Feature Article – The Worst Metagame Choice Ever

What to play, that was the question, and for me, even Hamlet had no answer.

Inspiration suddenly struck when some scrub named Jamie C. Wakefield posted a 62-card mono-Green deck that contained 14 lands. What was wrong with this picture? If you answered “he’s short by 12 lands,” you are correct. While Jamie C. didn’t offer unbelievable stories of how his deck mauled the metagame, grew hair on his chest, and got him all kinda female attention (like my decks do), he did one thing: tempted me to download it.

I really didn’t want to. It just looked so… bad. Nine Forests. Color-heavy Beast Attack, Eternal Witness, Creeping Mold and Acid-Moss. I wondered: had Jamie flipped his lid? I knew I’d been having a hella time trying to build something that was not only new and unexpected, all while being not completely awful, so I could sympathize with the mania that is being rogue. Every deck you birth looks good in your mind and sometimes on paper, and it may even get the nut draw the first few times you test it… But it usually is teh suckz.

I thought Little Land Green was a cry for help, a.k.a. Jamie-the-“C”-stands-for-“Cilly.”

Until I played it. The first few run-throughs were rather surprising: “man, it’s sure easy to get actual mana flood in this deck,” and “wow, I find it hard not to cast this turn 2 Acid-Moss, turn 3 Mold, gg, loser.”

However, the next few games showed me what I expected: opening hands of six green cards and Ghost Quarter; a Forest, Elf and fistful of four-mana cards and so on and so forth. Make up your own nightmare draws — I ran into most of them. Yet, I was intrigued.

Intrigued enough to quickly add a land and cut the Beast Attacks to make the deck 60 cards. It ran a little more smoothly, but there was still a crook in my craw. Baloths felt inferior to Hierarchs in every way, and while I should have been, I wasn’t a big fan of Moldervine Cloak. Overrun, while one of the coolest ways to win a game, led me to believe that you really only want to open it in Invasion Block draft.

The above cuts left me with a big, fat hole in the middle of the deck, so I did what I always do: f*** it up. Troll Ascetic seemed a no-brainer, as did Spike Feeder (nothing better much?) and perhaps even Allosaurus Rider. None of those cards lasted more than an hour.

It slowly started to dawn on me: I’m putting an awful lot of lands into play, and right quick you don’t say. Scryb Ranger, Search for Tomorrow, and Acid-Moss made sure I was rarely light on land even if I was, and then it clicked:

Vine
Friggin’
Lasher
Kudzu

Yer kiddin’ me, ain’t it? In this deck, he’s Alan Comer! Anyway, it started with this:

Nine-Land Green Ten Years Later
4 Llanowar Elves
4 Boreal Druid
4 Search for Tomorrow
4 Scryb Ranger
4 Vinelasher Kudzu
3 Umezawa’s Jitte
4 Call of the Herd
4 Yavimaya Dryad
3 Eternal Witness
4 Creeping Mold
4 Mwonvuli Acid-Moss
4 Chrome Mox
9 Forest
4 Ghost Quarter
1 Pendelhaven

The deck was gross. At least it had potential to be gross, with many varieties of gross plays to be made, especially during the first two turns. Kudzu was gross in his own right, with 12 cards that granted him a counter, and please, let’s not mention how obscene he got with Ranger. All this, of course, was goldfishing, which is important — not quite as important as playtesting, but hey, gotta start somewhere, and why shouldn’t it be playing with myself? Eighth grade sense of humor much?

I started against Aggro Loam, the deck I think is most not fair in the least ‘cause blowing up lands just isn’t nice. In game 1 I learned that Yavimaya Dryad with Jitte is pretty much something they don’t have to like. A turn 2 Ghost Quarter kept them from Black or triple Red, yeah me!

Game 2 was a long, drawn out process in which a seemingly shifty flashbacked Cabal Therapy chose Creeping Mold over Acid-Moss. When Seismic Assault hit next turn, it was no longer shifty, nor even somewhat surprising, since I was playing both sides. I couldn’t stick a Jitte with Assault in play, and naturally, the Molds were playing “race you to the bottom of the deck.”

The third game was very fair: turn 3 Terravore and Devastating Dreams. We call that “gg” in the industry. Man, this deck draws turn 1 Birds, turn 2 Wall even more than Secret Force. Wait, Birds attack for zero. My bad.

Obviously, I had to drop double Dryad plus Jitte in the following game. Three turns later, go see the doctor. In game 5 I dropped a turn 1 Dryad. Hello, at the end of my turn 1, I have two Forests, two Chrome Mox, and a Forestwalk-you-to-death, and how are you this evening? Then I tossed a turn 2 Acid-Moss up against the “gg” wall to see if it would stick. You’d think I‘d win from there. No. Putrefy ftw, drawing seven out of my nine Forests ftl.

The sixth and final game was a sixteen-turn affair in which my secretly sideboarded Tormod’s Crypt stared down a pair of Werebears. Eventually, I had to crack it, since all I could draw was eight hundred Boreal Druid and every single Forest in the state of Maine… and then he / opponent / me drew into Burning Wish.

Alas, 2-4 against what I feel is the sickest deck in Extended.

I learned five things:

Dryad plus Jitte is good against Forests.
Insane turn 1 and 2 plays: this is a marathon, yo, not a sprint. It’s not! Cool plays4L!
Ghost Quarter doesn’t really hurt this deck. Supplemental mana sources blow!
That Jitte card is pretty good.
I’m not really a journalist.

The next course of action was playing against real life human beans at Crossroads before or after the Release event. I remember going to every Prerelease in Pittsburgh. Then I moved to Maine, where the nearest event is two and-a-half hours away. However, the last Prerelease I did attend after the Trek North (Torment) left such a bad taste in my mouth that I had my taste buds removed. There was a silver lining:

“$55 for nine boosters and three sealed sets”

I played in three flights for $55?! When was this, 2002?! Yes, it was. Anyway, check out the report is you want — this was me back when I was an angry young man, just like Chris Romeo. Now I am love. Seriously, why can’t I get pissed off about anything Magic-related anymore? I even enjoy William Spaniel’s articles on Brainburst! What is this world coming to exclamation f***ing point! Maybe he was right…

Did I get sidetracked? Well, if I can’t be angry, I can make up for it by being schizophrenic and gimmicky, which, when you get right down to it, is nearly as fun as reading a ten page venomous rant.

