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The Newer, Cooler 5-Color Format!

As recently as a few weeks ago, my raging anger against American Idol paled in comparison to my absolute, utter loathing of a certain other phrase that got thrown around entirely too often:
Casual Magic Deck. And yet I’ve recently found a way to tweak 5-Color so that it’s fun without being degenerately broken. No, it’s not a series of endless restrictions or complicated balancing rules; all of the cards in the deck (which is singleton, with the exception of one card) have to follow one simple rule.

By

Cuddling.
Alfalfa Sprouts.
American Idol.
Britney Spears.

All of these words have one thing in common: when I hear them, at least two of my friends must physically restrain me from planting my face squarely inside a George Foreman grill and pressing against the hot surface until the pressure burns me to death. Suffice to say that I hate everything on the above list with a furious passion (as opposed to the more reserved type, y’see).

Yet as recently as a few weeks ago, my raging anger against these things paled in comparison to my absolute, utter loathing of a certain other phrase that got thrown around entirely too often:

Casual Magic Deck.

It is a little known fact that Paul Haggis, the screenwriter/director behind Crash (one of the best movies to come out of Hollywood in the last twenty years) also co-created the platinum series, Walker, Texas Ranger. Though the series is undoubtedly best remembered for its bearded star Chuck Norris and the host of astounding jokes that have elevated him to near-Godlike status — not to say that Chuck Norris needs bad jokes to make him divine, of course, because his roundhouse kick more than takes care of that — it’s also famous for its inane plots, awful direction, and acting straight out of the “what not to do” section of a Meisner class. One might inquire as to what kind of blunt object (club, drink bottle, automobile tire) Haggis was beating himself with in order to develop such a heinous excuse for a television show, when his brilliance is painfully obvious.

Similar questions arose in my head over Casual Magic.

Some Magic decks are like Crash: hundreds of intricate, subtle layers, unifying together to compose numerous harmonies that amount to something greater that the individual pieces involved. Vroman Stax, Sabre Bargain, Turboland, McDaniel Heartbeat, Worlds-2000 Tinker, 2000-era Sully/Davis Instants.dec — all of these decks are almost entertaining to watch because of the way a player can manipulate them into devices of incredible power. They are well-oiled machines that accomplish a certain task (namely, killing the opponent) with elegance.

Casual Magic decks tend to be more like Walker. It is as if you took a good Magic deck with you into the Forest of the Ugly Tree. You toss said deck up into the air…. And the Ugly Tree, sensing a friendly game of catch, nabs the deck and swallows it. The deck ventures through the pit of knobby, sappy, rotten goodness that is the trunk of everyone’s favorite Legendary Creature — Ugly Treefolk before being spit back out into the fair sunlight. Yet even before gravity reverses the direction of said deck back towards our glorious Mother Earth, the ugly tree does something incredible: it actually rips off one of its own branches and readies a mighty Sammy Sosa swing in the deck’s general direction. The makeshift bat connects, and the resulting concoction looks worse than the bastard child of Rosie O’Donnell, Ruth Bader-Ginsberg, and Frankenstein’s Monster.

Yes, the deck is so ugly that it requires three parents.

You have to understand where I am coming from. Whenever people show me casual decks, they feature platinum hits like:

After the third folding table I ruined because I couldn’t control my cross-court projectile vomit in the wake of one of these beauties, I swore off casual Magic altogether. I didn’t understand the point of building intentionally weaker decks and ruling out certain strategies (NO COUNTERSPELLS!! !111MompleasedrivemetoHotTopic) just for the hell of it. So when my friend David approached me and said he had invented the most fun format ever, I drove a cement truck into the side of his apartment to show that I meant business.

That, by the way, is actually true. You might be able to still see the plaster on the carpet, but with the twelve thousand, eight hundred, and forty three sketchy ambiguous stains on the floor of that place, one never knows.

I am about to say something that I probably won’t ever say again. Those of you who know me know exactly how much effort this takes. If the universe spontaneously cracks at the enormity of this statement, don’t blame me — hell, blame Craig Stevenson. After all, he is the new guy. Okay, are you ready? It’s coming! ::cue Infernal Spawn of Evil::

::drum roll::

…I was wrong.

