Learning Your Way Around The Combat Phase

Hi.

After a week of randomness in which I let my hair lol down rofl, a Release event promises to be a refreshing change of pace, for we all know that my “normal” articles are not filled with anything that can be considered random as per last week’s Dailies.

First, I need to make sweet, delicate and tender love, with lots of eye contact, soft and gentle fingers and vulnerable pillow talk, with Sean McKeown for his ardent insistence that four copies of Bazaar of Baghdad not only belongs in Vintage Friggorid, but is as automatic an inclusion as bad 3/1s.

A few words about four Bazaar:

O!
M!
C! G!
It’s insane.
It’s stupid.
It’s worse than that.

I, the staunchest 3/4 of Infestation, am nearly ashamed that I fought so hard for a card that made, pfft, 2/2 creatures that don’t even have celerity. Speaking of “celerity,” I believe the quote is as follows:

“I built my deck assuming Mark had made all the colors even, but I forgot that Mark isn’t very good at Magic.”
-Pikula quoting Buehler blaming Rosewater, Duelist May 1999

Enough of that. Your questions on many subjects, minus my lack of answers to any of them, equals no further elaboration. Maybe ever.

Okay. The Release Event.

I’d like to say that I have put in the requisite effort to familiarize myself with Guildpact and its effect on the Limited environment. I’d also like to say I’m a secret agent who rules a kingdom of hot chyx in my spare time. I’d like to say I got a new car, broadband, ten free cases of Ravnica, and went and solved that “world peace” thing.

But there were Dailies to write, casual Legacy tourneys to attend, cards to sort, decks to consider, and I guess some family and work stuff to attend to as well. Speaking of attending to duties familiar or otherwise, some exposition followed by a request…

MagicTheGathering.com usually posts two new articles per day, all free.
Brainburst.com usually posts three new articles per day, two of which are free.
Londes.com usually posts one or two new articles per day, free.
Mtgsalvation.com usually posts one or two new articles per day, both free.
The Casual Players Alliance usually posts one new article per day, free.
Pojo Magic usually posts two to three new articles per week, all free.
Magic Lampoon usually posts one new article per day, free.

StarCityGames.com usually posts four to six new articles per day, three to five of which are free.

I may be forgetting a few sites, or not yet be aware of their existence, but when you take the above and add them together, you’re liable to come up with the same number I did:

Not many.

If we’re such a large community, then why are only twenty new articles posted each day? The above sites have forum member lists numbering in the thousands, sometimes tens of thousands. I’ll grant that many are members of multiple sites, if you’ll grant me that twenty new articles per day when six million people play this game seems a paltry representation. Rather than beat you over the head with yet another manifesto, I will let the numbers speak for themselves, and move onto the “request” part.

If you read an article, take a moment to drop the author a line in the forums. While most of the, er, “famous” guys already have their egos set in stone, there are some who don’t. The new guys; the “I never heard of you” peeps that spend hours going over every word, terrified they missed something, or that the editor might send them a “I ain’t postin’ this garbage!” email. Every writer you can imagine started exactly this way. Flores, Zvi, Wakefield, pick one, ten, or a hundred.

I remember blisterguy when he was some random, chewing his nails and waiting for a reply from a stodgy editor. I remember Chris Romeo when he was some random writing for 7towers.net. Likewise, our esteemed former editor Teddy Cardgame was a random submissionist for Mindripper (or Brainburst? I forget.) before he took off like a bottle rocket you found in the middle of August.

Even The Ferrett was random, and some would argue that he still is, but even the king of sneaky and underhanded tactics once hit “send” and breathlessly awaited a reply.

New writers are the lifeblood of internet Magic. Without fresh faces and new styles and opinions, we will start to evolve backwards. This is why I strongly suggest, that when you read an enjoyable article by some random, take the time to post a note in the forums. Even if it’s something as benign as “good article,” or “not bad, but the matchup data seemed weak,” it will feed the hungry beast that is internet Magic.

The randoms, the newbs, the “who the hell are you and why am I clicking onto your article” writers are the guys we want to encourage. If their article sucked, tell them, but try to offer a little more than “your article sux0rz, gg loser.” If it r00led, let them know. If it was somewhere in the middle, say so.

