You know, right now, you should send Craig an e-mail saying “Thank you!” It’s thanks to him that this site hasn’t collapsed under sixty million articles talking “about the new set.” There’s no cutting it any other way; just as the preceding four weeks have been the period when forum-based idiocy is at its most dense, we are now staring down the barrel of the stupidest time in Magic’s seasonal calendar for Editors.
Oh yes.
Right now, Craig is sifting through set reviews, which insist on mentioning every card. Set reviews that say lazily “could be good in Limited.” Set reviews which bubble enthusiastically about a single card, then throw out pert catchphrases and “Could be good, could not be good, I dunno.” Because let’s face it, just as everyone’s an expert, everyone’s an idiot.
If you want to make a set review, make a set review. Don’t make an extended forum post and send it to an editor, making it their problem. Of course, many editors, in the rush for content, will put up these awful reviews. Sometimes a name will attach opinions to cards that are utterly ridiculous, and in doing so, make their folly public. Let me make this eminently clear to you all; everyone makes mistakes in set reviews.
Jamie Wakefield called Life from the Loam junk.
Dan Paskins called Lightning Rift junk.
Mike Flores called Helldozer a Black staple.
Don’t think that your set review has to be perfect. However, and let me make this clear, your set review should have some frigging content. Also, when I hit each card that has even the vaguest parallel to an older card, in keeping with tradition, I will mention its similarity to the card in the past. When you read one of these you didn’t spot for the first time, a little light will go on. “Oh!” you’ll say. “I hadn’t noticed how this is a reprint of Floral Spuzzem.”
And then, the fifteenth set review that you read, you will be grinding your teeth. “Shut up,” you will say. “I don’t care about Floral Frigging Spuzzem, and I don’t care if you think it’s Just Going To Be Good In Limited. Give Me Something Interesting To Read.”
Which is what Fox and I intend to do! Fox is a dedicated Timmy, a smash-and-grab style player whose style of gaming is entirely oriented towards turning sideways. I prefer Control, wanting clever fatties that do something cute, with cheap, efficient removal and utility creatures in the early drop slots. Most importantly, neither of us is pursuant of tournament success. While we can identify cards and know enough about Limited between us to realize why some decisions were made, we’re not going to just palm off the responsibility of 90% of the cards on that format (and in Guildpact, the desire to do so is huge). No, the point here is to look at cards in the three ways that we do.
Art.
Flavor.
And fun.
I can probably eyeball and guess at a tournament staple. I can even more likely pick a card that won’t be a tournament staple. But if you’re here looking for the Bestest New Cards to trade for, go talk to Ben and Pete — the guys who make money off doing so. All I can offer is suggestions, and even then, I’m thinking in the mindset of a guy who drools at bargain bins.
I’m going to, for the most part, ignore rares on anything but an aesthetic level — flavor and art. Barring for some exceptions (of course), rares are generally uninteresting to me, since they’re expensive and can rarely carry a casual deck on their own. However, each color and each guild will earn some mention from me on at least one rare, since I can hardly keep my trap shut on everything.
Luckily, I have someone helping me here. You didn’t expect me to be happy with the raw padding provided by twenty-odd pages of cards, did you? No, we’re doing this two-headed Giant style! Meet Fox, my wife, who… I’m going to let write her own introduction, to avoid sounding stupid.
*hurriedly backtracks* Bugger, I missed this bit when I went through and cleaned up my comments. Uh… so yeah, I’m mostly here to complain about comment on art and flavor, since my interaction with the game is mostly oriented toward a special dreamland where Wrath of God costs nine mana, Counterspell was never printed, and Savage Beating is the dashingly devil-may-care scourge of the tournament scene. And because I’m the sort of player who loves Patagia Golem for its flavor text, and jealously hoards Samurai of the Pale Curtain for their pretty, pretty artses.
My main vested interest in Guildpact is the Gruul, Green/red being the best parallel for my personal philosophy and therefore my favorite color combination. Things do not look good for the Foxstar Runner.
For those who aren’t up to speed, Fox is in Italics, I’m in non-italics. We good? Good? Good.
White Cards
White, unlike in Ravnica, is no longer trying to support two guilds; that role falls to Red this time, which means that we’re only going to see Haunt cards in Guildpact. This is both a good and a bad thing — Haunt is a mechanic which supports comes-into-play creatures, removal, and sacrificial lambs. Hopefully, we’ll have some who work well with Eiganjo Free-Riders, giving that deck a bit of much-needed grunt that doesn’t involve the Loxodon Hierarch.
Belfry Spirit
Flavor-wise, it’s especially cute to me that it’s a White creature which ‘commands’ up to four Black creatures; often White’s systems, dogma, and constructs mean it can reign over unlikely fellows. The structure of the Boros Legion is our first sign of this; this guy is a pleasant second.
Plus, it’s basically a 3/3 flier for five. While that’s not going to blow anyone’s hair back in non-Limited formats normally, he can repeatedly do his effect, being a spirit (recurrable), in conjunction with Eiganjo Free-Riders, or even just by using his Haunt ability. I love almost all dudes who deploy creatures.
Urm… I have to point out that what I said was more like just “pretty”. The glowing effect is nicely done — I’m generally fond of the way Darren Bader depicts spirits — and the angle of the shot gives a nice impression of height, which you need for a respectable belltower. And just to make a point of it, Quasimodo was a sweetheart (albeit a stupid one). Nobody associated with the Orzhov is sweet…
Ghost Warden
This card warrants mention entirely for its flavor text, which many of you who have been working off pure spoilers have most likely not noticed. I hope we hear more from this particular storyteller, and his philosophy of destiny as a mutable thing.
Ooh, this was my first big point of interest, visually and thematically, in Guildpact. Seeing Ittoku’s name on it is no surprise — (s)he has rarely disappointed me since (s)he started working on Magic cards. I love the way the ghost is coalescing from the mist — I mean, sure it’s an obvious choice, but that’s fine if it looks right — and it’s pleasant that both the ghost and the figure being protected are fairly androgynous (a pet love of mine — don’t see enough of it in Magic). And as for the flavor text, well, that’s just beautiful — and a very accurate White.
Ghostway
Ah, the first of our rares that I want to talk about. My very first inclination with this card is to stuff it into a Green-White deck in extended, filled with comes-into-play creatures and Eternal Witness. The deck can run some spells, preferably card draw in Green-White, like Carven Caryatid, and solid, comes-into-play dudes like Fleetfoot Panther (who can reuse your other dudes) and Loxodon Hierarch. You can even run stuff like Eladamri’s Call and Soul Warden — they’ll keep power flowing from all sources.
So, at first I had no idea what this art was supposed to be depicting. Talen explained that the creatures were supposed to be fading into the removed-from-game zone, as per the rules text I had been ignoring up until this point, but in retrospect I think what’s actually being shown is them, fading back in. Either way, the art is nice, especially from a “special effects” angle, but perhaps a bit complicated.
Leyline of the Meek
Okay, I’m a sucker for neat glowing effects in card art — it’s pretty inevitable that the Leylines will catch my eye. And this one in particular does a great job of capturing the essence of White’s power in the flavor text.
Lionheart Maverick
Two days before this card got spoiled, I saw a guy posting under this name on the Wizards boards. I wonder if they both reference the same thing, or if one of them references the other. And if the latter is the case, which one came first?
This guy’s a solid little man who will get ignored in a lot of decks because people see his secondary ability as being too pricey. It’s true, it is very expensive. He’s good in that he helps out the convoke curve, nobody wants to block him with Frostling or Llanowar Elves, and, best of all, he can do something late game. He becomes a 2/3, which is not exactly busted; but when you look at the kind of pump effects Green has access to in this block, you’ll be stunned White gets it so cheap!
This guy was an awesome little surprise, I must say. While I was always looking forward to Ravnica to provide new cards for my Green/Red and Green/White decks, while I love a majority of the art and practically want to marry the new fat pack, I hate the guilds. I hate the “joiner” mentality, and I hate that my two favorite color combinations were basically reduced to a communist hippie rally and a bunch of ineffective twerps who drool a lot (and is it me, or are there exactly no females in the entirety of the Gruul? *shakes fist* Damn you, give me my giant Green/Red barbarian women!). Ahem, but anyway, my point is, seeing this guy jump out of the woodwork was a beautiful moment. You go, little White dude. You tell ’em.
Shame his art is… well, yeah. Methinks that horse has a serious case of malnutrition.
Martyred Rusalka
I just wanted to mention this card because it uses the word ‘Hanged’ correctly. To quote from Terry Pratchett — ‘A person is hanged; dead meat is hung. So a person is hanged, then they’re hung.’
