I’m back once again with the renegade master. Power to the people.
This time around this column is the mad ideas, written by god herself and handed down to the only man who writes more often than Sean McKeown. I’m not going to tell you about stuff like Dogged Hunter and Catalyst Stone, because everyone has heard about those and how they’re going to make an appearance at a PTQ or GPT near you.
No, I’ve got five new, solid OBC Sleepers. Hang on to your hats and check out what you might have been missing. Time for G-Money’s wild ride.
1. Terravore
Wild Mongrel, Mental Note, Sylvan Safekeeper? They all put land in the yard eventually. Terravore dies to Morningtide, but the potential is there for an early monster. Devastating Dreams for three with a Terravore on the board and the game is yours.
He’s probably the biggest beating in U/G, with a consistent way to dump a bunch of cards in the grave.
Check out these chops:
3 Sylvan Safekeeper
4 Terravore
4 Mental Note
3 Breakthrough
4 Werebear
4 Aether Burst
4 Krosan Beast
4 Wild Mongrel
3 Wonder
3 Elephant Guide
1 Traumatize
11 Island
10 Forest
2 Centaur Garden
Not only is this a lot of fun… But you can laugh your ass off when you play a third-turn Terravore, fourth-turn Traumatize and fly in for ten! Speaking of which…
2. Traumatize
Scenario 1:
You’re sitting around with a couple of Werebears, a Krosan Beast, and a Terravore. You Traumatize yourself and, lo’ and behold, suddenly you’ve got a couple of 4/4’s, an 8/8, a 10/10, and Wonder and Brawn in the grave. Go ahead and attack for the win. Don’t worry about a counter-attack; there’s a Moment’s Peace in there, too.
Scenario 2:
You play second-turn Millikin, third-turn Psychatog, fourth-turn Traumatize yourself with Circular Logic backup. You have four cards in hand and twenty-eight in the yard. That’s twenty damage, what with the Wonder in yard. If they Aether Burst, make ’em pay twenty-eight more.
Scenario 3:
You’re playing U/B with efficient creatures and spells, one of which is Guiltfeeder. Guiltfeeder + Traumatize means a loss of 20+ life for the poor guy on the receiving end. And yeah – Wonder is in your grave again, thanks to some early Madness action from your Aquamoeba. If that doesn’t work, you can always Traumatize yourself to feed your Psychatog. Surprise – it’s the same deck as Scenario 2.
Scenario 4:
You get the triple Traumatize draw and sit there like a moron.
The existence of Scenario 4 means this card isn’t an auto-include in any deck. You have to use it just right. Still, it’s a sleeper, and a big one at that.
This guy is just good, but he’s not getting a lot of press. Swings for two, removes Roar of the Wurm… What more can you want? Along with Faceless Butcher, the Creeper helps to make sure that Roar tokens don’t become a problem, and he’s efficiently costed to boot. Decks like this can also run Gravegouger.
4 Faceless Butcher
4 Crypt Creeper
4 Gravegouger
4 Chainer’s Edict
Start from there and season to taste. And enjoy those wins over Quiet Roar.
Is there any other madness outlet that can bounce two Wurms and a Mongrel while it discards your Wonder and casts your Rootwalla and Arrogant Wurm on turn 5? Turbulent Dreams does it all, from removing blockers for that one big swing, to resetting that mother#%^ing Soulcatcher’s Aerie that makes you want to kick your opponent in the spine.
Don’t run too many – but try two, maybe one main and one sideboard for the Roar and Screech decks. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. At Sorcery speed, Turbulent Dreams can be a little awkward at times, but I’m sure you can handle it with the right deck design. It’s going to have to be U/G, that much is for sure. It’ll likely want strong madness and threshold components, and some mana acceleration so you can pull off third-turn Arrogant Wurms with Careful Study and no Mongrel, as well as fourth-turn Arrogant Wurms with Turbulent Dreams.
For example:
4 Careful Study
4 Wild Mongrel
4 Werebear
4 Basking Rootwalla
4 Arrogant Wurm
4 Roar of the Wurm
4 Circular Logic
4 Aquamoeba
2 Turbulent Dreams
3 Wonder
1 Genesis
10 Forest
10 Island
2 Centaur Garden
I’ll be honest with you – I think a lot of people already know about this one. You’ll probably see a few copies of it here and there.
I probably shouldn’t be giving away my secrets like this, but I’m working on a G/U/b deck right now. I’ll probably play it at the upcoming Grand Prix Trial in Garden City, Michigan. This guy will be a big part of my plans.
Who assassinates Roar tokens like he was Lee Harvey Oswald? Who swings for four in trample damage? Who stands in front of Anurid Brushhopper while he guns down Arrogant Wurm?
“Who’s the 4/4 black private threshold dick that’s a sex machine to all the chicks?”
“Centaur!”
“You damn right!”
“He’s a complicated man, and no one understands him but his woman!”
“Possessed Centaur!”
“You know, they say that guy Centaur is a bad mother-“
“Shut yo’ mouth!”
“I’m talkin’ bout Centaur!”
You get the idea. See you tomorrow.