It’s always the same thing with judges; they can’t stress enough how important it is for you to be on time but you’ve been staring at a locked door for twenty minutes when they arrive on site with donuts, coffee and hearty hellos. It’s just going to be one of those days. This particular morning, we are in one of the largest towns in Scandinavia and our hero is named Johan. He qualified for Swedish Nationals a while back, and figured “why not?”, and made the rather long trip here. He brought a deck named Red Deck Wins to the tournament.
Three rounds from now, when his Red Deck has not Won three times in a row, each time versus a worse opponent, he will sit down at the last possible draftpod, surrounded by nothing but people having the same zero point result he’ll still not feel that bad. After all, he has Top 8’d a Pro Tour in this very format. Now all he needs to do is sweep this pod, get a good deck the next draft and make sure his Red Deck Wins two games. He’s going to think he’s still in there. He will, of course, be wrong. He is crossing the checkbox a round later, thinking about nothing but how many lands he drew that last game.
The same thought is then going to appear in his head over and over and he will realize how he badly needs some relief from this. He will pick up an almost empty pack of cigarettes from his pocket and head outside. He will see his friends and think that he has found the relief he is looking for, once again he will be wrong. Walking up to them he can already feel his tensions disappearing as he utters those too familiar words:
“Oh my God, you are not going to believe what just happened in my match!”
The man with the rugged hairdo and the large chin will then turn to him with a tone in his voice that clearly states how interested he is in hearing another story about mana flood, and calmly state:
“Go on…”
Twelve rounds of swiss and a playoff from now, the cruelty of fate is going to make sure an almost identical Red Deck Wins. Johan won’t be around to enjoy any of this, as he is going to be out of contention four rounds from now and end up Dead Last on the final standings.
A few weeks after that, all we will really have left of that weekend is the “Go on…”-bit, but it was kind of worth it. It’s rare that I come across a piece of lingo that goes so directly to my heart as “Go on…” did, but it’s nice to finally have a decent response to bad beat stories.
Those of you who have done your assignments will today look decent and have a girl sought out with whom you could see yourself romantically involved. Hopefully this girl is neither a psycho or someone else’s girlfriend, or you’re in for a tough ride. It can be done, but shouldn’t be tried unless you really know what you’re doing. Girls who have recently broke up with someone are often looking for a one- or two-month relationship, and that can of course be fine if that’s what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for something that can last long-term, you’re looking for someone who has not had a serious relationship for at least three months. The older, the better unless it gets to the point where it’s creepy but you get to be the judge of that. Girls around 17-19 look really good, but are also a constant source of anxiety as they are trying a bunch of things out and will quite likely end up deciding at one or several occasions that you and her should not be seeing each other. If you have any possibility of avoiding this age group, do.
Although the picture painted here is a grim one, it should be noted that most relationships have a few things that don’t work well alongside a hopefully much greater number of things that do. A couple of smaller adjustments is not something to get worried about, and in the end if you love each other there is probably some solution that can be worked out. This may mean you constantly taking antihistamines (I’ve been there), or the two of you being on the phone a lot (been there too), but unless you’re continents apart or on different WoW-servers, you should be alright.
Go on…
In the first conversations you have with a girl, just be casual. Don’t start talking to them unless a situation arises where you asking them would be perfectly natural. Ask them to pass the salt or something. Don’t do this too often or you’ll come off as obvious, but often enough that you’ll be able to smile at her when you see her. Sometimes that process can take up to a month, but often it’ll be as brief as a couple of days if you don’t get ahead of yourself. This period of time assumes that you are able to see the woman of your dreams often enough, like if she goes to your school or you work at the same place. If not, you will need to be a bit more drastic in your approach, and just get to the conversation. More on that in a bit.
One thing we gamers often do is berate each other’s intelligence – it makes us feel good to be smart compared to our surroundings and we calmly expect others to try to do the same to us. If you have spent a lot of time in geek only-surroundings, you need to be aware that girls will often be offended if you roll your eyes or talk down at them when they don’t understand something. Gamer lingo is of course strictly forbidden in these conversations, as it is intended exclusively for gamer to gamer communication. It may very well come from the bottom of your heart, but don’t go telling a girl she’s “getting big”, you know.
Once you are ready to make your first attempt at conversation, it is usually wise to do so at the first possible opportunity. If you wait too long, you might lose confidence and she will feel unwanted.
The things you will want to achieve with this conversation are primarily to put your best qualities out there. A lot of geeks are funny, but almost all of us think we are. If you truly are funny, tell her a joke but no jokes concerning ethnic groups or advanced word play. If you’re smart, make sure she knows but don’t be cocky about it. The same is true for Pro Tour winnings or similar. There are certainly points to be earned here, as long as you make it very clear that you see this money as nothing but a nice bonus to a fun hobby that you enjoy. Don’t bring up Magic unless she asks a question that would warrant the answer, and when you talk about it be very casual and brief about it. This works to your advantage most of the time. They will know that you have a hobby that requires you to be smart, and also know that it’s not a big deal to you. If she senses that you feel shame about this, she may very well deem you a loser.
Once you have started the first conversation, try to be the one breaking it off as well. This means that you need a place to be in five minutes, and it really should be adhered to at most costs as it will give you a good excuse to talk to her yet another time without seeming needy or just breaking the conversation off if it turns awkward. Sometimes you won’t have the time for these preparations and improvising is your only friend, but that’s not recommended and although people have found love this way, it will often not be worth the effort.
Your assignment for tomorrow, clearly, is to make contact with the object you have chosen and make sure there is a basis for you to ask her out. Keep up the showering and changing outfits, but don’t forget where you come from. Also, you should make sure you have your nicest outfit ready for Saturday so you might need to do some laundry before then.
Good luck, and see you tomorrow.
/Thomas