Understanding In A MODO Crash: Thanks, Barn, For The White Scourge Picks

I would like to highlight some excerpts from my previous articles and compare them to passages from Kai Budde’s writing, which came later. Why am I doing this? Many reasons. Firstly – which I’m pretty sure isn’t a word – I saw some eerie resemblances. Relatedly, which may or may not be a word, these resemblances may imply that I may actually know what I’m talking about. It’s all shameless self-promotion, I swear!

Well, once again it’s time to write an article…. And once again, I’m not feeling particularly clever or spunky. This seems to happen a lot. Maybe I just don’t have a whole hell of a lot to say. You can only quip”oh pls :/” so many times before it starts to get painful to read or listen to – am I wrong, OMC?

By the way, I’ll be getting back to him in a bit.

So what would make for good filler? If you said an obligatory mailbag column (which could be abbreviated as”OMC,” incidentally), then you are correct. I usually delete all my e-mails right before or right after I respond to them, so I’m going on memory here and doing a lot of summarizing. Whether you want to believe me or not is entirely up to you, but trust me when I say that I have gotten something similar to at least 80% of the comments/questions that I am about to address.

Before I get to that, I would like to mention Kai’s recent article for the Sideboard.

I would like to highlight some excerpts from my previous articles and compare them to passages from Kai’s chronologically later writing. Why am I doing this? Many reasons. Firstly – which I’m pretty sure isn’t a word – I saw some eerie resemblances. Relatedly, which may or may not be a word, these resemblances may imply that I may actually know what I’m talking about. And lastly, which probably is a word, it makes for filler.

But that’s incidental. Icing on the cake. Delicious, delicious cake.

Oh and additionally, which is definitely a word, if Ferrett mentions Kai’s name in my article title, my hit rate will go through the roof. Bonus!

And this will be the last time I toot my own credential horn. I promise.

Here we go.

On my May 26th article entitled”The Cleanup Phase,” I said,”Twisted Abomination: The Man. This guy is insane in Sealed, and probably nearly as good in draft. He bears a striking resemblance to, oddly enough, Jareth, the weakest pit fighter legend.”

In Kai’s article, he said,”It still isn’t the best black card, as it is vastly inferior to Twisted Abomination. If you have played with that card before, it should remind you of an Onslaught rare – Jareth, Leonine Titan.”

Fairly intuitive, but still eerie. Let’s continue.

The following quotes from me will be from my Scourge Black review, entitled”Read My Article Because I Bash a Pro In It.”

First, my common order: Zombie Cutthroat, Lingering Death, Twisted Abomination, Clutch of Undeath, Reaping the Graves, Carrion Feeder, Vengeful Dead, Death’s-Head Buzzard, Dragon Shadow, Unburden

Kai’s common order: Twisted Abomination, Zombie Cutthroat, Lingering Death, Clutch of Undeath, Carrion Feeder, Reaping the Graves, Vengeful Dead, Death’s-Head Buzzard, Dragon Shadow, Unburden

Move Abomination up a few on my list, switch the Reaping with Feeder, and voila!

I said of Reaping the Graves,”I think I would almost always want one of these for my black decks (but not, say, three).”

Kai said,”Reaping the Graves is one of those cards you almost always want to have one of in your deck, but never really want to play more than that.”

I said,”All things considered, I think the Buzzard’s death ability is a drawback… The double-black in the casting cost can be somewhat prohibitive.”

Kai said,”Death’s-Head Buzzard is okay, but nothing to be excited about. The double black casting cost makes it tough to cast it on turn 3 and the effect is a drawback quite often.”

Okay, so that one is just an agreement on what the card does. But we did both agree that the -1/-1 is a drawback!

This is one of those articles that will be flat-out embarrassing for me when addressed by most of my friends. It’s really not for them, though; it’s for all the heathens who doubt my competence. It’s all shameless self-promotion, I swear! But nonetheless, let’s get it all out of your system so you don’t say it to me in person or on the message boards.

