I had a theory about Steamflogger Boss. When I read the spoiler I was just as baffled by “Rigger” and “Contraption” as everyone else. Then I had a revelation! I envisioned the Future Sight design team having a conversation like this:
MaGo: Let’s have a card that references things that make no sense, and gets everyone a-twitter speculating on the future!
MaRo: But then people are going to expect to see that card reprinted again when it actually does make sense…
MaGo: Okay… is there anything from Lorwyn that’s new, wacky, and completely useless now, but will be the bomb this fall?
MaRo: Hmm… there’s this concept we’ve developed called “contraptions” that are utilized by Riggers, which a new profession that are mostly goblins but…
See, Steamflogger Boss as printed is like Aurochs, a horrible, horrible card from Ice Age that just sucked since there weren’t enough Aurochs to make the card at all worth building with (luckily for Aurochs fans, Coldsnap helped out the cause). The only plus side was that it was just a common, so it could be used as a coaster, dental floss, or what have you, no big deal.
Steamflogger Boss is a rare. You don’t want an Aurochs as a rare. It’s one thing to make a “bad rare” that encourages Johnnies out there to bend over backwards figuring out a way to make it good (think One With Nothing, or Norin the Wary). It’s another thing to make a boring bad rare that doesn’t encourage anything.
Steamflogger Boss is funny the first time you encounter the card, as you speculate what the future holds for Riggers and Contraptions. Then you see the gold expansion symbol and realize that this is the only rare you’ll be getting in this pack, and it’s stops being so funny.
So my theory built on the fact that a “funny” rare only carries you so far. Like, through the Summer… and then boom! Lorwyn hits, and there are Riggers and Contraptions, and suddenly Steamflogger Boss’s abilities are relevant. I also thought perhaps R&D would make Steamflogger Boss really good, as a way to further build on the joke – from crap rare to bomb in six months flat!
Makes sense, right? I started envisioning the possibilities for Lorwyn, a world where Goblins have expanded upon the path that Goblin Welder and Goblin Tinkerer touched upon. Goblin Artisans! Goblins as the mad scientists of the world. How cool would that be? I decided to try and pick up a playset of Steamflogger Bosses over the next few months in trading in the hopes that my theory would be right.
Sadly, my beloved theory was dead wrong.
From Mark Rosewater‘s column last week: “Steamflogger Boss. Let me go on the record: I hate this card. Hate, hate, hate it! I tried to have it killed at every possible turn. Why? Because I wasn’t a fan of rules text that when the set came out would be completely useless… But the card was the favorite of numerous R&D members, Devin Low in particular. Devin and I used to argue about this card. Devin’s argument, which obviously swayed enough of R&D to get the card to print, was that the card really evoked strong feelings. Many hated it while another larger group loved it. Cards like that are great to print as they get the audience invested.”
Aaron Forsythe expanded on the hilarity later in the week: “I felt that one carefully placed “joke” of text that meant nothing at all right now – as opposed to the rest of the set, which works just fine – would lead to some great conversations and speculation… I think the final card does what it is meant to do quite well – be funny, with just a hint of potential, and not actually be worthless in play. Others, including Mark Rosewater, disagree, citing that people now expect us to make Contraptions some day and won’t be happy until we do. The card is certainly polarizing and has generated lots and lots of discussion, which is good enough for me. I don’t really expect Contraptions to be realized in the game, but I’m sure some enterprising young designer will surprise me some day; in fact, Kenneth Nagle has already put forth a few ways that the game could incorporate the idea in such a way that Steamflogger Boss actually makes sense.”
Well, my theory just got blown to hell. There are no Riggers, no Contraptions, and no Goblin Welder World in the immediate pipeline. While I can appreciate the joke, couldn’t we have had the joke as an uncommon or common? Then at least you could have been able to get a couple in drafts and have the possibility of getting several Riggers in play.
So I guess Devin and Aaron got what they wanted from me, strong feelings… of annoyance and irritation. I’m in Mark’s camp on this one, fellas.
…
I am this close to blocking a good buddy of mine on AIM because he is the singular most frustrating and annoying chatter in the universe. Here’s a sampling of how he rolls:
Thisguy: You there?
