The Online Outlook #4 — Two Rants and a Qualifier

Today’s article won’t be looking at the state of the current Online metagame. With the

Planar Chaos release week Premier Events now behind us, the Premier Events have returned to the familiar

balance of Limited and Constructed events across numerous formats. Still, I’m gonna wait until next

week before I dive back into those choppy waters, once the results from Grand Prix: Kyoto have filtered

through, and once everyone has gotten hold of the cards they need to be truly competitive.

Today’s article, as I mentioned in the title, contains three things: two rants, and a qualifier.

The first rant? Grand Prix: Amsterdam.

Rant #1 – Grand Prix: Amsterdam

I’ve made myself a promise this year. Funds permitting, I plan to attend every European Grand

Prix on offer. This started, naturally, with Grand Prix: Amsterdam.

Putting it bluntly, Grand Prix: Amsterdam was rubbish.

I’ll start with the things that couldn’t be helped.

I Don’t Like Amsterdam.
It was my first trip to the city of canals, tulips, windmills, and porn. I was looking forward to seeing

the sights, hearing the sounds, and smelling the smells. Much booze, illicit smokage, available ladies

behind curtains… it all sounds swell.

However, it was ugly.

Sorry to all you folk who live in Amsterdam… but the Amsterdam I saw was horrible.

Every pub was fake English. Every other person was drunk and English (on a stag do, or

“bachelor party,” staggering from bar to bar, from window to window, braying with laughter and

bawling tawdry insults to nearly-nude women sporting fake smiles and dead eyes). Every pub stank of stale

ale, urine, and pot-smoke.

Marijuana, lager, and porn A student’s dream no doubt.

I’ve not been a student for years.

I did come away with a great story — my hat was stolen by a prostitute. Craig Jones has spilt

those particular beans… it’s such an English tale, and one I quite enjoy telling, but

to be frank, the opening line is much more interesting than the story itself.

No sir, I did not enjoy Amsterdam. I’m sure there are plenty of wonderful places and sights to

be seen… but I was there with Magic players, so I wasn’t gonna be visiting the flower market,

if ya know what I’m sayin’.

Even though I disliked what I saw of the city, I was there to play Magic… I could overlook the

feculence as I had a tournament to win.

Which brings us to my next point…

The Tournament was a Farce

I arrived at the site at 9.10am, for a 9.30 start.

My team-mate, Joules Jardine, arrived at 9.45am, running into the building, hung-over and half-asleep

(hey, I knew the risks when I paired with him). He was sure he’d missed the important player’s

meeting and tournament start, and was ready to beg for inclusion or grovel for my forgiveness, after being

out on the town until 6.30am.

He needn’t have rushed.

We actually started deck registration at 11.45, and deckbuilding at 12.30. Round 1 began at 2.00.

By the time we picked up our second loss in round 3 — rather quickly, truth be told, to an

Ignite Memories for 26 — it was 6pm.

One word: Unacceptable.

Nine hours, and three games of Magic. Those “lucky” folk with two byes

didn’t cast a spell until 5.30pm.

We left the sight happy, glad to know we wouldn’t be required to continue. When we heard that

two rounds were abruptly shaved from the proceedings, we weren’t surprised.

Problems with DCI Reporter…

Problems with the entering and re-entering of byes…

And a Limited GP being run with no basic land available…

Ridiculous.

Two-Headed Giant is slow. Too slow. It’s a fun format, and it should never have been promoted to

high-level tournament play. Especially when the software needed to run it hadn’t been sufficiently

field-tested.

I also picked up a warning for tardiness, for having an empty can of coke on the table. I suppose ya

got me for that one.

Here’s hoping that GP: Massachusetts is better for you Yankees, and that the bugs have been

sufficiently ironed out. Hell, it couldn’t be any worse.

And as for the rest of the European Grand Prix tournaments this year? I’m looking forward to

them more than ever. After all, they can only be an improvement, right?

Right?

Rant #2 — A 2HG PTQ

Next up, the tale of a Two-Headed Giant Pro Tour Qualifier in which I played this past weekend.

I played with my good friend and two-time Pro Tour player Craig Smith. We arrived at the site in fine

time, did a little trading before registration, and surveyed the field.

