Far from home, my heart sunk to the depths Magical purgatory. Sixty-three card Teachings wasn’t the deck to pilot, and those bastard Treefolk were laughing at me for my insecurities. Two TarmoRack matches later and I still had a long stretch of concrete to be trekked, which was postponed due to comrades playing for the title.
Twenty-one hours awake when I reached the stereotypical Halloween gathering…
A portly fellow dressed as Bubbles of the Power Puff Girls darted in front of me as I came in through the back. He declared me as Charlie and embarrassed with his mammoth arms in a bear hug that lasted a lifetime, which would surely crush a weaker man. After our long embrace he revealed to me that he had pissed his pants earlier, and that I should probably wash my pants before wearing them again.
As Charlie, I made my rounds before catching a bright red entity moving in the corner of my eye. Still I declined a chase, as my lips were seeking a smooth liquid refuge. After, a brief chat with Wednesday (the day, not the girl from Adams Family), Jack Black, and mid-80’s Madonna about the repercussions of the war in Iraq and how we all envy the Russians and their communism. The talk was mindless and boring so I made my way over to Mike Tyson on the back porch, who had two nearly empty 40’s firmly tapped around both hands, and asked him about his future endeavors. He assured a return to the ring was in the future, but his coordination was lacking as he tripped over a stray pebble, shattering one of the 40’s, drawing a horde of laughter from the surrounding community.
After my inside adventures I made my way to the grassy area where the starry night was drowned out by inner city lights, in an attempt to find that red blur from before. The smell of enlightenment was in the air, so I made my way over to my crowd sitting around the shimmering pool in lawn chairs. Morpheus made me feel more than welcome. However, when he asked whether I’d like the red or blue pill I opted to stick with the herbal remedies.
A cannonball ruined our party within a party as Bubbles splashed water all over Morpheus’s black leather attire. A fight sprawled between the two soon after, eventually ending with Spock, Butthead -sans Bevis, and a clown with a axe in his head breaking the two up and placing them in timeout.
After blankly staring at a tiki torch for a few minutes I decided to resume my search for the red blur. I made a quick scan of the outside area before making my way back inside. Unfortunately I got stopped by The Pussycat Dolls, who forced several orange and grape jell-o shots down my throat. While semi-attractive on the outside I quickly noticed flaws in each of them like an obnoxious laugh, frequent scratching of the head, a snaggletooth, excessive use of eye shadow*, and the need to check her cell phone every two minutes to see if she got a text message. I gave thanks to the mischievous succubi for the kind offerings before eventually continuing on my quest.
I stumbled inside, stepping over Mike Tyson still passed out on the porch, just as My Space was arriving, sending out friend requests left and right. Wanting to avoid him at all costs I ducked into the kitchen, which is where I found her standing there by the water hole mixing a personal favorite of Crown and Sprite.
Her apparel was much clearer this time, with her claws and robust tail more defined than the hazy blur I noticed when I first stumbled in. Her midriff was stunning, and her partially-covered was chest breathtaking. How this little lobster ended the night alone is beyond me, as pictures of her covered in hot butter with a hint of lemon sprang to mind.
The kitchen table was the next resting spot, and the lovely lobster and I had a heart to heart. An unwanted boyfriend with continuous calls was her problem, and a charming curly headed boy was her outlet. The role of “that other guy” is what I’d embrace tonight if I wanted anything more than a dry hump on the dance floor.
After half an hour of marinating the delicious lobster, My Space burst into the kitchen with his eyes fixated on my plentiful catch. To my surprise she rejected his friend request immediately… apparently they had some sort of history. A few insults back and forth, and he warned me she had fangs before exiting with his entourage of inebriated frat boys, much like the exit of Jennifer Love-Hewitt’s** boyfriend in the movie Can’t Hardly Wait.
Several silent moments passed with our eyes interlocked, which prompted an intense match of the blinking game. The stakes were high, a hard shot of Jager to the loser after each bout. The first was hard fought, and it felt like we were gazing at each other for hours, but eventually she pulled the ol’ clap two inches from my nose to seal the victory. After another three straight losses she took pity on me and claimed to throw a couple of games just so she wouldn’t lose her buzz.
“Angel” by Dave Matthews came on, and the eager lobster demanded a dance. In my arms, bodies swaying back and forth on the kitchen floor, I felt her hand slip down…
…
Sanchez Gallery
…
Lorwyn sealed season is upon us, and what better way to start off my new Thursday article than to dissect a real head-scratcher that I was having problems with earlier this week. I’ve been doing sealed decks for the past few days preparing for a PTQ this weekend, along with practice for GP Daytona in a few weeks and I’ve been having a lot of trouble with this particular pool. One of the main issues in Lorwyn sealed that I’ve noticed is deciding how far you want to take the tribal theme. Often, if you have a few of the power tribal cards like the Glorious Anthem creatures, or some Harbingers, you can form a pretty consistent deck with a fair amount of the right creature type. The problem is when you have several conflicting strategies, like having a bunch of G/B Elves and U/W Merfolk. In general the Merfolk are more powerful than the Elves, but sometimes it’s almost a coin toss. Other times, like in this pool, you’ll get a ton of Changeling cards with no clear direction of which color to build around.
