Feature Article – The Pin, and Saturn Unleashed! (A Deck for Standard)

As I mentioned in my last article, all of this was written while I was going through a five-week period of insomnia, during which I probably slept around fifty or so hours. Thanks to some herbal remedies from a shaman (shay-man) down the street, I was able to veer back on course. I’m proud to say I’ve been sleeping normally for four days now. For all the critics out there, I’ve two Standard decklists below. I’m working on them for some friends for Regionals.

If you hate my random blurbs, simply scroll down until you read:

“The grass is green and the girls don’t look like infested sheep anymore…”

Here we go!

…

“The name’s Sanch. Dirty Sanch for short,” I replied, as I turned to face him.

It was then that Henry The Nose wanted to scrap. He’d worked for The Pin since the Clone Wars, but thankfully he’d grown much uglier and stupider in the passing years. Things were about to get real heavy, and I wanted to make that bulbous nose run like the Mississippi into the Gulfo De Mexico (Meh-Hee-Coe).

Left, right, we stumbled for positioning until I set him up for that deadly right hook. His defenses were down and he soon found himself kissing the pavement. His nose was broken in twenty-seven different places. I can only imagine that kind of hurt when it starts to swell. Serves him right for calling me Dirty Sanch. Only my friends call me that. Chump.

Next up was Johnny Go-Go. Nicknamed after his go-go days when he strutted his stuff on a pink stage in front of middle-aged mommys. Word on the street is he tripped on stage and hasn’t recovered since. Apparently his face came down square between the orbs of the clubs owner’s cousin’s aunt. Shes a portly ol’ gal, and no doubt she’s never had that much excitement in years… without paying for it, that is. Johnny hasn’t been able to eat meatloaf since, and who can blame him.

Johnny was quick, good footwork, but his upper body was about as useful as a hockey puck at the International House of Pancakes. He got off a deft roundhouse kick, and I had a nice intimate talk with the concrete floor. Good thing too… I spotted a crowbar a few feet away.

Boom. Pow. Whammy.

He was on the floor with a concussion and a severed jaw. Chump.

Hollywood Jones was all that stood between me and the man who stole my binder. Hollywood used to be in them “plays” down at the Majestic. Quite the specimen among the females, he had built his career on appealing to women who couldn’t get any from their husbands at home.

He tore off his shirt like one of those wrestlers on TV, ripping it into a billion pieces, flexing all the while, super-intimidating. I walked back to Johnny, who was passed out on the floor. I picked up the crowbar and made a dash for Hollywood. He ran for the door, but I cut him off half way. I pinned his neck up against the wall with the crowbar, and asked him one final question:

“Whats the square root of 1,867?”

“43,” he replied.

I pushed on the crowbar til his face turned a new shade of purple.

“43.2.”

Chump.

…

The World’s Top 5 Billys

#5 – Billy Bussey

I actually have no clue who Billy Bussey is. You probably don’t either, but that doesn’t stop him from having one of the coolest websites this side of the Atlantic. When I started my quest for finding The World’s Top 5 Billys, his website was cleverly hidden at the bottom of the first page of my initial Google search. Since that fated day I haven’t visited the site once, but it has had a lasting impression that has stuck with me. His use of 3D imaging and creativity is truly inspiring, and I dare someone to challenge this #5 pick to a design contest.

…

(This is a true story. It’s fairly easy to assume that a lot of my little tales and ramblings are completely fictional, but in fact, most of them are based on real life events that have just been exaggerated to epic heights. This one is actually 100% true.)

I woke up in a haze of confusion… I didn’t know where I was, and I was severely drugged. My throat was sore, and it felt like one-hundred pound weights were strapped to my legs. A man wearing scrubs was sitting next to me, anticipating my recovery. He sat me up and put a pillow behind my back to comfort me. I was still very confused, and my throat was so sore. I told him this and he grabbed a cherry Popsicle from a cooler across the room.

I hate cherry.

I didn’t care; the coldness from the fruit flavored ice felt too good to pass up. I relaxed briefly before remebering what I was doing here. I had just gotten out of surgery, thank God everything went alright. It was then that I noticed the huge bandage wrapped around my upper left arm. A sinking feeling followed soon after. This kind of operation is life-changing. I became overcome with a nervous anxiety. I needed another Popsicle.