Say it with me:

“Thanks, barn.”

Repeat as necessary.

Let’s take a look at my blue pick order now: Rush of Knowledge, Shoreline Ranger, Frozen Solid, Raven Guild Initiate, Dispersal Shield, Coast Watcher, Mercurial Kite, Scornful Egotist, (Temporal Fissure), Dragon Wings

And Kai’s: Rush of Knowledge, (Zombie Cutthroat), Shoreline Ranger, Raven Guild Initiate, Frozen Solid, Dispersal Shield, Coast Watcher, Mercurial Kite, Scornful Egotist, Dragon Wings

I didn’t include the Throat with my blue, and Kai didn’t mention Fissure. Other than that, switch the Initiate and Frozen Solid, and the lists are identical.

For my”pro”/competent friends:”Thanks, barn.” There, that should be enough for now.

For all you other people, I think you get the point now. But hey – a handful of people have written me already to tell me that my Limited advice has helped them. I’m glad I can be of help, and I sincerely thank you for your kindness.

And really, I wouldn’t have bothered mentioning the pick order similarities if not for the other few ridiculous parallels.

I hope I don’t get banned from #wisedraft for this. I don’t know why exactly I would, but you never know.

“Thanks -“

Oh, shut up.

So yeah – if my white common pick orders are similar to Kai’s, I don’t want to hear any crap. It’s not because I’m copying them. It’s because they’re right. (Well, as close to”right” as you can get, considering a little splash of subjectivity and the good old concept of”depends on your deck.”)

The article thus far may come off as arrogant to some people. I really don’t want to be viewed as arrogant, but that probably can’t be helped since I’m pretty sure it’s true. I’ll go from self-deprecating to arrogant and back in the blink of an eye. I sort of like being the prima donna of the writing world. Well, one of them. There are a few authors who could give me a serious run for my money in that department. I won’t name names. Partially because I don’t read a whole lot of other articles the whole way through.

I’m a hypocrite!! Ya got me!!!

What I’m trying to say, though, is that, at the end of the day, I don’t care whether you love me or hate me, as long as you have a good time reading my stuff.

And as long as you don’t hate me.

Love me.


Well, I may not need to go to the mailbag this installment after all. I’ll leave you with a little teaser for next time, though:

“Josh Rider is cute like a Pokemon.”

Intrigued? Disturbed? Good. I am to please.

Oh, yeah, and I almost forgot. A few nights ago, I ticket-drafted against Mox Boy, Dr.Btings, and Steve”Intellectx” Cassell. Mr. Cassell repeatedly, whether serious or not, asked me to mention the draft in my column. So that’s what this is. I did in fact lose to that squad, even though my partners were Richie Hoaen and David Rood.

And now it’s tiiiiiiime for the show. (Stay tuned after for RyanG’s corner).

1. Decree of Justice

The difference between 1 and 2 is obviously meaningless as they’re both rares… But personally, I’d rather have this one. Versatility, power, and affordability are the three major components you should look for in Limited cards, and this performs two of the functions admirably. Cycle this to create surprise blockers that, depending on what sorts of Catapult Squads or Daru Warchiefs or whatever you have in play, can be much more than just 1/1s. A nice big end-of-turn cycle will let you alpha-strike an unsuspecting opponent with Fireball-like power. Or, should you happen to have the time and mana, feel free to hardcast this for some angels. On Magic Online a few weeks ago, my opponent could have won one turn with an all-out attack, but his window passed and the game stalled until I had five cards left in my deck. I topdecked you-know-what, tapped all sixteen of my lands, and put a lotta buncha angels into play. I know this is strictly a late-game card, but there aren’t too many better than this in the history of the game.

2. Eternal Dragon

I don’t know how many times I need to express my deep, almost-unconditional love for dragons. I suppose this will be the last time, as there are no more dragons in the set. Ideally, you won’t have to use its plainscycling ability, but if necessary, it will help you find the land to cast it. If they somehow manage to kill the dragon or make you discard it, it won’t stay dead for long.

