The Tarantino Dilemma: Dogs!

Ken is very good at being wrong. The only statement he might ever be right about is calling himself the wrongest man ever, but he may be so wrong that he is wrong on that too.

Bring In The Nuclear Wessels!

Wessels wessels wessels.

Nuclear? Nucular?

Ken would spell it”nucular” without his good friend spell check, but I do not want to dwell on Ken being wrong. Then I would have to dwell for a long time.

Ken is very good at being wrong. The only statement he might ever be right about is calling himself the wrongest man ever, but he may be so wrong that he is wrong on that too. Somehow, though, he would find a way to be wrong about being wrong about being wrong, because if he did not he would be right. And that is just not Ken. Ken can not be right. He is never right. So he must be wrong. That is why the girls like him. They always like the bad guy. Say hello to Mr. Wrong.

Hello Mr. Wrong!

Hello Rachel!

This week, Mr. Wrong is wrong. Surprised? I would be wrong if I said I was, but I am the one who always arguing with Mr. Wrong. That means I am Mr. Right. That is why the girls like me! They like the good guys too.

Hello Rachel!

This time, Mr. Wrong is wrong about which of two Quentin Tarrantino movies is better. I say it is Reservoir Dogs, a movie that changed conversation in movies for the rest of time. He says Pulp Fiction, its hollowed-out red-Hollywood reincarnation.

Like a lot of people, Mr. Wrong thinks that a movie is better because its budget is big enough to pay for big stars, who want desperately to work with a certain director for $15 million. I too want to work with certain directors for $15 million. Unfortunately, I do not have an agent. When I get one though, Mr. Spielberg, Mr. Coppola, I will be waiting for your calls.

Well, I’m sorry Mr. Wrong, but the simple truth here is that Pulp’s stars only wanted to work with Quentin”Mr. Weird” Tarrantino because of Reservoir Dogs. The conversations in Reservoir are the most honest conversations in movies ever. They talk like you would talk or I would talk. They don’t talk like Ken talks, because they are usually right. The conversations have a very natural flow, moving from one topic to another just like a conversation you and I would have. They even have Mr. White’s bad jokes! In other movies, all the jokes are good. Reservoir Dogs is so good because it is just like the real world, where nothing ever goes exactly as you planned it.

In Pulp, Quentin got away from that a little I think. His characters all have these more outlandish conversations that always end up with one of them half-dead on a couch. I have to admit, if I were half-dead, I would want to be on a couch. They are nice and soft and comfortable. Just like Rachel.

Hello Rachel!

They are so soft that they resemble Ken’s arguments! Ken didn’t even mention the tasty burger conversation, but I like pizza better anyway. Pizza pizza pizza!


Hello Rachel!

See, Reservoir is the better movie because he can relate. Pulp’s slicked up gangsters are guys whose shoes would not fit you, but Reservoir Dogs’ characters experience fear and anxiety like you or me would. Mr. Pink is going crazy the whole time. I would too, if my name was Pink. Now, Mr. Pink, that’s a guy who wears comfortable shoes.

Of course, I would never be dumb enough to argue with Lawrence Tierney about my name, tips… anything. If I were talking with Lawrence Tierney, he would be Mr. Right. He looks just like The Thing! Are there any Fantastic Four characters in Pulp Fiction? I do not think so! Rachel is living in Seattle right now. I am going to move out there soon. Until then, she can be my Invisible Girl.

So, there you go. Reservoir Dogs is definitely the better movie. Sorry Mr. Wrong. You’re gonna be okay.

You’re gonna be okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Sorry, sorry.

My picks:

1) Rachel

2) Kill Bill v1

3) Kill Bill v2 (I can only guess)

4) Reservoir Dogs

5) Pulp Fiction

6) Four Rooms

7) Jackie Brown

 Jackie Brown would be above Four Rooms, except the final scene in Four Rooms was awesome. I think if you were including story credits, True Romance would come in right after Pulp, but they’re very close and movie-night-feel dependent.

And as good as Mr. Wolf was, he’s no Mr. White. He may be a good cleaner, but Mr. White is the gangster with heart. If he were Mr. off-White, he might need a cleaner, but he isn’t, so he doesn’t.

Thanks for reading,

Mike Turian

a.k.a. Mr. Right

[email protected]

Team CMU-Togit