Of the sixteen teems in attendance, there were five or so that we knew could sling spells. The rest

were a little more random… FNM and prerelease regulars, sometime PTQ top-eighters, known

choke-artists… teams we could — hell, should — beat with ease.

We opened a playable cardpool, with a barrage of manafixing, Oros, Stronghold Overseer, Disintegrate,

double Cancel, and Boom / Bust. We played a five-color Green deck and a B/W heavy rebel deck that splashed

for the Red X spell.

Round 1 saw us face Rich Hagon team, one of the five teams we didn’t want to face early.

We lost that one, but it was very close — Cancel doesn’t stop Veiling Oddity, after all.

Second round, we play another of the teams legitimate Top 8 aspirations: Tom Harle and Danny Nuttall.

Thankfully, their cardpool sucked, and Dragon plus Geddon Just Wins Games.

Round 3 we face two parts of the Welsh National team, made up of Roy “6-0 in Extended at

Worlds” Williams and Nick “freaking third at Worlds” Lovett. Again, a win.

Round 4 we play another team with Pro Tour experience, Eddie Ross and Bruno Panara. DragonGeddon took

us over the hill to victory.

For the final round of the swiss, it seemed that there were two teams on 3-0-1 and three teams on 3-1.

Pairings dictated that one team on 3-1 would be paired down against Rich Hagon team at 2-2…

so if Rich’s team won that, the rest of us were in with a draw.

Rich’s team lost.

The other 3-1 team took an ID with Craig Jones team on 3-0-1, leaving us to face the one

remaining team with Pro Tour Experience, and a cardpool that included Teferi and Jedit amongst strong

bombs and commons across all colors.

We played it out for a while, and eventually accepted a draw when they’d win with their

represented Strength of Numbers or we’d wreck them with our represented Cancel (they had it, we

didn’t).

So, to recap.

Two teams on 3-0-2.
Three teams on 3-1-1.

With a cut to Top 4, one team was going home in tatters.

Yup, we finished fifth.

…

No matter, we thought. We’ve been there before. Tiebreakers are a b*tch, but c’est la vie.

We took a look at the final standings, to see how far adrift we were from the fellas in fourth…

Our points were identical.
Our match-win-percentages were identical.
Our opponent’s match-win-percentages were… identical.

When all the numbers had been crunched, we were identical on all counts.

We asked the Head Judge how we’d been separated. I was hoping it wasn’t

Alphabetically… maybe we’d regret calling the team “White and Nerdy.”

Apparently, there’s a secret final tiebreaker to decide such things, when all is equal…

The team / player that registers for the tournament first is the winner.

Not.

Joking.

We missed Top 4 because we were behind the other team in the registration queue.

Gutted? Slightly.

It’s a “reward for non-tardy arrival,” according to the Head Judge. Of course, we

weren’t tardy. We arrived in plenty of time to register. Even so, we suffered for it. In a

one-on-one format, with three games per match, we have other tiebreakers to take up the slack. But in a

one-game-per-match format, where game wins equal match wins, this is actually a real problem.

We’d battled through five hard matches against highly-skilled opponents, and we were eliminated

for something that is, frankly, ridiculous.

Is there a better way? Hopefully.

Do I have a suggestion? No.

I’m just letting everyone know. Because I’d hate someone else to fall in the same way.

I hate Two-Headed Giant.

A Tournament Report

Now I move onto some actual MTGO content. As you’re no doubt aware, MTGO is currently holding a

series of IPA Qualifier Tournaments, in which those who make Top 8 get to play with Invasion-Block Sealed

Decks free of charge!

I gotta get me some of that!

For the next few weeks, I’m gonna enter a number of IPA QTs, doing my best to make it to the

Electronic Big Show. The first? A 151-man Time Spiral Sealed Deck tournament held on Monday.

Here’s my cardpool:

Some nice cards in that pile of onions. Jedit, Soul Collector, Gaea’s Anthem, Faceless

Butcher… Plus decent support from Blue with Shaper Parasite and Fathom Seer.

In fact, even the White has merits… as does the Red.

This build was a toughie. I knew I had to play Jedit… but where would I go from there?

Come to the forums to share your builds! Here’s some white space for you to ruminate.

…

…

…

…

…

…

I took the full amount of build-time. Here’s what I ran:

I loved the Green of course, and Black (with its removal and half-decent creature-base) meant that I

couldn’t realistically avoid the Rock combination of colors.

