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Magic Grab Bag #9 – Rebellion

Rivien turns his back on the Burning Issue today, instead choosing to bring us up to date with the tribal counts now Planar Chaos is in the mix. So if you’ve been waiting for those extra Kithkins, Cockatrices, or Lammasus to power up your themed deck goodness, now’s the time to check it out! Or, y’know, make a Human deck instead.

Lights, camera, action!

Let’s cut to the cheese, shall we? Er, the chase. Whichever, I’m sure you get the idea.

The Burning Issue

No.

That is to say, in the spirit of rebellion, I’m not going to do a Burning Issue this week. Am I lazy? No, not as such. Run out of things to discuss? Not really. If nothing else, I could have discussed any number of things from the mothership site this week. No, it’s just that I have something more important to do. Namely, it’s time to do an update on the tribes of Standard. We’ll start by introducing the new kids from Planar Chaos:

Angel 2
Ape 1
Avatar 1
Beast 3
Bird 1
Cat 3
Centaur 1
Dragon 5
Drake 1
Elemental 7
Elf 2
Fungus 4
Gargoyle 2
Giant 1
Goblin 3
Hellion 1
Horror 3
Human 26
Illusion 4
Insect 2
Kavu 1
Lhurgoyf 1
Merfolk 2
Phoenix 1
Serpent 1
Shade 1
Shapeshifter 5
Sliver 11
Snake 1
Sphinx 1
Spider 1
Spirit 3
Treefolk 1
Troll 1
Vampire 1
Wall 1
Wurm 3
Zombie 2
Assassin 1
Cleric 3
Druid 3
Knight 2
Lord 3
Rebel 7
Rogue 3
Shaman 3
Soldier 4
Spellshaper 5
Warrior 5
Wizard 11

The next task is, of course, to add these fine fellows (and not-so-fine, not-so-fellows, in some cases) to our existing list from Tribal Bible #10.

The Big Kahuna

Human 222

Yes, it’s one-third of the Number of the Beast! I suppose this means Humans are some kind of race of mini-Satans. To a misanthrope like myself, this comes as absolutely no surprise whatsoever. As much as I enjoy the realism of Humans as a creature type, I would like a few less of them. I’d say they breed like rabbits or cockroaches, but they’re obviously far outstripping both.

The Little Kahunas

Wizard 86
Spirit 53
Warrior 52
Soldier 47
Elemental 44
Zombie 41
Sliver 40
Elf 35
Shaman 34
Goblin 33
Beast 32

The little Harry Potter imitators are still on the top of this list. Funny to think that without Humans around, they’d be the big cheese. Then again, this is Wizards of the Coast we’re discussing here. Slivers, Goblins, and Beasts made it up to this status, none of which is surprising. Perhaps more surprising is that Knights failed to make it here. Poor Haakon. *emo tear*

Mercenaries

Cleric 28
Knight 28
Bird 21

Thud. Do you hear that? It’s the sound of the size of this group plummeting, since three of its members upgraded to the next set and only one replaced them. That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, losing my religion. And no, I don’t mean that as masturbatorily as it sounds. Yes, it’s a word. Or it is now. We here at Magic Grab Bag delight in making new words to suit our purposes whenever necessary. Thank whoever came up with the concept of artistic license.

Highwaymen

Illusion 20
Rogue 20
Druid 19
Giant 18
Horror 18
Dragon 17
Mutant 17
Rebel 17
Insect 16
Wurm 16
Lord 14
Spellshaper 14
Angel 13
Berserker 12
Cat 12
Avatar 11
Fungus 11
Scout 11

That whooshing noise is the sound of everyone who was already in this category (except Scouts) passing the Berserkers by, not to mention some people who used to be in the next lower category. Apparently flipping out and killing people just isn’t as trendy as it used to be. Or… wait, was that Ninjas? I can never keep the two straight. Heck, they’re tied with Cats. That’s just sad, people. Well, at least we know what they’re angry about now. If your people were dangerously close to being outnumbered by sentient Fungus, I bet you’d be mad too.