I know I’ve been guilty of reading an interesting article and not taking the time to say so, although I have a wonderful list of excuses, my favorite of which was offered by The F when he said: (paraphrase) you might feel that sending a “nice article, bye” and 14 lines of signature into the forums isn’t going to accomplish anything.

Perhaps it won’t, but if that had absolutely no effect, we might never have heard of Wakefield, Romeo, The Ferrett or Teddy Knutz, even though each appears to be driven and psychotic bastards who would say to St. Peter at the gates of Heaven as they frantically hacked away at battered laptops: “Just a minute, dawg, I got a deadline.”

Now, I’mma kick that soapbox to the curb, for Guildpact’s a’callin.

You have an hour to teach someone who has never built a Sealed Deck how to build a Sealed Deck… with seven playable guilds running around, and an innumerable number of bastard splashes. Go:

…..

That’s what I thought.

I opened stuff, as did the other players. Basically, I had a thinking man’s pool, and since Berto was right beside me making all kinds of messes in thinking about how he would build his deck, I spent almost as much time figuring out his pile o’ cards as I did mine. After tinkering with his pool and offering my assistance (poor child, the readers think in unison), it took mere moments for me to come to one conclusion:

He opened a set of cards that appears to be both underwhelming and subtly overpowered:

My first inclination was that he had one serious bad ass deck: three each of Repeal, Orzhov Abortionist, and Ghost Warden, two Pillories, and a boatload of removal, and I built it as such. It looked sexy, which makes sense since I built it.

But.

Who here thinks the W/B/U build that you were building in your heads would be a little, er, difficult, for a nine-year old to successfully pilot? Hell, until I saw the Abortionist in action a few times, I was a little unsure how to use him effectively.

Toss in more than a handful of control-orientated cards, and you have the makings of a deck that would challenge even a highly experienced player. While Berto is no babe in the woods, a control deck that must be navigated with precision didn’t seem like a good fit.

This is his deck, and one we were both fairly pleased with:

It’s not the optimal list from the available resources, but I felt this deck gave him a better chance to play to his strengths, which is smashing the ever-loving piss out of people and beating down opponents until they urinate in fear. Plus, something told me that this would be a format where mana and color screw could show up on more than one occasion. The deck to punish those who use iffy mana bases is the b33tz. This is b33tz. Kinda.

I didn’t realize until I got home and typed this out that he is fairly light on fatties, with Guardian, Siege Wurm, Bioplasm, and maybe Scion of the Wild vying for Wakefield’s heart. I see now that this deck does not have the staying power to, well, stay with any semblance of power. It’s funny how things tend to appear more clearly when you’re sitting at home sipping coffee and wondering where it all went so wrong.

Somehow, the Rage Pits didn’t make it in, and yes, this is a glaring oversight. It made my deck, and if I saw it in his pool…in it goes.

Nevertheless, the control deck you built in your mind may or may not have been better suited to take on the field, but if three Abortionist doesn’t give you a headache, then hop the bus to Planned Parenthood to get your W.I.C. checks and morning-after pills.

Okay.

This is what I, Johnny bad at Magic, opened:

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Think about how you would build this.
Think about how you would build this who?
Think about how you would build this deck.

lol
lol
lol

Ten thousand comedians out of work…because they’re not as funny as me.

Things that I noticed:

Each main color seems to have about four to six playable cards, and that’s if you push the envelope on the word “playable.” None of the guilds scream broken, but Golgari offered Rotwurm and Gleancrawler, two fatties that try as hard as they can to make the final cut. Gruul was the only other guild that stood out, with three good creatures and three relevant lands. Orzhov was also worth a look, with the double seemingly overcosted flyers and Pillory; Armorer and the Grotesque ones teased me a little, but not enough to make the majors.

If you were walking down a corridor on a lakeboat and overheard the following:

Who’s the most grotesque broad you ever f*****?
I don’t know. I’d have to think about it.
I’d like to know.

Would you finally admit that Mamet is god?