So now it’s time for a trivia question. Fill in the blank: 5/5 fliers that are impossible to kill are a ______ thing. You all should be good enough at Limited now that you could write my articles for me. If you’d like to do that, drop me an e-mail. I promise to give you some credit for your work.* This and the Decree are the cards to open in this set, since they’re ludicrous in limited and worth a bit of money/tix for their constructed applications. I’d rather open the Dragon on MODO since it’s worth more – but that’s not particularly relevant to anything, so I’ll move right along to #3.

3. Daru Warchief

The order of this and the Dawn Elemental is dependent on how many soldiers and plains you have in your deck, respectively. I think that if you have eleven or more plains, the Dawn Elemental is usually the call. If you have right around nine or ten, it gets more complicated. Less than nine (or”fewer” than nine, to prove to you that I have some grasp of the English language even though I prefer to keep it colloquial because it’s so much easier to write like that), and the hapless Elemental will likely sit in your sideboard. This is the best warchief since it provides a nice power and toughness boost to creatures that can really use it, such as provokers or cheap, efficient attackers like Glory Seeker and Gustcloak Harrier. Your soldiers become harder to kill with damage, and if you’re lucky enough to drop this on turn 4, you can cast your expensive misers like Grassland Crusader or Swooping Talon on turn 5. This is a must-kill almost to the same extent as Timberwatch Elf and Sparksmith. Obviously, it’s not so good if you only have a few soldiers, but Clerics aren’t often worth drafting anymore, so if you’re white, chances are…

4. Dawn Elemental

This card is an absolute nightmare. It’s a 3/3 flier for four mana, which is good to begin with. However, it also happens to be nearly impossible to kill unless you’re black; you’d better hope you’re holding Pinpoint Avalanche when this hits play. It blocks non-tramplers indefinitely, and gangblocking it with smaller fliers is futile. Putting a Dragon Scales on this sick li’l puppy is akin to casting a Coalition Victory with a Cromat in play and”domain.” Just remember to only include this in your deck if you’ll be able to cast it; WWWW is a lot of white.

5. Dragon Scales

I was skeptical at first, but I’ve come around. This card is extremely potent; it makes perfect sense for it to be such a high pick. Here’s why. Pick your best creature in play. That creature is now bigger. Put an additional copy of that now-larger creature into play (one can only attack, while one can only block and use tap abilities, for the purposes of the analogy). Not to mention the fact that this card comes back from the graveyard to enhance future six-cost creatures, of which there are a multitude in white/x decks… Daru Lancer, Noble Templar, Swooping Talon, and so on. This card, in conjunction with provokers, helps to make green/white a viable archetype. Some of the most unfair targets include Deftblade Elite and Aven Redeemer.

6. Dragonstalker

I probably rate this one higher than most people – but hey, it is a sizable flier for a decent cost. Plus, look at the creature type. Loooook at it. That’s right! It’s a soldier! Ordinarily, I’d say”durr” here, but the use of that word has grown wearisome. Any suggestions for a replacement word?

The Stalker’s other special ability is marginal, to say the least, but it can help a nice solid, deck defend itself against certain bombs that would otherwise be quite problematic.

7. Wing Shards

This can help eliminate some of the most annoying creatures in the game, whether it’s the giant flier that you have no way of blocking effectively, a Twisted Abomination, or any of several other cards. Once your opponent has seen it, leaving 1WW up can be quite a deterrent. Storm makes this card slightly more useful, increasing your odds of forcing them to sacrifice the creature you really want to kill. Most decks don’t have a lot of instants, and people usually don’t play spells before combat if they’re any good, so hoping for any more than the initial copy of this is a little greedy.

