The Daily Shot: Onslaught Red Review, G – P

Goblin Sligh might just be fast enough to work in Extended. First turn Lackey, second-turn Flunkies, attack for one, drop Goblin Piledriver. Third turn Piledriver #2, Reckless Charge it, attack for twenty-one!?

Goblin Machinist

Another card I underestimated at the Prerelease. If you have six or nine mana, he’s almost always going to be a monster, especially in Sealed. Fat goblins don’t come along every day, so don’t pass this guy up because he seems a little wacky.

Goblin Piledriver

A g
reat cardname, and the potential to be a great beatdown creature. When you compare Goblin Piledriver to other 2CC Goblins in beatdown red, he stands up well. Mogg Flunkies was a 3/3 that could only attack with the help of another Goblin (or, rather, another creature), and the Piledriver is a lot like the Flunkies. Whereas the Flunkies couldn’t attack without backup, the Piledriver can… It just only does one damage.

Attacking with one other creature (including another Flunkies), the Flunkies do three damage. Same with the Piledriver. The only restriction is that the creature in question has to be a Goblin. It could even be another Piledriver. Finally, the Piledriver has an advantage over the Flunkies in that it can serve for five, seven, nine, or more damage depending on the number of Goblins that attack alongside it. Throw in evasion and you have a creature on par with the Flunkies, and something that might even be strong enough to see T1 play… Or Extended play.


4x Mogg Fanatic

4x Goblin Piledriver

4x Reckless Charge

4x Raging Goblin

4x Mogg Flunkies

4x Goblin Lackey

4x Cursed Scroll

4x Incinerate

4x Firebolt

2x Goblin Pyromancer/Blistering Firecat/Urza’s Rage/whatever

4x Wasteland

18x Mountain

Something like that might just be fast enough to work. First turn Lackey, second-turn Flunkies, attack for one, drop Piledriver. Third turn Piledriver #2, Reckless Charge it, attack for TWENTY-ONE!?

On turn 3? Not bad.

In T2, Reckless Charge will be floating around, and so will the Raging Goblin. Sparksmith looks to be excellent if you want to clear the way. Firebolt will still be around. Goblin Taskmaster can turn any Goblin into a threat.

Wow. Red beatdown is looking to make a comeback.

Goblin Pyromancer

The flavor text here is a good metaphor for the evolution of a Magic player. In my case, the good news is that I figured out how the wand works. The magician has shown me his tricks. I can see the cards up his sleeve, the rabbit in his hat, and I know that he’s not really sawing that lady in half. I know the intricacies and the subtle joys of the game. I know that the storyline is second to the function and that style always takes a backseat to design. I wouldn’t trade this knowledge for the world, because it’s made me a better player, and it has allowed me to participate more fully in the Magic community.

And yet…the bad news is that I figured out how the wand works.

I had a deck with forty dragons.

I remember, I remember, marv’lous multiplayer tables,

Where simple folk would laugh and joke, and swing when they were able.

There was no talk, of stack or rule, nor pass-ing priority.

There was only Minion Of The Wastes, Berserked… Take twenty-three.

I remember, I remember, the good times without end,

The carefree days and carefree ways, we’d turn sideways and send.

And though I hoped, that fateful game, that all men were my brothers,

Alas, Marton Stromgald attacked. With forty-seven others.

Another one for the aggressive Goblin deck, this time with Haste being a valued commodity. Sonic Seizure, Fiery Temper, and Firebolt will provide the burn, while Goblin Piledriver, Raging Goblin, Goblin Taskmaster and the like provide the beatdown. Sparksmith for creature control, and a few Pyromancers for the coup de grace. Reckless Charge lets the Pyromancer swing for eight himself. And if Goblin decks get popular, this guy will also be very good in the mirror.

Remember, the bad news is that we figured out how the wand works.

Goblin Sharpshooter

Very elegant card that might, believe it or not, have Constructed applications. Randy Buehler wrote about Goblin Sharpshooter here, where he describes a multiplayer game between R&D bigwigs:

Yes, the chance that it will have a use in Constructed is slim, and it might be a very specialized use, but nonetheless it might be playable. After all, this card can kill an infinite number of 1/1 creatures. An infinite number of 2/2 creatures with Gratuitous Violence. Two of them can kill any number of 4/4s in that same situation. I’m not saying it’ll blow the world away or anything, but hey… Don’t count this little guy out. (Especially as a sideboard card against Mobilization decks, if they appear – The Ferrett)

A great rare for Limited, too – make sure you remember that all the triggers go on the stack when creatures die in combat.

Goblin Sky Raider

I guess that it’s a testament to the power of the tribal mechanic that this pile of steaming garbage is playable. Mostly because of Goblin Taskmaster. It’s just Bird Maiden, beaten liberally with the ugly stick.

That’s not flying. It’s “falling with style.”