Creatures (52)
- 2 Aethersnipe
- 1 Amoeboid Changeling
- 2 Avian Changeling
- 1 Axegrinder Giant
- 1 Battlewand Oak
- 1 Black Poplar Shaman
- 1 Boggart Forager
- 1 Bog-Strider Ash
- 1 Briarhorn
- 1 Burrenton Forge-Tender
- 1 Cairn Wanderer
- 1 Ceaseless Searblades
- 1 Cenn's Heir
- 1 Changeling Hero
- 1 Dawnfluke
- 1 Elvish Branchbender
- 1 Elvish Handservant
- 1 Ethereal Whiskergill
- 1 Facevaulter
- 1 Faultgrinder
- 1 Fire-Belly Changeling
- 1 Flamekin Harbinger
- 1 Giant Harbinger
- 1 Goldmeadow Dodger
- 1 Hillcomber Giant
- 1 Inner-Flame Acolyte
- 1 Kinsbaile Balloonist
- 1 Kinsbaile Skirmisher
- 1 Lowland Oaf
- 1 Lys Alana Scarblade
- 1 Merrow Reejerey
- 1 Moonglove Winnower
- 1 Nath's Buffoon
- 1 Nath's Elite
- 1 Nova Chaser
- 2 Quill-Slinger Boggart
- 1 Scarred Vinebreeder
- 1 Sentinels of Glen Elendra
- 1 Sentry Oak
- 1 Shriekmaw
- 1 Silvergill Douser
- 1 Smokebraider
- 1 Spellstutter Sprite
- 1 Springjack Knight
- 1 Stinkdrinker Daredevil
- 1 Streambed Aquitects
- 1 Tar Pitcher
- 1 Turtleshell Changeling
- 1 Warren Pilferers
Lands (3)
Spells (20)
This is a very difficult sealed pool to evaluate. There are pitfalls and powerful cards left and right that will distract you from the most optimal deck, and just enough mana fixing to make you question which and how many colors to splash. Here’s the color recap:
The White is very strong here, providing a nice amount of aggressive early game with a pair of Avian Changelings, and a few powerful late hitters like Changeling Hero and Sentry Oak. Oblivion Ring and Neck Snap give the color a lot of depth since you won’t need to pair White with Red or Black to have an ample amount of removal. Another notable factor is all the most powerful cards only have a single White in their cost, which makes the Vivid lands and Amphitheater extremely tempting.
Despite Blue being the smallest of all the colors opened, it clearly has a lot of common power, with double Aethersnipe and Silvergill Douser. Streambed Aquitects is a card that I don’t feel is getting enough respect and is an essential part of drafting Merfolk, since he can hold the ground almost entirely by himself as a 3/4 on defense. His biggest problem is his mana cost, but if you have a deck with 8+ Blue sources he should make the cut each time. Plus he has some sick synergies with Ethereal Whiskergill, and by sick I mean you have to tap him so Whiskergill can attack. Amoeboid Changeling is a dooder that I didn’t have much respect for when he first came out, but after playing with him a handful of times he is clearly one of the best two-drops Blue has to offer… not so much for his Changeling status, but for his ability to give and take away those precious creature types that are so central to this format.
The first thing I noticed in Black was its lack of early drops, which is a huge problem in this format. If paired with White or Blue it might be able to pull together a decent 23, but most likely the Shriekmaw, Nameless Inversion, Cairn Wanderer, and Warren Pilferers will end up as potential splash cards. Another noticeable feature is the two Quill Slinger Boggart, which would make for a nice sideboard option if you’re up against an extremely heavy Kithkin deck.
Red has the most playables of the bunch, but it’s clearly one of the weaker colors. A small Elemental theme is present, which could lead to some explosive draws involving Smokebraider and Aethersnipes, along with Nova Chaser as the perfect follow up. There is also a small Giant theme, which makes Red more of a support color to enhance our main color. One of Red’s biggest upsides is its consistent curve of cheap Elementals and heavy hitting Giants to follow it up. Oh, and Nova Chaser isn’t in the picture because I lost it.
Garruk is the most powerful card in this deck, and my first instinct was to lay Green out as my base color. Green also has a fair amount of good supporters, with Nath’s Elite and Briarhorn heading up the playables and an on-color Vivid land for splashing purposes. I’m a big fan of two-drops in this format, to engage in a proactive game plan, but Green just doesn’t have that. The two Gilt-Leaf Ambush might make up for that since it also does a fine job of streamlining your draw with the Clash, along with giving you a couple of dudes to play around with.