A few words of advice: First – and this should go without saying – don’t hold mana back for this when you should be playing things. The opponent may catch on and simply build his board and pass the turn, essentially time walking you. Second – and you may have heard this somewhere already – there is a step of combat after combat damage has resolved called, I believe, the”end of combat step.” This could be a good time to cast the shards, depending on your situation. For instance, if your opponent attacks with Visara and a 2/2, you could block and kill the 2/2 with a Glory Seeker, then during the end of combat step, cast shards, forcing to sacrifice Visara. I’m not saying you’ll often get to kill Visara in particular like this, but you get the point.

8. Ageless Sentinels

Another fine deterrent. Naturally, you actually have to have this one in play for it to be a deterrent. The opponent won’t be able to attack into this without animating it in the early stages of the game, giving you more time to build your offensive and defensive forces. It’s quite possible that by the time your opponent has a large enough creature to take it down, you could have mana open for a trick like Astral Steel or Piety Charm to throw off your opponent’s math and give you a 4/4 flying attacker. Basically, though, this is a giant obstacle that your opponent will likely have to eliminate before he can make any useful attacks, regardless of his colors.

9. Silver Knight

Everything I said about White Knight holds for this, except this could be even better. Protection from black may be slightly more useful now, but on a creature of this size, it’s worthwhile to have protection from Shocks and Scattershots and the like; if your foes want to toss a Cruel Revival or Clutch of Undeath at this, god bless their hearts. This guy is useful against black, too, since that color’s creatures are notoriously small.

Oh, and this kills morphs while living to tell the tale (unless it’s a Cutthroat, in which case White Knight would probably be better), all for two mana. The White Knight/Silver Knight dilemma may seem pointless or extraneous since you’ll play as many copies of each as you get your grubby little hands on, but when you’re talking about something whose sole function is to attack and block, you sort of run out of things to say. Even if it is one of THE MOST EFFICIENT CREATURES IN THE GAAAAAAAAME and, incidentally, one of the few ways to help fill out the lower end of your curve in Scourge.

10. Noble Templar

And now we’ve arrived at, to quote Independence Day for no reason whatsoever,”the really icky part.” White common orders have been a subject of hot debate among just about everyone since the introduction of Onslaught. To make a blasphemous analogy, white common orders are like religion; there are dozens of possible orders, each of whose proponents insist that they are Definitely Right and everyone else is Definitely Wrong. And also, they’re deck-dependent, so one card may be right at one time and wrong at another. The previous sentence wasn’t part of the analogy. Anyhoo, this card is good because it belongs to the best tribe, plus another good tribe; it attacks and blocks; it’s hard to kill or get around; and it helps you get the land you need early in the game. If you have plenty of fliers, take this, since at least one could never hurt.

11. Aven Liberator

LIBerate your mind, you mother$#%$er, you’re so narrow-minded…Bonus points as usual if you catch the reference.** This one should be easier to catch since it’s a current single.

I only wrote that because I have some form of mental disorder where whenever I see or hear a word from a song, the song gets in my head and stays there for a little while. And if you’re wondering why I’ve chosen to write whatever random thought comes into my idiot brain, you need to check my archives. I’m done explaining. This is a 2/3 flier for four, and it can be played face-down, and it has a rather useful ability when you face it up. All good things. Counter removal spells, sneak a creature past a monocolored defense, make an attack into a losing proposition for your opponent. All good things. Just remember that you can’t target an opponent’s creature with it.

12. Frontline Strategist

Moves up the list depending on your Soldier count. Often, this will just be a Fog, the only such effect that exists in the format (unless you attack with a Leery Fogbeast during an alpha strike, like BenS did in a money draft). It’s a good ability to have at your disposal, especially if your opponent Dirge of Dreads or Wave of Indifferences, and you can bluff it with merely a single untapped Plains. It becomes ultra-powerful when you have Soldiers and your opponents don’t. A single white mana can cause your opponent’s creatures to flee to the bin in droves in the right situations. It’s the trickiest trick that ever tricked in this format, and there are several scenarios that arise in regard to it, only one of which is bad:

1) You have it, and your opponent plays areound it (decent).

2) You don’t have it, but your opponent plays around it (good).

3) You have it, but your opponent walks right into it (best).