Goblin Sledder

A lot more playable in draft than in Sealed, I’m always glad to have a Sledder or two. They pump up my Sparksmith, they make my Crown Of Fury creatures harder to block, they prevent any death to cycled Death Pulses, Slice and Dice, and Solar Blasts. He’s part of the W/R beats tapestry, for sure.

In Sealed, he’ll beat for a few, and then he’ll be staring down a Snarling Undorak. Then next turn it will be a Treespring Lorian. Then Silvos, Rogue Elemental. You get the idea.

Goblin Taskmaster

I can’t get enough of these guys. Amazing with Crown of Fury, great in both Sealed (where they can trade any Goblin with a fatty) and Draft (where they are just fast as hell), they’re simply a top-of-the-line creature. You’ll see a bunch of Taskmasters in Constructed as well – they’re efficient enough to make the cut in those Piledriver Sligh builds.

Grand Melee

This can help you break through for the win against a defensive deck, but Wave Of Indifference is better, and a common. If you have three Skirk Commandos

Nah. It still isn’t that good. Useless in Constructed, too.

Cha-ching. Quite a money card, huh? Seriously, the only use I can see for this is to beat a stall deck. If you’re W/G Fat Soldiers and you just can’t break through those Clerics, splash it in.

Gratuitous Violence

This card is an absolute beating, and I got it late in the Rochester at the PTQ because no one else on my right could handle the red (or they didn’t think it was that good). I knew it was going to be right at the top of my mana curve, but that’s fine. Guys with Crown of Fury become unstoppable. Lavamancer’s Skill is twice the fun. Sparksmiths kick your ass twice as badly, but they kick twice as much opposing ass at the same time.

Who could ask for more? Will this card wash my car? Pay my bills? Hell, it might.


Great flavor text – is this why Gary Wise left Canada? Nah, we Canucks are sick as hell, dawg.

Seriously. I’ve got a cold. And, I think, a touch of the arthritis.

Insurrection is ridiculous in Sealed, which is slower than molasses, and probably way too slow for draft. I know for a fact that it’s too slow against W/R. There are certain cards that the W/R draft archetype doesn’t have to worry about, and this is one of them. That being said, play it in your R/G fat beater deck when you open it up, and you won’t be disappointed – it’ll win you the game. And heaven help the poor shmoe who has a bunch of pingers, because he’s going to lose his whole side. Particularly good with Nantuko Husk.


When did Saddam Hussein win the Invitational? Why weren’t we notified?

Lavamancer’s Skill

This is good for all the same reasons that Psionic Gift was, and does the same things in Limited, with a special bonus – it’ll do two damage if you happen to have a Wizard.

The problem? All the blue Wizards are pretty damn bad. I didn’t know you could jam so many 1/1s for 2U into a set – they spill out of the packs like circus clowns piling out of a car.

Most likely, when you get the two damage effect this will be on a Bloodline Shaman, the best green Wizard, or on a Mistform creature, all of which are 100x more playable than any of the blue Wizards.

Lay Waste

Playable in sealed decks that want to fill in to avoid going 3 colors, and when you have Lightning Rift or Invigorating Boon. In addition, screwing someone out of a critical colored mana can delay the appearance of a Rorix, Visara, or (especially) Jareth for several turns. People try to get four white to play Jareth – and if you deny them that, they’ll have to go for it with three. Then you shove Cruel Revival so far up his lionine ass that it mixes with the Meow Mix.

Lightning Rift

I’ve seen this card dominate games, and I’ve seen it sit there and do absolutely nothing. I would have loved to have it during the Rochester, where I drafted four red cycling lands and a Solar Blast, but it was nowhere to be seen.

Even if you don’t have any cycling cards, you can sideboard this in against players who do – it’s a great deterrent.

Mana Echoes

This is a combo card, pure and simple. Good luck to Johnny-types out there…just take whatever candy-ass Carnival of Souls interaction you used to have, modify it a bit, and go to town.

Menacing Ogre

A first pick in Limited, where he’s a big beater. The key is to guess exactly what the enemy will guess, erring on the higher side. Trust me – you want him as a 5/5. If your opponent doesn’t want him as a 5/5, he will be all-too-happy to pay. I had this guy in my deck during the PTQ Top 8, and he was insane – when I wanted the 5/5, I would overbid to ensure it, and on one occasion I was able to match my opponent’s guess exactly, causing him to lose three life and still give my Ogre the counters. I won that turn with a big swing.

Nosy Goblin

Great for powering up Sparksmith. Otherwise, he’s not as good as I thought. Combined with Backslide, he can kill anything with Morph when an opponent taps out – but then you wasted two cards to do it, so why bother? Play him as a 2/1 beater and treat the ability as a bonus. Crown of Fury equalizes the playing field here.

Pinpoint Avalanche

Sloooooooow. Better in Sealed than in draft (which, again, is much faster), this card doesn’t fit in the W/R Quick Beats draft archetype. Trades one-for-one with almost any creature in the environment. I wonder why it can’t do damage to players? Was Lightning Blast too strong?