Shadow Lance
Holy crap! They did everything to make this card great as far as Auras go; if your mana base is balanced, at least theoretically, the enchanted creature is going to be huge. Unlike Midnight Covenant, it does something on its own. This card is not necessarily going to be a total beating; but at least with the White creatures that like enchantments (of which there aren’t many) this card is going to be a solid deal that makes combat math tricky and can get a nice, little, evasive threat through for big damage.
Plus, the flavor is brilliant; I love the idea of the wicked being put to good use, their souls crafted into weapon to serve out the jail time they deserve, even if they managed to ‘cheat’ the system by dying early.
Very cool.
I, on the other hand, am pissed off. Exactly why is this aura so much more efficient than the Gruul Guildmage? Christ, give Green the best pump effects or don’t, but stop thinking like we’re not going to bloody notice the imbalance here >_<;
Shrieking Grotesque
I was already a fan of the neo-rat before we got the actual card. Now that I know the flavor text, it beautifully encapsulates the Orzhov designs. Suffering, it seems, is part of their life.
I dunno, I’m getting tired of Orzhov already. They’re not just horrendously evil and sinister, they’re “hey, look at us, we’re so evil and sinister!” Wizards was obviously trying to come up with some lovely bloodcurdlingly bonecrunchingly nasty flavor text for them — that’s what they are — but I just can’t help but see them as being kind of attention-seeking little brats.
Skyrider Trainee
I’ve loved this art since we first saw it released as wallpaper — gorgeous griffin. It’s so nice to see the female rider wearing actually sensible, body-covering armor, with no gaping cleavage or exposed midriff (I don’t care if Wizard’s doesn’t ask for sexed-up females in art, Matt — that’s like saying you don’t need to take any action against workplace harassment because you didn’t specifically ask that guy to set up a camera in the bathroom). Dear god, though, what’s with her hair? She looks like Ted from Scrubs.
Storm Herd
This one is just a minor question; but since when are seven horses a herd? While it may be a fair representation of what the card’s going to get you, it’s not what people envision when they see this particular ten-mana spell. No, they’re seeing twenty, pristine, beautifully White and disturbingly identical horses, winging across the skies. Are those clouds? No, those are the rest of the herd. A herd whose very wings fill the sky, a herd of purity and power.
Not seven appaloosas lost above the cityscape.
Blue Cards
Blue, like in Ravnica proper, is only forming part of one guild in Guildpact; so it’s not going to be too different a situation. Of course, Ravnica Blue had a lot of filler cards which weren’t that remarkable for casual play. So what does it offer now?
Aetherplasm
Hey, neat, this is uncommon! That’s awesome! This guy gives me a handful of ideas, except there’s at least one big problem. He needs to block. This basically makes Aetherplasm into a four-mana Moat that can be Darkblasted. Of course, Blue has ways to countermand that, but the kind of Blue decks that want to sneak a fatty into play are the kind of Blue decks that want to tap out on turn 3 to play this dork.
Which is a bit of a hazard; but at the same time, my mind swims with possibilities. He could go in Green-Blue, an obvious option, to spoot expensive dudes into play and have tutoring ability. Green-Blue would even give you Chord of Calling, which would be an awesome trick. Go get an Aetherplasm in the middle of combat, block, and splot Godzilla himself in front of your opponent’s creature.
Ah, pipedream, of course. Okay, what’s good to put into play with the ‘Plasm?
Well, expensive creatures are good. Creatures that nobody in their right mind attacks into are also good. Anything with a high enough power and toughness to make the block into a massacre? Right now, the best idea that springs to my mind is Tidal Kraken, or possibly Keiga.
The ‘Plasm looks good, though, in multiplayer, a lot of the time. The only problem is, he puts people closer to their limit. Many players, timid players, will avoid swinging at you with a ‘Plasm; who knows what you’re holding?! Whereas bolder players will, shrugging and damning the torpedoes, swing at you and deal with whatever shenanigans you want to pull, or, even more damning, burn a precious removal spell at him at the right time.
Just be sure you know the kind of players and what kind of guns they’re holding when you drop this guy. Bad players will swing into it. Very Good players will swing into it. You need to know which is which.
Oh, he also stymies any non-trampling offense on his own. This guy puts Crystal Seer to shame, and even earns a lofty place with Echo Tracer.
Once again, nice use of special effects — it takes some skill to make creatures like this look like they’re supposed to, rather than like a big glob of Blue jelly. I’m thinking that’s Ulasht’s head in there — must get hold of the bigger art, so’s we can scan for more in-jokes…
Crystal Seer
Yeah, this guy. Ten mana is not good enough. I’d have rather he lacked the index ability and instead bounced himself for three, while being a Gray Ogre. But that’s me.
Another card art that’s not tremendously special, but has noteworthy special effects. It would be neat if the Green background indicated a plant for the Green/Blue guild, but I’m probably thinking too directly now.
Drowned Rusalka
Would you believe this is one of the best sacrifice outlets in standard Blue right now? Well, she is. Not that Blue can really do a lot that needs sacrifice, of course.
Now, remember, you discard first; with an empty hand, you don’t discard, of course. This means that you can:
Attempt to milk creatures for card advantage with damage on the stack, but no more than one a turn…
Attempt to abuse token creators to generate card advantage, but no more than one a turn…
Abuse the hell out of dredge, putting a dredge dude into the yard, picking him back up, and throwing away some indeterminate garbage as well.
With Golgari Brownscale, this little chick at least generates two life a turn for a reasonable cost, which while not exactly stupid powerful, is at least tolerable.
Leyline of Singularity
By gorsh, it’s just so pretty ^^; I imagine most people who are interested in mechanics will be unimpressed with this, but it’s hard not to find it inspiring in terms of art and flavor — it’s one of those cases where even if the mechanic is sub-par, it’s still wonderfully evocative.
Quicken
I get the feeling the Izzet are going to really divide opinions on their flavor. I mean, there are going to be a dozen people proclaiming that such things are so inappropriate in Magic, the idea of scientific mages and technomancy to be anathema to the extant world we play in.
These people, I wish to make it clear, are buttheads.
Magic is more expansive than just one, narrow view of it. The magic of the Dark is different to the magic of Phyrexia and that’s different to the magic of Kamigawa, which is even then, different to the magic of Mirrodin. Just because you want things to be a specific way doesn’t mean that the world dances to your tune. Come on! Spell-flinging gnomes with goggles!
I love the flavor text on Quicken. There’s not a lot of flavor you can put behind this card — it really is an eminently simple effect, increasing the cost of a single spell by a U to make it an instant. So, instead, they opted for utility. Again, this card is quite solid, and I personally think it has a place in extended Psychatog decks and other graveyard-filling strategies.
Hear me out here.
It can end-of-turn dredge back a Life From The Loam, and let you play the Life as well. It’s a cantrip that does something extra, filling your yard and letting utility spells sneak past countermagic. Decks in Extended runs several sorceries, from Deep Analysis, Life From The Loam, Cabal Therapy, Careful Study, and so on. This just gives you the chance to catch an opponent in that annoying tapped-out moment, pantsing them metaphorically. Worst case scenario, it cycles.
Repeal
Two days before this card was spoilered, while spitballing card costs, thinking about cantrips, I idly speculated to Fox this exact card. That is all I have to say here.
Runeboggle
Poor Ron… I like a lot of his work, but he really does need to work on drawing a simple, non-mutant, non-monstrous human face. Surely I’m not the only one who thinks she looks crooked and badly-proportioned? Save Mr. Spencer for action-centric scenes and goblins, guys — he’s just better there. Oh yeah, but the flavor text is pretty awesome ^_^
Sky Swallower
Isn’t this guy Red? Oh, wait, I forgot, Blue is the color of big, evasive creatures.
Thunderheads
Since there are those who didn’t know, Thunderheads is actually a pun. It’s a type of cloud, specifically the big Black buggers you see piled high in the atmosphere. Though, why do these Weirds have faces? None of the others even have anatomies, let alone faces.
Of course, that aside, it is a solid card, and it will ruin someone’s day. It’s a 3/3 blocker outta nowhere, and potentially can seriously screw an offensive plan. In a situation where you’re facing down two equal creatures with three or four lesser creatures, a situation where a charge can often sneak enough damage in that you can finish them off with burn or the like, Thunderheads can suddenly muddle combat math. You’re no longer sneaking dudes through, but losing dudes to 3/3 blockers while your big guys get chumped.
Awesome flavor text, though. It implies a strong sense of subtle menace.
Time to get the graphics program out. This card needs to be “shopped” to feature the bird-eating cloud from Teen Girl Squad.