Thusforth, I, much like ya’ll much earlier, got to play with the new cards. You had a fortnight to study and grow strong and sweep the leg, though this was my virgin voyage into the madness that is the present. This is what I played:

Dunerider Outlaw
Goblin Skycutter
Keldon Marauders
Dream Stalker
Rathi Trapper
Stingscourger
Skulking Knight
Blazing Blade Askari
Urborg Syphon-Mage
Big Game Hunter
Skirk Shaman
Primal Plasma
Flamecore Elemental
Plague Sliver
Pirate Ship
Lightning Axe
Brute Force
Midnight Charm
Feebleness
Rough / Tumble
Sudden Shock
Snapback
Undying Rage
Dread Return
7 Swamp
6 Mountain
2 Island
Calciform Pools

I know, not an impressive array of cards. On second thought, it’s not too shabby — there are some bags of tricks to be had, sorta. But whatever, I went 5-0-1 (intentional draw, lol sucka!) and took the checkered flag because I am good at Limited.

When it was official that I was the undisputed champion of life, peeps stood in line to ask the following question: “Is Limited still teh suck?”

Well yeah. I mean, “obv.”

Excuse me, but was Simian Spirit Guide a mistake? Nah, it’s only one mana, not that Red has any other acceleration available. But what could, in combination with other accelerants, a seemingly harmless one lil’ mana do?

Turn 1 Savage Firecat.

Wait. Johnny Riz. You’re telling us about a turn 1 Savage Firecat? A five casting-cost 7/7 trampler on turn one. Please, right now, tell us all about the way you roll.

Overgrown Tomb
Savage Firecat
Chrome Mox
Simian Spirit Guide
Simian Spirit Guide
Cabal Ritual
Black card x to imprint on Mox

Turn 1 Spiritmonger is nearly as fun as turn 1 Persecute. Turn 1 Creeping Mold or Acid-Moss much? Yes, we get it: you can have four or five mana on turn one. We understand. Really, we do. Good, I’m glad.

Ah, I hear you saying “but it’s only a creature. Sure, it’s a fatty, but creatures are easily dealt with, or at least much easier than… Hey, you’re right, we should worry because…”

TURN 1 RAGING GOBLIN PLUS JITTE AND EQUIP AND SERVE OMG!

Turn 1 Traumatize. Hi, I got you for 26 and you’re not even playing BoW! Turn 1 Dread Slag. Yes, that’s a turn one 9/9 trampler that hopefully remains that way after you draw your *something I can get out of my hand please* next turn. Still, a 9/9 that becomes a 5/5 that becomes a 1/1 then dies ain’t too bad for an early game, is it?

I miss “Izzet” jokes. **lament**

I know what you’re thinking: investing six or seven cards in an amazing turn 1 play seems awesome in theory, and you know what — you are correct. The thing is: what if you’re amazing thing is dealt with? You guessed: you’re out of gas and damn near empty handed.

Three sentences: each had a colon. Forget Shakespeare: I am literature. Heh: once again. But that’s nowhere near as annoying as the guys who overuse semicolons:

Three sentences; each had a semicolon. Forget Shakespeare; I am literature. Heh; once again. The English language – ass: no (wonder) people in Japan speak Japanese.

Wakefield’s deck was still in my craw. After a few games of testing against real decks piloted by real players, I was convinced of two things:

Vinelasher Kudzu is cute, but cute doesn’t win games often enough.
A Stifle on my turn 1 Chrome Mox with a no-land hand is cute.

Decks and decks and decks many dozens of them. Hundreds of hours of thinking about decks, compiling decks, goldfishing decks and playtesting decks led me to one conclusion:

My decks suck.
All decks suck, actually.
None of them can beat Aggro Loam.
And Counterbalance.
And Trinket Post
And Goblins.
And Boros.
And Gaea’s Might.
And Affinity.
And Hateyface.
And Rock.

‘Cept fer one sometimes. My most favoritest deck in teh 4evah.

Did I mention that, after winning the Saturday Legacy — Mono Black In Legacy undefeated this year w00t — I entered a draft because I was bored and did what — “dominated” you say? I do say, but with the phase “punk ass b*tch” thrown in there somewhere. I almost lost a game. Turn 1 suspend Baloth, turn 2 suspend Baloth, turn 3 suspend that wasp thing, gg doesn’t matter if I draw land for the next six turns shake hands.

Don’t look now, but I have yet to lose a Limited match in 2007. Still teh suck though, but much less teh suck, because my balls hurt from all the constant playing when I sit at my computer and try to build decks for Extended. And you think you have problems?

Click this blue link right here: Tainted Pact. It’s better than it ever was. It never received love in the manner in which is should have grown accustomed, but consider me the advance man — the flagman, actually — for Tainted Pact. Now, if I could just figure out a way to use the friggin’ thing. Highlander! Restrict it with the quickness! Heh, “restrict it” in Highlander. A joke.

Regardless of just how funny you find me, I still could not find a deck that didn’t suck too, too much. I toyed around with a hundred builds of Wakefield’s Nine Land Deal, adding second (and third) colors as I saw fit. Many were kinda good, but there were more mulligans than a seven o’clock tee time at the Blind Man’s Open.

I was also too in love with Enduring Renewal and Keldon Marauders. Oh, and Goblin Legionnaire as well. Yosei every turn not so fair. The thing is that, while very cute, they’re no Necro Pebbles. In addition, the cuteness that is recurring Hierarchs rekindled my love for recurring things.

Extirpate is about as broken as a card can be.

It got a brother to thinking: Extirpate / Glimpse the Unthinkable. Too unfair.

Note: For about a week solid, I was certain that Extirpate not only removed target card from the ‘yard and hand and deck, but also removed the offending thingy from play. The thing is, early versions of a Glimpse deck could not beat Gaea’s Might Get There even with this super duper value-added brokenness. That’s how bad I am: I cheat my pants off and still lose. End this embarrassing note please.

Quick: name a deck that wants to be Glimpsed on turn 2 more than Aggro Loam.

Me: Glimpse you.
AL Player: omg thank you!

Quick: name a deck that wants to play against Friggorid more than Aggro Loam.

Me: Willingly put ten lands into my own bin.
AL Player: omg thank you!

Quick: name a deck that loves to see land destruction pointed at its dome more than Aggro Loam.

Me: Acid-Moss and Creeping Mold.
AL Player: omg thank you!

Those Aggro Loam players, a polite bunch of f***ers, ain’t they?

After literally hundreds of busted ideas and failed format brokenness, I decided to stop trying to beat them and just up and join them, at least for a day, which was subject to change. However, more than a few peeps delicately reminded me that Aggro Loam scoops to Counter Target Spell.

While “scoops” seemed a tad harsh, I put their theory to the test. They were on the right track, even if they were a tad harsh, which proved two things: countermagic is kinda good, and those Aggro Loam players are not only very polite, but well aware of what ails ya’.