A major part of building your sealed deck at a PTQ, Grand Prix, or even a random Saturday tournament is playing around with the cards to find the best build in terms of power and consistency. So now I’m gonna take a look at several of the different paths you could go when building this pool, and the pros and cons of each design.
Creatures (15)
- 2 Avian Changeling
- 1 Battlewand Oak
- 1 Bog-Strider Ash
- 1 Briarhorn
- 1 Burrenton Forge-Tender
- 1 Changeling Hero
- 1 Elvish Branchbender
- 1 Hillcomber Giant
- 1 Kinsbaile Balloonist
- 1 Kinsbaile Skirmisher
- 1 Nath's Elite
- 1 Sentry Oak
- 1 Shriekmaw
- 1 Springjack Knight
Lands (3)
Spells (23)
With a heavy curve and splashing two cards, I opted to run 18 land in this deck since missing land drops on your first four turns would cripple this deck. I would be very happy to get this deck at any upcoming PTQ or Daytona, since it has a very clear and direct plan focused around creatures and backed up with a decent amount of removal. Neck Snap was one of the closest cards to being cut in this list, since it’s a piss poor trick, and ideally you want to be using your mana on your main phase each turn. The Black splash is a little light, but the only other cards I’d want to include are Cairn Wanderer or Warren Pilferers, which I was hesitant to add because of the already clogged up five-slot.
Garruck really shines in this deck since there are enough creatures to really make him worthwhile, since Gilt-Leaf Ambush is essentially two guys. I’m generally not a big fan of Springjack Knight, but in this deck he really shines since there are so many ways to abuse him… Briarhorn, Fistful of Force, Kinsbaile Balloonist, Garruk, and less notably Kinsbaile Skirmisher. There are also a lot of Clash cards to dig for the numerous bombs in the deck.
Creatures (15)
- 1 Battlewand Oak
- 1 Bog-Strider Ash
- 1 Briarhorn
- 1 Cairn Wanderer
- 1 Ceaseless Searblades
- 1 Changeling Hero
- 1 Fire-Belly Changeling
- 1 Flamekin Harbinger
- 1 Giant Harbinger
- 1 Inner-Flame Acolyte
- 1 Nath's Elite
- 1 Nova Chaser
- 1 Shriekmaw
- 1 Smokebraider
- 1 Stinkdrinker Daredevil
Lands (3)
Spells (22)
(Missing Nova Chaser)
This deck is basically a hodge-podge of all the best non-Blue cards, but you could clearly expand the mana even more to include the busty Aethersnipes to finish out the curve if you felt it necessary. Smokebraider is working overtime in this deck with nine other Elementals to power out, along with the majority of the splashed cards. The Red Harbingers are also priceless in this deck since you have an insane toolbox of Changeling cards you can fetch with them, along with Shriekmaw and Crush Underfoot.
Still, the mana is pretty risky with a build like this. Sure, it has all the power in the World, but if you can’t cast the spells what’s the point of playing them? In another variant of this build you could always cut a card to have another Green mana, making Garruk and Battlewand Oak a little better, but with Smokebraider acting as a super Signet, 18 mana sources might be all you need. Plus you can always search for Smokebraider with the Elemental Harbinger on turn 1! It’s also becoming painfully obvious that Green doesn’t have much to offer other than Garruk, and it feels like there has to be better options than running a pair of overpriced Raise the Alarm and Treefolk with marginal abilities. This deck is completely open to a number of strategies, unlike most, when you’re stuck in your two best colors with few playables in others.
Creatures (20)
- 2 Aethersnipe
- 1 Amoeboid Changeling
- 1 Cairn Wanderer
- 1 Ceaseless Searblades
- 1 Ethereal Whiskergill
- 1 Fire-Belly Changeling
- 1 Flamekin Harbinger
- 1 Giant Harbinger
- 1 Inner-Flame Acolyte
- 1 Merrow Reejerey
- 1 Nova Chaser
- 1 Sentinels of Glen Elendra
- 1 Shriekmaw
- 1 Silvergill Douser
- 1 Smokebraider
- 1 Stinkdrinker Daredevil
- 1 Streambed Aquitects
- 1 Tar Pitcher
- 1 Turtleshell Changeling
Lands (2)
Spells (18)
(Missing Nova Chaser)
One of the huge strengths of this deck is that it has so many creatures, and numerous ways to break through with them. There are also a huge amount of Changelings, with support from both the Harbingers and Blues Douser, Reejerey, and Aquitects. Again, Smokebraider is working overtime here, being able to provide that elusive Black mana for all three splash cards, as well as accelerating to epic heights with Aethersnipes coming out as early as turn 4. It would be fairly easy to stretch the mana a little more to include Changeling Hero and Oblivion Ring, but if they were going to come in I would almost certainly need to add a Swamp to ensure I don’t use up all the Vivid counters, and cut the early doubled mana three-drops Inner-Flame Acolyte and Streambed Aquitects to make room.
