fbpx

Rats and the Wrath of Everything

Wednesday, September 15th – My writing lately has lacked the joy of the old articles. But I’m very joyful about Magic right now – so let me tell you about two crazy decks and one crazy wedding!

Where to even start?

I have been moved to the casual side — and I think that’s a good thing, for many reasons. I’m not a math genius, top-ranked deck builder, or a top player, and I don’t have the time to devote to Magic like I once did. Since it’s free, maybe the forums will be a little nicer to me. (Probably not.)

Being free also takes some pressure off me in the sense that while I want to deliver a tournament-quality deck that people can play, I really want to explore Singleton, Pauper, and get back to playing Vanguard — one of my favorite formats. I’ll continue to focus on Standard, since it is my favorite format, and is also the format most competitive tournaments are played in. There are two Magic shops within walking distance from our apartment in Spain, and I plan on playing at both of them.

It’s coincidental that my friends gave me some of the same advice Peter Jahn did, and on the same week. My writing lacks the joy of the old articles. I hope to improve that, and I thank them all for the suggestions. I am
very

joyful about Magic right now. The deck I have, literally, makes me laugh out loud. I love the current state of Standard, especially the quality of green and the colorless tools that accompany it. Summoning Trap and All is Dust have become two of my favorite cards of all time. While nothing can replace Gaea’s Cradle and Verdant Force, these two are right up there.

I think All is Dust is one of the most underrated cards in Standard right now. Sure it kills all the non-colorless creatures — but a lot of people miss the fact that it kills planeswalkers, enchantments, colored artifacts, everything.

Have you ever seen the movie “The Professional” with Jean Reno and Natalie Portman? The first time I saw that movie I said, “That girl is going to be a huge star.” Swear to God. Anyway, Jean Reno plays an assassin and a corrupt police captain (Gary Oldman at his crazy best) is out to get him. They assault his apartment, and Reno kills eight guys.

Gary Oldman is outside on the street, hears the screams, and cries as his men die. Then silence. No one answers his radio calls to the men. He turns to another officer and says “Bring in everyone.”

Confused, the officer says, “What do you mean
everyone?”

Oldman screams in his face “EVVVVVVVERRRRYYOOOOOOOONNNNNNE!!!!!!!!!!!”

I think of that scene every time I cast All is Dust and wipe out all the creatures, planeswalkers, enchantments (Spreading Seas, Oblivion Ring), and colored artifacts that my opponent thinks are sticking around.

“What do you mean everything dies?”

“EVVVVVERRRYTHINGGGGGGGG!!!!

The first time I made up my current deck, I played it in the two-man tournament room; I cast Summoning Trap on the fourth turn and got Emrakul. I did it again the next game as well and laughed my ass off.

“OMG, Wendy, come look at this.”

Of course, that doesn’t happen all the time; other games, your mana producers get killed and you get steamrolled, or your opponent has two counterspells in hand for both the creature you’re trying to cast
and

the free Summoning Trap. Or you cast Summoning Trap and you see four lands, another Summoning Trap, Cultivate, and an Elf — but, hey, that’s Magic.

Before I show you the deck, let me apologize for being gone so long — and since I hate to write dry Magic theory, let me tell you what’s been going on.

Because of the recession in Spain, Wendy’s business essentially stagnated. She spent her endless, boundless energy focusing on the wedding. The planning had an insane amount of ups and downs. We had to fire crazy DJs, there’s a dress designer we have to take to court now — and then there was discovering the perfect spot for the wedding, finding an amazing photographer, and so forth. It was an emotional time of happy, then angry, then happy, then sad, then pissed, then happy again.

Our wedding went off without a hitch. We didn’t do a traditional wedding. I saw the bride as she was being made up. We had game day. We had a wine and cheese party on a boat for the early arrivals. We did photos before the wedding, so people wouldn’t be standing around for two hours. When Wendy and I came down to cocktail hour before the wedding Leigh (actor, singer, so muscular he could kill the Hulk in one punch, best friend for twenty years) spontaneously sang “Isn’t She Lovely” and
everyone

joined in. We had a ten-minute ceremony with our own vows and a pastor who has been a long-time friend. Our first dance was waltzing to Kermit the Frog’s “Rainbow Connection” — and again, everyone sang. We even had people pre-set up to join us on the dance floor so people knew we didn’t want to dance alone and so, everyone joined us.

There was dance music the entire night. Food was served — but most people ate between songs, then headed right back out to the dance floor. Wendy spent about a hundred hours on the playlist, the DJ did a fantastic job, and we danced from six until midnight. In fact,
everyone

danced from six until midnight. I danced with friends, relatives, new friends, the waitress, everyone. Wendy did the same, with the addition of a slow dance with a married lesbian who’s had a crush on her since the moment she saw her. But then, who doesn’t?

The whole weekend was a reunion, a joining of her old friends with mine, a dance party, and — oh yeah — a wedding. It was so great that people petitioned Wendy on the last day to start planning next year’s “one-year anniversary” tour. A cruise was suggested. A backyard BBQ. Anything to get all these people together to have fun again.

On top of that, I considered it a raging success because one of Wendy’s oldest friends and one of my oldest friends hooked up. They live five hours apart and they have both been to visit the other already. We have high hopes, since they are both wonderful, wonderful people.