4) You don’t have it and your opponenr knows it (not good).

13. Aven Farseer

This card is excellent, yet overrated by a lot of people. When this card is good – namely, when you can play this on turn 2 and start turning up morphs on turn 3 or 4 – it’s the second-best common in the color. This situation doesn’t happen reliably, though. I’ve found that my decks don’t tend to have a particularly high morph count these days, lowering this card’s effectiveness. If you have a lot, especially those with cheap morph costs, it’s a powerhouse. However, it’s a little on the weak side in the late game. It sucks as a creature until it’s 2/2 or larger, but it’s still a nice way to use your early-game lands. Sometimes, you plop this down and it grows to dragon size; sometimes they bounce it; sometimes it’s a 2/2 or 3/3; and sometimes it’s just a little 1/1 pecking away. Whether you play this or even draft it depends on your morphs and early drops, but if you play this in the correct deck, you won’t be disappointed.

14. Zealous Inquisitor

I wonder how much better this would be if it were a soldier…but I’m not going to waste your time or mine with hypotheticals. It’s a Cleric. &#^$ing deal with it.

It’s a strong card with a useful ability; it just so happens that there are thirteen better white cards in it in this particular set. You’re never unhappy to run this, but it’s cuttable if you have a strong soldier theme. It sucks to have to leave mana open for it, and it falls in an overstocked portion of the mana curve. That said, it’s virtually unblockable in the early game (as long as you follow the order of play a land, attack, play spells) and it’s virtually un-attack-into-able*** in the late game. White is deep. Black is deep. Many people at the table will be fighting for these colors.

15. Astral Steel

An unspectacular trick, its place in your deck will be evident when it comes time to decide whether to draft it. If you have absolutely nothing – no Inspirit, no Wingbeat Warrior, no Piety Charm – you may want this for some surprise value for your deck. It’s always useful, but it can be redundant. It’s a fine card and all, but the other stuff is better. I like this sentence structure, but it probably gets choppy and annoying for those who are trying to read it.

I guess I’ll briefly mention the ol’ creatures-n’-spells restraint to deckbuilding here, since it’s applicable. In addition to minding your curve, you want a certain amount of creatures in your deck. In this format, the number is usually high; fifteen at the very least in most cases, usually more like sixteen, seventeen, or even eighteen or more. This leaves little room for spells that are just spells (as opposed to, like, a Skirk Marauder). Removal spells take precedence. If, after you have all your creature slots filled and all your pertinent removal and tricks that are better than Steel in the deck, you still have spots open, then you can play the Steel. It’s that simple.

16. Karona’s Zealot

Five mana for a 2/5. As MattR would say, that’s not too exciting. It makes a fine morph, though. I said this about some other cards like Titanic Bulvox or Voidmage Apprentice, and it applies here: Treat this as an off-color morph until you just happen to have the mana to morph it available, in most cases. Sometimes, if you know your opponent will walk into it, it’s fine to leave the mana up… But don’t let them Time Walk you.

Also, remember that this redirects all damage. In a money draft at Grand Prix: Detroit that I lost because John Honea who beat me at Regionals in the last round to knock me out of Nationals 0-3ed, Thom Willoughby morphed this against me. I had provoked it with Deftblade Elite, then hit it for two with a Daru Stinger; Thom could have targetted the Stinger with the ability, making it take one from the Elite and two from itself, killing my most important creature. Something to keep in mind.

17. Trap Digger

This guy has gotten mixed reviews – and admittedly, I haven’t played with him yet. Whether you use it probably depends on need for soldiers and quality of your deck (lower quality means you’ll need other marginal playables). Its ability takes a little bit of time to set up, and the stupid Digger itself is only a 1/3, making it something less than A Force To Be Reckoned With on defense. At least you can use its ability while it’s tapped. Sometimes you just can’t afford the loss of lands, but at times that won’t matter, as the threat of using its ability is a fine (oh boy, I get to use this word yet again) deterrent.