I wasn’t wearing any clothes.

The man told me “Whenever you’re ready your clothes are right behind that drape.”

I asked for another Popsicle. Grape this time.

I got up too quickly and I was suddenly very dizzy. Upon making my way to the chair I realized how heavy my arm really was. Fortunately I was still quite drugged, so I didn’t feel anything.

After I was dressed I was wheeled out to see Mom and Grannie in the waiting area. I told him I was fine but he insisted to roll me to the car. I got in and my hospital days were over…

…

I kicked down the plush door. It collapsed like a Llama in heat with a prickly porcupine on its back. There he sat, like a king on his castle, an ant on the top of its mound, a fine wine at the top of a rack. His massive chair still turned away. I demanded an audience.

“You’ve earned youself an impossible crime, you need to paint yourself a hole and fall inside”, he quietly mumbled.

“Enough with The Shins references, Pin! You’ve gone too far this time, and you’re going down tonight.”

A skinny fellow with a thick orange mustache jumped out of nowhere, and shot me with one of those taser guns. That was sloppy… how could I forget about Firecrotch Andy, one of the Pin’s go-to guys? The spears dug deep into my thigh. I had one moment to respond before the shocking electricity would paralyze my body.

I blinked.

My head hit the floor with a resonating thud…

…

The World’s Top 5 Billys

#4 – Billy Idol

I think this picture says it all.

…

Louie was a portly man in his mid-30s. All of the best ballers in San Antonio gathered Monday and Wednesday night. It was basketball night at Home Court America, and Louie wouldn’t miss it for the world.

It’s strange to look back on times before Magic. I remember playing it in small group games every week, along with the occasional FNM, but basketball was my hobby of choice at the time. It is just as strange to think about where I would be in life without Magic. I can’t imagine myself not attacking for two, or Mana Leaking that crucial spell.

This moment takes place almost four years ago, around the time I won my first JSS qualifier. I was playing the U/W control deck from Onslaught, with Eternal Dragons and both the Blue and White Decree. Man, I thought I was big. I just won S1,000 in college scholarship, I got a box of boosters, and I was drafting with the big boys in the area. Eddie Solis, 2002 JSS winner, mentored me to some degree, and I was never more proud.

Louie was built like an ox. Antonio Daniels, who frequently played at HCA during the summer, nicknamed him Bull. “Ball Bull!” became a popular phrase that was yelled whenever you wanted the ball. Bull and I were un-stoppable, between his rebounding and massive shoulders and my quick shot and mid-range defense, no two-man team could defeat us. My nickname (Fro) actually came from AD. He taught me to be consistent, not to worry about who is charging at you to block the shot, just that they are charging at you and a pump fake would have them in the air. Once they were in the air you could do whatever you wanted. Every time I played with AD I felt more and more confident. His tutoring gave me ice water in my veins, and it translated into Magic. Whether I was playing Eddie at the finals of a JSS qualifier, Billy in the finals of a PTQ, or Jon Sonne in Top 4 of a GP, I never lost my cool and remained focused. I guess what he really taught me was to remain confident, no matter what.

…

“It has cancerous activity.”

Doctor Harris was a nice lady, but those words are the coldest these ears have ever heard.

I had just finished my freshman basketball season on the varsity team, and I wanted to continue my basketball training during the summer to become a starter next year. Having cancer couldn’t really fit into my agenda. I had things to do. Places to go. People to meet.

I did have a supportive girlfriend at the time, and I proceeded with the operation, a skin graft. They cut out my four-inch by four-inch birthmark from my upper left arm, then shaved off a piece of skin from my leg to replace it. Then they cleaned up both wounds and put sutures on my arm.

The surgery was nowhere near as painful as the recovery. I couldn’t put any pressure or weight on my arm until the Harris gave me the clear. Which meant no basketball. I felt cheated. I couldn’t even lift weights to stay in shape. I went jogging every day, but I soon got lazier and lazier.

I blame myself.

This did give me the opportunity to play Magic again, this time on a more competitive basis.