There was an assembly of decent-to-good cards, with many more residing in the “eh, only if there isn’t something better” pile. Based on my cardpool, I realized there ain’t much I can do to build an obvious-stellar-bomb-filled-builds-itself deck, so mise well cram it chock fulla fatties and hope for mana screwed opponents.

This is what that means in real terms:

While lacking in extraneous removal spells, I felt fairly confidant about this build, except for the fact that it appeared to be kinda hard for me to kill creatures. With eleven plays in the first three turns, including eight doods, I foresaw early beats that would either take chunks of opposing life, or maintain parity until the tremendous array of fatties showed up to take control of the game.

I felt reasonably comfortable with the deck: enough early plays to avoid getting overwhelmed, sufficient mana fixing and ramping, and one hell of a late game with super fatties. In a perfect world, I’d have two or three more removal spells, but hey, Berto had three Repeals and Abortionists that didn’t even make the main.

With about three minutes to goldfish my deck, I did spend three minutes doing just that. As bad as I thought it was, after five or six “pretend this is a real game” dealios, I started to think my deck wasn’t too shabby at all, and left it at that.

I also did the same with Berto’s deck, and quickly realized that his deck seemed better than mine. Of course, when a simulated game consists of the first four turns, the quicker deck will usually appear to be stronger than the cornucopia of fatties.

Eighteen players, four rounds, cut to top eight. Eighteen players? Wow, if I don’t make top eight, I’m, like, bad at Magic.

Round 1: Corey Kelly, good at Magic, W/B/G
He proves how easy it is to be good at Magic by Putrefying my turn 4 Rumbling Slum, double blocking and Last Gasping my Gleancrawler, and letting me get him all the way down to twenty life. Orzhov is not the bleeder guild, it’s the “stand behind a wall and poke you for one or two until you die.” Hey, maybe they are bleeders…

The second game came down to me playing Alley Cat and Corey casting Congregation at Dawn at end of turn, fetching an Abortionist, Blind Hunter and, anyone…? Souls of the Faultless.

Heh.

My guy has to attack.
Every turn.
Into a wall.
That will not only survive.
Every turn.
But bite back.
Every turn.
And I can’t do a damned thing about it.
Every turn.
Until I am dead.

0-1, and feeling very much like a guy who just lost to a wall

After the round, I found a large and secluded area to think about what I did wrong, which was build this deck, and think about how I would build this deck again, but less wrongly.

I first laid out my deck by casting cost, and then took everything else that wished it was my deck and did the same. In doing so, I realized I had a potential second deck that didn’t look terribly awful:

2 Mourning Thrull
Lurking Informant
Veteran Armorer
Orzhov Signet
Dimir Signet
Remand
2 Shrieking Grotesque
Convolute
Pillory of the Sleepless
Stinkweed Imp
2 Torch Drake
Dimir House Guard
Glass Golem
Tidewater Minion
Revenant Patriarch
Brainspoil
Vedalken Dismisser
Oathsworn Giant
Repeal
Disembowel
17 lands

It looked okay at first glance, but when I compared it to the official deck, it slowly started to reveal its inability to measure up. Still, I have rarely taken the time to take the actual time to not only second guess myself, but explore other actual options, second guessing myself in the process. This led me to believe that, while my deck may not have been the optimal build, it was most likely the best I could have expected.

Round 2: Kevin, R/G/B
Game 1 sees me beat down by every bloodthirst guy ever printed, and since there is nothing in their way, or they’re more powerful than my blockers, counters go on like there was a real Dracula back in the day and no they never found his real body so be worried.

When I started dropping tremendously large fellows, Kevin stopped attacking. When Kevin stopped attacking, I dropped more Biggie Size, then Gleancrawler. I almost got greedy by saccing Wayfinder to House Guard just to fetch even more land, but hey, why not just win instead?

I am discipline.

I mulligan game 2, and Kevin is nice enough to make it quick.

Hahaha alert:

Tin Street Hooligan on my turn two Signet.

Hahaha.

Kevin mulligans game 3, and I’m nice enough to make it semi-quick, even if he did manage to do nine to me with Centaur Safeguard. I didn’t really remember how annoying, or effective that guy is against two and three-toughness creatures. But not five and six toughness fatties.