Ugh. I am actually writing this paragraph from a hospital bed because, immediately after I typed the preceding sentence, my chest was rattled with a blow straight out of Rocky IV. I think it was God scolding me for even insinuating that my judgment could be anything less than absolute. All I know is that my lungs were dead, I couldn’t breathe, and my entire field of vision was black. Actually, now that I mull it over, it was probably Rosie O’Donnell getting me back for that comment earlier. Sorry, sweetie. I’ll have dinner ready by 6:30, okay?

All of that is to say pardon the wheezing, and if I pause for too long, it’s because they have to empty my bedpan.

So; the format. It’s Singleton 5-Color with a modified restricted list. Specifically, because of our card pool and the fact that we can only play with one-ofs, Mystical Tutor, Vampiric Tutor, Personal Tutor, Tinker, and Imperial Seal are all legal. (And yes, the one-ofs include lands, so mana bases are fun fun exciting fun.)

But everybody knows about Singleton 5C. The cute part comes with one little change we decided on after my unbeatable “comes into play” guys deck simply plowed through the competition like Vin Diesel at a baby-toss, or like JP Smee at a freestyle rap battleground.

Well, my CIP deck was actually awful, but besides that.

Here is the kicker: you can run four of any one single card as long as it’s an engine card, and all your win conditions must be built around it. Also, you play for pseudo-ante. Instead of getting rid of cards, or whatever, you flip over the top card of your deck before the rounds starts. If you lose, your opponent gets to draw all over it. This sub-game makes for many a good story — especially with some artists in the room, let me tell you.

That’s all the cuteness.

The thing about this format is that you preserve many of the synergies inherent in good, solid, fun tournament decks. You cards have to work together, your deck contains a ton of powerful effects, and you can do some broken things. In normal Singleton 5-Color, you tend to get by off of accelerating mana and slinging gigantic spells. There are synergies, sure, but most of the time you’d just as soon Mind Twist into Tooth and Nail.

In this format, on the other hand, you have to concentrate on pouring gas into your engine because you’re not permitted to win via a random Rude Awakening — unless your deck is a Life from the Loam deck, like David’s is. You have to think things through. What I’m going to do is list my deck, and then discuss for a bit some of the synergies present within it just to give y’all an idea of what a deck in this format can do. Hopefully, I can foster some interest in this format, since playing it is without a doubt the most fun I have ever had slinging the cards.

Oh — and just FYI, here are some of the cards people are building decks around:

Oh, also: this decklist is nowhere near optimal. It reflects the cards I own, and the cards I was able to find rummaging through my stuff. The mana, specifically, is terrible. I would love to hear some more suggestions for things to add, things to cut, strategies to use, etc. I know for a fact I am missing at least ten broken things to do from the yard or with a discard outlet, and I managed to lose all my Hermit Druids. Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, et cetera et cetera.

It’s Sleepy Time.dec (regarding a picture David drew on one of my Grave-Trolls in Pajamas)

White:
Tithe
Ray of Revelation
Faith’s Fetters
Karmic Guide
Patrol Hound
Swords to Plowshares
Eternal Dragon
Land Tax
Blazing Archon
Balance
Weathered Wayfarer

Blue:
Mystical Tutor
Brainstorm
Hapless Researcher
Deep Analysis
Cephalid Broker
Merfolk Looter
Ambassador Laquatus
Aquamoeba
Windfall
Frantic Search
Careful Study
Traumatize
Mental Note
Dizzy Spell
Breakthrough
Thought Courier
Stormscape Battlemage
Tolarian Winds
Trinket Mage
Dreams of the Dead
Obsessive Search
Keiga, the Tide Star
Cephalid Looter
Cunning Wish
Braingeyser
Read the Runes
Three Wishes
Allied Strategies
Compulsive Research

