Magic cards have vibes to them. Some are chaotic, some are mean, and some are funny. And there are a few cards that you come across that make you go, “Yeah, I’d date that card.” Does it make sense? Not really, no. But it’s my hope that I can combine a quirky Carrie Bradshaw-esque writing style with my love for Magic.
Let’s take a peek at my Top 8 of Magic cards I would date and why. Will these relationships work out? Of course not! They’re cardboard squares, silly.
8. Sol Ring
Sol Ring is a reliable card. It’s in every commander precon ever (except one), so you know that this card will always be there for you. Sure, people might find this card a tad controversial. “Ban Sol Ring!” they say. Well, I say nay. I mean, yeah, it doesn’t need to go into every deck, but it can. Maybe your mom is trying to set you up with them, which does create a bit of hesitancy. However, Sol Ring is definitely a safe choice to date, if a bit boring. Not my soulcard, though.
7. Wheel of Fortune
Wheel of Fortune seems very exciting at first. It provides you new options in possibly dire situations. Who wouldn’t want to date that? Kind of like the show Are You the One?, you form a connection with this card because you often cast it during times when you’re experiencing a lot of adrenaline. But does the connection really last in the long run? You often find that when you cast this card, you end up missing what was in the hand you initially chucked. Wheel of Fortune may seem exciting at first, but in the long run, I feel like dating this card will make me miss what came before.
6. Rhystic Study
At first glance, Rhystic Study looks like the perfect card to date. It’s studious and gives you cards! That’s exactly what you’re looking for in a card. But then, when you take it around with friends, you realize that everyone hates it. They think it’s pretentious, not studious. They get annoyed when it asks if they’ve paid the one. What you originally thought was endearing turns out to be very annoying. Would I date this card? Yes. Would I regret it in one to two years? Yeah, probably.
Hullbreacher is the bad boy of Magic. You hate to love him and love to hate him. He takes from everyone else, which is bad, but gives it all to you…which is good. But then your friends start complaining about him and how he’s not good for you, and suddenly you realize that they may be right. I mean, he is banned from your favorite format and your friends warn you about him, but you still end up dating him. Would I date Hullbreacher? Yes. Would the relationship last? Not at all.
4. Possibility Storm
Possibility Storm is a crazy card. In fact, it’s the life of the party. You never know what you’re going to get with it, and that’s what draws you in! Cast a Sol Ring, you get a Blightsteel. Cast a Fiery Emancipation, you get a Propaganda. It’s exciting to not know what comes next. But this excitement can turn sour really quickly. You want a card that is consistent and reliable but not boring. Possibility Storm is anything but reliable. I give this relationship about a week.
3. Return of the Wildspeaker
Return of the Wildspeaker is the kind of card that you like, but your friends like more. It can definitely draw you a lot of cards or buff all of your non-Human creatures by +3/+3. These are good things for sure, but you start to wonder if you’re dating this card because you like it or because your friends like it. It’s a good card, and it does exactly what you need it to do, but is it marriage material? Sadly, no. Your friends will wait two weeks before they slide into this card’s DMs for sure, though.
2. Saskia the Unyielding
I love Saskia the Unyielding as a card because I feel like she could protect me. She jumps into any situation with vigilance and haste, ready to deal damage to anyone and everyone who hurt me during the prior turn. However, I feel like this is also her downside. She jumps into situations headfirst without thinking. She’s bold and brash, and while I love that about her, I feel like this would be a point of contention in the relationship.
Honorable Mention: Drannith Magistrate
I feel like I could fix him.
1. Teferi’s Protection
Teferi’s Protection is my soulcard. Allow me to explain. Teferi’s Protection is reliable, coming through at just the right moment to save you from damage or a battlefield wipe. What makes this card the top card I would date is the fact that it not only cares about you, but your permanents as well! It literally gives you and everything you control protection from everything.
Teferi’s Protection is the Hallmark Christmas movie of Magic cards. You want a relationship like this in real life but know that it’s unrealistic. Still, you hold out hope that one day you will meet this type of card in real life. Teferi’s Protection is the one exception to the rule.
Most of the time, cards are exciting and fun, but are they soulcard material? Do they show up for you when you need them, or are they fair-weathered flashy pieces that never end up in your hand? That’s up to you to decide. Sometimes the vibe of a card just fits with your play style very well, and that’s a beautiful thing.
Lemme know what your soulcard is and why! Happy brewing, deckbuilders!