Twice a month I visited the dear doctor for painful steroid shots which would speed up the recovery process. They hurt so much. It was like injecting sulfuric acid into my arm. I could actually feel the liquid making its way through every pore and vein, burning all the while…

…

The World’s Top 5 Billys

#3 – Billy Moreno

You obv saw it coming, but number 3? I love me a Billy, but I still feel 3 is pretty generous considering the competition so far. On the outside he resembles one of New York’s many homeless residents. (If they are homeless can I call them residents?) On the inside, however, his heart is as pure as a newborn baby on Christmas Day. That, coupled with his kind eyes, is what make Billy so special.

The first time I played Billy was for Top 8 of a PTQ, which he won. He didn’t leave that much of an impression, since I always seemed to lose in that precious round. The next time was in PTQ finals. I lost again, and we were quick friends. After a couple more PTQ seasons under our belts, we started to test together, and he qualified for his 2nd, 3rd, and 4th PTs pretty much because of me. He hit it big in LA then moved to New York. The next time we sleeved up for battle was in round 8 of GP: Charlotte, we both had two losses so we were playing for day 2. Yah yah, he beat me again, and then again in a sanctioned draft the next day. After he beat me he gave me a hug, and I just couldn’t stay mad at those soft eyes starring me down.

Moral of the story? Well, there isn’t one. I just wanted to whine about him beating me every single freaking time we play. I mean, two of them were Limited games! I think I’m the only person he’s beaten in a Limited game in the past two years.

That said, I still love me a Billy, and you should too.

(Did I mention his kind eyes?)

…

Woke up, broke out of my cage.

Threw Firecrotch Andy through a wall.

Chump.

Made my way back upstairs to pay The Pin another visit.

…

Months passed, and it was basketball season. Doctor Harris said I could start running more aggressively, so I attended a few practices. I got back into reasonable shape and started playing street ball pick-up games again.

This was a bad idea, and I eventually ran into some homies who wanted to put $60 on a game ($20 per person). Being the over-confident idiot I am, I quickly got a team together and we played 3 games to 21 (playing by 1s and 2s) to determine the winner. The games were heated, but I loved the competition. I was a bit sluggish game 1, but quickly took over game 2 and went to game 3 with a lot of momentum.

The score was 9 to 9, and we had the ball. They kicked it to me on the wing after setting a pick on the baseline and I swished it from outside the 3 point line, 11-9. We ran the same play again and the score became 13-9. They quickly became frustrated, and started to play a lot rougher.

I was on fire.

Two long rang shots from Josh and Daniel and an assist later, and the score was 16-9. I was smiling and talking the whole time, making them even more frustrated. Next play I got the ball passed into me at the top of the key.

He started to play really rough, with body checks and slaps everywhere. I was fine with that, as I was accustomed to playing that way. I came back at him and another pick was set, and I pulled a fade-away jumper from the free-throw line.

17-9

Next play was a bounce pass to Daniel cutting to the basket.

18-9

Josh got the ball in the post this time.

19-9

I could feel it, and I wanted the ball for the win. Josh passed it into me and the rough play began again. I picked up my dribble by accident and was stuck in the corner.

Then it happened.

One of the guys ran over for the double team right as I was pivoting. He knocked me over, and there was nothing in between my left arm and the torn rocky street below…

…

Even in a reality skewed,
All I do is think of you,
Blonde hair,
Brown eyes.

Summer days in the park,
Quiet times after dark,
Blonde eyes,
Brown hair.

Oh Katie come true,
So I might lie next to you,
Blonde brown,
Hair eyes.

…

The World’s Top 5 Billys

#2 – Billy Joel

This was a tough one. Both BJ and number one are neck in neck. Mr. Joel has contributed many classic songs, and has logged countless hours in various studios laying down his newest tracks. With a smooth understanding of the piano and the ability to write complex lyrics that appeal to the masses, Billy Joel stands out in my mind as a true legend of music. His troubled past also provides bonus cool points that would make for a great biography, if one already doesn’t exist.

The first time I heard his pure voice was on a road trip to the beach in Corpus Christi for the weekend with the family. My brother had a Billy Joel CD which featured the song River of Dreams. We must have played it twenty times on the drive there, and another thirty on the drive back. If they tried to turn it off I would scream, which is how I got my way in my younger days. It was like crack. I bought my first cassette player with my mowing the yard money the first week I got back. I didn’t have enough to get the Billy Joel cassette, so I had to wait til next week. Unfortunately, I listened my cousin’s Spice Girl’s CD and bought that instead. I’ve always wondered what could have been…

Billy Joel. The Man. The Legend.