The Blue spells are so much more powerful than the Green ones, and they make for a much better base given the consistent curve and more dominating early drops. Garruk is nice and all, but Blue always seems to trump Green, and this sealed pool is no exception.
Creatures (19)
- 2 Aethersnipe
- 1 Amoeboid Changeling
- 2 Avian Changeling
- 1 Changeling Hero
- 1 Ethereal Whiskergill
- 1 Flamekin Harbinger
- 1 Kinsbaile Balloonist
- 1 Kinsbaile Skirmisher
- 1 Merrow Reejerey
- 1 Sentinels of Glen Elendra
- 1 Sentry Oak
- 1 Shriekmaw
- 1 Silvergill Douser
- 1 Spellstutter Sprite
- 1 Springjack Knight
- 1 Streambed Aquitects
- 1 Turtleshell Changeling
Lands (3)
Spells (18)
This is probably my favorite of the builds, which is why I saved it until last. The buildup to the climax was epic, I’m sure. Anyway, this version is super loose, splashing a total of four cards in two different colors. I really wanted to put Cairn Wanderer in the deck, but that would ultimately make it far too inconsistent and I would be in clear violation of the four-card-only splash rule. Still, I believe this is the strongest of all the builds, except maybe the G/W one that came first. It has a ton of cheap, awesome creatures that can put a quick clock on the opponent, and enough D to hold him back for a prolonged amount of time. I really hate Neck Snap in this deck, and I’d almost rather play Nova Chaser, but unfortunately I don’t have the balls to cut a removal spell, however bad it might be.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has a little love for those cute little Changeling dooders either. Avian Changeling was my default favorite picture because of that shifty eye he’s giving, but all of them are just so cute I’m having a hard time deciding. Turtleshell Changeling in particular holds a place very close to my heart, since I used to be an avid turtle collector, which eventually ended up in the demise of five very poor turtles that I took care of improperly. I was pretty lazy in my childhood, not that much has changed since, and I never wanted to clean the poop-filled tanks. There is truly nothing sadder than waking up to a dead turtle, and it really did leave a lasting impression, and taught me a valuable lesson to take care of my pets. That said, I think Amoeboid Changeling is my favorite, since he’s just a little gooey thingy.
It seems the main option here is to either go with a Garruk-based deck or a Blue-based deck, and the dilemma is that the sealed is so powerful and both routes look very appetizing. Even though I have the preference toward the U/W-base deck, I’m not sure that it’s right. The Elemental deck is mighty fierce as well, and the G/W Garruk deck has so many guys to overrun the opponent, with a healthy amount of removal to back it up.
So now I leave it up to the forums to decide which is the best build, since I honestly have no clue. There are also a few avenues that I didn’t explore, like U/G/r/b/w. This Lorwyn format is wide open right now, and hopefully, together, we can figure this thing out and move forward into a new age of prosperity for us all.
…
A vibrating sensation soon began to emanate from a small pocket on her left leg, which would explain why she was reaching down in the first place. Startled, she took my hand and pulled me into a nearby bathroom, claiming her boyfriend was outside and our glorious night had to end. A kiss on the cheek, and she left the bathroom as quick as she came.
Goodbye sweet lobster, I hardly knew ye.
I sat in the corner of the bathroom and reflected on the past 24 hours…
Waking up at 5AM to drive to States, failing miserably with my 63-card Teachings deck that I imagined would define the future Standard metagame, and meeting a luscious lobster who held my heart in the palm of her hand. A metaphorical roller coaster. I sent Sadin a text message about my poor choice in seafood. He didn’t respond, and I was all alone in a dark smelly cage of inebriated heartache.
The door swung open as Bubbles busted in, spewing a stream of yellowish orange liquid all over my shoes, jeans, and new Abercrombie shirt, missing the toilet entirely.
Happy Halloween indeed.
Thanks for reading,
Christopher Kyle Damo Da Clark-Sanchez
[email protected]
Not gonna find me on MTGO anytime soon.
…
Top 5 Picks
1) Scenic World – Beirut
2) Conscious Life – Aereogramme
3) Stir It Up – A Tribe Called Quest
4) Straight Outta Compton – N.W.A.
5) Pagan Angel and a Borrowed Car – Iron and Wine
…
* Looking back, I was wrong to judge the girl for the amount of eye shadow she was wearing… it is Halloween after all.
** Speaking of J-Love, what ever happened to her? She was on my Top 5 celebrities I want to meet before I die. How am I supposed to fantasize about her when she doesn’t make any movies?