Lowmen

Golem 10
Ogre 10
Plant 10
Assassin 9
Centaur 9
Drake 9
Gargoyle 9
Shapeshifter 9
Snake 9
Spider 9
Vampire 9
Viashino 9
Advisor 8
Archer 8
Faerie 8
Skeleton 8
Vedalken 8
Ape 7
Construct 7
Demon 7
Dryad 7
Lizard 7
Griffin 6
Imp 6
Leviathan 6
Merfolk 6
Nephilim 6
Orc 6
Rat 6
Serpent 6
Shade 6
Sphinx 6
Thrull 6
Troll 6
Yeti 6

We seem to have topped out on Golems, Ogres, and Plants, while Merfolk, Shade, Sphinx, and Troll climbed their way up here, if just barely. Oh, and Shapeshifter jumped up here from out of like… nowhere. I almost didn’t acknowledge the new Centaur, based on how stupidly awful and sucktastic it is, but that would be unprofessional, and I’m nothing if not professional. Quit snickering.

Mistform’s Buddies

Bear 5
Djinn 5
Elephant 5
Hydra 5
Kavu 5
Ooze 5
Treefolk 5

Well, Mr. Mistform lost his Serpent, Shade, Sphinx, and Troll buddies, and got Kavu and Treefolk to replace them, neither of which includes any other Blue tribal members. Yay? I’d make a crack about how unplayable these probably are as a result, but since AJ_Impy smashed me with double Kavu Predator + Fiery Justice Friday night, I’ll save the crack and lose my dignity.

Near Misses

Aurochs 4
Barbarian 4
Hound 4
Lhurgoyf 4
Mercenary 4
Minotaur 4
Monk 4
Nightmare 4
Nomad 4
Pegasus 4
Phoenix 4
Wall 4
Weird 4
Artificer 3
Crocodile 3
Eye 3
Frog 3
Gorgon 3
Kithkin 3
Kor 3
Kraken 3
Slug 3
Specter 3
Spike 3
Wolf 3

Lhurgoyf, Phoenix, and Wolf got a slight push, and Kavu, Merfolk, Shapeshifter, and Treefolk left all these chumps in the dust. It may be about time to do the /wrists (say it out loud, that’s “slash wrists”) for these guys. I don’t think any of the 3’s are going to become legal before they rotate out. The 4’s might have a chance, though. Barbarian, Monk, and Phoenix seem like contenders.

(Almost) Sole Survivors

Archon 2
Assembly-Worker 2
Atog 2
Basilisk 2
Bat 2
Cockatrice 2
Cyclops 2
Dauthi 2
Devil 2
Drone 2
Eel 2
Efreet 2
Egg 2
Elder 2
Fish 2
Gnome 2
Hellion 2
Homarid 2
Incarnation 2
Juggernaut 2
Kobold 2
Lammasu 2
Leech 2
Octopus 2
Orgg 2
Oyster 2
Pirate 2
Soltari 2
Thopter 2
Thundermare 2
Turtle 2
Unicorn 2
Worm 2
Wraith 2

I’d like to welcome Hellion as a new creature type! I suppose this means some of the prior ones will receive errata as a result. Also, given that Thundermare is a Thundermare, and Timbermare is an Elemental, I’m guessing one or the other is also ripe for a big red marker. Oh, and Arr, more Pirates, damnit!

And no, I’m not repeating the “I Can’t Help Myself” section. For one, the list is so long, I’m surprised Craig even let it in the first time. For two, it hasn’t changed. For three, the information has no practical use aside from sating the curious. Oh, and lastly, it’s only funny once.

Ze Decklist

I’m gonna go all Billy Idol on you and give a Rebel Yell, y’all. Yes, “y’all”, not “ya’ll”. See, the apostrophe in a contraction goes at the point where letters are replaced, and the phrase is “you all”, ergo “y’all” is the proper contraction. Whether or not it’s a proper word is entirely another matter. That aside, I have no idea why I’m referencing Billy Idol since most people I know didn’t get the reference to him in Fight Club either…which is probably for the better. Still, I’ve been starting to feel old recently (I’m not even thirty yet). Anyhow, enough with the song and dance, let’s move out. Standard Tribal this week:


I mentioned I’d be doing budget-y decks for a bit to circumvent Planar Chaos rare prices online, and this one is free of Planar Chaos rares, and in fact has only eight total – the Dark Confidants and Glorious Anthems. I’ve heard of a few mono-White Rebel decks floating around the casual room, but many people were surprised by my use of Black until they saw it in action. Ignoring even the single Rathi Trapper, the Confidants, Blightspeakers, and Big Game Hunters are a group of pimps. Oh, and I hear that Mortify makes for somewhat decent removal in Limited or something. Or maybe it once saw Constructed play. Once, mind you.