…

My skin tore.

Normally this wouldn’t be such a problem, but the skin was still sensitive. If I played, it could stretch the skin and increase the rip, which would lead to the skin being rejected by the nerves. It would die. Then I would have to undergo another surgery to take the dead skin off, and have another skin graft to replace it.

So I played it cool and attended my JSS Nationals in Kansas City, Missouri.

I remember watching the pros from behind the velvet rope, aspiring to do better than my stupid Day 1 loss. Some of the highlights of the weekend included watching Craig Krempels splurge soda all over himself and the play area during the Top 8, taking a wee next to David Humphreys, and some big guy with red hair asking me to dance while we were playing in a sanctioned draft.

After another ten months of steroid shots, Doc said I could play again. I was now twenty pound heavier, and I 4-0’d at the Champions of Kamigawa Prerelease. I tried to pick basketball back up, but I was so out of shape that I couldn’t compete with all the new talent. I was going into my junior year of high school, I was getting old. Worst of all, I was stuck behind the seven foot two inch freshman that wanted to play small forward. Coach said I could stay on the team to help him coach, since I still had a very good understanding of the game… I declined and began practicing CCC Rochester for GP: Austin. I honestly had no clue what Rochester Draft was, or what a GP was for that matter, but it sounded like a big enough tournament. Plus it was only an hour away from San Antonio.

The rest is history…?

…

The World’s Top 5 Billys

#1 – Billy Madison

Billy Madison, a stereotypical slacker, has spent his life reaping the benefits of his father’s wealth. After completing high school through bribery and deceit, Madison dabbles his time by drinking with his best friends, and playing pranks on various people. These pranks include several occasions of putting a brown bag of poo on an elderly person’s doorsteps, then igniting it, to cause the person who answers the door to get burned poo all over their shoe when they try to stomp the fire out.

One day, Madison disrupts one of his father’s business meetings by making obnoxious noises. The outburst prompts his father to question the future of the family’s hotel empire.

Ultimately, Madison’s father opts to name Eric, one of his business partners, as the company’s heir. The decision causes Madison to throw a fit and question his rationale. Madison’s father berates his son, explaining that the decision was a response to his son’s incompetence and laziness. Madison, still determined to become his father’s successor, proposes that he will complete all twelve grades in order to prove his intelligence and work ethic.

Madison has an eventful experience as a third grade student. He not only makes several friends, but also meets Veronica Vaughn, a teacher who serves as his love interest throughout the movie. While Vaughn shuns Madison at first, she begins to show interest in him after he risks his own reputation to defend another student. Also, Madison meets Principal Anderson, an overweight man with an erotic affection for Madison. After completing the grade, Madison throws another party, where Carl (one of his father’s more friendly business partners) informs him that Eric is conspiring a plot to prevent Madison from completing the challenge.

Eric realizes that Madison is close to completing high school and earning his father’s confidence. He somehow manages to discover that Principal Anderson was a popular professional wrestler prior to becoming an educator. However, Anderson accidentally injured several senior citizens and even killed a person whilst attempting various stunts. Eric blackmails Anderson into making a fictitious announcement that Madison passed the third grade through bribery. The announcement causes Madison’s father to call off the contest, and declare Eric as his successor.

Madison is devastated by the falsehood, and enters into a slump of depression and alcohol. However, Vaughn and Madison’s classmates believe that he is innocent, and work to help him reenter his Father’s contest. Vaughn revives Madison’s morale by forcefully motivating him to re-enter high school. Madison’s classmates go on to confront Anderson, and convince him to retract his earlier announcement, and offer an apology. Also, Madison’s classmates help him catch up on missed class work. While Madison completes high school, Eric argues that he took too long, and thus lost the contest. Madison then proceeds to challenge Eric to a one-on-one match-up consisting of academics and physical challenges.