Leigh posted on Facebook
‎: Whack. Drink. Whack. Poison. Repeat. Soup’s on! Angel. Buffy. South Park. Dirty jokes. Sleep. Awaken. Kayak. Swim. Ouch! More food. More beer. I do! We Will! Dancing! Drinking! Breakfast! driving… MORE food. Good friends… BEST. WEEKEND. EVER.

(“Whack” and “Poison” both refer to the many games of croquet we played.)

I have played a smattering of Magic since then — because in the weeks after this was done, Wendy and I fell into a deep funk that could only be helped by wine and watching trashy TV on our porch. All that planning, all that effort, all that joy and happiness and fun and dancing… all of it over. Then it was time to pack, to get my enormous dachshund the papers needed to enter Spain, to fly, to recover from jet lag, restock the apartment, and now to finally start getting back into the swing of normal life.

So, hopefully, now I’m back.

Currently, I am enjoying this build, which is called “Lucksack”:


How to play the deck:

1) Don’t add any more Eye of Ugins, as they are a legendary land and you can go get the one with Primeval Titan. Read closely — it can’t get you All is Dust, like I originally thought.

2) Are you a Pro player? Are you good enough to beat the best, draw the right cards, make the perfect plays? If so, remove the Summoning Traps or move them to the sideboard. (In fact, don’t play this deck!) Sometimes they win you the game, sometimes they give you nothing. The number of times they have won me the game exceeds the times I have drawn seven cards and seen nothing good… And while I have been to the Pro Tour, I am not a Pro Player.

This deck’s called “lucksack” for a reason: there will be some games where you play Forest, Elf, Forest, Baloth, Forest, Cultivate, Forest, Titan, oh wait, you countered the Titan? Summoning Trap for free, Emrakul —
win

! And there will be other times when you play Forest, Elf, Forest, Baloth, Forest, Baloth, Forest Baloth, swing, swing, done.

…And then there will be the times when you play Forest, nothing. Forest, nothing. Forest, Baloth, Doom Bladed, Forest, pass the turn, Vampires kill you.

If you don’t have an IQ above 140, this is the deck for you. (Oh boy! — The Ferrett) On good days, you can win Premier Events. On bad days, you’ll waste a lot of money. I have literally had days when I won six two-man tournaments in a row and others when I have lost every two-man tournament I entered.

3) I’ve tried the other Eldrazi. None work as well as Artisan or Emrakul in this build.

4) If you remove the elves, the Hierarchs, and the Baloths for just plain land-fetching, your Summoning Traps and Artisans become even more worthless. And then you lose to RDW and Vampires every game.

5) Hornet Sting?
Really

, Wakefield? Yes, really. Side them in against Red. Boars were in their place before, but think about it — almost everything they have has trample, so blocking and sacrificing for four life gains you nothing.

Now think about Hornet Sting. Kill your Ball Lightning. Kill your Hellspark Elemental. Kill your not-so-Cunning Sparkmage. Play a Pelakka Wurm. Smash you in the face. Side out your All is Dust, since almost nothing lasts in RDW.

6) WTF is Vines of the Vastwood for? Well, it can be used against decks you don’t think you have any chance of beating, since it gives +4/+4 for a fast beatdown. It also stops Polymorph dead. Side out the All is Dust, since if they get off a Polymorph, All is Dust doesn’t kill Emrakul — and he’s their only important permanent.

7) There is no spoon.

What I mean by that is, “There is no seven. I got nothin’.” That’s all the advice I have on the deck. I hope you enjoy it.

In fun news, I have been working on a Relentless Rats deck since I played against one the other day and thought, “You know, everyone is playing creatures and entering the combat phase. What if I kill everything they play and just keep playing rats?”

The deck I played against was trying to blend rats and vampires… And, you know, vampires are just better. So why don’t I play those? Because I’m the King of the Fatties, and swarming someone with 6/6 rats is way more fun than playing, well, a deck everyone else is playing…

I initially started this deck with a mix of discard, elimination, and rats. In the shower I realized it would be better to just go for straight elimination and rats and throw the discard in the side for combo/creatureless decks.

Like “Lucksack,” this is not a finely-tuned, intricate deck. This is a smasher. Anyone playing creatures against you
loses

. Anyone who’s not playing creatures, well, you go to the sideboard, empty their hand, and hope for the best.

Relentless Rats
Jamie Wakefield
Miscellaneous on 08-08-2010
Standard

Creatures (21)

Lands (23)

Magic Card Back


The bonus of this deck is that it will cost you very little. Anyone playing Lotus Cobra and Knight of the Reliquary and Titans and all those other nice expensive cards will
not

believe they have just lost to a cheap deck like this.

Do you know how long seventy-dollar Jace lasts when he has no blockers? Yeah, that would be zero turns.

Do you know how long this deck lasts against Vampires? Sadly, this is the auto-lose situation. This has been my philosophy for years: I will auto-win against certain decks, and auto-lose against a smaller percentage of the field. I have been to the Pro Tour five times. Three of those times were because of decks just like these. Attend five PTQs, lose four of them, get lucky once and voila! You’re invited to Pro Tour Los Angeles.

Anyway, good luck and have fun.

Jamie C. Wakefield
King of the Fatties

www.JamieWakefield.com