Me, being me, and aren’t you lucky I don’t have a twin, decided to shore up this perceived weakness that isn’t really perceived but pretty much a reality, by tweaking the sideboard to fight the power. As such:

Sideboard
1 Life from the Loam
1 Devastating Dreams
1 Hull Breach
3 Krosan Grip
1 Deathmark
1 Nightmare Void
3 Duress
4 Hypnotic Specter

A turn 2 Hyppie is not good news for the counterspells. They’re not a fan of Duress either, and Cabal Therapy never got their wiry zones all revved up. As far as Nightmare Void goes, so goes their hand, one card at a time.

There may not be a bigger fan of Nightmare Void than yours truly.

Time for a quick “Rizzo actually learned something at CMU” moment:

I’m playing something against an Invasion Block or Invasion Standard deck, and Forsythe (the crazy mofo name of Ice Cube) and Turian are watching over my shoulder. I have a spell I want to play, but I’d prefer that it actually resolved. I don’t play it.

Crazy Mofo and Turian: Play that spell!
Me: omg no he’ll counter it!
Crazy Mofo and Turian: Don’t let him Fact or Fiction end of turn!
Me: omg too scared!

Wind up: He EOTFOFYL, and I did indeed lose.

Lesson: Don’t let him Fact or Fiction end of turn.

Nightmare Void works pretty much the same, with one caveat: put him in the worst possible position: either his hand is sucked away one card at a time with the Void, or his hand is sucked away one card at a time by countering the Void.

Win win. But Void doesn’t do much to an army of little men.

I still couldn’t get over Glimpse / Extirpate. Go ahead and check the deck database, and make sure you check real good. Let me know when you find a deck that used Gaea’s Blessing. Ever. This gave me pause in playing Aggro Loam: Did I expect Extirpate to be in full force on March 10, 2007 at Crossroad Games in Standish, Maine? If so, playing a deck “downstairs” seems ill-advised; rather, a deck that plays “upstairs” may be the answer.

But decks that play “upstairs” a.k.a. “fairly,” have a tendency to lose to cards that punish those silly folks who actually cast things from the hand. Then again, there is much hatred for the downstairs players as well. Graveyard hate may or may not be at its all time apex, acme, summit, zenith.

Do you realize that I am inventing technical terms right now? Upstairs, downstairs…

Friggorid is a downstairs deck with an upstairs “backup” plan of Psychatog. If you use Tolarian Winds, you are taking an up / down deck and eliminating one in favor of the other. Zombie Infestation is the epitome of upstairs / downstairs. Are you asses getting it now?

Boros is upstairs, even with Grim Lavamancer.
Rock is upstairs, with a smidge of down in the form of Cabal Therapy and Call of the Herd.
Zoo is upstairs.
Goblins is upstairs.
Affinity is upstairs.
Flores’s Hateyface is more up than down.
Trinket decks are up, with a touch of down for Academy Ruins.
Wakefield’s Nine Land is nearly full up, with a good down back-up plan for the times when the up is successfully dealt with. This might be the best idea for the format.

Use upstairs and downstairs. This way, you can’t be completely hosed by the up killers — Wrath of God, Pernicious Deed, Counter Target Spell and the like. Likewise, if you’re up and down, Tormod’s Crypt, Extirpate, Jotun Grunt and brethren can’t flat-out annihilate you.

That’s what I’d been trying to do for that last couple weeks: up and down. For a while, I was convinced that if I could tweak Friggorid to play as much up as down, the deck would be damn near invincible. Making it immune to (or at least only mildly annoyed by) Crypt, Wretch, and Grunt would put my opponent into an untenable situation: taking out the ‘yard doesn’t solve the upstairs problem.

With precious few slots available for negotiation, the idea, while it felt sound, proved too difficult to make real. This was likely the impetus behind the Japanese adding Wild Mongrel, though I’m still not sure how I feel about that.

Use upstairs resources that are so good that you don’t need to go downstairs. But in the situations where you do, it’s gg. Play upstairs: if they deal with it, go downstairs and present them with the same problem all over again: upstairs / downstairs at its most perfect.

Hard to pull off, sure.

Aggro Loam, despite casting stuff, is nearly a complete downstairs deck. If unable to utilize the ‘yard (downstairs), the deck has a hard time loses hard. True, Terravore can still swing ftw even with zero downstairs (unless the opponent can remove his own downstairs), but Werebear and Life From the Loam / Assault no can do. Morningtide ftw, even one year later.

Yeah, we get it: you’re crafty and you recognize the girly by the back of her head. Thus, in furtherance of up and down and sunny side up, I went with the deck that has taken absolutely no one anywhere ever: Glimpse. It’s entirely up, but by going deep into the opponent’s down, it should leave them with a headache at least.

Worst Metagame Choice Ever V.3 or 4 or so
4 Mesmeric Orb
4 Glimpse the Unthinkable
4 Brain Freeze
2 Haunting Echoes
4 Moment’s Peace
3 Tangle
3 Mutilate
4 Remand
3 Repeal
1 Damnation
3 Reclaim
1 Darkblast
1 Gaea’s Blessing
4 Polluted Delta
4 Overgrown Tomb
4 Watery Grave
3 Swamp
2 Island
2 Cephalid Coliseum
2 Yavimaya Coast
1 Tainted Wood
1 Urborg, Tomb of Yawgmoth

The thing:

I was getting my ass handed to me by Gaea’s Might, and believe me it takes a man to actually playtest about 100 games knowing that this tweak and that tweak aren’t going to up the wining percentage to much more than, oh, 20%. If I go first.

I should concede that in deciding opening hands, I would always mulligan to seven if Gaea’s hand didn’t have a two-power one-drop. This is worst-case scenario: Stomping Grounds, Kird Ape, go. I’m at 18 and facing four more next turn before I can even play Remand. Under these circumstances, it’s indeed difficult to mill a brother…

Okay, I’m a 15 as I take my second turn, I guess I’ll Glimpse you, go. Gee, now I’m at dead thanks to double Might. Pressure, yes.

More often than not, I was dead by the time I could Mutilate or Damnate. (Feel bad for me since I only have one Damnation and am stuck using Badilate, which we used to think was good). Thus, I needed a way to survive until I could clear the board. Enter Fog.

True, Fog is a newbie card, only slightly more newb than Megrim. Moment’s Peace, however, is a man’s card — two times the fun equals almost as fun as a Tangle out of nowhere. Your guys don’t untap! Hilarious!

Moment’s Peace equals two Fogs.
Tangle equals two Fogs.
Now, Mutilate the sh** out of your board!