Both opponents are successful in various parts of the challenge; while Eric defeats Madison in most intellectual and academic fields, Madison captures almost every other event. During the final match of the contest, a Jeopardy-style academic test, the contest’s host reveals that Madison is leading Eric by a point. Madison is allowed to answer the game’s first question, which is about the Industrial Revolution. He answers the question by creating an elongated analogy revolving around a children’s book. The judge berates Madison’s answer and awards him with no points.

Eric is given the opportunity to tie the game by ironically answering a question about business ethics, but begins to lose his words and breaks down. Refusing to admit defeat, Eric pulls a gun out of his pocket, and attempts to shoot Madison. However, Principal Anderson attacks Eric and momentarily saves Madison. Eric gets up again, and turns his firearm on Vaughn, but is shot by McGrath. Madison acknowledges McGrath, who then scrambles away.

In the final scene of the movie, Madison delivers a speech about his journey at his graduation. He announces that he will not succeed his father, but instead pass the honor to Carl. Eric, who is in the audience, begins to cry upon hearing the twist. Madison then announces that he will attend college in order to become a teacher alongside Vaughn.

A truly epic tale of one of America’s greatest. This story can be found in the movie documentary entitled “Billy Madison” starring Adam Sandler as Billy, along with a host of other talented actors including Norm Macdonald and the late Chris Farley.

Billy and Mrs. Madison (formerly Ms. Vaughn) have two children, Humberto and Timothy, and continue to inspire the young minds that will be the leaders of our World tomorrow.

…

“You’re old enough, boy. Too many summers you’ve enjoyed!” A lurking voice announced.

“Pin! Come out, wherever you are! And what’s with The Shin’s quotes? At least choose a different song!” I demanded.

“Sorry, I’m just a big fan of their new album. They really have matured over the past few years,” he explained.

“Yah, I totally agree. All of the songs are really good!” I replied.

“Yes! They really have grown up a lot, although it took them long enough to produce another album.”

“What’s up with that, anyway? I guess their next one will come out late 2010 or early 2011.”

“You know, you’re not such a bad guy. Your binder is in a safety deposit box at the bank. I’m really sorry for all the trouble.”

“Hey man, its not problem, I need to keep a better eye on it, I always leave it around everywhere, and expect people to look after it for me.”

“Well, at least everyone learned a lesson here.”

“Yah… The Shins totally rock.”

“Agreed,” he replied with a smile.

“Thoughts on Australia?”

“It’s definitely the up-tempo song of the CD, and it has some pretty cute and witty lyrics that will surely make it a hit.”

“I was actually talking about the continent. I’m going to be visiting there in a couple of months.”

“Really? I hear its an excellent place to visit, but no one really wants to live there. My Aunt just got back from Australia actually, I could give you her number if you have any questions.”

“That’d be awesome, thanks a ton.”

…

The grass is green and the girls don’t look like infested sheep anymore…

… so here is a nice little number I’ve been working on to destroy all those darn control decks in the current Standard metagame. This one was made before Future Sight, although looking over the card I don’t see anything that would really fit in this deck, so here you go.

I dub thee…

I’m not sure if Urbog is even good yet. Seems like it could be a liability down the line. On the other hand, it makes Ghost Quarter, Flagstones of Trokair, and Plains produce Black mana for those doubles and trips in there, so I’m kinda stumped. Perhaps there should be two, since you can always discard the excess one… and if you add another Urborg you can probably afford to play another Ghost Quarter. Thoughts?

It’s really just a bunch of bad cards that have neat synergy with each other. Bob is the glue that holds this deck together, since its really the only good card on its own in the deck. The way most games play out with this deck is you put them in topdeck mode – usually around turn 4 or 5 – with a Totem, Bob, or Rack out, and you just win from there.

Some of the obvious synergies are Mindlash Sliver with pretty much every card in the deck, Necrotic Sliver, Call to the Netherworld, Garza’s Assasin, Jotun Grunt, and Cry of Contrition.