Black:
Stinkweed Imp
Golgari Thug
Nightmare Void
Recurring Nightmare
Tainted Pact
Ichorid
Putrid Imp
Chainer’s Edict
Twilight’s Call
Sutured Ghoul
Contract from Below
Kagemaro, First to Suffer
Twisted Abomination
Living Death
Diabolic Servitude
Zombie Infestation
Gravedigger
Visara the Dreadful
Crypt Angel
Demonic Tutor
Necratog
Coffin Purge
Mind Twist
Oversold Cemetery
Exhume
Animate Dead
Buried Alive
Brainspoil
Reanimate
Vampiric Tutor
Phyrexian Plaguelord
Diabolic Tutor
Nether Shadow
Ashen Ghoul
Entomb
Bone Shredder
Darkblast
Spirit of the Night
Stitch Together
Mortal Combat
Vigor Mortis
Songs of the Damned
Kokusho, the Evening Star
Nekrataal
Krovikan Horror
Carrionette
Diabolic Intent
Ink-Eyes, Servant of Oni
Mortivore
Demonic Consultation
Empty the Catacombs

Red:
Wheel of Fortune
Fiery Temper
Gamble
Lightning Bolt
Anarchist
Ghitu Fire
Rorix Bladewing
Squee, Goblin Nabob
Thunderscape Battlemage
Anger
Avalanche Riders
Burning Wish
Book Burning
Flametongue Kavu

Green:
4 Golgari Grave-Troll
Moldervine Cloak
Greater Mossdog
Living Wish
Pattern of Rebirth
Terravore
Verdant Force
Genesis
Wild Mongrel
Viridian Shaman
Krosan Beast
Land Grant
Wood Elves
Roar of the Wurm
Sakura-Tribe Elder
Yavimaya Granger
Grizzly Fate
Arrogant Wurm
Farseek
Nature’s Lore
Tooth and Nail
Basking Rootwalla
Call of the Herd
Life from the Loam
Bearscape
Restock
Moment’s Peace
Thunderscape Battlemage
Rampant Growth
All Suns’ Dawn
Civic Wayfinder
Explosive Vegetation
Mulch
Regrowth
Eternal Witness
Skyshroud Claim

Gold:
Shambling Shell
Grave-Shell Scarab
Crosis, the Purger
Dimir Infiltrator
Phantom Nishoba
Loxodon Hierarch
Firemane Angel
Putrefy
Clutch of the Undercity
Razia, Boros Archangel
Psychatog
Perplex
Life / Death
Glimpse the Unthinkable
Eladamri’s Call

Artifact:
Skullclamp
Citanul Flute
Fellwar Stone
Sol Ring
Thran Dynamo
Duplicant
Solemn Simulacrum
Spectral Searchlight
Sensei’s Divining Top
Golgari Signet
Worn Powerstone

Land
Urborg
Seat of the Synod
Shadowblood Ridge
Svothgos, the Restless Tomb (Yeah, baby!)
Flooded Strand
Tropical Island
Watery Grave
Strip Mine
Volcanic Island
Taiga
Krosan Verge
Treetop Village
Bayou
Llanowar Wastes
Mirrodin’s Core
Faerie Conclave
Flood Plain
Mountain Valley
Skycloud Expanse
Badlands
Mishra’s Factory
Temple Garden
Forgotten Cave
Secluded Steppe
Grasslands
Wooded Foothills
Bloodstained Mire
Bad River
Great Furnace
Ancient Den
Okina, Temple to the Grandfathers
Tundra
[card name="Darkwater Catacombs"]Darkwater Catacombs
Overgrown Tomb
Vault of Whispers
Sacred Foundry
Polluted Delta
Yavimaya Coast
Barren Moor
Savannah
Grand Coliseum
Lonely Sandbar
Volrath’s Stronghold
Karplusan Forest
Sulfurous Springs
Tree of Tales
City of Brass
Tendo Ice Bridge
Caves of Koilos
Tranquil Thicket
Windswept Heath
Nantuko Monastery
Underground Sea
Gemstone Mine
Plateau
8 Island
5 Swamp
2 Mountain
2 Plains
9 Forest

Wow. If reading that list is as tedious and time-consuming as typing it, I’m sure that everybody stopped after the Magic card “Tithe.” So I’ll give you a quick overview of what the deck does, in case it wasn’t readily apparent from the gargantuan decklist.

Basically, you work the Troll (and similar cards) to try and load the graveyard, either winning through reanimation or a huge Living Death/Twilight’s Call, or just by raw-dogging Mr. Troll out there himself to have some fun. Your late game is really good because of all your natural fat as well.