“You’re terminated, f***er!”
Linda Hamilton, The Terminator

“You’re Mutilated, f***er!”
Me, so much style, boyee

Anyway, between the numerous turns of freedom bought by the Fogs and Wraths, it was much more likely that I could retain some semblance of my agenda, which was milling the sh** out of your pathetic library. Likely, but it still didn’t happen enough, read: like never.

Still, when they went first, and used my very friendly anti-mulligan (take seven until you have Isamaru, Kird Ape, or Lions), I was only upping my ante to about 30%. When I went first and still let them be cheatyface, it was about 40/60. I’ll take that against the silliness that is I-can-do-twenty-by-turn-3. They have to do twenty, but I’m stuck with fifty-three? Sound fair to me.

By the way, that oddball Darkblast may seem out of place in such a perfected decklist. Answer: Lavamancer. That friggin’ rhymed, and I wasn’t even trying!

Did you notice that my five hundred Fogs aren’t very good against Teps? Also, they aren’t tremendous versus Mindslaver, but that’s where the ‘board comes in. Theoretically. Please pretend I didn’t say “Divert” and I’ll pretend that I was able to nab a couple Imp’s Mischief before the PTQ.

Whatever, I’m tired of fighting all of you. Why do you make me feel so defensive?! Like I have to defend my card choices! My ideas and hopes and fears and dreams! It’s an upstairs (recurrence) deck that seeks to nullify your upstairs by ruining your downstairs that you don’t have and even if you do, you don’t have that much. It seems clever to me, at least right now. We’ll see at the PTQ, where round one is liable to go like this:

Opponent: Tendrils for thirty?
Me: Fog you!

Or:

Opponent: Tendrils for thirty?
Me: Brain Freeze you for your library, and um…
Opponent: Crack the Coliseum targeting me?
Me: Yep, if I had a Coliseum in play and threshold and and and!

Oh well, I like the deck. A little.

The day of 2HG Champs, I was sans second head.

Me: Do you have any interest in playing in the Two-Headed—
Berto: Nope.
Me: gg.

Another Magic casualty — Star Wars Minis is the culprit. I’m at a loss as to how people can enjoy playing minis. There is a die involved. While it’s certainly not ridiculous like Pokemon’s “flip a coin” nine times per turn, rolling a die “taints” a game, at least to me and my purist agenda, adding an element of randomness that tastes too much teh funnay.

Easiest way to turn me off from anything: flip a coin or roll a die.

Hot Chyk: Do me.
Me: Oh boy!
Hot Chyk: Bring a coin or a D-20.
Me: Sorry, I’m married.

Anyway, Mono Black In Legacy won the day and I got to watch rounds and rounds of 2HG Limited. Is this the most boring spectator format in history? It’s a blast to play, I know, but watching two guys whisper sweet nothings in each others ears for five minutes before they both decide to say “go” is not the model for excitement.

Oh, I just drew a land when I needed a spell? No matter, I’ll get to draw a whole ‘nother card in five minutes. Still, when you can attack with Jodah’s Avenger for 28 in one turn, it can’t be all bad.

All that and I got to playtest Glimpse against a real human being! Five games against Tooth and Nail netted me three wins, and another four versus Cheon’s Loam got me a split. Geez, how good is Tooth and Nail when all the creatures get binned? Abrams was a big fan of Burning Wish for Shattering Spree to kill two Mesmeric Orbs before he found himself unable to successfully negotiate his draw phase… so I just Glimpsed him, Reclaimed, and nugged again.

Then I went home and tested all against Gaea’s Might, yet again. It slowly dawned on me, after losing what must have been a seventh or eighth game in a row: I needs me some life gain. A while back, I tried the life gain dealio with any or all of the following:

Spike Feeder
Ravenous Baloth
Loxodon Hierarch
Gristleback

None of it worked, mostly because I was steadfastly refusing to use the color that needed to be used: White. Take the best of Black and Blue (or the cards that I’m using), and sprinkle with a touch of White, and what do you get? NOmar minus the “NO” and “mar.”

In actuality, what you get is life gain that is one turn quicker, Mutilates that never fall short, a second set of Time Walks in Orim’s Chant, and a super-duper option-generator like Dromar’s Charm.

Dromar’s Charm: gain five life, Enfeeblement, or Counterspell. How is this not good? It’s not not good, if you catch my drift. Three mana: three choices, all of which are pretty good in the current environment. The problem is that are three abilities are fair and reactive, which is not what one looks for in an Extended-playable card.

Two mana, mill ten. Two mana, untap and mill what you spent. Five mana, strip thirty cards out of your deck. These are not fair. I won’t say how good it is (though I think it is), but it is certainly not all about equality.

Adding White allows me to stay alive much longer than an endless string of Fogs, because spending three mana and gaining life up front and putting stuff in the way of the swarm is worth the two in the bush that is Moment’s Peace. ‘Cause that’s what you get: a moment’s peace. Four life and a blocker or Tribal Flames target is much more than a moment — it can feel like an eternity when you’re watching your library slip away into the aether.

Thus forth (and with three days to go), I offer what is more likely than not the deck:

Looking in the case at Crossroads (at the $22 Pithing Needle):

Me: Pithing Needle sure solves a lot of problems.
Brendan: Yep.
Me: But not eighty-eight bucks worth.

Defending myself:

Mesmeric Orb is downright silly. In multiples, it’s downright SILLY! Perhaps this card was fully explored and / or broken way back when, and if so, I’m preaching to the choir. If not, then get yer ass up outta that pew, hooka, and recognize. The continual mill effect for zero mana is barely noticeable on turn 2. Flash forward a couple turns later, and are those beads of sweat forming on your not-yet-fully-developed testicles, young man?

You all know about Glimpse, and some of you know how I played the mill deck in every Ravnica draft and got my ass handed to me. Just sayin’ that ten in the bin is a lot.

Brain Freeze is surprisingly solid. With the vast array of cheap spells being bandied about, it’s virtually always milling six, and often enough getting nine, or even twelve. Some peeps may query: why not Twincast? Ah, I own zero. Ah, Glimpse / Twincast is sexy, but only slightly sexier than Glimpse / Freeze. And Twincast doesn’t mill six when your opponent casts *any single spell ever*.

Dear Teps,

Please play twelve spells, then fizzle.

Love,
Mill Yourself Much B*tch

Remand is Remand. You know what it does, but allow me:

Remand is good because your opponent basically wastes a turn and you draw a card!

The first guy that wrote that gets a free pass, since he was simply explaining the obvious. Every guy after that first guy should be inducted into Blinding Flash Of The Obvious Hall Of Fame. Point: we know Remand is good. We know why. omg wait: it’s fantastic against suspend cards! omg omg omg!