Vacuumelt
…Sometimes, I think they’re really starting to reach for bounce-spell names.
Black Cards
It’s not like Haunt brings anything to Black it didn’t already have — a way of gaining card advantage with creatures who are mediocre to good with comes-into-play abilities. All Black really gets in this set is More Of The Same, with some nice flavor stuff and spells that interact with Haunt in interesting ways. Since Black’s haunt cards are more likely to trigger twice, they’re, in my opinion, worth a bit more consideration.
Cremate
I’m now going to mention that this card is an Invasion Reprint (in keeping with tradition), that it has moved down in rarity (uncommon to common) (in keeping with tradition) and tell you nothing you wouldn’t already know and that has no relevance at all to the game at large barring for showing off just how colossal a nerd I am (in keeping with tradition).
While it’s a good spell against Golgari (good-ish; you probably want a permanent like Graverobber instead, though), it’s really at its finest, in my opinion, in Golgari. Only drawing one card a turn sucks, and you want to kick off the Dredge chain as quickly as you can. Cremate can be burned easily for no ill effect, and it’s a cheap cantrip that can occasionally bone the other guy.
Cry of Contrition
Lovely art — highly evocative. I wish that for once, a card like this would depict a male, but I’m not fooling myself into thinking that will ever actually happen.
At the same time, the card itself does too little for my tastes — Without a way to recur the haunt effect (there isn’t one), I’d much rather just use an enchantment like the Honden.
Daggerclaw Imp
Awesome flavor text. It’d be nice if the Gruul could actually deal with the little bugger as easily as it implies, but hey, I guess we can’t have everything. Can you see my eyes rolling?
Douse in Gloom
Nice art — though, who are we kidding here? It’s Kev Walker, it’s not like we’re about to see him doing stick figures. The flavor text is a nice window into how the Orzhov maintain themselves – and why they become so warped. It’s more of a scientific tale — “This is how the Orzhov Patriarchs prolong their existence” — than it is any kind of seriously creepy tale.
Meh, see my earlier note on the Orzhov being drama queens. Cheer up, emo guild!
Hissing Miasma
This one’s odd to me, mainly because the flavor text is completely unconnected to its mechanics. Perhaps it originally gave the attacking creatures -1/-1, or more, or something? It sure as hell doesn’t affect any creatures as it is — meaning that somewhere along the line, some flavor text writer got lazy, or someone changed the card at the last minute. Slack, people!
Leyline of the Void
Once again, a Leyline with very nice art… but wasn’t this on the Samurai of the Pale Curtain? It doesn’t seem very Black to me. Let Black suck cards out of graveyards after the fact — let White stop them from ever going there.
Restless Bones
More nice art — this one doesn’t fit my usual criteria for “commentable”, but I love the crispness of it, and the style. It’s realistic without looking boring, stylized without being cartoony. Kudos to the artist, whoever it is — I don’t recognize the name, but that might be because I can’t quite make it out. Also, the flavor text is definitely cool, without seeming like it’s trying too hard to be scary or creepy.
Sanguine Praetor
Something struck me as I looked at this creature, glancing further up the list to see discard spells, creature removal, and disruption all over the shop. The thought that sprang to my mind looking at this guy is that… well, he’s ridiculous! He costs the warehouse, he’s a three-turn clock, and he requires you to have other creatures in play to do much. But at the same time, he could be played, because, much like Helldozer, Black could support it. Black could, in theory, play with whatever stupid win condition it liked, because it could affect the game, flouting the authority of other colors. It could even get the creature back if someone killed it — which was further in its color pie. It could stop removal with discard and recursion, it could clear out blockers with removal, and it could play whatever fat it wanted.
Why is the color able to fight counterspells, remove blockers, and swing in with fat creatures, an ally of Blue’s?
Skeletal Vampire
Man, oh man, I am torn on this guy. See, with many cards, the opening days of the card’s availability pigeonhole it. Often cards will deal with this, with what’s printed on the card sufficing. However, many need to really wrap themselves in their environment, achieving their status — both memorable and painful — through their interaction with other cards in their environment.
I refer, of course, to nicknaming cards.
I’m torn on this one! I really am! I mean, obviously I need to decide pretty quickly, or I lose the opportunity to make my mark here. But we have the art, and we have the mechanics, and we have the thematics; so we need to make a decision. Cast your vote in the forums! Of the following monickers, which should Skeletal Vampire go by?
Murray: To anyone who has not yet played Curse of Monkey Island (and you should, you filthy lepers), Murray is a talking skull who looks just like the Skeletal Vampire. The dorky pose, the inability to be intimidating… it’s all the same, bringing me back to the salty days aboard the briny seas of the Caribbean…
“You may call me ‘Murray’! I am a powerful demonic force! I am the harbinger of your doom! And the forces of darkness will applaud me as I stride through the Gates of Hell – carrying your head on a pike!”
Oh, you just have to be there.
Batman: As any fan of Shortpacked will tell you, there’s nothing more terrifying than that single simple phrase. “I’m Batman.”
Ozzy: Now, this one is going to go right over the head of everyone under the age of fifty, but, believe it or not, the guy on the Osbournes used to do something other than swear at his wife and look bewildered. He used to be in some band or other, and, as a part of that, he occasionally did things to surprise his audience. Part of that involved biting the head off a bat.
Now, as I’ve made clear in the past, I love this kind of creature. It’s the Siege-Gang Commander aficionado (and remind me why Green has yet to get a creature that looks even vaguely similar that’s even nearly as format-defining as Siege-Gang?) in me, and let’s face it, this guy is a fairly attractive deal for those who can’t afford Coco Puffs. Six mana gives you five power and five toughness, with the capacity to chump block, regenerate, and even perpetuate a sick, Black life cycle. He can slowly take control of the air, and is a fine creature for the cost. Plus, Black, so he’ll be trickier to kill than most.
I like him as a Control finisher, or possibly the top end of a Black mid-game deck that wants to grind out wars of attrition.
Ah, Talen stole my comment on this guy — the pose was just so comically “BOO!” that I couldn’t help but call him Murray. That said, it’s not bad art — it makes me giggle rather than inspiring fear, but I can’t fault the overall quality.
Smogsteed Rider
Now, this one is interesting to me, because flavor-wise… what if the beast he’s riding provides the body? You’re not just summoning a wizard, you’re summoning a rider and steed… but one doesn’t get into the creature type line. Annoying, no?
Designing my own cards, I find myself bereft of a way to provide the proper creature type for mount-and-rider style offerings. In many White cases, the horse is just a well-trained guide. What if you wanted to render a knight whose horse was an amazing creature, capable of fighting just as well as he? Well, creatures can’t be equipment, so that shoots a potentially simple angle down. Could the Courier effect be an appropriate way to mirror horse and rider being more than the sum of their parts?
Idle thought for now.
Red Cards
Hey, Red, congratulations! After the raging success of Radiance, you now get to take part in the mechanics that are Bloodthirst and Replicate! Here’s a quick hint; all of the Bloodthirst creatures suck. Most of the Red Replicate cards suck. And Red still has a bunch of solid beating cards.
Fencer’s Magemark
I like the art here because of the distinctly-shaped body on this fellow; too often in Magic, and fantasy art in general, males tend to be very straight-lined slabs of meat, which I find very shapeless and ultimately boring. This guy has a very distinct chest, waist and hips, which make him look interesting without being feminine. Oh, and the lighting being him is very nicely done, as is his flavor text — a very Red philosophy, but not a stupid one. But does anyone else find it amusing that he’s clearly not fencing?
Living Inferno
This guy isn’t Green/Red? Why? I mean… God. It’s a good effect on a creature, and, sure, it costs a million mana, but it’s a creature picking fights with other creatures! Surely that’s a fair thing for Green to have, in the same vein as provoke and Contested Cliffs! Or is Contested Cliffs really a Red card, with Green only pretending to help out there?
My reaction to this card went something like, “ooh, nice art one the — oh, it’s John Avon”. I mean, saying a piece of John Avon’s Magic art is nice is like saying that Meloku is a pretty good card. Jeez, wait ’til we hit the lands…
Ogre Savant
Hee hee hee hee hee.
*pause*
Hee hee hee hee hee.
Parallectric Feedback
Hwaaah. The special effects on this card make me happy in a equally special place. If this was not done with CG, we quite frankly need to steal this artist’s brain to replace Photoshop.
Rabble-Rouser
I really don’t have much to say on this card, except that it’s about time they used this name. Pity he maintains the precedent that all bloodthirst cards have to be horrible, because I’d really love to swinging a dude with a name like that.