This deck is difficult to play correctly. Often I find myself passing the turn without playing a spell so I can setup a rewarding Smallpox or Mindlash Sliver. You have to be really greedy when playing this, and make sure you know what your plan is to win the game. It varies from match-up to match-up, but in general against control such as Angelfire, Tron, and all of their bad variants, you really have to be focused on your plan. Make sure you save your Smallpox so it can kill that Lightning Angel or Numot, and make sure you put out plenty of bait before you get Negator Totem out there. It’s also very important not to rush things when playing against control decks. You have all the time in the world, and all the answers to any threat they can throw at you – except Debtorss Knell, as there’s no answer for that (if only there was some kind of Black or White card that could destroy enchantments… one that also has some other ability, such the option to destroy a creature instead, making it a versitile sideboard option…)

Using Garza’s Assassin is also pretty tricky. Knowing when to discard him is key, since you really don’t want to pay too much life to Recover him in order to stay out of Lightning Angel and Helix range.

Against aggro decks your main plan will be post board, but you can still sneak some games out if you draw a healthy amount of Garza’s Assassin, Jotun Grunt, or Necrotic Sliver, for obvious reasons.

Sideboarding is fairly simple. Take out Cry of Contrition, Castigate, and Mindlash Sliver against aggro, to bring in Jotun Grunt, Seize the Soul, Funeral Charm, or Deathmark.

Against control it’s the opposite. Take out The Rack, a Garza’s Assassin, and another random card, to bring in Underworld Dreams and a couple of Deathmarks if necessary

I’ve only tested against Angelfire and Dragonstorm so far, winning 7/10 pre board against both decks, and 7/10 against Angelfire and 6/10 postboard.

Fair results. The real trick is finding a bad D-storm player. If the D-storm deck tries to develop its lands, it will never win. However, if the D-storm deck suspends Lotus Bloom on turn 1 and doesn’t play a land or spell until turn 4, it will most likely be able to go off with no problem. The trick is to hold the lands back so you can discard them to all the Cries and Slivers, rather than playing lands and having to discard business spells.

The Angelfire match is probably better than 70% overall, since after board there is really no logical way they can kill you. Deathmark kills both Lightning Angel and Numot at the price of one mana, and they have no real way to protect it unless they Bust in the same turn. Which is impossible for them to pull off, unless the Saturn Unleashed player keeps a seven-land hand.

…

Here’s another list that I’m pretty excited about. I was going to make up a new name but odds are it wouldn’t stick, and it would simply be refered to as “Dredge Deck” again.

Hmmm…. DD?

This deck is much different to your average run-of-the-mill dredge deck that has populated the Magic Online Premier Event Top 8s. The main difference is the lack of Delirium Skeins, plus the addition of the Blue utility creatures along with Bridge from Below.

Delirium Skeins is very good in the old dredge deck, but as I was updating it with the cool new Future Sight cards it became apparent that having more creatures to combo with Bridge from Below would be really good. Usually, the goal would be to play turn 1 Elf or Bird and follow it up with a Delirium Skeins, emptying the dredge deck’s hand and crippling the control player. You really don’t have an opening to play your creatures to get maximum value out of Bridge from Below and Dread Return in this scenario.

This deck also has more dredge outlets and can put more cards in the graveyard quicker than the old version. You also don’t have to feel too bad about overcommiting, since you have Bridge from Below to make Damnation as efficient as a toddler in a game of beer pong.

Akroma got the boot to make room for another Hellkite, since it is pretty easy to flashback four copies of Dread Return in one turn and kill them with Hellkites (thanks to Bridge from Below). Here’s how it works:

Ingredients:
2 Bogardan Hellkite in the Graveyard
4 Dread Return in the Graveyard, or 1 in hand 3 in graveyard
4 non-token creatures in play
1 Bridge from Below in the graveyard.

Sacrifice three of your guys to flashback Dread Return and bring back a Hellkite, dealing them five damage. Bridge triggers and you get three tokens.

Sacrifice your Hellkite and two dudes (one being a non-token) to flashback another Dread Return getting back your other Hellkite, making two more zombies in the process.

Now you have a Hellkite and four zombies. Sacrifice Hellkite and 2 zombies to bring back another Hellkite, dealing five more, making another zombie.

Sacrifice two zombies and the Hellkite to bring back your other Hellkite. Twenty damage. Muy Delicioso!

Not quite as efficient as D-storm, but more resilient.

You also don’t have to wait until you can do twenty damage… I mean, the worst they can do is Wrath away your Hellkite.

Gibbering Descent was one of the main reasons I decided to add the Blue to the deck. With the Vlue you have more Madness outlets to sneak it into play. Having it in the main deck really threw the numbers off, and brought down the overall consistency and cohesiveness of the deck, so I moved it to the sideboard.