Aven Riftwatcher, in case you didn’t already know, is a real, real good card, and I don’t mean just in Limited. He blocks and kills just about everything in Gaea’s Might — unless they want to burn him away or waste a pump spell… thanks, dawg, I’ll be over here four life richer any which way you want it. Ditto for Herald — do you really want to toss a Tribal Flames for five at his one-toughness ass, or would you rather target me and since I just played this guy, you’re really only doing one actual damage.

Three Wrath would be four, but my player rewards packet only contained three of the extended art foily sexiness. Plus, adding the singleton Damnation gives me a chance against a Meddling Made naming Wrath. Mostly it’s the foily explanation, though.

Fact or Fiction is the NKOTB, which seems odd, because shouldn’t any deck that can play FoF play FoF, yes they should don’t you dare end this sentence with a question mark, though an exclamation point is recommended! You may find it hard to believe in looking at the decklist, but I tended to burn my hand too quickly, and nothing says lovin’ like something that rhymes with “lovin’.”

I’m torn on Haunting Echoes — it’s been one of the most “eh” cards in the deck since the deck caught my fancy. Shredding target library seems so freakin’ good. Drawing Echoes when you’re facing down three guys is much less so. Still, if ten cards for two mana is sexy, twenty to thirty or more for five… I know, just use Traumatize. I did, and lemme tell you: a mid-game Traumatize is just iffy, speaking in mana-cost-to-effect terms of course. Whatever, the mill deck is not very good, speaking in any terms you want.

Repeal costs one mana more than the permanent it’s bouncing! omg wait: token creatures! Okay, in that one, very narrow and highly improbable situation, it’s almost a decent card.

Two Gaea’s Blessing puts me at sixty-one cards. Didn’t want you to think I didn’t notice. One Blessing isn’t enough — trust me that drawing it is bad news, and while two is better, it could be and should be four, but not at the expense of eliminating four actual cards.

In early versions of the deck, Blessing often conflicted with Moment’s Peace, Call of the Herd, Grave-Shell Scarab and other assorted cards that wanted to be in the bin. However, you don’t want to be the mill deck that mills itself. Don’t ever be that guy.

Eventually I realized that adding three Reclaim could permit me to run a single Blessing with no fear if I happened to draw it. With Orb in play, simply Reclaim the Blessing, and as soon as you untap, into the bin it goes wow that’s some synergy. But Green went away, and now I’m stuck with sixty-one cards. I’m bad. So, so bad.

I’m happy with the land mix, well, as happy as a guy who traded away all his Hallowed Fountains can be. If you must know (and you absolutely must), I’d like a couple more Coliseums.

You: Add them!
Me: I just might!

SB: 4 Orim’s Chant
SB: 4 Tormod’s Crypt
SB: 2 Kataki, War’s Wage

The board is going to be one of those last minute deals, though I’m fairly certain that four Chants and Crypts is a no-brainer, and Kataki feels correct at two copies. After that, randomness ensues. Do I waste slots on Sacred Ground? Arcane Laboratory? Trickbind, more life gain, Deathmark, Darkblast, Mutilate, Avatar of Woe, Leyline of the Void, Nightmare Void, Duress, more countermagic….? Yawgmoth’s Agenda!?

Many of you weren’t around to see the beating that is Yawgmoth’s Agenda. It was like Morphling — when it hit the board, gg. Might take a few turns, but gg nonetheless.

Agenda was so good that I once cast Fact or Fiction with Agenda in play, and my opponent split the piles:

Five cards here —– Zero cards here

I still think Agenda has enough in the tank to compete, and while it may not be the gg that it once was thanks to Crypt, Extirpate, and other reasons the game has passed me by, don’t be surprised if you lose to an opponent only playing “one spell per turn.”

Of course, this is from the guy who still thinks New Frontiers has the potential to be severely broken in the current environment.

Anyway, that’s the deck, I think, and it’s pretty much too late to audible. And no, I don’t feel nearly as high on life as I did last Extended when I was certain that I had the best unknown deck and most surprise value in the room. This time, I feel I have neither, but for some reason, it just feels… right.

Unless I’m wrong.

Inquest may be my favorite magazine ever. Even more than Puritan! I didn’t really notice / care about Kavu Predator until I saw their little combo sidebar that featured Kavu Predator / Skyshroud Cutter. It took me a moment to realize the simplistic beauty, but oh I did. So much so that I went and did this:

You can rofl all you want, but until you drop turn 1 Predator and at least one Cutter, shut yo’ mouth, foo. Especially when you double Invigorate on turn 2. That’s like, thirty damage oh em gee! I haven’t tested this against real decks yet, but I bet it doesn’t like Wasteland much, and Force of Will on the turn 1 no-land Land Grant hand is suxxorz. So cut Lotus Petal and add a couple Temple Garden and Tithe. But whatever you do, don’t add Swords to Plowshares. That card gives your opponent life!

frigginrizzo draws 7 cards.
frigginrizzo plays Lotus Petal.
frigginrizzo plays Land Grant.
frigginrizzo moves Savannah from frigginrizzo’s library to tabletop.
frigginrizzo buries Lotus Petal.
frigginrizzo plays Kavu Predator.
frigginrizzo plays Skyshroud Cutter.
Your Mom’s life is now 25. (+5)
Kavu Predator now has 5 counters. (+5)
frigginrizzo plays Skyshroud Cutter.
Your Mom’s life is now 30. (+5)
Kavu Predator now has 10 counters. (+5)
It is now turn 2.

At the end of turn 1, I am in possession of two 2/2s and a 12/12 trampler omg!

It is now the Untap Phase.
frigginrizzo draws a card.
frigginrizzo plays Might of Old Krosa.
It is now the Attack Phase
Kavu Predator is attacking.
Skyshroud Cutter is attacking.
Skyshroud Cutter is attacking.
frigginrizzo plays Invigorate.
Your Mom’s life is now 33. (+3)
Kavu Predator now has 13 counters (+3)
frigginrizzo plays Invigorate.
Your Mom’s life is now 36. (+3)
Kavu Predator now has 16 counters. (+3)

Put the D on the S and resolve that sh** post haste:

Your Mom’s life is now 2. (-34)

frigginrizzo says: ‘Sh**, that’s only 34 damage on turn 2!’
frigginrizzo says: ‘F***in’ Inquest!’
frigginrizzo has disconnected.

Back to reality. Two days out, and I’m thinking about spending the day in the loser’s bracket. Sighs and shrugs and slap me silly. No, wait! Swift Silence seems a good storm foil! Only costs five mana.