Scorched Rusalka
Easily the best looking of the Rusalka, in terms of art — I appreciate her fully-clad-ness, despite being both prettier and better-endowed than all the others. I’d say she has the best flavor text as well, and not just because I love cute chicks with fire almost as much as I love Troll Ascetics wearing Armadillo Cloaks.
Siege of Towers
Another pleasing piece of art. Nice use of contrast between the foreground and the city. Despite the pleasantly-imminent doom, it manages to be a bit whimsical; if it looked more watercolor-y, it’d be very reminiscent of Studio Ghibli’s work.
.. Isn’t this a Green card?
Skarrgan Firebird
This is, of course, a Very Solid Card, because Mike Flores Said So. Myself, I’m not exactly holding my breath; Red has access to some remarkably good stuff at six mana, with Ryusei being one of the worst options. That it can regrow itself seems fairly irrelevant; if you’re getting a mana-free engine that deals damage to your opponent every turn, you are in a position where a 6/6 for nine isn’t going to be that remarkable.
Something to note is that this guy punishes painlands. While the other Bloodthirst cards can’t be played as instants, this guy actually reacts to your opponent using a painland in his or her turn. Since the problem with this guy is that it’s essentially nine mana to get him back and play him, being able to split that up over two turns is fantastic.
Wish he was bigger natively; building your deck to Get Bloodthirst feels wasteful and silly to me, and the rewards don’t seem to be worth the trouble you have to go through.
Sexy, sexy art. Kev Walker. Who knew?
Incidentally, wouldn’t the Phoenix — as an archetype — be an ideal Green/Red creature? I mean, it’s a flying fatty — a dragon by any other name — with fire thematics and the ability to recur itself. What, is it just too obvious?
Tin Street Hooligan
Ah, a common staple. This guy is neat for all the same reasons as Hearth Kami. A little beater who can garner card advantage is always good in my book, and he doesn’t have to be played with Green mana. There are some artifacts worth popping, even in block, so he’s not going to be useless.
Oh, and the guy who thought this guy was a Vintage Staple? Hahahahahah. Please, please, prove me wrong and make Green and Red actually give a damn about creatures in Vintage.
Green Cards
Green, after the tournament-scene standout that was Dredge and the surprisingly acceptable Convoke, is now getting to dip its toe into the Bloodthirst pool. It’s a creature-centric mechanic that focuses on getting damage through to your opponent’s face and empowering your creatures based on consistently dealing damage to your opponents.
It’s even worse in pure Green than it is in Red-Green, because Green has almost no spells that can be honestly considered consistent damage sources. Nope, Bloodthirst needs Red to enable it, or it’s just a pathetic win-more card. Also note, there are no creatures with bloodthirst that you can play as an instant, or an instant-speed bloodthirst token creator; so no getting cute with spells like Char or Painlands on your opponent’s hide. Nope, it’s just your men, played post combat.
Perhaps Bloodthirst was just a teaching tool to educate newbies about how swinging into your opponent’s creatures with all your mana untapped was actually a genuinely scary thing, as opposed to just tapping out for a dude who won’t affect combat?
Bear in mind, that’s what Green does most of the time, anyway…
Battering Wurm
Such a good evasion ability… such a bad, bad card. Come on, guys — by the time we can afford to pay seven bloody mana, do you really think we’re going to want to piss around playing a 4/3 whose best trick is to get +1/+1 if our creatures are already getting through unblocked? Blech. Your filthy wurm gives Fox a Timmy-ache.
It’s kinda unsurprising, after all; it’s a Duelmasters mechanic, on a card with Duelmasters style art, it’s only following the trend to be Duelmasters style rubbish. The mechanic is interesting, but it’s so highly costed I doubt it will be relevant. Not when Red has four-turn clocks.
Beastmaster’s Magemark
I had to look at this card twice, because it seems for all the world that it doesn’t suck. I don’t pretend I speak for the tournament players — or the players at large, or even my fellow stubborn casual players who are still dreaming of Kurgadon being a playable card — but this card is going to hold a special place in my pants deck for quite some time to come. All this, and beautiful art too. No takebacks, Wizards!
Crash Landing
Why the hell is there a Blue monkey on it?
I think it’s a Sphinx.
“Fly, my pretties!” Feh. Sphinx is one fine lookin’ creature type — that is an ugly monkey.
Yah – but, at the same time – love this card. Great flavor, good, solid effect, and reasonable cost at instant speed. Who knows, it’s not like it’s ever going to stop a Meloku, but it’s at least something we can use to lie to ourselves more effectively!
Dryad Sophisticate
Lady, where I come from, sophisticated people wear more than a few tree roots. Seriously, guys, if they’re supposed to be naked, make them bloody naked — don’t edit in Green silly-string and call it a costume. If this about censorship, don’t even try to pretend that a bit of strategically-placed clothing and a tarty pose aren’t more sexual than a simple bit of au-naturel. Feh!
On the other hand, I’m liking nonbasic landwalk, it being the only type of landwalk that doesn’t suck.
Earth Surge
I have to say, this is my favorite flavor text in the set. What’s yours? To the forums!
Gatherer of Graces
Well, first, I kinda like the art, even if it is mediocre.
Why is she wearing clothes?
The flavor text is a bit odd, though, since it doesn’t seem to be explaining well the artwork…
Why isn’t she naked?
You know, reading it now, the flavor text and art completely invalidate one another…
Seriously — that’s why I want to know why she’s not naked.
Ghor-Clan Savage, Gruul Nodorog, Gruul Scrapper
No. Just No.
Gristleback
Piggie! He could go into my “Green Eggs and Ham” theme deck.
Hrn. You know, reading the card, my first thought is, ‘Why isn’t he common?’
Oh… he’s an uncommon. Hm. By “could go into my Green Eggs and Ham theme deck,” I mean “sucks”.
Leyline of Lifeforce
Mmmmmmm… mass uncounterability. This is another one of those cards that will go straight into my casual decks, no matter how bad more sensible players will proclaim it to be. Take that, stupid tricksy Blue! *hiss*
Petrified Wood-Kin
…Damn. Just… damn. This guy is so… sad. That is a sexy, sexy collection of abilities… I want to love this guy, I really do. If only he could just be a little cheaper, or a little bigger natively. Gah… so… close… to… timmygasm… *weeps*
Five mana can get you Scragnoth, who’s a 3/4, or Kavu Chameleon, who’s a 4/4 with abilities that are almost as good — why seven mana for a 3/3? The Wood-kin is everything that’s wrong with the Gruul. He’s just a big, dumb, win-more creature card.
Predatory Focus
I have played with Overrun, sir. You, sir, are no Overrun.
Wait, this is a sorcery? …You’re joking, right? I know Green isn’t supposed to be as strategic as White or as spontaneous as Red, but do we really have to telegraph our punches that badly?
Silhana Ledgewalker
“Silhana?” Does that sound like the guttural Gruul to you? Methinks we have a Simic plant! A nice little plant she is too. Evasive, in the vein of my beloved Treetop Scout, hard to remove, in the vein of my beloved Nimble Mongoose, and a fantastic earlier enabler of Ninja of the Deep Hours, in the vein of… in the vein of… well, Teardrop Kami was doing the job up until now.
That actually fits a reasonably nice curve. Second turn Ledgewalker into third turn Ninja-and-Simic-Bounceland would be a good start. I get the feeling I’m going to like the Karoo a bit too much in Aggro decks, to assure my land drops.
Silhana Starfletcher
I don’t know why everyone’s complaining about this guy being “not acceleration.” He accelerates you as much as Kodama’s Reach and Wood Elves do, and they’re both fine cards for their costs. I like his flavor text, and he’s a good, three-mana mana accelerator and color fixer for getting up to those five-drops; like Kodama of the North Tree, who is not an insignificant threat to drop on turn three. Plus, he blocks like a solid spider should, and he’s got a fine bit of art on him.
I really don’t see the bad. He comes down on turn 2, and turn 3 is suddenly your turn 5. I can’t say this enough.
Skarrgan Pit-Skulk
Damn. If Green has to have 1/1s, these are the 1/1s I want them to be.
I can’t be unhappy with this guy. Sometimes, he’s a 2/2 for one, almost all the time, he ignores most walls that are played. He will enable Bloodthirst most of the time, wears broken equipment and enchantments well, and he has the occasionally awesome ability to suit up in Blanchwood Armour and Just Win The Frigging Game Already.
This is what bloodthirst should have been, dammit! This guy is awesome. If the Gruul fatties were even remotely as good as this crazy little creep, they would be my tiny cardboard gods.
Starved Rusalka
This is awesome flavor text.