18. Force Bubble

If you haven’t gotten bored yet, you probably will soon, so make sure to skip down to the end and read RyanG’s Corner before you go off to read another well-thought-out and insightful article by a different author. I don’t know if that was sarcasm or just false self-deprecation. Maybe both. Ambiguity. A writer’s friend. Run with whatever’s more endearing.

At worst, this card is a Fog. At best, it totally shuts down an opponent’s offense. Sometimes you’ll be able to”force” them (that was unintentional, I swear to Geddes) to pop the bubble before they can Searing Flesh you out or whatnot.

Usually, I’ve found that it’s nothing special and you’d rather have a quality creature. This might find a good home in a Cleric deck that can consistently slow the amount of damage absorbed per turn into a slow trickle. Sideboard this in when appropriate. These occasions are rare, but you should be able to figure them out (i.e. their only way to break through your creatures is a lone Covert Operative). And I’m not going to get into the logistics of having two any more than I would describe why two Trap Diggers aren’t really muchbetter than one.

19. Wipe Clean

And we’ve reached the Official Sideboard Zone. If you’re maindecking this card, there’s probably something wrong with your deck, or a Lightning Rift in it. Bring it in to kill enchantments. Duh. Side it in if you see multiple annoying enchantments or one that simply makes the game unfair for you.

20. Daru Spiritualist

Can be good in the waning-in-popularity Cleric archetype, especially with Whipgrass Entangler. Even in Cleric decks, this is probably best in the board barring multiple copies of the aforementioned Entangler. In non-Cleric decks, it’s just stupid and weak.

21. Guilty Conscience

Bring this in if you have no way around Sparksmith. Don’t maindeck it ever. Your opponent can play around it to an extent, and probably force you to trade one of your creatures and the Conscience for the enchanted creature. Even in the best-case scenario for you, they still get to swing with it once in the indeterminate future at the most strategically sound time. This card, to use lingo that vanished like amaretto sours at a figure skating convention, sux trux.

22. Gilded Light

It, um, cycles for two mana of any color, so it’s never going to be totally worthless. Bring it in against stuff like Searing Flesh and Torrent of Fire, if you’re afraind of losing to them. You can always pitch it.

23. Recuperate

Same basic concept as Gilded Light, except it doesn’t cycle. Too expensive to be a maindeck-worthy trick most of the time, it can save a creature or keep you alive in the face of burn or a giant monster attack. It’s versatile, but not particularly good at any of its functions. It’s a”skill-tester.” (That means it’s bad.)

24. Rain of Blades

A very narrow sideboard card; I think you know when to board this in. They’d need to have a lot of one-toughness attackers, though. You’d probably have to see five or more before you even thought about putting this in.

25. Exiled Doomsayer

It can’t trade with a morph and its ability doesn’t make it worth the slot in your deck unless your opponent has over a dozen morphs that he simply needs to turn face up. Worthless.

26. Reward the Faithful

Unwieldy life gain? Sign me up!

27. Dimensional Breach

I’m not going to go into detail why this is so bad. If people ask in the forums or e-mail, I’ll answer. But suffice to say, this is not a Wrath of God. The opponent gets to replay the first card, and it’s too expensive for you to abuse by floating mana. I guess if you have one good creature and they have lots and lots of bad ones…okay, I’m done. I gave this card a lot more press than it deserves.

And now, since it’s been two weeks since my last article, it’s time for…

RyanG’s Corner


Ryan writes these as soon as he gets ideas for them, meaning the information could sometimes be sort of stale by the time it reaches your eyes. You’ve been cautioned. I’d also like to take this time to remind you that this is all RyanG, and not me. I may be thinking some of the stuff that RyanG says, but I’ll never squeal! All right, Ryan – what’s happening?