Me: Yes
(Several minutes go by…)
Me: Hello?
Nothing. Here’s another classic.
Thisguy: Bridge from Below is indeed stupid good
Me: How so?
Thisguy: You’re playing dredge and you don’t think so?
Me: Yes of course I think so, I’m just curious what brought you around to poking me on AIM and telling me the Bridge is stupid good?
(Several minutes go by…)
Me: Hello?
Nothing. Silly me, I was looking forward to a little strategy tete-a-tete on the brokenness of Bridge from Below…
Maybe I’m an old fogey and not down with modern communication etiquette, but I generally assume that, if you open up a chat with me, you at least have a minute or two to have a conversation. This sort of behavior strikes me as the equivalent of calling someone up on the phone, asking, “What’s up?” and then hanging up when he or she begins to indeed tell you what’s up.
Thisguy is engaged to be married. I’m willing to bet Thisguy never AIMs his fiancee, or else he’d be lonely and single.
…
My Wednesday Premier partner Jeroen Remie cracks me up. Last week, in his “newfound positive me” review of Future Sight, here’s what he said about the cards he found noteworthy for Constructed (I’m paraphrasing here):
Blade of the Sixth Pride: Interesting.
Oriss, Samite Guardian: Eh.
Delay : Wow!
Venser, Shaper Savant: Eh.
Shimian Specter: Eh.
Yixlid Jailer: Eh.
Tarox Bladewing: Eh.
Heartwood Storyteller: Eh.
Imperiosaur: Eh.
Quagnoth: Jamie Wakefield will love it.
Out of the entire set, he found ten worth noticing, with only three of them warranting more than a shoulder shrug? If that’s what a positive Remie sounds like, I would have hated to see him give a grumpy review!
…
Josh and I attended the PTQ for San Diego this past weekend, reuniting as Team Jolly Green. This time around we got what I considered to be a pretty good card pool. Here’s what we built:
Josh’s Deck
Necrotic Sliver
Whip-Spine Drake
Errant Doomsayers
2 Lymph Sliver
Mangara of Corondor
Quilled Sliver
Oriss, Samite Guardian
Shade of Trokair
Sidewinder Sliver
Sinew Sliver
Big Game Hunter
Endrek Sahr, Master Breeder
Gorgon Recluse
Spitting Sliver
Viscid Lemures
2 Dawn Charm
Fortify
Judge Unworthy
Cradle to Grave
Ichor Slick
Phthisis
Bennie’s Deck
Sliversmith
Frenetic Sliver
Chronozoa
Shaper Parasite
Synchronous Sliver
Tolarian Sentinel
Viscerid Deepwalker
Voidmage Prodigy
Bogardan Lancer
Homing Sliver
Stingscourger
Coal Stoker
Chromatic Star
Foriysian Totem
Reality Acid
Wipe Away
Brute Force
Fatal Attraction
Fiery Temper
Fury Charm
Ghostfire
Ignite Memories
Other cards not played:
Artifact: Darksteel Garrison, Gauntlet of Power, Tormod’s Crypt.
Red: Aetherflame Wall, Emblem of the Warmind, Ironclaw Buzzardiers, Shivan Wumpus, Viashino Bladescout.
Blue: Arcanum Wings, Auramancer’s Guise, Blind Phantasm, Gossamer Phantasm, Ophidian Eye, Looter il-Kor, Paradox Haze.
Black: Augur of Skulls, Brain Gorgers, Call to the Netherworld, Corpulent Corpse, Deadly Grub, Deathspore Thallid, Fallen Ideal, Grave Scrabbler, Lost Hours, Mass of Ghouls, Melancholy, Psychotic Episode, Putrid Cyclops, Ridged Kusite, Snake Cult Initiation.
White: Augur il-Vec, Children of Korlis, Chronomantic Escape, Detainment Spell, Foriysian Interceptor, Gift of Granite, Icatian Crier, Jedit’s Dragoons, Magus of the Tabernacle, Mycologist, Revered Dead.