Ugh – shame the art’s awful.
Alas, alack, and allay — the Green creature in a creature cycle sucks! How novel and rare! What happened to, you know, the good creature color? Did Child of Thorns rock the tournament staple boat too much? What about Krosan Wayfarer? Pathetic. That’s two ideas for creatures this could emulate that wouldn’t be broken, but at the same time, would be better than this.
Wurmweaver Coil
Yaws. It’s like an Elephant Guide, only by “elephant” I mean “Gigantic Fat Man.” And there will be none of this “slap it on a
“Enchant Green Creature.” That’s reasonably nice. Maybe we’ll see more of that in the future. Like, in all colors. Not that I’m rampantly in favor of hard-line mono-color environments, but it’s nice when the colors can keep an aspect of their identities to themselves.
Gold Cards
I’m dividing the Gold cards up by Guild, instead of by collector number this time. It means I can minimize repeating myself about mechanics, and minimalises running around trying to guess which general color I’m talking about. This article is long enough without basically also having the spoiler attached.
The Orzhov
The bleeding mechanic the Orzhov use is generally a nice idea, but their gold cards suffer from being in two colors that are both extremely color-intense when it comes to their good spells. Most really good, board-shaking Black spells want multiple skulls in the corner, and White is just as self-focused. This means that you’re more likely to see a Black Deck splashing Mortify and a White Deck splashing… Mortify… than you are to see a more hybrid Black-White deck. That is, unless any of the following cards are really strong pulls to you as a deck designer. Speaking as a casual gamer, some of them really are — but not enough to support my tastes.
Agent of Masks
I’m now going to mention that this card’s mechanic is functionally identical to an Urza’s Legacy card named Subversion (in keeping with tradition), that it has changed rarity (from rare to uncommon) (in keeping with tradition) and tell you they astoundingly managed to change this card by making it a creature, which you clearly would not notice even if you did already know Subversion (in keeping with tradition).
She’s a 2/3 body. That’s going to Helixed, Gasped, and, since she’s going to do her best in multiplayer, Incinerated, Bolted, Swordsed, and so on. The lure of her being a 2/3 creature for the same mana cost as Subversion is actually a bad thing. Some effects are best on enchantments because, certainly in multiplayer, the number of people who will have an answer for an enchantment are fewer, and the number of enchantments that need answering will be higher. This overall means the Subversion is a smaller, subtler target, since it doesn’t seem to do too much.
That said, though, she’s playable online, unlike Subversion, and she encourages an Orzhov strategy. She’s probably at her best when you can protect her, ideally with something free — like Lightning Greaves. She does live through most playable mass removal that cares about size, which is some kind of blessing, at least.
The flavor text on this card is way too clumsy and unsubtle, especially for the creature it’s supposed to portray. It has the air of somebody who thinks they’re marvelously sneaky and clever, when everyone else is watching in embarrassment as they make a fool of themselves. Sorry R&D, you need to exercise a bit more finesse in flavoring cards like this.
Blind Hunter
Hey, it’s Highway Robber! And he flies! And every other set review is saying the exact same fricking thing!
Good lord, that is one ugly bat.
But in that regard, very realistic. After all, barring for flying foxes, few bats are winning any beauty contests.
True dat. Can’t fault it for accuracy.
Get four of this little guy, which is very doable, since he’s common; he’s good in casual Black-White Astral Slide decks, he’s good in most casual beatdown decks, and he’s even a decent bit of stall for decks that beat themselves up (in the vein of Phyrexian Arena, Dark Confidant, and so on). If he connects even once, he’s a six-point life swing, which is fine for four mana.
If you actually get his Haunt off, he’s an eight point life swing without ever hitting. Ten if he hits once. That’s more than I really expect for four mana.
Castigate
Some card names are the result of the Flavor department working hard, strenuously researching old languages, and creating words that are reasonably similar, to invoke a sense of resonance in the listener. Some are made to try and sneak a dirty-sounding word into Magic. This is one of those cards.
That’s some very nice shadowing on the artwork; it’s still managing to convey a sense of the same, creepy, “you’re doing this even if you don’t want to” angle as Duress often did, but it’s also got an element to it of “It’s for your own good,” which fits the card name well.
Conjurer’s Ban
This art is… ugh. So lackluster. I assume the mundane angle is deliberate, to create a sense of rigidity and control, but combined with the unsubtle line-work and badly-styled faces, it just looks amateurish. This is the kind of art I expect to see on older Magic cards (like, back when they thought a square spiral of Green and Red made an attractive background for a text box), not in the stylish modern era of the game.
Mind you, the card itself kinda sucks pretty hard, since it, really, at its core, is just reactive junk only good when you need Just One More Turn. Consider Castigate would give you that same Just One More Turn, unless your opponent had the card atop their library.
In which case, the situations in which this card is good are mindbogglingly rare. Just play Castigate instead and rip the card right out of their grip.
Ghost Council of Orzhova
Ooooh, it’s pretty.
It’s also evil. It’s also magNIFicently overhyped. The day this was revealed, the rumor mills who were rooting from the nonexistent power of the Gruul started to wet themselves at the nonexistent power of the Orzhov. On the other hand, it could just be following the normal trend – those who think themselves clever are rarely correct – and these guys are just a nutty-good card.
Culling Sun
A pretty good hit here — it’s got very nice art, and very nice flavor text. It’s also mass removal that I don’t mind so much because it takes care of weenie hordes and leaves bigger men intact. That’s good — there needs to be more removal that cares about the size of the creatures involved, since most often, creatures are more expensive than the spells you kill them with.
For once, I approve of a mass removal spell — which is significant if you know me, since I’m forever bellyaching about how playable creatures have gotten more and more expensive but Wrath of God is still the same in every set (grrrr!). In short, if this — more Smother, fewer WoG — is where removal is headed, I am one happy Timmy camper.
Mortify
Oh, come on! It just wants to be terror! It’s basically the same picture, with some Blue in the background! Which is weird, since it’s a White-Black card.
I’m kinda torn on Mortify. I mean, one of the reasons Black-White isn’t a huge color combination is because the colors themselves are what most everyone else splashes for removal. Historically speaking, other colors have splashed Black or White into their decks to have some options for killing things, either creatures or enchantments. Now we have a card that require you to splash both, and has the utility of hitting two permanents.
On the other hand, it’s rock-solid removal — hitting pretty much every problem threat in this environment barring the Jitte itself, and the enchantment popping aspect of it is clearly its draw. I dunno. I’m just not sold on Mortify being a real solid guy in Standard — though if you’re already in White and Black, by all means, play it.
I’m not sure how relevant the regeneration is right now; the only playable regenerator I can think of in standard is Ink-Eyes. I don’t know if hitting Jittes and Ink Eyes is a better deal than hitting Pillories, Fetters, Meditations, and Glares.
On a non-mechanical note, the flavor text is beautifully creepy, and far better than any Terror has ever had.
Orzhov Pontiff
This is a very nicely designed card here, doing a good job of highlighting the differences between opposing colors. It does do a good job of showing the difference between White’s approach (make your stuff better) and Black’s (make their stuff worse), which nonetheless show how unfair the colors are to their opponents. Black’s just honest about it, while White considers it “only fair” — after all, if you were on the right side, you’d benefit too.
Pillory of the Sleepless
Hey, why the devil is he such a fatarse? I mean it — shouldn’t a prisoner, stuck in a pillory, be a little gaunt — or at least vaguely underfed? How in the world did he manage to gain weight?
Well, you are what you eat, so he clearly just ate a giant fat guy.
Seriously, though, beautiful flavor text. I’m always happy to see that kind of simple elegance.
Souls of the Faultless
Before I even look at the card’s text box — wow, gorgeous artwork. Who did th- oh, I see.
Damn you, Pat Lee! Can’t you at least not finish Transformers more before you move on to not finishing other work?
Oh, wait, they’re supposed to look like they’re dead?
Never mind, then!
Wow, that’s some gorgeous art there. They’re all really nicely drawn, and not your normal, indistinguishable brick-wall body that Magic artists put males in. Different body types are really nice, and slender guys are a big draw. Magic can do diversely sexy women, it’s nice to see some actually attractive males.
Such a shame they’re scabrous corpses, of course — I hope they commission Pat for more artwork in this vein. Perhaps some White weenies that don’t look like they overdid it at the buffet for ten years running, or elves that don’t look like Chuck Norris.
Wow. I though I was the art-related ranter O_o;
Teysa, Orzhov Scion
I can’t really fault the art, but it’s kind of unremarkable. I guess I have high standards when dealing with Todd freakin’ Lockwood.
