The Mono-White Drive-By: Rapping Strategy, Take II

Yo, I’m Craig, and I’m a card-playing wizard,

Beating you up with my mono-white blizzard,

Throwing superior skill in your face,

Winning the gold in the Human Race,

Mono-white rapping like Vanilla Ice,

You wanna do well? Here’s my advice:

Swing with men and dish out defeat!

Play White Weenie, it’s the deck to beat!

Back in your face, yo! My name is Craig,

Engineering my very own plague,

Giving opponents a fat neg-one,

Ruling MODO like my name was Tron.

Comin’ straight at ya like a raging bull,

The one fat artifact you can’t Annul,

The super-fly guy of the card collectors,

So damn hot I’ll melt your deck protectors.

When I start rapping, I’ll rock your socks –

My rhyme’s like opening a foil Chrome Mox.

If I come knocking, you’ll be evicted:

So damn strong I should be restricted.

You step to me, boy? Don’t make me laugh!

I’ll send you to the bottom with my Proteus Staff.

I’m a lyrical poet, a lover, a fighter,

And Ferrett has made me a Featured Writer!

I know what you’re saying!”Not more rap?!

“I really hoped I’d seen the back of this crap!”

Tough luck Bobby, I’ve rhyme to spare.

You don’t like my rap? Hell, I don’t care!

But before you get yourself in a twist

And scroll away to find a new decklist…

Even though I think my style’s so chic,

I swear I won’t pull this stunt each week.

Remember the time I spoke of little red men?

Don’t worry – I ain’t gonna say it again.

There’s no innovation for the Goblin Crew,

We know they’ll be strong in the new type 2.

The deck of choice for the beatdown fan

Is built from the cream of the White Weenie clan,

So swing for twenty, and pump the fist,

And feast your eyes on my new deck-list!

Let’s begin with four Suntail Hawks,

Taking flight with guttural squawks.

From the undergrowth, a mighty roar!

Savannah Lions! Their number? Four.

You all know I’m packing four Silver Knight:

There’s four of his cousin, the Knight that’s White.

Four Whipcorders for tapetty tricks

Four Glorious Anthems add to the mix.

Four Bonesplitters help seal their fate,

Coupled with two Empyrial Plate

Great equipment for the two-drop swinger:

Four Leonin Sky-guys flicking the finger.

To make the math bring tears to their eyes

Four Raise the Alarms for instant guys,

And round it all out with twenty-two plains:

These boys keep beating ’til there’s naught but stains!

Next on our travels, we step to the board:

Super-tech cards not to be ignored.

You fear the power of the new mono-black?

Play four Karma and don’t even attack!

Although it ain’t great, three Altar’s Light

Helps you win the old Disenchant fight.

Some’ll pack LD (if they’ve read their Kai);

Two Sacred Grounds help spit in their eye.

The ability-killer: Three Damping Matrix

Can rule the table like a dominatrix.

To raise the dead, three Second Sunrise,

Caller of the Claw in its white disguise.

That’s my fifteen, but there are other great cards,

Like Worship, Ivory Mask, and Wing Shards.

The best advice is scout your local scene,

And prepare yourself for the decks that look mean.

Rumbling on like a fat Negator,

Heading straight into the matchup data.

A pretty good matchup is MBC,

As they don’t start rocking ’til they hit turn 3.

Yeah, Terror and Smother can spell bad beats

So you bust out your crack White Knight elite.

A pro-black guy with equipment is good,

And Raise the Alarm stops their Barter in Blood.

Remember to get your damage in quick:

Consume Spirit can be a pretty neat trick.

You’ve gotta beware the old Oblivion Stone:

One big sweep and your chance is blown.

Tap the mana, make guys, keep swinging,

Because at the end, you’ll still be singing.

Just make the lads and keep sending them in,

Equipping them up with a cheeky grin.

In game two, you’ve some great black hosers,

Wiping the smiles off controlling posers.

Altar’s Light is a good idea:

The dreaded Lens is a card to fear.

After boarding, they’ll die to Karma,

Ploughing them down like a twisted farmer.

Cast your spells with panache and poise

Just never forget to keep sending the boys.

A pretty close match is the artifact deck,

Crashing on through like a terminal wreck.

Who’d have thought it? Affinity works!

4/4s for zero? That’s berserk!

But don’t be crying when they drop a Frogmite:

First-striking guys will block him all night.

Beware their Overrides when summoning men,

Or you’ll keep losing again and again.

An early Broodstar creates disorder,

So tap him down with your pal, Whipcorder.

As usual, win as quick as you can,

Or they’ll pull through with their card-drawing plan.

Some builds pummel you down real fast,

Then finish you off with a Shrapnel Blast.

Just laugh as you drop yet another flyer:

The strength of your guys is generally higher.

To be honest, the sideboard plan ain’t great:

You may need to hunt out some specialist hate,

Depending on whether this deck’ll see play.

You think it won’t show? Then you’re looking okay!

The Altar’s Light is an option, I guess,

But as removal, it doesn’t impress.

Maybe Akroma’s Vengeance will rule:

If they’ve no permanents, they’ll look quite the fool!

You may have trouble ‘gainst Goblin beats:

They have the strength to supply defeats,

In times gone by, white had the power,

But a quick red blast can just devour.

A Pyrite Bomb kills all your men,

With a powerful roar like Gentle Ben

But before you fly off on a moaning trip:

Glorious Anthem keeps them out of its grip.

The red guys fly out super-fast,

But your Anthemed guys are built to last.

Empyrial Plate makes your Silver Knights sing,

Ruling the table like the One True Ring.

There’s plenty of tricks to keep the goblins at bay,

Play a first-striker, block ’em all day,

If you beat down with an iron grip

He’ll tick his drop-box when he signs the slip.

From the board, you can try a few things:

The Worship/Silver Knight combo stings.

In game 2, if a Vortex appears,

Use Altar’s Light to box its ears.

Your first strike guys will stem the flow,

And a Whipcorder spoils the Clickslither show,

This match will be won by the guy with more men,

So make sure you cast them again and again.

Now we’ll deal with the random factor,

Pulling out wins like a powerful tractor

Mirrodin will shake up the new Type 2

If you’re facing oddness, here are tips for you:

You won’t have a problem with quick LD:

Sacred Ground looks pretty good to me.

It’s hard to deal with a Troll Ascetic,

But a first strike knight makes him look pathetic

For the mirror, Blinding Angel is handy,

Preaching non-violence like a hip-hop Ghandi.

And if goblins really cause the blues,

Stop them swinging with a Windborn Muse.

Your faced with Charbelcher dishing the pain?

Altar’s Light will be a kick to the brain!

And Proteus Staff sends all your little guys home?

Make ’em all at once, and swing to the dome.

An early Visara is a difficult test,

Especially if backing up an early Infest

But keep up the pressure and whatever you face

Will be strapped to a rocket and shot into space!

Yo, I’m Craig, and I’m a card-playing wizard,

Beating you up with my mono-white blizzard,

Throwing superior skill in your face,

Winning the gold in the Human Race,

Mono-white rapping like Vanilla Ice,

You wanna do well? Here’s my advice:

Swing with men and dish out defeat!

Play White Weenie, it’s the deck to beat!


Craig Stevenson

[email protected]

Scouseboy on MODO