Once again, the Festive Season (TM) leaps upon us like a sleepy bear looking for one last snack before hibernating… And I feel the need – nay! an urge! – to send out a Yuletide greeting to you, my dear (dear) friends*.
Christmas is such a stressful time, isn’t it? Such a wallet-burstingly, hip-expandingly, sleep-deprivationally, blood-alcohol-level-risingly, some-people-are-depressingly-chirpy time of year. A period when it’s suddenly allowable and acceptable for people in long, black coats to blow their horns in public; for chestnuts and the eating thereof***; and for dragging over-excited and over-tired children around the shops (with half a million others), simultaneously telling them they ‘can’t have it’ whilst continuing to rub their noses in all the toys and games on display.
*sigh*
I’d say ‘humbug’, but I’m on a diet – so I’ll say”Lai-Chi” instead, or maybe”Kumquat.”
Actually, let me try and lighten up those pregnant festive pauses by suggesting some Magic-related games; why play the game as it comes out of the box, when you can play with the idea of the game? That’s way too daft a question, so let us get the hell on with it!
The Minister’s Card
This is a variant of a popular olde worlde Christmas pasttime called The Minister’s Cat; the idea is to go through the alphabet, letter-by-letter, naming Magic cards that begin with that letter (and no repeats!).
Each player starts their turn with the phrase”The Minister’s Card is…” and then names that card. If you can’t think of a card within 3 seconds, you’re out! Proceed from letter to letter only when a player has been knocked out. Best played with about twelve to twenty.
Clapping rhythmically as the game proceeds serves to heighten the stress! An example of a couple of rounds might be:
Player 1: The Minister’s Card is Aboshan, Cephalid Emperor.
Player 2: The Minister’s Card is Aliban’s Tower.
Player 3: The Minister’s Card is…er…um…er…
Everyone: You’re out!
Player 4: The Minister’s Card is Braids, Cabal Minion.
Player 5: The Minister’s Card is Black Lotus.
Player 6: The Minister’s Card is Blacker Lotus.
Player 7: Er…
Everyone: You’re out!
Player 8: The Minister’s Card is Cardboard Carapace…
And so on.
Shaharazades
This, of course, is simply Charades, but played with the names of Magic cards. The introduction comprises telling your team the type of spell (see below) and the number of words in the spell’s name – indicating the colour of the card is not allowed. Talking by the mimer is not allowed.
The mime symbols for the various spell types are:
Sorcery = Wave your hand as if you’re conducting an orchestra with a baton.
Instant = Slap your hands together (as a Djinn might do in an old Arabian Nights cartoon).
Summon = Hands forward in ‘claw’ immitation (as if you were impersonating a lion).
Artifact = Stand upright, statue-like, for a short time.
Interrupt = See Instant
Enchantment = Look to the ceiling and spread hands as if receiving divine light
Enchant World/Creature/Enchantment etc = See Enchantment
Land = Jump in the air and ‘land’
Twenty Life
Or, as it is more commonly known, Twenty Questions. You think of a Magic card – any Magic card – and you’re opponent has to identify th’aforementioned casino-board collectible in no more than twenty questions. You, as the devious conundrum-setter, are only allowed to respond with”YES” or”NO.”
Celluloid Magic
For the punsters among you (I like you already!), this is simply coming up with the names of movies that are puns on Magic cards eg. Dirty Harrow, Bring Me The Headstone Of Alfredo Garcia, The Little Budde, Salem’s Van De Logt, or maybe The Ormerodd Couple etc
And, Finally, A Bonus Song (To The Tune Of ‘The 12 Days Of Christmas’):
On the first day of Christmas, my T.O sent to me: Some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the second day of Christmas, my T.O sent to me: Two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the third day of Christmas, my T.O sent to me: Three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the fourth day of Christmas, my T.O sent to me: Four Arena Forests, three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the fifth day of Christmas, my T.O sent to me: Lord…of…the…Rings! Four Arena Forests, three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the sixth day of Christmas, my T.O. sent to me: Six Rizzo’s ranting, Lord…of…the…Rings! Four Arena Forests, three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the seventh day of Christmas, my T.O sent to me: Seven cheatin’ scumbags, six Rizzo’s rantings, Lord…of…the…Rings! Four Arena Forests, three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the eighth day of Christmas, my T.O sent to me: Eight rigged result slips, seven cheatin’ scumbags, six Rizzo’s rantings, Lord…of…the…Rings! Four Arena Forests, three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the ninth day of Christmas, my T.O. sent to me: Nine brand-new web-sites, eight rigged result slips, seven cheatin’ scumbags, six Rizzo’s rantings, Lord…of…the…Rings! Four Arena Forests, three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the tenth day of Christmas, my T.O. sent to me: Ten Apprentice patches, nine brand-new web-sites, eight rigged result slips, seven cheatin’ scumbags, six Rizzo’s rantings, Lord…of…the…Rings! Four Arena Forests, three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my T.O. sent to me: Eleven Herds A-Calling, ten Apprentice patches, nine brand-new web-sites, eight rigged result slips, seven cheatin’ scumbags, six Rizzo’s ranting, Lord…of…the…Rings! Four Arena Forests, three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my T.O. sent to me: Twelve reasons why life is better than Magic…
(deliberate pause in the proceedings)
ONE MORE TIME!
…Eleven Herds A-Calling, ten Apprentice patches, nine brand-new web-sites, eight rigged result slips, seven cheatin’ scumbags, six Rizzo’s ranting, Lord…of…the…Rings! Four Arena Forests, three Finkeltrators, two Harry Potters and some shares in W.O.T.C!
(pant-wheeze-gasp)
Er, I can see that you’ve put the metaphorical cat out, metaphorically locked the back door, and filled your metaphorical hot water bottles whilst standing in the metaphorical Hallway – I think I’ve over-stayed my welcome… So, until the Foil Shadowmage Infiltrator of Life is opened by the undeserving Scrub of Destiny, and the Tournament Results of Fate are unknowingly rigged in favour of the Theron Martin of Fortune:
Ciao babies and Merry Christmas,
Tony Boydell
[email protected]
* – As in ‘Dear, dear – that’s Tony Boydell‘
** – Is it a latent genetic characteristic that the craving for chestnuts is inversely proportional to the amount of daylight hours in a given day?