Cute goth chicks deserve better!
Teysa certainly begs to have a deck around her; while you’re not exactly lacking for removal options in Black-White already, the fact she provides a body bigger than your classic Gray Ogre speaks volumes to me, given I like to turn my guys sideways.
She’s a combo with Blasting Station and Darkest Hour, yes; of course, you need another creature to feed that (note, that means your combo is already four pieces, even if a lot of the pieces are interchangeable). She’s also just a good, solid way of rewarding you for playing Black-White creatures. This set has at least two Black-White creatures I’d be unashamed to be putting into the Red zone — the Guildmage and the Souls of the Faultless — and there are a number of Black creatures renowned for being good at putting stuff into the graveyard. Dimir House Guard and Nantuko Husk are two examples in Standard right now, and Shambling Shell doesn’t mind hanging with Tesya either — giving you a rapidly swelling air force and a way of making Tesya better able to take care of herself.
Of course, three-color manabases are not the domain of the budget deckbuilder, and neither is advanced combo. Moving on!
The Izzet
The Izzet, as I’ve noticed, are a mana-hungry guild. Expect to see a number of G/U/R decks floating around, using Green to pump up a mana engine that can feed those expensive spells the deck has running in it. Ideally, I prefer permanents to spells — but the cards themselves are going to be squeezed to only the best and most efficient by that kind of mana base.
Cerebral Vortex
Great pun.
‘Kay, the name pun is pleasantly subtle, but it’s a bit much to have one in the flavor text as well. My main gripe, though, is with the art — what are those supposed to be, brains? Steam? Anything but stupid-looking? Even if they’re shooting for a comedic effect, I think the artists can do better than this.
Oh, and by the way, it’s a flexible, versatile spell and instant-speed card draw. Would it kill you to realize that this is how the game is going to work for a while? “Wah wah wah, it’s not Fact or Fiction”. Get over it.
Electrolyze
It’s card advantage removal. Stop bitching.
Gelectrode
This guy was the villain of Sonic Adventure. Seriously — play the game, then tell me I’m wrong.
Oh yeah, and it’s an annoyingly damnable good pinger. Play it. It’s only uncommon and even if it didn’t untap sometimes, it would still be playable.
Goblin Flectomancer
See, this guy is very good; he beats, he blocks, he does something relevant… and he rewards you for playing the colors he’s in despite his rather tricky casting cost.
Why the hell doesn’t Gruul have one of those?
Leap of Flame
This is kind of tragic; I mean, the flame effects look so nice, but the figures themselves and the sky in the background look so bright and cartoony and… blah. Pity.
Niv-Mizzet, the Firemind
They Finally Got Todd Lockwood To Draw A Dragon. It took them this long. What is wrong with you, Mr. Art Director?! Haven’t you opened your monster manual lately!?
The man is a god.
The formula in the flavor text is brilliant; since it’s traditional to say the same things as everyone else, here’s a quick summary. If you turn all the letters ninety degrees (as the formula mentions) and double the ones which are squared (^2), you’ll find that the letters ‘N I V – M I Z Z E T’, which is a suitably onanistic pun for the narcissistic Dragon.
This guy has me kinda amused, in that he has a potential, surprisingly fast, instant-win combo, even in multiplayer. Except that combo requires you to have fuel sufficient in your library to deal the sixty. The combo in question is Curiosity plus Niv Mizzet. Simply put, if you have more cards in your library than your opponents have life, you win.
That said, assembling the combo with a safety net is going to be tricky — perhaps Leashling is finally going to come into his own, allowing you to stack putting sixty-plus cards on top of your library before he finally leaps back to hand, so Niv-Mizzet can continue to chaingun away your opposition?
Tibor and Lumia
Shame about the art — as Talen says, they look like escapees from The Incredibles or Willy Wonka. Which is a pity, since they sounded like interesting characters to me.
I’m upset about these two. They’re a Hill Giant with good, evasive abilities, and reward you for their colors by hitting the board for no mana investment. They burn away weenies, can even take out fatties if you go cantrip-looney, and will more often than not, wing their way over blockers to smash in for three damage a turn. It’s just grotesquely better than Ulasht, especially since these guys do something after a Wrath while he just whimpers in your hand, afraid to come out to play because of the big nasty world.
Wee Dragonauts
I want the flavor text to be in Scottish, and I will speak in Scottish whenever I utilize the card. “Playin’ ah’ Wee Dragonaut!” I’ll say. “Sendin’ the wee codgers inta’ th’red zone t’beat y’ ‘boot the head’n’bawdy,” I’ll say.
I’ll get hit, I figure.
Love the art.
The Gruul
Ah, yes, the Disappointments. For an anti-establishment guild in a format riddled with good, efficient removal and decent early-game blockers, I did expect the Gruul to be able to provide a good aggro alternative to a Swarm. Maro said that they’re a guild who focus on swinging in with One Large Fattie.
So, why do the guild’s two leaders explicitly need friends to be any good?
Borborygmos
Borby makes Fox cry. When I saw this fat bastard previewed as having bloodthirst and putting “that many” counters on his buddies, I damn near forgave Wizards for Meloku. What does he really turn out to be? A useless bloody lump of meat who costs too much and does too little, in accordance with what seems to be the Gruul philosophy. But hey, maybe if he’s a good boy, he can be a Fangren Firstborn when he grows up.
What’s the matter, R&D? Too fabulous?
This guy is a rare, legendary creature in two colors — both of which are supposedly kings of the fatty heap, one of which is supposedly king of all creatures — who costs seven mana. What in the hell are you bums doing?
Compare him to the Ghost Council of Orzhova. He costs three more, has an irrelevantly larger body, is easier to kill, and is just as hard to play in multicolored decks. The Ghost Council reward you for playing a devoted Black-White strategy — why doesn’t Borborygmos?
Hell, compare him to the Sisters of Stone Death who come down just as fast, kill just as fast, and actually have relevant abilities in combat as well? Or the Chorus of the Conclave who cost almost the same and can block him? This is by far the worst of a rotten cycle, and when White-Black is leading the charge on ‘insane fatties’ while Green-Red sucks, there is something disgustingly wrong with R&D’s view of the color pie.
Very disappointed, Wizards. Very disappointed.
Burning-Tree Bloodscale
He’d be good if his abilities were, you know, free. Like Provoke. Anyone remember Provoke? I remember Provoke. We had Krosan Vorine, who was the same mana, one color, and did this job soooo much better. Why exactly are we supposed to want this guy? Because he can dork with combat? Who blocks unless they have to anyway?
You can use him to falter a team for the last few points of damage. If you can afford that, your opponent deserves to lose. Seriously. In Constructed and casual, you have a million better options that don’t require you to pay a hojillion mana to run the lad past your opponent’s blockers.
Burning Tree Shaman
Excellent Card. Wish he didn’t punish Green and Red for doing things other than attacking and blocking, though; he’s just going to run through the roof in price, but he cuts you off from so many good options, and unless you want to get cute (note: this guy likes Armadillo Cloak and Loxodon Warhammer), he’s just going to frustrate your deckbuilding options. You can run the risk and take the pain, but I find myself vastly preferring decks with Conceptual Synergy.
It’s such a shame that Green has so many good activated abilities on its creatures, because the idea of slapping this dude on the table and grinning at my opponents’ fetch-lands really does make me happy in special places. Still, at least he’s the kind of steady little beatstick that Green/Red should be getting for that much mana. Why the devil couldn’t they cost the fatties more like this?
Feral Animist
STRENGTH OF THE BEAR!
Uh, artist, have you read the flavor text? Wolves and bears are different creatures.
Kinda sad that this is probably the best Gruul Uncommon creature. I mean, with Wildsize, he can be an 8/3 trampler for 5G. That’s not exactly Ursapine-level stupidity. He really shines when you can activate him twice.
If he doesn’t die to Darkblast before that point.
Killer Instinct
Okay, this is my vote for Bestest Flavor Text. The capitals make it. In addition, it has very nice art. Wurms in Magic usually severely fail to inspire me – they just look like silly dragons who wriggle around instead of flying, and I just want to poke ’em. This guy I at least trust to kick my arse if I make fun of him.
Of course, it’s an obvious card. Works with Congregation at Dawn, Worldly Tutor, and dudes who jump to the top of your library, or who put cards there (like Golgari Thug). Combines well with a creatures like Gravebane Zombie, lands like Volrath’s Stronghold, – or, if you want to be a cheap and boring bugger, someone like Kokusho.
Go away.
I hate you.
And your mother.
And your little dog too!