Mulligans rule the day, just as Dr. Richard Garfield intended.

Question: when you have Rumbling Slum in play and your opponent attacks with three 2/2s, what do you do? Being good at Magic, I blocked one. Being better at Magic, Kevin played a post-combat Abortionist, buried target Slum and haunted target something else.

But what do you do? Take the damage and let a bloodthirsty feller come into play, further adding to the woe that is your situation? Or do you suck it up and make him drop an abortion up on your ass? As most questions in Magic, there is no answer, just as Dr. Richard Garfield intended.

1-1 and I still lost to a wall

Round 3: Eric Johnson, not the guitar player, the Magic player, G/R/B
Eric manages to beat the ever-loving hell out of me with a Gristleback enchanted as a first striker, while I was fortunate enough to get Goblin Spelunkers, Alley Cat and House Guard in play. Hello, take six every turn because I’m good at Magic and drew every one of my evasion creatures.

In the second game, Eric mulligans, then keeps a six-land hand. And draws a land off the top. Then another. And once more for spite. My first play is Golgari Rotwurm and I’m feeling damn near invincible with a fistful of things with fat asses. The next turn, he drops Streetbreaker Wurm, and I get ready to unleash a play that will both crush his spirits and elevate my game to the next level.

I attack with Rotwurm and he blocks. I cast Gather Courage on my 5/4.

Pause.

Resume…

…where I cast Gather Courage on my Rotwurm, making him a 7/6 and demonstrating my severe Magic skills. When Eric looks at me, then at my Wurm, then at his Wurm, I…

Pause.

Resume…

…where we bury target creatures, and I say “um, I guess it’s your turn.”

Pause.

Resume…

…Where Eric keeps drawing lands and I keep playing large creatures until he is dead. He must feel awful for losing to a guy who cast Gather Courage on a 5/4 to teach a 6/4 a lesson in humility. At least I had the wherewithal to tap a Swamp to make Eric lose one life. Oh wait, no, I didn’t even do that.

Nevertheless, I drop Skybreaker, Goliath Spider and Gleancrawler on successive turns. You have to be pretty damned bad to lose when your deck is fatter than my preggers sister-in-law’s itchy breasts, popped out belly button and stretch marks.

2-1 and even though I lost to a wall, I’m very good at Magic.

Round 4: Louis brought his R/G/W love machine to the table, and we, like, played.
In the first game, I’m taking huge beats until I drop Living Inferno. His board consists of Ghost Warden, Trophy Hunter, Droning Bureaucrats and Siege Wurm.

He asks “what the hell is that?” to which I reply “he’s either really good or a fifteenth pick.” After summoning sickness wore off, we both discovered that Living Inferno is insane. Everyone went away, including the Guardian of Vitu-Ghazi he cast soon thereafter. When he’s down to Selesnya Sagittars, zero cards in hand and this freakin’ close to scooping, he peels…

Earthquake Man.

Who has a power of five, toughness of four, and the ability to clear the entire board. Inferno killed about six creatures, and he claimed one final victim rather than allow Earth to Quake, Man.

Well, that was a fortunate top deck, wasn’t it. Okay, I still have House Guard and Alley Cat, I should be okay. Serve you even closer to death, thx.

The next turn, still out of cards and with barely a shred of hope, he draws a card and swings with the Sagittars and casts…

Skarrgan Firebird .
As a 6/6.
Flyer.
I’m at six.
With no flyers.

Wow.
Bad beat.

Game 2 is not a bad beat story, but I did do something funny. How funny…

Again, I take early beats, but manage to stabilize (barely) when I tap out for Skybreaker, who joins my Stinkweed Imp and Civic Wayfinder.

His board consists of Trophy Hunter, Burning-Tree Bloodscale and bloody Gristleback wearing Fencer’s Magemark, which has been pummeling the hell out of me, since I can’t throw enough stuff in its face to kill it.

He taps out to do two to Stinky and give his Hunter a counter. This leaves him with two 3/3s, and a 4/4 first striking Gristler to my vulnerable Skybreaker and Wayfinder.

