So my little prank yesterday birthed a host of twins. All morning long, I got emails that looked like this:
“So long, Ferrett! You’ve done a good job at StarCity, and we’ll miss you – best of luck at your next job!”
Which were followed shortly thereafter by an email from the same address that read:
“You utter f**king bastard.”
No less than fifteen people fell for the gag so utterly that they sent heartfelt emails to me giving me best wishes, at which point I just Nelsoned ’em and told ’em they’d been suckered. (There were almost fifty emails saying,”You had me until I saw it was Mouth who was the new editor.”)
Much like P.T. Barnum faking his own death in order to see what people would say about him, it turns out that a fake resignation brings the nicest people out of the woodwork to tell me how great I am. It was great, and I have now vowed that I ever get the chance to engineer my own demise, I’m takin’ it.
For those who didn’t get the joke, though, April Fools. (Every other article yesterday was intentionally terrible, in case you missed it.)
Ever since we had our major site revamp (which is almost six months ago to the day), our traffic has almost tripled, our sales are so through the roof that Pete had to hire Ben Bleiweiss just to stem the tide, I’ve got a fresh crop of solid writers, and I’m filled with ideas on how to smash our competition and give me my final chance to Rule The Universe.* Not to mention that Pete, owner of StarCityGames.com, just gave me a rather humongous raise, in addition to the tremendous job satisfaction I get from a) working with a great guy like Pete and b) working at home, on my own hours.
I’d be a fool to leave now – this party’s just getting started.
In case you’re interested, here’s a selection of the best suckers:
“Good joke. Have a good day.”
Joseph”Mouth” Kambourakis, who took it with such good grace that I have arbitrarily decided to stop picking on him
“You’ve done a really good job on StarCity. I certainly think Pete and I picked the right person for the job. I’m sure you’ll do great on your new corpse-showing job. :)”
Omeed Dariani, who also explained exactly where he was and what the hell he was doing with himself
“Guess this is goodbye, huh? Just wanted to say I really respect the job you’ve done with the site (and, sorry to say, I doubt I’ll be visiting the new one. From your description, I don’t think I have the required fortitude) and think the community is losing a ‘good one’. Tough break. We’ll live, but we’ll lose a little something….
“Anyways you little pest you, all the best of luck in the future, and I hope your new Rotten-to-the-core surroundings help you find some of what you’re looking for. Do show up at a PT sometime, k?”
And after the penny dropped:
“By the way, you’re a big jerk.”
“I planned on writing this long ‘glad you’re gone, you’ve been horrible for Magic and the web community’ email because I know this is just an April Fool’s prank and you’re really just trying to get lots of sympathetic ‘we love you, don’t leave’ fan mail.”
Matthew Vienneau, who got it spot-on
“You are a total bastard.”
Laura Mills, sweetheart of the rodeo
“I did soil my underwear (and not in a good way), so Mission Accomplished.”
“You know what? You’re a sneaky, [email protected], [email protected] I knew there was a reason I liked you so much.”
Chris Romeo, the funniest Magic writer currently in existence and whose recent heart attack has inspired me to work out daily now
“I hate to admit it, but you had me completely suckered by your StarCityGames column about your ‘new job opportunity,’ right up until I started reading the feedbacks. I swear, I’m blindsided by April Fools jokes every time…. Umm, it is a joke, right?”
Rick Adler, my former colleague at Borders and roleplaying buddy, proving that I even hit people who knew me
“I was busy composing an email about”you can’t be serious, hiring Mouth,” when it hit me what tomorrow (today your time, I imagine) is. You had me hook, line and sinker. That’s one of the best April Fools’ jokes I’ve seen in a long time. Congrats.”
Dave Meddish, stylish man-about-town
“I got duped! I am a lousy April Fools day human! Am so hunting you down and erasing all your porn. Which might take weeks, but would be worth it.”
Dan May, not knowing how much porn is stashed in The Ferrett house (hint: Three CDs burned to transfer his motherlode)
Still Editor Of This Here Site Here
* – Collect Super Jackpot, Super Jets, Martian Attack Multiball, Total Annhiliation, Conquer Mars, and the five-way combo. I’ve never done it, though I have destroyed Mars on at least three occasions.