Rumbling Slum
We have here what the Gruul bloodthirst creatures really wanted. He’s a constant enabler of bloodthirst, he’s burly enough that he can protect himself, and, he’s even cheap enough that he can come out before some of them. However, the question you have to ask is, are bloodthirst creatures good enough to run if you don’t get rumblebum here?
You can try for redundancy — in a Green-Red deck, running the Honden of Infinite Rage is far from terrible, and it does enable the four-and-more mana bloodthirsters reasonably well. You can even run the Honden of Life’s Web along with it. It’s not insane, but it’s solid, shocking every turn. However, again, we come to the point where… the bloodthirst guys suck. The best ones cost one and two mana, the worst being bad deals when you do get their bloodthirst off.
Would a 2/2 for two, with bloodthirst 1, have been unreasonable? A potential Watchwolf, but harder to manage? A Grizzly Bear with potentially good topdecking options? Ultimately, Bloodthirst represents the worst type of Red-Green mechanic. It’s one that requires you to Win More. In that way, it’s really the opposite of Amplify (one of the best mechanics the colors shared, for design). It encouraged Red and Green to hold cards in hand, playing out their resources as single, individual threats that could contend with multiple threats from your opponents.
Bloodthirst? Bloodthirst wants you smashing in for damage every turn and adding pressure to the board. Sure, that pressure is cool and all, but each creature that it works for is just another Dumb Dork who will die to mass removal — and that’s just not what I want. The thing is, the strategy it voices isn’t a powerful one, it’s a foolhardy one. Post-wrath, all the bloodthirst creatures are awful topdecks. A seven mana 3/3? A five mana 2/3 with no other abilities? How about I run Isao and Elvish Champion instead and save a bundle?
I have to ask, why did we not get Bloodthirst as the second coming of Amplify? Where is our Feral Throwback? Where is our Canopy Crawler? Where is our Daru Stinger? They didn’t frigging break the game last time we got them and they sucked, why can’t you at least keep up the standard of crap cards, since the amplify creatures were, usually, at least able to get clever. If the extra power/toughness is conditional, why overcost them so savagely?
So, with Bloodthirst on the backburner for “cards that just aren’t worth it,” is another 5/5 dork who can’t get past blockers what Green-Red really wants and/or needs?
Savage Twister
Okay, just look at this art. That is not a ‘savage’ twister. That isn’t even a bad-mannered bloody twister. That there is the My Little Pony of twisters. I mean, sure, if you can handle your opponent thinking you keep your playset in special rainbow-colored sleeves, give them little gifts and grooming sessions, and refer to them as “Majesty” and “Seaspray”…
…Yeah, then you should use these bad boys instead of the Mirage Version. I’m enough of a whore for the new card face that I will probably stick with the new art, even though it’s tantamount to getting a decal of Lady Lovely Locks for your car.
Except My Little Pony is also owned by Hasbro, so they’d probably encourage it. I wonder when that will be a CCG…
Scab-Clan Mauler
Why is this the best bloodthirster!? At least he’s common. Bloodthirst, I feel, is going to be a bit of a casual mechanic, and probably due to the cheapness of its cards. I mean, there’s one really impressive Bloodthirst rare — what does that say to me? Limited.
It’s kinda funny; it’s as if they’re trying to power-down Green… by powering down the part of Green that was never good enough in the first place.
Streetbreaker Wurm
If it cost 2RG, we’d actually want to play this. As it is… being Green and Red seems to get you a discount of… one. I suppose Watchwolf proves that rule.
Except Watchwolf is actually good. Maro tells me it’s good in Limited, though. And Maro always knows what he’s talking about, doesn’t he?
Ulasht, the Hate Seed
“Gruul wants to get the biggest thing out it can. Gruul doesn’t so much win with its army of little guys as with the one big guy your opponent couldn’t deal with.” — Mark Rosewater
So, uh, yeah, this particular One Big Guy needs an army of little guys. And this is in the article where he previewed Ulasht. Of course, one can pick up on the implication that yes, the Gruul has an army of little guys but it doesn’t want to win with them. But this guy can’t even come out to play without an army of little guys. If you have a single Green creature, he’s a 1/1 for four.
I don’t mind him. He’s obviously powerful. However, a lot of the time he’s going to suck, and I hate codependent creatures. The Stampeding Serow’s another example of this, and the Serow at least makes his drawback into a potential advantage. Ulasht does no such thing.
Okay… it would be nice if it looked Red-Green. It’d be nice if it looked like a hydra. Hell, it’d be nice if it looked like anything distinctive.
Aside from that, I can’t criticize the art. Talen already stole all the stuff I was gonna say about its mechanics.
Wreak Havoc
This was originally leaked at 1RG. The problem is, as it stands, it’s just plain awful; it’s too much to pay in either color for artifact destruction, and really, we don’t want to encourage an LD strategy in standard right now. Do we?
The Nephilim
Of course, time to inspect some Cycles that run through the set. I’m going to start with the simplest one to inspect, the Nephilim. Now, all of them, bar the Yore-Tiller are Green, which is of course, a good start for pure mana fixing. Of course, the Yore-Tiller is the one who best fits with a strategy that doesn’t want to actually pay for him, using Dredge spells and other cheaterous shenanigans. The thing is, while your deck has to support four colors to play the Nephilim, it does not necessarily want to play other cards in those four colors.
Simply put, to play the Nephilim, for simplicity and elegance of deckbuilding, you can even stick to two “main” colors and just use the other two colors to feed appropriate bleed spells (of which White has three of the best), and the activated abilities of permanents (like the Guildmages). This is a way that doesn’t push the “real power” limits of your deck, but it does put less pressure on your mana base (Shrieking Grotesque can be a non-awful play if you really need a flier right now, for example).
Also, four of the Nephilim like combat and the fifth one likes to have things thrown at him. This means that they want to get involved, sprawling into the red zone or leaping in front of spells. Since they don’t all have the figures to support that kind of stuff, you’re going to want to be careful with them. This means they encourage you to have combat tricks or a means to protect them before you lay them. White and Green provide these in spades, and of course, all Nephilim are one or the other, with Shining Shoal springing to mind as cheap option. Blue also provides a few ways, of course, with counters and ways of making your dudes untargetable.
Conceptually, it offends me how much the Nephilim look like mono-Green, mono-Red, or mono-Black creatures. What makes it worse is that Wizards are definitely going to be treating these guys’ effects as if they’re “multicolor” now, like Mindleech Mass.
Dune-Brood Nephilim
Blarg Blarg. Fatty consumes his wife and then spits out sand men. At least it’s a Hill Giant.
To those who aren’t aficionados of Fullyramblomatic.com, I’ll instead talk about the card. I like this guy, a lot; he’s a decent body for a decent cost, and the mana fixing available right now is nothing shy of silly. Green is, of course, the Color Du Jour for this guy; between Kodama’s Reach (fix two colors at once), Orochi Leafcaller (fix all of ‘em) and Civic Wayfinder (fix a color, make a beater), you should easily be able to afford this guy on turn 3 or 4. He encourages you to use land-based acceleration, putting Wood Elves and Reach at the top of the list.
I like him, and I like him a lot. He doesn’t play well with Crown of Convergence, unfortunately, but he’s my favorite Nephilim for reasons that are probably well-understood by those that know me.
…Ew.
Glint-Eye Nephilim
God, ew. Why do all Nephilim make me say “ewww?”
This guy reminds me too much of Psychatog. Too hard to cast in comparison, and the mana cost makes me retch. Plus, I don’t relish the idea of going all-in on this guy and having my hand basically stripped by a Mortify. Play him cautiously; only pitch that which you do not need to feed him.
Witch-Maw Nephilim
Cute!
No it’s not. It makes me go “EWWWWWW!”
Hmm. Well, okay. It’s almost like they said “Hey, let’s make an awful creature to put in Awful Gro decks! I mean, they’re what colors now?”
“Everything but Red” reported the behind-on-his-metagame legacy aficionado in Wizards.
“Awesome!”
Yore-Tiller Nephilim
Hey, he doesn’t make me — wait, is that a baby’s face? EWW!
I’m unimpressed with this one. The art, for a start, is the least interesting to me, and the creature itself doesn’t scream to have the same potential. Instead, we have here a reanimation target that likes other reanimation targets. I can’t see that as being that tragic a thing.
Hybrid Cards, Artifacts And Lands
We’re petering out here — as you can tell. Descriptions get shorter, ideas are less forthcoming. It’s the way of set reviews. The authors realize how close they are to their word count and slack off. In my case, it’s because I’ve seen Set Reviews twice this size — and I can’t help but think that the editors will be very happy to have something that’s less of a problem than normal to review.