Things to worry about:

Turn 2 Meddling Mage naming “Repeal,” turn 3 Mage naming “Wrath.”
Chalice of the Void for two.
Gaea’s Blessing (gg)
Ivory Mask
Discard
Land destruction
Creatures
Combo
Control
Getting lost on the way to Crossroads
Getting lost on the way home

And the list that I previously posted:

1. You cannot auto-lose to the fastest beatdown deck in the format.

I don’t “auto lose,” but it ain’t easy pickins. Gaea’s Might can be milled to death, but I don’t recommend actually trying it. Leave that to me, ‘cause I’m bad at it.

2. You cannot auto-lose to the most resilient combo deck in the format.

I have yet to even scrutinize a TEPS decklist, let alone playtest a single game. I have a feeling that I don’t have to like the turn 2 kill, while they’re probably not a fan of getting binned for ten. Whatever, combo is not very nice.

3. You cannot auto-lose to the best control deck in the format.

I guess some variation of U/W Tron is uber-control, and while they have more card drawing and counters and win conditions, I have… Azorius Herald?

4. You cannot auto-lose to any of the following:

Counterspells (check)
“Protection” creatures (irrelevant)
Land destruction (teh sucks)
Hand destruction (teh really sucks)
Wrath of God (heh)
Tormod’s Crypt (Blessing trigger, respond Crypt — mean!)
Umezawa’s Jitte (WOG you!)
Life gain (lol)
Pernicious Deed (lol again)

I just realized that some of you reading this article are more like “skimming” it instead. I do it, you do it, well all do it…but I want you to know that I don’t take offense. True, it did take actual effort to think up these sentences and then type them out, but realize that I anticipate the built-in “skimming” and have actually slacked off on a couple paragraphs that I anticipate would be skimmed. Some of you are lazy bastard readers, which is okay, since I’m a lazy bastard writer. This is one of those paragraphs I anticipate will be skimmed, so all you fly skimmers (feel the beat) won’t even know that I’m on to you, only the non-skimmers will. We’ll even have a secret handshake.

The checklist seems okay. I guess. No. It hit me today (Friday) at work, when it simply up and slapped me in the chops:

This deck f***ing sucks.

It’s a 2-5 Radiant’s Dragoons.
Perhaps a 3-4 Staunchie?
Or even a 4-3 that-new-White-soldier-gater at best.

I should scrap the idea: mill them for 40 (counting draw phases) before they hit me for 20 – does that idea even make any kind of sense to anyone? Does it even sound plausible?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no, sometimes I wonder why the hell I need to be so rogue.

Perhaps it’s the self-induced pressure. Hey, last year ended up fine and dandy, I’m the same guy, same bat channel, same format ready to be broken. What-ev-ah.

It’s not too late to go Mono Black In Extended, or to rebirth Wakefield’s Cry For Help, or even go balls deep with Friggorid. But Bruce I think, him. Know what — it’s the night before, and I did this:

Upstairs, downstairs, nice deck. Sometimes I think I am really bad at everything. Sometimes I don’t. I’m not sure which time it is right now, and I lost Morris Day’s number. To see what transpired, tune in tomorrow, or like just keep reading.

I came to chew ass and kick bubble gum. And I’m all out of bubble gum.

There were 79 peeps in attendance, and they had 7 rounds to do stuff.

Matt Hill also had the balls to play Glimpse, but his version stayed U/B. A while back we had traded barbs and shared technology (tech about Glimpse, okay). This was back when I was using Green, and I might have even had Yawgmoth’s Agenda.

Flash forward a while, and I’m all about the life gain, while Matt’s all about Damnation and the Trinket Mage / Counterbalance engine. At least we both realized how hopeless Jester’s Scepter was, and yanked it right quick. We wished each other luck, both knowing that anything better than 0-2 drop is gravy.

Round 1: Matt Potvin, Control Loam

Matt’s better than I am at Magic. His deck will be better than mine. He’s younger and better looking, too. But…

Game 1:

Matt did what Loam does: play mana guys and Cabal Therapy. I did what I do: turn 2 Glimpse, turn 5 Haunting Echoes. Despite getting his library down to about five cards, he found Assault and assaulted my pair of Riftwatchers. The bigger problem was Nantuko Monastery, since I was apparently the only guy in the place without Ghost Quarter. That crazy land up and ended the game with Matt having about nine cards left in his library. But holy hell I drew a lot of land this game.

Game 2:

He started with Duress, Duress, Cabal Therapy. I lost right? Natch, nah dawg. I gained about 20 life, snuck out a couple Glimpses, then got him down to one card in his library, but with Solitary Confinement in play. Heh, skip your draw step.

The turns went way long — at least his did, and the judge, Skinny Phil, was watching with a queer ass eye for all the straight guys.

After Matt thumbed through his RFG for about the third turn in a row, Phil pounced: he grabbed the match slip and gave Matt a warning for slow play and determined that we’d get an extra two turns to finish the match (if needed).

I staved off death with a Rifter here and Herald there, until I finally found Repeal, bounced that silly enchantment and Glimpse you for one, which in this case is the girl, the gold watch and everything. But holy hell I drew a lot of land this game as well.

I did get to be teh sexy when I cast Morningtide for about 25.

Game 3:

Matt came out smokin’ with double Bob and a Monastery that got active in a hurry. Time was called when I was at 15, but rather than being able to live just long enough to earn the draw (five extra turns), we got an extra two turns. I wonder if Matt won on the seventh extra turn?

0-1

We were the last match playing, and about a dozen peeps were watching. Afterwards:

Peeps: As a “punishment” for stalling he got an extra 2 turns to beat you?
Me: Heh.

In the above case, I guess it doesn’t matter. Okay, it kinda does matter, but this is the kind of deck I want to play against all day. If I can, good times. Unless they try to stall me.

I don’t think Matt was trying to stall — he was in a pickle of sorts, and with limited win conditions available in game 2, perhaps it did take extra time to see if there was anything left he could cycle his lands for. Whatever, I’ll just man up and move on.

Round 2: Dan Moulton, Mono Red ‘Tron

Game 1:

Dan started off with a mulligan, then played a couple ‘Tron pieces and Static Orb. Since the two permanents I wanted to untap most were Hierarch and Hierarch, I chose them. And beat his friggin’ head in! I did manage to Glimpse him on turn 2 and watch about six Mountains bin.

Game 2:

Dan didn’t mulligan, though he did get a couple ‘Tron pieces in play. And died with them as his only lands. Again, the turn 2 Glimpse netted a fistful of Mountains. His life went 16, 8, 0, so I assume everyone’s favorite elephant pair did the nasty again.

This is one of the sexy factors of Glimpse: you can get lucky mills. Actually, in order to win, you need to get lucky mills. I got ‘em this match, so pleh on you.

1-1

It turns out that Matt Hill did indeed go 0-2, free draft my ass off.

