Bloodbraid Elves. Guess not.
Round 5 — Sanity Grinding
Game 1 I got a Runed Halo down after having an aggressive Putrid Leech and two Bloodbraid Elf draw. He used a pair of Boomerang to deal with some beats leaving my Halo in play, until a Cryptic bounced it and Sanity Grinding plus Twincast only got me for 15 cards.
Game 2 he used Boomerang to keep me off lands, while Remove Soul and a pair of Cryptic Command kept me from casting Thought Hemorrhage and a clock, so it was pretty easy for him to Grinding me plus Twincast two turns in a row.
Game 3 was pretty epic. Olivier and Antoine came over to root for their French comrade. He did a good job at containing the beats early, but I got in for a massive twelve-point attack one turn that forced him into Evacuation mode for a couple turns. This enabled me to strip his Cryptic Commands from his deck, leaving him with only two Boomerang to get rid of my two Halos and Wheel of Sun and Moon, while decreasing his Sanity Grinding Blue count.
In the fateful turn, he had to draw into a Boomerang with three draws from Howling Mine and Jace, and use his final Evacuation to protect him on my turn. Boomerang plus Twincast got rid of the Halo on Grinding and the Wheel, while my Halo on Jace stayed in play. He went for the Sanity Grinding and had just enough Blue cards left in his deck after the long game to put me to one card, followed it up with a Jace double draw, and passed the turn to my inevitable death.
3-2
At this point I really felt like quitting, so I checked the drop slot and headed outside for a smoke to provide some relief. Hunter Burton talked me into playing, since all the X-2’s would make it in and I still had a very realistic shot.
Round 6 — Bant
I needed this confidence boost to fuel me to a winning record. Game 1 I curved his face off with Putrid Leech, Kitchen Finks, Bloodbraid Elf.
Game 2 I cast Volcanic Fallout on my turn 3 to kill two Noble Hierarchs, Birds of Paradise, Bant Shorecrasher, and Jhessian Infiltrator. This severely mana-screwed him, and lifted my chin up a bit.
4-2
Round 7 — Five-Color Blood (Chapin Version)
Game 1 wasn’t even close. A pair of Bloodbraid Elves, along with Kitchen Finks and Runed Halo on his Anathemancers, completely overwhelmed him. This highlighted the importance of drawing Bloodbraid Elf in this deck.
Game 2 I got my face smashed by two of his Bloodbraid Elves and Kitchen Finks. On the last turn I used Thought Hemorrhage to gain complete information of how he sideboarded and what his numbers were like. He only had two Maelstrom Pulse, which means I was able to lean on my Runed Halo much more often.
Game 3 was a long one. I stabilized at one life and landed a Runed Halo to stop his triple Kitchen Finks beats, while Thought Hemorrhage stripped his Anathemancers away. After grinding it out in combat and wiping away his Colossus with Wrath, I was able to draw into some Anathemancers to end the game.
5-2
Round 8 — Sanity Grinding
Game 1 he used a couple of Boomerangs and Cryptic Command to keep my land low, while three Howling Mines fueled our hands. He was tapping out a lot on his main phase, and I’m pretty sure I would have won easily if I’d drawn a Maelstrom Pulse in the top 20 cards, but I didn’t, and his Howling Mines were too much for me to battle against.
Game 2 I came back quick and lethal: Bloodbraid Elf, Finks, and Thought Hemorrhage to strip his Boomerangs. These were the key plays that enabled a timely win.
Game 3 I played the Wheel game, while he tried to get his Howling Mines on line. Maelstrom Pulse took care of his card draw, while Bloodbraid whittled away his life. He had to use his Boomerangs early again to contain the crowd, leaving him with few outs against Halo and Wheel, keeping my Day 2 glory alive.
6-2
Round 9 — Cascade Swans
After chaining off three out of the four wins I needed, I was pumped coming into this round. PSully and Billy tuned in to watch Paul Rietzel and I battle for Day 2, since we were seated next to each other.
Game 1 was just stupid. I had a pretty decent hand, but turn 3 Assault, turn 4 Swans did me in.
Game 2 I recouped and got my beatdown on with Putrid Leech, and finished him off with Anathemancer. He called me lucky for having it, even though it was in my hand the entire game. This threw me off a bit, since he clearly lucksacked me out of game 1, so I made the mental adjustment to be rude to him in game 3.
Game 3 I landed a Thought Hemorrhage to nab the two Swans of Bryn Argoll in his hand. He skipped playing one of them on turn 4 in order to play Seismic Assault instead. I know if I had two Swans and an Assault, I’d lead with the Swans first. This turned the tide of the game heavily in my favor, so I started an offense with Kitchen Finks, with another Thought Hemorrhage in hand ready to steal the Ad Nauseam that I saw from the first Thought Hemorrhage.
He responded to my Hemorrhage with Ad Nauseam, hitting Primal Command on his first flip, putting him to six. I was at 17, so he needed nine lands to kill me, which – if he was still running the 40 lands – should take 12-15 cards to kill me, but odds were he’d die if he dug that deep, what with him being at six life. He kept going for it… And chained nine lands in a row to win the game. Sometimes they just get there, y’know?
6-3, a.k.a. /wrist
As for the future of the deck, I’m experimenting with having Volcanic Fallout over Wrath of God maindeck to combat the Faerie flock, and possibly cutting White entirely since Wrath only helps out with the midrange matchups that are already heavily in my favor – I can race much more effectively than them. I definitely don’t want to cut Naya Charm, so I may end up keeping it and Runed Halo as a light splash.
Dreams shattered, morale lower than earthworms, and hopes popped like white-tipped pimples, I dragged my loser feet back to my loser room. I drank my sorrows away in a flurry of Crown and Sprite/Coke and a healthy dose of Colorado Bulldogs, before hitting the late night draft floor. A floor that would be dominated by the awesome four-man concoction of Billy Moreno, Patrick Sullivan, Tom Martell, and the 3-0/2-1 curly headed anchor that kept his team grounded for success. Kibler and Chapin didn’t even know what hit them
Early Sunday afternoon came too quickly, and the draft floor was primed for more curly domination. I teamed up with Jelger and Paul to take down a Nassif-led team including Martell and Billy, then beheaded the LSV beast who had Zack Hall and Lundquist. Martell, Billy, and I championed our third draft of the weekend together, giving me a sterling 4-1 draft record on the weekend while going 12-3 in matches.
This was my first foray into drafting with Reborn, and I’ve gotta say it’s one of the most fun draft formats we’ve had in awhile. There are so many different angles you can attack while team drafting, like luring the person downstream of you into Esper before cutting them off White to land them with a bad Grixis deck, or having your team put a huge priority on wrangling up as many 2/2 pro-bears from Conflux as possible. The bears in particular was a strategy I tried to instill in my teammates, since they are the most problematic commons in ACR draft, and having all the pro-bears on your team means you’ll not only get free wins for having them, but you’ll also negate the advantage the opponents typically have by taking them away early.
That’s all I’ve got for this time. I haven’t made any plans yet, but I really want to hit all of the StarCityGames.com $5000 Opens around the U.S. in June. It’s a pretty awesome tournament series, and the fact that there are three in one month makes it pretty tempting to try and Cascade into some high finishes. I don’t have any plane tickets yet, so I think I’m going to show up to the airport and fly standby for $100 until a flight with some open seats shows up.
Thanks for reading!
Kyle