Green: Citanul Woodreaders, Cyclical Evolution, Fa’adiyah Seer, Herd Gnarr, Might of Old Krosa, Molder, Mwonvuli Acid-Moss, Pendelhaven Elder, two Petrified Plating, Search for Tomorrow, Strength in Numbers, Sporoloth Ancient, Sprout, Utopia Vow, Utopia Mycon, Virulent Sliver, Vitaspore Thallid.
I thought we had a really deep pool of quality cards, such that there were plenty of good cards we ended up having to cut. We ended up sidelining Green because it just didn’t seem as deep as the other colors, and with no special lands and very few artifacts that could really help fix our mana, it didn’t seem worth risking mana screw to go three colors in one of our decks. With the quality in the other colors, there was no need to go there.
I was really happy with all the quality cards I had that combined so nicely with Tolarian Sentinel – Reality Acid, Shaper Parasite, Firemaw Kavu, Fiery Temper, Stingscourger, and Fatal Attraction. We also really liked our Sliver suite, with Necrotic and Frenetic Sliver deciding our deck colors for us. Slivers won us a few games and helped us not lose another – resulting in a draw. Our opponents that game — Team Porky Piggin’ It (apparently the idea is that if you walk around the house with nothing on but a shirt, you are “Porky Piggin’ It”), had two ridiculously good decks… and they spent 4-5 cards trying to kill a couple of our key Slivers with a Frenetic Sliver out there. I literally won five coin flips in a row. It was ridiculous really, and brought back memories of just how frustrating Frenetic Efreet was back in the day, and that was before you could stack damage and then duck out with the coin flip. Having Slivers that would not die kept us in the game long enough for a draw when by all rights the better decks should have crushed us. Better lucky than good, huh?
Sadly, we also had a run of bad luck too. In our first game, I got mana flooded while our opponents had the perfect aggressive draw to punish it, forcing us to start throwing multiple cards out there in suboptimal plays to try and stop the bleeding, for which they of course had the perfect answers. I drew seven lands and five spells in my first thirteen, and my partner did just a little better. Our opponents went undefeated through the Swiss, so even if our decks had performed better we might have still lost, but I certainly would have liked to have a fighting chance.
We go 3-1-1 leading up to our sixth game, when mana flood strikes me again. This time I draw eleven lands and four spells, which was highly frustrating. I always take my time to shuffle deck thoroughly, and I know the random element in Magic is a cornerstone of the game, but I hate going down like that.
As a consolation, I jump into a draft and end up with a strange little three-color number that works well enough to get me to the finals:
My Draft Deck
Whip-Spine Drake
Aether Membrane
Desolation Giant
Homing Sliver
Magus of the Arena
Needlepeak Spider
Stingscourger
Volcano Hellion
Deadwood Treefolk
Penumbra Spider
Spinneret Sliver
Lymph Sliver
Poultice Sliver
Pulmonic Sliver
Whitemane Lion
Sword of the Meek
Ghostfire
Grapeshot
Sudden Shock
Edge of Autumn
Evolution Charm
Search for Tomorrow
2 Judge Unworthy
Terramorphic Expanse
5 Plains
5 Mountains
5 Forests
My first pack is crap except for Sudden Shock, and my next pick is Strangling Soot. Okay, so I’m Red/Black. Next pack… Desolation Giant. Hmm… I decide to stay the course and pick Grapeshot. Next pack… Pulmonic Sliver! How did that come so late? I got ahead and hate draft it… but also consider jumping to White/Red if Desolation Giant somehow comes back around – which it does! By then I’ve also been passed some good Green and a Terramorphic Expanse, so I keep a particular close eye out for mana fixers and cobble together a three color Good Stuff deck that is a bit slow out the gate. Once I get all three colors on the board, it hums like a machine.
My finals opponent Zach watches as I slowly grind away at my semis opponent, who is playing Red/Black EveryRemovalSpell.dec. Deadwood Treefolk plus Whitemane Lion outlasts his removal long enough for my Slivers to come online and win things. When I finish, Zach tells me he’s got a ridiculous deck he’s pretty sure beats mine, but I ask for the draw since it’s late and I gotta head out. He’s kind enough to agree to it.
And just like that, I’m done! See you next week.
Bennie