Matt: Maybe the life gain was a better idea…
Me: Samrt at Magic!

Round 3: Alex Jewett, Deep Dog Yes Deep Dog From 2002

Game 1:

How embarrassing. He was stuck on two lands for about, oh, the entire game. And still won. Mongrel and Aquamoeba did the filth up on me. A Glimpse and Traumatize set up the turn 6 Echoes, but his one Island provided him with Circular Logic. Sh**, I didn’t even think about that. No matter, next turn I guess I’ll just Wrath… Another Logic!? gg I lost to a deck from 2002 with only two lands in play.

Alex was highly frustrated when he’d miss and miss and miss land drops, but I was looking at the board wondering: why is this guy so pissed? Doesn’t he know he’s going to win in three turns?

Game 2:

I gained 18 life and he had one card left in his library when he killed me. Side note: milling a guy who has Moment’s Peace, Roar of the Wurm, and Wonder will make him smile.

Okay, Alex did have Looter il-Kor, too, so I guess the deck isn’t exactly from 2002. Not exactly.

1-2 Does the rest of this report matter one bit?

Round 4: Jeff Good, ‘Tog with Counterbalance / Top

Game 1:

Since we both had Blue mana, the first play of the game was his turn 4 Wonder. I was holding both Echoes and Traumatize, and wanted both to resolve, thinking that “gg” would follow. I baited out his counters with multiples of Herald, Riftwatcher, and Hierarch — some got countered, some not, and eventually it felt safe to jump in with Traumatize. Resolves.

All his countermagic and Counterbalance binned, so feel free to Echoes with impunity.

When all was said and done, he had six cards left in his library — Engineered Explosives, an artifact land, Meloku, Pithing Needle and two blanks. With Dark Confidant, Top, and Trinket Mage on the board to my pair of Hierarchs. You already see where this is going, don’t you? No? Did I mention that he also had

Academy Ruins

in play?

He had zero cards in his library for five turns. And still won. So freakin’ gross, and yet, when I saw he only had six cards, and two were artifacts with Ruins in play, I realized gg and not for me (It didn’t help that he had Top to get Meloku into play with the quickness). Playtesting against U/W ‘Tron showed me that same bit of funnay: no cards left, why not draw an artifact every turn until I kill you?

So frustrating that I took out the Cephalid Coliseums went when I switched over to Green.

Game 2:

This was much more anticlimactic. I mulliganed and kept a prospective hand that didn’t develop any pain-free Blue, which was kind of teh funny, since Jeff cast a couple Duress and then The Rack, which combined with Bob beats, pecked me into nothing. Shrug.

1-3 Put me out of my f***in’ misery

At this point, I briefly considered doing a large report in which I won the PTQ, but at the end confess that “ha ha, it’s all fake, Meatball!”

Too much work.

Round 5: Derek Rouleau, Gaea’s Might Get There

Game 1:

I mulliganed into a very iffy hand: Hierarch, Riftwatcher and lands. Over the next eight turns, I proceeded to draw three Glimpse and two Repeal, but not a single source of Blue, nor a fetchland. Derek gave me plenty of time to stabilize, but I was desperately seeking Blue, and shipping a six carder with life gain and the ability to play it on schedule is sheer lunacy I tell you. Lunacy! Or maybe not.

Game 2:

My scoresheet says “TZ HE.” And I don’t know what the hell that means. Ah! Traumatize and Haunting Echoes! Oh yeah, I won this game. Kewl. Derek did Molten Rain my Tendo Ice Bridge, which was my only source of Blue for a couple turns, but being good at Magic, I drew my way out of that paper bag.

Game 3:

Opening hand:

Three lands
Hierarch
Herald
Riftwatcher
Wrath

On turn 3, Derek again used Molten Rain to kill my Tendo, which kept me off both Hierarch and Wrath mana, since I drew into my third land that would have been my fourth that would have likely been ftw. I did manage the pair of three-drop life gainers, but never did find that fourth land. Alas, sometimes a card you put in your deck inadvertently wins you a game. This was one of those times.

So freakin’ close, though.

1-4 And yes, this is indeed a very good lesson I am learning

Round 6: Josh Johnston, Iron Works

Game 1:

I know only a little about Iron Works, so know what I did? Drew all four Remands, and cast them on turns 2 through 5. I mean I Remanded cards I’d never seen, nor bothered to read the text. It was all Remand City, USA!

This one-sided affair left Josh with no cards, a bunch of artifact lands, Tormod’s Crypt, a pair of Frogmites and other brown cards. A Hierarch bought me enough time to either TZ or HE or both, because he died with 14 life.

Josh: I dare you to side in Kataki.
Me: Okay, you’re on!

Game 2:

My opening hand had both Katakis and enough land. I drop him on turn 2. He sacs his Prism to pay for his lands, draws a card and scoops. I guess Kataki really does hose Affinity. What do you know — the pundits were right!

2-4 With a turn 3 kill!

Round 7: Katey Gordon, B/W

Katey, and the guy she hangs around with, Gabe, sometimes attends the Saturday Legacys, so I’m well aware of just how freakin’ cute she is. Otherwise, I would have found it difficult to play against her severe cuteness. She like, smiles a lot. Je-zus Christ! Chyx that smile are teh bjorken.

Game 1:

I kept a decent hand, with a pair of three-drop life gainers and three lands, but with only Tendo to make Blue. Naturally, she read me the Verdict me on turn 2 (TZ and HE both omg!) and got Vindication on my Tendo the turn after. Then she played land, land and more land, apparently holding a fistful of removal to counter the complete lack of dudes I was playing.

Windup: I ended this game at 49 life after the other TZ milled every creature in her deck but one, which was Akroma, which was the last card of her library.

“You don’t play mill, it plays you.”
Some wise man, probably

Game 2:

She mulliganed, thought long and hard, then kept a one-Swamp hand. She died to double Hierarch, never drawing a second land. I’m good at Magic, she’s cute at Magic.

It used to be that I’d pack it in to chyx, but I don’t think I’ve lost to one in… five years maybe? It’s because I’m a male chauvinist pig. Is that phrase still in vogue? Is the phrase “in vogue” still in the current vernacular? Join us in the forums!

3-4 Hey, just like last year. Staunch Defenders all the way.

Justin Tardiff was the only guy in attendance with the balls to play Friggorid. He had Ichy and ‘Tog Extirpated, so he won a game with a 9/9 flying, regenerating Grave-Troll. Boo-freakin’-ya’, even if he ended up 4-3. So, by living vicariously though Justin, I can safely say that the day resulted in a 7-7 match record.