Damnation and Darkblast come in against whatever aggro deck you might encounter. Yixlid Jailer is a real problem for this deck, so having six spells in the sideboard to deal with him is good, although I’m not sure Mr. Yixlid will see much play. Damnation is another superstar, since all your guys get upgraded to 2/2s once it resolves.

Nightmare Void and Gibbering Descent come in against the control decks. The Dread Return plan becomes hard to pull off against Remand, so boarding some of those out (along with Hellkites) is the best way to go. Another trick in this matchup is to look at their hand before you commit too much to your graveyard. That way you lessen the effectiveness of whatever hate card that has be sideboarded against you, like Extripate or Tormod’s Crypt.

Dragonstorm is a pretty awful matchup pre-board, since they can be much faster than DD. Hopefully they won’t put you on Shadow of Doubt after board, and you can trick them into going off. Nightmare Void is also really good, and you should be trying to get your opponent to use their Remand on your other cheaper spells. Basically what I’m saying is if they are a good D-storm player, then you probably can’t win.

…

Well, that wasn’t so bad, I thought to myself.

I exited the abandoned warehouse and hopped in my car… then something ticked. The Pin never gave me a key to the deposit box! Gah, he tricked me again! That’s it, he’s gone too far this time!

Well, I could just give him the benefit of the doubt… I’m sure he just forgot to give it to me…

I jumped out of my Volkswagon Bug and walked back to the warehouse in which I was imprisoned, beaten, and where I killed four people.

Upon walking in, I heard a diabolical laugh.

The Pin.

“Whats wrong? Forgot the key? Hahahahahahahaha!”

“Pin! You’ve gone too far this time!”

“That’s what you say every time!”

“Let’s rumble!”

Then he jumped down from the rafters…

“VEGETA?! YOU’RE THE PIN?!”

He responded with a smirk and a quick right hook.

I dodged, but didn’t recover in time for the left uppercut that followed. A punch to the jugular later, and I was limping against the red brick wall. He was quick, almost too quick, but I was just warming to my task… and it was time to power up!

In an instant, my hair turned from a curly brown to a curly blonde, and I was engulfed in yellow-ish flames. It’s go time!

I made a dash for him, and double-fisted him in the stomach. He was out of breath. I took this oppurtunity to give him a ripe elbow to the face. His nose gushed out a new color of blood all over his Sayian armor.

“Gigglz… I’m just warming up, kid.” Vegeta announced.

The sky went dark, and the pebbles on the ground started to rattle. Vegeta started screaming, and birds fell from the sky, dead. The warehouse started collapsing as wooden boards and sheets of steal fell around us. The earth was shattering, and babies were crying, Vegeta yelling all the while. His black hair turned to a crisp gold, and his muscles burst out of his blue spandex. His Sayian armor flexed, and his eyes flashed red…

Twenty minutes and two commercial breaks later, and he was done.

“You done yet?” I inquired.

“Yeah, sorry. It takes awhile to get the ol’ engine going,” he replied.

He made a charge at me, and tripped on one of the aforementioned pebbles… then he poked his eye out on one of the aforementioned bird’s beak’s.

Injured, he stumbled around before regaining his balance.

All the while I was cleverly charging up the Kah-meh-ha-meh-ha-meh-ha-meh-HA attack.

He turned to face me, and I shot the powerful blast at him.

I missed!

Luckily, Krillin was charging up a destructo disk, which cut Vegeta in half like Darth Maul at Obi-Won’s bachelor party.

Chump.

…

Thanks for readin’,

Kyle

Top Blue Picks

1) Gathan Raiders
2) Aven Augur
3) Foresee
4) Infiltrator il-Vec
5) Venser’s Diffusion
6) Whip-Spine Drake – Goes to the top if you can morph it
7) Vedalken Aethermage
8) Unblinking Bleb – I really have no clue about this guy
9) Leaden Fists
10) Logic Knot
11) Sacromite Myr
?) Mesmeric Sliver

…

!) Split Needles by The Shins
@) Lets Get Lifted by John Legend
#) The Pot by Tool
$) High by James Blunt
%) Hate It Or Love It by The Game featuring 50 Cent