For today’s Magic alibi, I am going to steal a page out of Anton’s book.
Dave Price has allegedly said that “there are no wrong threats, only wrong answers.” This has then become something low quality strategy writers (unlike myself) have gone on to blabber about for years even though it’s not actually true.
The argument stems from an era where players would need to include Crumble in their decks to deal with those vicious turn 1 Black Vises, Swords To Plowshares for their opponent’s Hypnotic Specters and finally Counterspells to take out their deadly Orcish Lumberjack–Channel–Fireball combo. At that time, Dave Price may have had a point, but the quote bears absolutely no relevance to modern deckbuilding.
The battle over beatdown vs. control is fought over who gets to play the biggest spells, and control decks today are not decks that will try to answer threats one for one. If your White Weenie deck has run into Vedalken Shackles, you will know what I’m talking about.
You can, of course, argue a lot over what defines a “threat” and an “answer”. But semantics aside, if I just cast a Sphere of Law against your Goblin deck and you proceed to draw a Mogg Fanatic, I think it would be absurd to claim you drew anything other than the wrong threat.
On another note:
Dear Awful Writers (unlike myself),
That “It’s not easy being Green”-thing. It’s not funny any more.
Sincerely,
Thomas
But let’s turn to the section forum critics are calling the worst contemporary writing on the planet, and forum wisecrackers are taking constant shots at:
If you have been following my advice from this week’s previous installments you are by now acquainted with a female with whom you could see yourself in a relationship with. Before you get there, though, you will need to go through the process of dating.
If you happen to be in a corner of life where there are no females to seek out, you will have to adapt. The best place to find suitable girls are indie rock shows. The girls there will rarely object to your obscure interests, and might even find it chic in some subcultural way. If that’s not really your kind of music, it wouldn’t hurt to give it a shot. The genre has quite a few gems, and a whole lot of single women looking for intelligent boyfriends. Cafés are also good places to look for women, but don’t go to them alone without something to read and don’t order anything to eat. Café snobs look down on eating, and the women you find here are quite likely going to be just that.
Bringing dating into an (until then) casual or platonic relationship is going to be difficult the first couple of times you try it, but gets a lot easier to do after a couple of tries, so don’t give up because of some small emotional stress. Not all women will feel any attraction to you, but some will and those relationships will mean a lot more in the end than the tiny failures that came before them.
When you decide to bring it up, be direct about it. Don’t beat around the bush or be embarrassed about it once she realizes where you want to go with this. If she turns you down, try to look at it from the bright side and ask her for feedback. Girls will find this funny and you will no doubt learn some valuable lessons from it. Maybe you can go back to this girl at a later date, and try your luck then. Don’t underestimate female friends, either. Female friends have female friends who haven’t yet shot you down, and that’s a good place to be.
If she does accept your proposed date, your reaction should be happy but not giddy. You have to be clear that you are both glad she said yes, but not desperate. You may very well be desperate, but that’s what white lies are for. If you don’t make arrangements on the spot, make sure you have some way of getting in touch with each other for arranging the details and be sure to head off soon, as you might otherwise come off as needy. If the girl is being difficult about contact information, don’t bother her too much about it. It could be that she’s trying to back out the easy way, and you should be thankful for her sparing you the heartache instead of being upset she’s shy. The general rule here is to not ask more than twice. Any more, and you are probably both going to be in an awkward place very soon.
On the day of the date, be sure not to play any MODO queues or online poker. The last thing you want to bring with you to a date is gambling tilt. Make sure you wear your best outfit, and that it’s an outfit she hasn’t seen. The hygiene rant may seem excessive, but this is not going to be one of the days you skip showering or shaving. If shaving scares you, ask a friend or your dad for pointers.
The location of the date should emphasize your strengths. If you have a lot of money, take her somewhere fancy (but not somewhere where she couldn’t pay for herself if she had to). If you have a good sense of humor, take her somewhere where you’ll get to talk a lot. If you know a lot about music, a concert would be suitable and so on. You get the idea. If you are lacking in the personality department, you could take her to a movie. Be sure that it’s a movie she’ll appreciate, because she will most likely associate her memories of you to her memories of that movie. If you have a legitimate reason to take her to a movie (such as the movie have been brought up in conversation or similar), make sure you go somewhere afterwards for coffee or food so that you get to talk to each other as well.
During these conversations these are some things to consider:
- If the girl doesn’t understand the topic of conversation, change it.
- If the girl isn’t talking, ask her what she thinks of a topic.
- Don’t be cocky and don’t brag about anything. Some girls will want you to brag, but those are very rare and you are better off sticking to this rule until you have a very good read on women.
- If she tells you something personal, don’t reply with “okay” but rather “I understand.” People like to be understood.
- Don’t lead the topic of discussion into Magic or your other social faux pas, but don’t hesitate to explain anything of it if she asks. If she does, five minutes is more than enough to explain the fundamentals of the game.
At the conclusion of a date, there is the question of how far you got. If you hit it off well, you might want to consider a kiss but in general don’t try for it unless you know it would be well received. By waiting, you are accomplishing two things: If she thought the date wasn’t worthy of a kiss, she will find you to be on the same wavelength. If she thought it was, she will wonder why you didn’t. Does this mean she doesn’t deserve you? No, but she might think so for a short while and that’s really all you need.
Your last assignment for the week will be to ask the girl you have found out. If unsuccessful, get back in the saddle but try to avoid anyone she knows as they will only find you desperate and unattractive.
Tomorrow is the last part of this installment, and will take a look at what’s to expect after a first date. Highlights include how to get naked and how to break it off. Until then, good luck with your dates and see you.
/Thomas