What the deck does: Generally you make men and turn them sideways, and if the game drags out, you turn them sideways to make men. My big regret here was no Wrath recovery being available – barring, of course, Ghostway, but that requires staying untapped. There are some cute interactions here, though, like discarding Big Game Hunter to Icatian Crier, and Icatian Crier with Glorious Anthem. If you manage all three, you pay 2BW for Reprisal + Raise the (Bear) Alarm. Oh, and you get left with a 2/2 (thanks to Anthem) chump, too. I kind of wish they’d given Big Game Hunter something useful to do while he was in play – Fear or First Strike or something – so he wasn’t just a chump. Ah, well. Luckily, Anthem makes him a tad less embarrassing. Amrou Seekers and Aven Riftwatcher round out your evasion, and Knight of the Holy Nimbus does his “I’m an absolute bastard to actually kill… sometimes” thing. The Children of Korlis and Riftwatchers help you stave off Confidant-related death, while Blightspeaker can cause life loss to get around Worship, Circle of Protection: Black, or blockers. Not so much Ivory Mask, though. Luckily, Mortify’s good for that, too. If all else fails, you can rely on Orzhova as a Wrath-and-Counterspell-proof win condition, even if it’s slower than a legless Goblin crawling uphill in the snow. For the record, I’m hoping with a Rebel with Shadow in Future Sight, but somehow I don’t think it’s going to happen.

Who the deck is for: Yes, for once, I’ve produced a deck that likes to deal twenty fairly quickly. It’s not Boros Deck Wins, but it can be fairly quick, especially if you manage drops on the first three turns and then throw Anthem down. With just the Children as your one drop, this isn’t very likely, but I was choosing Rebels for power in a lot of cases, just because I knew Confidant would put you on your own clock. And for the curious, this isn’t the deck I was playing when AJ_Impy slaughtered me. This one might have actually had a chance. I might cover the one I was playing in the near future if I can make it stop sucking so much. Or perhaps rotting is the better choice of words (oooh, foreshadowing!).

What to watch out for: Well, as good as Mortify is, it’s not quite Vindicate, so lands can be problematic, as can artifacts. This means, for example, Serrated Arrows + Academy Ruins can kind of ruin you just a bit. Besides that, the land count is rather low (twenty-two) which the Basilicas only help with after turn one, so this deck can be forced into some ugly mulligans early just to get a hand with a playable land. I long debated putting in another land, but in the end, I decided nothing actually costs over three to cast, so twenty-two land should be enough and I was just having some statistically bad draws in general. A lot of tokens can ruin you too, and Orzhov Pontiff was considered for awhile, but I didn’t like any of my options for what to take out to put him in. Alas, being a sideboardless format has its drawbacks, too. Oh, and Protection from Black is something of a nightmare here, since it means “unkillable for you”, aside from gang-blocking with White critters. I should also point out that Talen thinks Glorious Anthem is Ze Goggles, so if you’d like to try another rare in its place, feel free to experiment like a drunken college lass in her best friend’s dorm room. Ah, sapphic references, will I never tire of you? Or perhaps sophomoric. Heh.

On a side note, I recently noticed MTGO no longer offers Core Set Constructed games anymore, which is slightly annoying since I build a deck I was going to use in an article or two for it, but now I can’t actually use it. No worries, though. I’ll find some odd format to toy around with for next couple of weeks. Maybe even a budget Prismatic thing, if Talen doesn’t pull one off soon.

Signing off,
Rivien Swanson
flawedparadigm a(aye Carumba!)t gmaSPAMSUCKSil d(.)ot co[There is no spoon.]m
Flawed Paradigm on MTGO (when I actually log in)