By the way, there were two other guys (besides Matt and I) using Glimpse the Unthinkable. I know this because they were usually seated on either side of me at the bottom tables. One was using it in a Reanimator-type deck, while the other played a more controlling U/B build with Jonny Magic.

Four decks that used Glimpse.
An 0-2 drop.
A couple guys that went, I think, 2-5.
And me.

Not a very good day for a not-very-good strategy. If you’re thinking about playing Glimpse in an upcoming tournament, go ahead! Results don’t lie.

Alas, I didn’t expect to set the world ablaze with new-fangled technological advances, and if I try to paint a rosy picture I could claim moral victories here and there. But I won’t. I played a deck that was ill-equipped for the metagame, even if I pretty much convinced myself that its shortcomings were in fact assets. A few lucky breaks here, a correct Remand here and an Academy Ruins in the ‘yard not in play, and two turns of not missing lands drops, and I might have ended up…4-3. Wow, 4-3. This is what happens when you try to be rogue for the sake of, well, rogue.

Top 8:
Aaron Lewis, Gaea’s Might Get There
Brett Coggan, Goblins
David Howard, Affinity
Jeremy C. Muir, Beacon Opposition
Shane Wimble, Gaea’s Might Get There
Yakov Shapiro, Affinity
Max Fitzer, Rock-n-Flow
Gabe Schwarts, U/G ‘Tron

I finally met Jeremy C. Muir, former StarCityGames.com columnist, lifelong Wakefield apologist, and all around “been there, done that, for like a very long freakin’ time,” or rather he pulled me aside and said “Hello, f***er, fitty bucks says I make you my b*tch!”

Jeremy C. Muir
Jamie C. Wakefield

Truncate:

J.C.M
J.C.W

And everyone knows that an “M” is nothing but an upside down “W!” Holy sh** — same guy much!?

I watched most of his quarter match against Gaea’s Might, and the spirit of The Spanish Prisoner, Jamie C. Wakefield, was running rampant all over Crossroad Games (since they’re the same guy anyway). J.C. played Carven Caryatid and soon after Beacon of Creation, and all I could hear was:

You know what Gaea’s Might hates? 2/5 fatties that draw you a card. I want to tap four mana and fill the board with 1/1s! And do it again next turn! Tarrrooo! Tarrooo!

However, when J.C. played Opposition, all I could hear was “pfft” and the sound of soft, gentle footsteps in the dainty, delicate snow. Speaking really bad Spanish or do they speak Portuguese in Spain or is that some other country I’m thinking of? I thought I had a bunch of useless sh** stored up mi cabeza, but pobre si, no mas. I just spoke so much Spanish! Cuba libre. Nachos. Tony Montana.

Quads:
Schwarts def. Lewis
Coggan def. Fitzer
Howard def. Shapiro
Wimble def. Muir

Duals:
Schwarts def. Wimble
Coggan def. Howard in a match of such ferocity that I wish I had kept notes. Brett was at one life before he did even a point of damage to Howard. It didn’t help that he drew three Barbarian Rings and Howard drew three Fire / Ice. In what was one of the most well-played games I’ve ever seen, Brett came back from what appeared to be an impossible situation, to wreck face and win a game that 95% of the players in attendance would have lost many turns earlier. Tightest nerves ever, and here’s me without a play-by-play recap or Misterfreakinorange without his two turntables and a microphone.

Anyway, here’s the slaughterhouse five that is the finals. In case you were thinking of playing U/G ‘Tron at the next tournament and figured Goblins was a bye:

Brett Coggan, Goblins versus Gabe Schwarts, U/G Tron.

Game 1:

After Brett mulled, Gabe dropped a ‘Tron piece and imprinted Repeal on Chrome Mox. Brett dropped a Mountain and passed. Gabe threw down ‘Tron piece two and waited for something to Condescend. He got his opportunity next turn — Piledriver hit the bin. An Island hit the board, with Ghost Quarter and a Ringleader-fetching Matron for Brett.

Gabe dropped another Island. Brett, with only three mana, cast Sledder and War-Marshal main phase, sacced the Marshal to pump Matron and served. (Gabe — 18). Gabe dropped Breeding Pool the hard way (Gabe — 16) and played Triskelion.

During Brett’s main phase, a token flew off to kill Sledder, Brett sacced a token, another counter came off, another token stepped up for the team, and the last counter came off Trike. Rite of Flame spat out Ringleader, which begat Prospector and another Ringleader. Ringleader went red and Trike bit the dust.

Gabe cast Sylvan Scrying for the third ‘Tron piece, played it and passed the turn. Brett attacked into an empty board (Gabe — 13), then dropped Prospector and Piledriver. He Ghost Quartered a ‘Tron piece during Gabe’s draw phase (after he drew), and an Island replaced the missing triumvirate. Chromatic Star hit the board, got sacced immediately for Sylvan Scrying, and just like that, ‘Tron was back. But that’s all it was.

Brett started turn 7 with a War Marshal main phase, attacked with Prospector, Piledriver, Ringleader, and Sledder. A couple sacrifices later, and it was on to game 2.

Brett 1 Gabe 0

Game 2:

This time, Gabe thought seven was too many, though he did start with ‘Tron piece, Chromatic Star. Brett dropped a Mountain and Prospector. Gabe dropped a second ‘Tron piece, cracked the Star for Green and Scryed the third piece into his hand.

Brett cast Rite of Flame and sacced Prospector to play Warchief, who hit for two (Gabe — 18). He added Ghost Quarter before he shipped it over. Again, the “draw phase Ghost Quarter you” nabbed Gabe an Island. He added the ‘Tron piece from his hand and shipped it over.

Mountain, Sledder met Condescend, but Piledriver didn’t, and service was offered (Gabe — 13). Gabe Repealed the Warchief two turns in a row, but it came back down, and after one last half-hearted draw step, Gabe offered the hand.

Brett Coggan, with a 2-0 mauling, gets to go to Japan on Wizards’ nickel. If memory serves, he becomes the first Mainer to actually win a PTQ in Maine. Spooky!

Anyway, it looks like I’m going to try my hand again next week at TJ’s Collectibles in whatever state it’s in. A brother ain’t tryin’ to go out like this. Hundreds of hours of, ahem, “work” just to go 3-4?

Ah well, bad result, good time. The story of my life.

But I know, if I try really, super duper hard, put my nose all up on the grindstone, get a couple lucky breaks and fortunate matchups and the sun shone brightly on Johnny Mintbox, I bet I can pull out a 2-5, which is what I richly deserve for trying to innovate in an environment such at today’s Extended. The environment itself is innovation, why try to reinvent the steel?

Because that’s what breast-fed babies do.

Sealed With A Kiss, Jerky,
John Friggin’ Rizzo