I decided to plump for the Red splash, as even though I was splashing for guys, they’re both

removal of sorts… and it brought my double storage land pool online.

Into the breach I go… See how I fell.

Round 1 — jan franen (1797 rating), G/R/w

Game 1
Not a good start… I mulligan to six on the draw. My six held promise, but only one Swamp as

land. However, as I also held both Gemhide Sliver and Evolution Charm, I thought it was a keeper.

Naturally, I rip the Forest like the pro I am, and I’m off to the races.

I weather some early beats, and eventually drop a face-down Soul Collector in the face of two 2/2s and

a 3/5 Scarwood Treefolk. The three Black left up is an obvious sign, however, and jan doesn’t fall

for it. In with the Treefolk. I take three, untap, and drop Jedit. The game doesn’t last much

longer.

Jedit is ridiculous.

Game 2
My opponent makes a turn 1 Essence Warden, which is tiresome, and he follows it with a pleasant curve that

has me in all kinds of bother. In desperation I raw-dog a face-up Soul Collector off the top, but

he’s hit with a Utopia Vow and the beats still come.

I draw little of importance other than Jedit, who comes down a turn too late to matter.

Game 3
Here’s the curve that killed me:

Turn 1 Essence Warden
Turn 2 Mire Boa
Turn 3 Ironclaw Buzzardiers
Turn 4 Herd Gnarr
Turn 5 kill a guy
Turn 6 Flowstone Channeler
Turn 7 Tromp the Domains (for +3/+3)

Sadly, my opener of Rathi Trapper, Blightspeaker, Giant Dustwasp, 2 Forest, 2 Swamp didn’t cut

the mustard. And again, Jedit came down the turn before I died.

Jedit is a lazy *sshole.

0-1

Still, chin up!

Round 2 — Mr Bigglesworth (1752 Rating) G/B/w

Game 1
I suspend a Search for Tomorrow on turn 1, and follow it with an Ashcoat Bear and a turn 3 Pouncing Wurm.

Mr Bigglesworth had little in response, and I hit for five a couple of times.

Down came a guy.

I killed it. In for five.

Down came another guy.

I killed it. In for the win.

Yeah, it was one of those games.

Game 2
On the draw, my opponent made a turn 2 Kavu Predator, a turn 3 Spinneret Sliver, a turn 4 Scryb Ranger,

and a turn 5 Spike Tiller.

Unfortunately for me, my deck didn’t cough up the removal this time. My first play was a

Faceless Devourer, which ain’t blocking diddley. I followed it with Gaea’s Anthem and Giant

Dustwasp, but it just wasn’t enough.

Game 3
This was a fun game… even if I did lose it.

I made a fine start on the play… Search, Trapper, Wurm, Butcher. The beats commenced with vigor.

My opponent threw folk in the way, and hoped to stabalize with a Durkwood Baloth, but I tapped his ass

good (easy, tiger…).

It came down to a single swing… I had bupkis in had, but the essential creature overlap. My

opponent was on one life, and I’d have one creature sneaking through if I sent the troops in. My

opponent had untapped mana, superior guys on the board, and one card in hand.

It was now or never… I sent ‘em it.

Yup, you’ve guessed it… Scryb Ranger.

The tapped Baloth roared into life, and my attack was foiled. He blocked the Faceless Butcher, and his

army swelled.

I died eight turns later, having drawn seven land and a Sudden Death. The Sudden Death helped, but I

was still angry as a bee-swallowing Scotsman.

0-2 Drop

…

These matches were pretty demoralizing, but I’ve still got my eyes on the prize. This week,

I’m gonna play a few more IPA QTs, both Limited and Constructed. I’ll report on my progress

next time out.

Join me next week, where I’ll be returning to the metagame arena, bringing you the full lowdown

on both the Standard and Block Premier Events happening as I type.

Until then, may your tourneys be successful, your breakers be kind, and your holidays be anything but

Dutch.

Remember — you can’t stop the signal*.

Thanks for listening,

Craig Stevenson
Scouseboy on MTGO
Mail us at https://sales.starcitygames.com/contactus/contactform.php?emailid=2

* Apart from last week, obv. Heh.