A general note: 5-Color has very, very liberal mulligan rules. The way we play, you get one free mulligan, a one-land mulligan, a seven-land mulligan, a no-land mulligan, and some Parises. So you can afford to skimp a little bit on the land count, especially since the last thing you want is to get flooded in the mid-game.

Interactions
Most 5-Color games are going to be long, long games. Usually a person has one or two answers to your threats, and vice-versa…. so the way to win is through strategic superiority, long-term card advantage, or an engine that your opponent cannot interrupt. Alternatively, if you’re really lucky, you might mise a combo kill. This deck has four or five of those:

Where this deck shines, though, is in the “engine” department. You have tons and tons and tons. Just to get started:

This deck thrives on mid-game power. You develop a mana base and get an engine going that, because most of what you’re doing is simultaneously disrupting their strategy and generating a clock — and that overwhelms their plan.

Of course that list is far from perfect, and again I welcome any and all comments in the forums. All I have to say is that I strongly urge people to begin playing this format, because it’s insanely fun. One you start gaming with it, you’ll see the light… Unlike the weak-ass who almost ran me over at the corner of Madison and McLean today because the colors Red and Green are apparently foreign to him.

What is even more amazing, though, is to Solomon Draft your deck. Wow, there’s some sickness for you.

Before we end, I want to throw out some words about the format, assuming that nobody breaks it after I post this article and laughs at me for being so massively scrubtacular.

Make sure you have some early plays, and don’t slack on the creature-kill. This isn’t because there’s a good aggro deck or anything; singleton doesn’t exactly lend itself to that sort of metagame. What are present, though, are billions of cheap men with “comes into play” effects that you’re going to have to deal with. They are surprisingly lethal. On the other hand, standard one-for-one removal is pretty ineffective just because you want to be answering threats proactively.

Following the same line of thought, remember which answers you need to include. Most of the time you’re going to die to the last huge fatty you can’t deal with (thanks, Jamie) unless you’re old-school Brian Davis and take said fatty home with you to take pictures. Hey, man, you find premium cuts at Puff’s Twelve-Dollar Zoo, what can I say? Things like Putrefy are excellent, as are the Bone Shredder, Duplicant, and Nekrataal. Lightning Bolt is fine; just realize that not a whole lot dies to it that you want to kill. You can play mad Wrath of God effects, but they’re not my style; a good player will make you deal with threats individually, or will just have a Civic Wayfinder and a Sakura Tribe-Elder out there and will beat down until you deal. So there’s no real need to run the Pyroclasm, for example, or anything like that — what does it kill that matters?

Mana acceleration is vital.

90% of the time, you should Tutor for either Balance or Mind Twist.

Be aware of the Armageddon-type effects, especially from a Life from the Loam deck. These tend to be how I lose, because they’ll just Disenchant your artifact mana and then ‘Geddon with enough open to cast Derf from the Derf.

Realize that they almost always have an answer, so don’t walk directly into it with Psychatog or Necratog. At the same time, though, always pay careful attention when tutoring and things to make sure that what you are spending time doing eventually gets around to killing the opponent. No matter how good your engine is, if all it does it make loud noises, it’ll eventually get overtaken by granny in her Honda Civic.

Keep your graveyard fanned out as best you can to make sure you don’t miss anything. Along the same lines, make sure to keep looking at your opponent’s graveyard so that, when you draw Twilight’s Call, Empty the Catacombs, or Living Death, you don’t telegraph it with much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Also, I don’t know why, but everybody forgets about Carrionette. They also spell it like it’s someone’s name. Remove the hell out of Eternal Dragons with that guy.

Again, this decklist isn’t for mad netdecking purposes… I mean, go ahead and copy it if you want, but the problem is that it’s not very good. I just wanted to throw this out there so that y’all could get an idea of what a reasonably solid deck in the format looks like. I’m going to be checking the forums constantly, so please post with your ideas for this deck as well as any original suggestions you had — an engine you discovered, a card to build around, whatever. I love hearing comments.

May your Verdant Force go rawwwrrrrrr!!