I also don’t expect a lot of comments on this one. Hell, it’s a review for the review’s sake. Anyway. We’re in the Home Stretch now! As for the lands? Let us not kid ourselves. They’re gorgeous — and they tap for mana.
Debtors’ Knell
Hah! It’s Kev Walker doing creepy Green-shiney effects with dead-looking guys. What more could you want out of card art?
Giant Solifuge
… *sigh* Well… okay. He might have been a scooch over the top as a 4/3 … but that was when we thought he was uncounterable. Boning Green out of a decent dude to give Red a mediocre burn spell does not feel in my mind to be a fair deal.
That’s not to say he is truly tragic. He hurts decks that rely heavily on removal as creature control instead of blockers. He rolls over most everything. He tramples, and is untargetable, so I expect to see myself using him in the Ghazi-Glare mirror match a bit.
Ultimately, I just wish… I really do wish he’d just been more Green, even if he had to be less Red in the process.
I wish he was real. Now that he only has a one-point backside, I could punt him thirty yards, guaranteed.
Gruul Guildmage
Cost Too Much: Do Too Little.
PS: The transvestite streetwalker look went out last year. Lose the boob-tube. Your hairless man-nipples will not shame you. We won’t laugh at you.
Izzet Guildmage
Hee! This guy looks like one of my old GMs!
I like this guy as an actual card. Nice, solid, little beater who has a neat effect. As a two-drop, he doesn’t enable too much, being only really useful in the late game. He can pull off some savage shenanigans, though, and he is a wizard, giving him synergies from that clan.
May see some play in mono-Red aggro decks in other formats because he can gather card advantage off late-game effects, such as Firebolts (2RR is not a terrible price to pay for two Shock). He also has the ‘Infinite Combo’ he can do with Desperate Ritual and Lava Spike — but I’m not a combo kinda guy. I’d want the pieces to do well on their own, which these cards ver’ much do not.
Still, 3UU for a double Telling Time or Impulse is pretty sexy — looking six cards deep for a card you need is nice. And 2RR for a double Tremor or Raze could be significant.
Orzhov Guildmage
Predictable, but elegant, keeping in theme as a Black-White creature. Though I’m surprised it’s so expensive for a symmetrical effect.
Lordy that’s some sexy art. Normally I don’t go for overly stylized things in Magic art, but the hint of Tim-Burton-esque designs in the curling of the cloak is delightfully appropriate here. The haze is lovely, as is the use of heavily washed-out color to make one of the only cards where thinking “oh, it’s Black/White” is my very first reaction. My hat is off to you, Mr. Staples.
Petrahydros
I dunno what’n the merry hell that thing is supposed to be, but it looks cool. It’d be nice if the art was more Red, but at least the Blue is pleasantly vibrant.
Wild Cantor
Wow. How dreadful is this thing? We don’t want our mana dorks to go away when we already have eight good ones, almost regardless of color combination. The only thing this bird brings to the table is that she’s a one-drop who counts double for Ulasht. In theory, she can lead into a turn 2 Scab-Clan Mauler, and a turn 3… shoot for the brass ring, let’s say another Cantor and a Guildmage. That gives us four Green creatures and four Red ones, meaning the turn 4 Ulasht will be an 8/8. That’s pretty cool.
Ah, wondering about ideals is nice.
Plus, the art is terrible — and enough with the forest bikini babes already! We get the idea!
She has a face like a horse’s hoof, so it’s not even like the cheesecake is worth looking at.
Gruul Signet
Hey, wow, a Magic card that uses the word ‘snot’.
Gruul War Plow
Okay… I’ll admit it. I want to hit someone with this thing. It looks like a very pointy painful thing. I like it a lot. It becomes a Juggernaut. Jug didda jug didda jug didda jar jar! Joking aside — I like the card for what it gives, and its secondary ability is just gravy. Far too many decent threats don’t trample right now — this makes the plow valuable in the extreme. Also, it actually does something on its own.
I wouldn’t likely play this in any deck that couldn’t activate the ability — the threats that most want trample right now are in Red, Green, and Black, and splashing isn’t so hard — but it’s certainly a good, solid rare.
What the — why is the Green/Red guild’s second-best card a bloody artifact? Damn you, R&D! *shakefist*
Mizzium Transreliquat
Okay… however you’re supposed to say it, whatever it’s supposed to be, it looks freaking cool. Oh, wait, John Avon. Heh.
It looks kinda like a bug. And a Dragon. With wings. It’s really neat.
In all seriousness, this art is gorgeous. It’s not majestic or awe-inspiring or anything, but I’m sure I don’t need to point out that Todd Lockwood’s ability to render metals is nothing short of orgasmic. And who out there — I challenge you! — doesn’t want that little dude as a pet?
Orzhov Signet
Art is ver’ nice.
The flavor text is ver’ nice as well.
Orzhova, the Church of Deals
Solid effect in a late-game Control deck. However, BW is a color lacking in mana fixers, and those most powerful reasons to play it are mostly double-colored in either color; Wrath, the Council. Black Hand, etcetera. For this reason, this card is probably not going to find a home, because it’s just too painful on the manabase.
Skarrg, the Rage Pits
And… the best Gruul card! Huzzah! Finally, something I’ll slap in a pile of sixty!
It’s almost not that good; it gives you more of what you already have, ultimately, which is Size. There aren’t that many two-drops in Green-Red who want to swing with trample, although Watchwolf does make this card pretty saucy as an addition.
It gives Trample to all the little childrens that wanted it; I can’t really fault that. Second turn Burning Tree Shaman suddenly become 4/5s, and that’s not an insignificant size shift.
Stomping Ground
STOOOM PIIING GROOOUND! RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
In Summary, What Should I Be Doing?
It’s a brave new world, now. We have a lot of new cards coming into the pool, and fortunately, there are some really fun, playable ones in the common and uncommon slots. There are a lot of rares that, while quite playable and quite fun, don’t seem likely to leap into the high realms of prices when they finally hit Magic Online, and there are some who, after the initial rush that comes with every Magic set, might even be cheaper than we’re expecting them to be.
The cards I expect to be selling high are pretty obvious. The Ghost Council, Niv-Mizzet, Burning-Tree Shaman, all the Dual Lands, Ulasht, and Slum. A card that should go well is Cerebral Vortex, but people are likely to undervalue it (and if I prove wrong, well, hey).
For the uncommons and commons, though, there’s a nice surfeit of good, solid cards for us casual gamers to try and snag our four-ofs early. Some cards are too situational; after all, Belfry Spirit shines if you already have Glorious Anthems, but it’s not necessarily going tot go everywhere. In no particular order, the commons you should be angling to grab playsets of, because I feel they’re going to be useful in a lot of decks:
Commons
Lionheart Maverick
Shrieking Grotesque
Gigadrowse
Infiltrator’s Magemark
Repeal
Cremate
Douse in Gloom
Orzhov Enthusiast
Necromancer’s Magemark
Tin-Street Hooligan
Silhana Ledgewalker
Silhana Starfletcher
Skarrgan Pit-Skulk
Wildsize
Blind Hunter
Pillory of the Sleepless
Mourning Thrull
Uncommons
Order of the Stars
Shadow Lance
To Arms!
Aetherplasm
Thunderheads
Vertigo Spawn
Cryptwailing
Smogsteed Rider
Crash Landing
Dryad Sophisticate
Gristleback
Gatherer of Graces
Electrolyze
Gelectrode
Mortify
Savage Twister
Souls of the Faultless
Izzet Guildmage
Skarrg, the Rage Pits
I dunno about you, but these are the cards I’m most interested in. Of course, budget decks are just impossible to talk about while the market’s at the insane, fluctuating state it’s in right now. So we’ll see what we see sometime around late March. Until then, I won’t really be able to focus an article on what is “budget” in Guildpact or not.
So what’s your thoughts on the set? Overall, I’m a little disappointed, especially in the rares, but the commons and uncommons in the set still have me enthusiastic and interested; so really, it’s like most every other set, except now the thing keeping me from getting the Rares I Want is enthusiasm, not cost.
This, I feel, is due to The Spoiler. I saw a lot of things that excited me about this set; and now, they’re not the way they were reported. I waited until I had the real spoiler — from MagicTheGathering.com itself — before I even started writing, and honestly, I’m glad I did. While Solifuge was not a 4/3, Wreak Havoc did not cost three, and generally, the Gruul wound up disappointing me as a Guild That Attacked And Blocked. It’s not as bad as I feel, though — I can look empirically and see a lot of good cards in the uncommon and common slot. The three best uncommons in the set are spread across three guilds, just like in Ravnica, as well.