He attacks with Gristle. Yes, you already figured it out, and I know Louis was thinking “I know he’s bad, but can he actually be this bad…?”

I look at the board, then at my life total, which is somewhere very near death, i.e.: I need to block this guy. I look and look and look and look. Yep, he’s still tapped out. Yes, I suspect a trick, but he’s tapped out.

Then it hits me: he’s hoping I won’t block so he can end the game next turn with his Sunhome, Fortress of the Legion and creature superiority. Or maybe he’s attacking out of desperation. Or maybe he’s bluffing something silly.

I look again, and then make the worst possible play:

I say “I guess I’ll block your 4/4 first striker with my 6/6.” As soon as the words come out my mouth, his hand reaches for his Trophy Hunter. No, I just didn’t…

He taps him for convoke, casts Gather Courage on his 4/4, and waits for me to bury target 6/6 instead of throwing a useless 2/2 into the fray. He won the next turn when I drew something whose text box did not read “Bury target opponent.”

That was a stupid play, and the more I think about it, the less I can justify doing anything other than throwing Wayfinder in front of his 4/4.

Wow.
Bad beat.
I mean: the bad got beat.

Afterwards, we discussed the play, the possible alternatives and the subsequent turn, and as it turns out, it would have most likely only bought me one more turn.

Considering that on the following turn, he would still have Gather Courage and I would have still been in the same boat (though now able to toss six damage at something)…

If I don’t block his 4/4 with my 6/6, he double strikes the guy that gets through, does six to me and I lose… He still has creature superiority no matter what I do, even if I block the 4/4, I can’t wait until after damage to sac Skybreaker because I’ll be dead from Sunhome double-strike on the unblocked guy…

Or, in response to Sunhome activation, I sac Skybreaker to kill the unblocked guy…

Or he Sunhomes my Skybreaker to death, I sac it and he still has two guys to my zero and wins next turn anyway…

We could find no way for me to win, though we agreed that I am just about completely terrible at Magic. True, I made a sucker play, and Louis probably still can’t believe he actually witnessed a play that bad, but when a guy makes an obvious suicide attack, don’t you have to take the bait once in a while, if, for no other reason than he’ll just keep doing it?

Whatever, I suck at Magic.

2-2

I finished eleventh.
Out of eighteen players.
Berto finished twelfth.
The decks I built went 3-5.

omg

Not 3-5 again…

That is a wake-up call: I truly am bad at Magic. But there were very few times I actually felt bad at Magic. Oddly, at least for one day, I considered myself to be fairly not bad at all at Magic. True, I made two major stupid ass blunders, but for the most part, I concentrated, thought and rethought and made good decisions. For the most part, except for those parts where I made, like, real bad plays.

The Top 8 (out of eighteen) was just getting started when we were just getting leaving. Thus, there will be no match summaries of people you never heard of beating other people you never heard of even if a couple guys ID’d in the last round of an eighteen person tourney with a box of Guildpact as the top prize.

Notes:

I played three Karoos and wanted more. Shante is good at thinking about Magic.

I saw a total of one bloodthirst guy come into play without counters. One.

That 0/4 Wall of Souls is like, dreadfully good against Sabertooth Alley Cat.

Tin Street Hooligan is unfair with legs.

Fatties are still the one true path to victory, but everybody has them now.

The deck building in this format is like, real, like, hard.

Bloodthirst and haunt are proof that patience is so much more than a virtue.

Make your opponent play first and hope he mulligans, because he will.

Removal is good. Play the freakin’ Brainspoil next time, thx.

I’m excellent during the untap and upkeep phases, but not so good at the combat phase.

Hey, 2-2 isn’t the end of the world, so put on a happy face. Still, looking around the field of an entire seventeen other players, I felt I should have made Top Eight by default, if not by sheer experience, or at least by being the most well-known terrible Magic player at Crossroads on that particular day. While I may not be good at Magic, neither are many of the others. Then again, maybe they don’t have to be.

After all, I am Mindslaver.

John Friggin’ Rizzo
26-14-3 at Magic