Timmy, Spike, and Johnny walk into a bar… No. They walk into a movie theater. Where they debate the various merits of 8th Edition’s Summer Voting and get stuck to the floor. Nobody mentions Mr. Babycakes, thankfully, or a fight would have broken out.
When I get my first box of Onslaught and I open this card, I’m going to put on some Teddy P or Barry White, turn off the lights, light a candle, and – when I’m sure no one is looking – Smother and I are going to knock the proverbial boots. I know the card is a little underage, but that’s no problem: I’ll just go to a Kentucky prerelease.
A poor performance doesn’t always reflect opportunities that were missed, or mistakes that were made. Sometimes a 2-3 is just a 2-3, and it’s as simple as that. But where could I have made a mistake? Let me look closer.
Here are eight guys you should read. Read as many of them as you can, and you’ll be taking in the best that internet Magic writing has to offer. These are the guys you absolutely should not do without; not if you call yourself a fan of the game, and of the written word.
All the parts of Magic that are fun without the need to win? They’re gone from my itinerary, and from town. When did all the fun seep out of this damned game?
This is just a thing of beauty. I’m still learning to play it, and I’m not sure how the sideboard works against Monoblack just yet (it’s a tough matchup), but I’ve just crushed the U/G and W/G decks I’ve played against. Let me tell you what I’ve learned about the deck from about thirty test games.
I don’t gravitate towards games that are”like work.” You can play Magic: The Gathering as a lark and not have a care in the world. It isn’t the games – it’s me. I make my games like work. Do you?
Bad cards, bad cards, whatcha’ gonna’ do? Whatcha gonna do, when they come for you?
The Daily Shot Patrol arrests the worst 3-cc cards of all time!
Twenty proverbs of ancient wisdom, scoured from sources across the globe. Twenty relations to modern Magic, and reminders of things that will improve your game. Twenty wise-ass comments thrown in for free.
How many good creatures have there been for three mana? What other three-mana creatures have influenced environments? Can we count them on one hand, or maybe two? Is this as silly as I think it might be?
In truth, this is my”thank you” column. We’ve been going for three months now (ever since I started this whole thing off with”Five Articles In Five Days”), with no signs of slowing down, and it’s been a great ride. The shaky early days are over, and I’m getting the feeling you’re going to be seeing me on StarCity, every day, for a long, long time.
The ‘Tog wins it after ten or so turns of me casting Standstill, having it broken, casting Concentrate, Aether Burst, casting Standstill again… You know how it goes. Once the engine gets rolling, U/G is toast.
If you want to EAT CIRCULAR LOGIC, CUNNING WISH FOR IT, AND CAST IT TO SURVIVE, turn to page 11.
If you want to GO AND GET PSYCHOTIC HAZE ANYHOW, BECAUSE YOU’RE A MORON, turn to page 23.
I broke my promise – I didn’t play U/G or Monoblack. I played a Psychatog deck. I’ll give you the full report in a day or two, but for now, let me just show you the deck, give you some testing results, and explain a few card choices – and the changes I would have made.
Of late, many cantankerous online Magic net-nannies have seen fit to opine that every Magic article or piece of Magic writing on the Internet should serve a purpose, and leave the reader better off, strategically, than he or she was before reading. It won’t ever be that way with me.