  • As many of you know, during the recent war in Iraq, certain countries such as France decided they would stand against the United States’ valiant efforts to save the world. One Gabe Walls recently showed his disgust for France at U.S. Nationals; after clinching his spot on the national team, he refused to acknowledge the despicable country. Yes, in the finals, regardless of the fact that his hand contained only two forests as land, which left him unable to cast a single spell, he demonstrated his patriotism by refusing to take a Paris mulligan. Unfortunately, Gabe’s American pride contributed to his unlikely downfall. Nevertheless, I would like to award Mr. Walls a Sapphire Medallion of Allegiance.

  • In San Diego, Lucas Christopher Glavin spotted Jordan Berkowitz being hauled around on a rickshaw, snuggled with an unnamed party.

  • Not only is Joshua Wagener the United States National Magic Champion, but recently he also became the National Grand Theft Auto Champion, in a simliar surprising upset.

  • The only thing”fast” about Eddie Anderson is how fast he goes to the leather after a money draft.

  • A superb quote from Charles Mousseau in regards to Gary Wise:”For every one person that’s embarrassed that Mark Rajotte won the 1999 Canadian Nationals, there are ten that are embarrassed that you represent Canadian Magic in general. With that attitude of yours, is it any wonder?”

  • And finally, a message to WOTC:”Omeed :(“

That’s all for RyanG’s Corner this week. I can’t possibly imagine what he’ll have for us in two weeks’ time. Also, and this is mostly for my close friends and associates, if any of you would like a brief section in the weeks where there are no RyanG’s Corners, pitch it to me on IRC or AIR.

Before I sign off, since some people seem to agree with me that my musical taste is as impeccable as Gerry Thompson fashion sense****, I’ll give you a list of my top 10 songs of last week. It’s mostly what I hear and like on the radio.

10. Audioslave”Show Me How to Live” – Rage Against the Machine, featuring Chris Cornell…How could they not do quality work?”Cochise” is by far the weakest of the singles.

9. Fanny Pack”Camel Toe” – This song is awful, but it’s sort of funny. The diction is ludicrous and I like the female singer’s accent.

8. Staind”So Far Away” – Staind has gotten pretty boring by now, but this song is great. It places this high on the list since MattR was here this week, and whenever it would come on he’d sing”These are my lands, these are my spells” in place of the real words.

7. The Ataris”The Boys of Summer” – A masterful remake. The song makes me a little wistful, especially since it keeps coming on the radio when the sky looks really beautiful. I hated the original, so I should get sick of this soon.

6. The White Stripes”The Hardest Button to Button” – More”critically acclaimed” than what I usually like, this song is”raw” and”catchy” at the same time. Try to disregard the lyrics.

5. Chevelle”Send the Pain Below” – Old, and it’s been off the list for awhile, but my whole squad on the trip to Detroit (except for my fun-hating brother) kept singing this, often when we had just seen Decree of Pain. See Aven Liberator for more details.

4. Three Days Grace”Everything About You” – To quote MattR, the song sucks but”the beat is idiotic.” The guitar riff is in fact unique, and the trite chorus will grow on you like a fungus.

3. 311″Creatures” – It’s high on the list because it’s new and I’m not sick of it yet. I think Joey Bags said I only like it because it sounds like four different songs. It’s average, but I really like the bridge after chorus #2.

2. AFI”Girl’s Not Grey” – Another older song that had a resurgence this week. One of the best songs ever. If you glean nothing else from this article, GET THIS SONG. And don’t pass Decree. Except to me.

1. Korn”Did My Time” – Korn’s”talent” per se is up in the air, and I’m sick of the anguished lyrical content typical of the group, but something keeps me coming back. Davis’s voice sounds really cool in the verses, and the part of the song between the last two choruses is breathtaking. Simply breathtaking.

“I’d wish you good luck, but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it.”

Tim Aten

The Scum of the Earth

[email protected]

* – This sentence is a blatant lie.

** – It’s from a Disturbed song.

*** – Unless they have something that’s un-non-flying-or-black-blockable, of course.

**** – Band t-shirts and comfortable, baggy pants. Or, to the layperson, exactly the same thing that I wear day in and day out. That’s why it’s clever.