In this episode:
Hilary — A friend since college. Slightly older than me, which is old. Married, two kids. One of the original Team Quarterstaff members who went to PT 1. His son plays Magic but Hilary has only been casually playing for the last few years. Quiet, reserved, and unbeaten in physical combat in the last 45 years.
Paul — 27, thin, intelligent, stinging wit and an excellent player. Almost technically perfect play. (Unlike me.) One of the old Comics and Collectibles players. When told by Ira “Wonderboy” Beaver that I had been to the Pro Tour three times, he couldn’t believe it.
“He’s playing Unyaro Bee Sting!”
“No, really, he’s been to the Pro Tour three times.”
“How? HE’S PLAYING UNYARO BEE STING!”
Justin — Thin, funny, always has a beautiful girlfriend. Marches to the beat of a different drummer, and embraces it. Quite happy to make a stir, and calls out cheaters (loudly) whenever he finds them.
Travis — Like Paul and Justin, another of the old C&C players, but he is the most active of any of us in keeping up with the Magic scene. Quiet, passive but interesting, broad shouldered, long goatee, farmer by trade, henc e “The Amish.”
‘Hil Cel’ shows up on call answering.
“Hello.”
“Hey, it’s me.”
“I know. I recognized your voice, and I have caller ID.”
“I was worried you thought someone stole my cell phone and was calling you.”
Laughter. How bizarre.
“Right… So, how did it go?” I have told him he should play RDW this weekend.
“I’ve got everything but seven cards.”
“We’ll pick them up later. Did you get me four Obstinate Baloth?”
“I did.”
Awesome. Because-
1. I’m stubborn.
2. Because of the analysis of the new decks using M11 have changed the metagame. Adrian’s article pointed out that NO Jund decks made Top 8 at the multiple qualifiers using M11. He also showed that only three RDW decks made Top 8. Those are my two worst match-ups.
3. If Mana Leak (and other counterspells) are becoming more popular, my deck is perfect for Summoning Trap as a sideboard card, which I have always wanted to use.
I will then ignore this knowledge for the next six days. Which is asinine. I think this is because I believe my readers are sick of reading about the Green deck. So I want to give them something different.
I invite Justin, Travis, and Paul to come over for Thursday Night Magic. This seems like a good time to mention I erroneously reported that Zach lives with Justin. He does not. Sorry Zach.
So much landscaping and so many changes have been done to the property that Paul drives by three times then calls me on his cell.
“Where is your house?”
“I’ll come outside.”
Paul has a six pack of purple beer. (Seriously, it’s purple!) I have coffee and he has a root beer to start. Which is also bizarre.
We chat for a while, and then he says, “There goes Justin. And… there he goes again.”
Paul’s cell phone rings as I walk onto my lawn. “Yeah, Jamie’s out there now. Come back and see where the new driveway is.”
Travis arrives shortly afterwards and pulls in with no problem. I heat up some pizza, and for some reason we sit and talk for an hour before we start to play Magic. Ah, good friends.
Travis sets down a version of RDW next to me.
“This was built from a list from a week ago. I don’t have any M11 yet.”
“Cool.”
I have asked for no such thing that I remember, but I do remember I had mentioned wanting to change decks at some point.
I keep changing my Green deck, and Justin has changed his Jund deck, and neither of us can buy a win.
I play my Green deck for a while against Paul playing Turboland, and realize through six games and multiple changes the Green deck just doesn’t have it, even with proxied M11 cards. I pick up the Red deck and start smashing face. Paul wins one of the next seven games. Lotus Cobras die pretty easily.
Wendy is outside on the porch, working on the music playlist for the wedding. She comes inside and comments “Nice! Bourbon, pizza, chips, beer, salsa and cookies. Quite a spread. All in moderation, right?”
The Amish tells her “Moderation isn’t a word in Justin’s vocabulary.”
Magic continues. Justin attacks with his Raging Ravine, Travis plays Path to Exile.
“Okay, it turns back into a land.” He puts the Ravine back on his side of the table.
“What!?” I exclaim. “Really?”
“No, not really. Go get your land, Justin.”
“My God! For just a second I thought he was serious.” As if that land isn’t broken enough.
I am thinking of moving to Green/Red because-
1. Fauna Shaman needs to die.
2. Raging Ravine.
No matter what I play against the rest of the night, RDW just seems to have more options and keeps smashing face. Sometimes, there is no way my opponent can win and it’s over on turn 4. Other times, it looks like they can win, but that is only because I am saving up burn. As Alan Webter says, “playing Red is all about the ability to do simple math.”
“What is your life total?”
If your opponent then says “Bolt you at the end of your turn,” you know it’s over. It doesn’t matter if you have Emrakul on the board.
I’m not happy with the list. There isn’t enough burn for my tastes, and too many creatures. I like sixteen burn spells. I lay everything on the table, and we debate card choices. I tune it to have more burn and a few less inefficient creatures (anything without haste), and then I smash face even more in the next few games. I’m much happier with this build.
Creatures (19)
Lands (12)
Spells (29)
Sideboard
I beat Justin three times, and he says, “you’re right, Wakefield. Jund sucks now.”
Paul replies, “no, your Jund sucks now. Put it back to the way it was. The changes you made aren’t working. Put it back.”
Justin went 5-2 at the last PTQ, so he changes it back to that build.
The next day, I buy the cards online and make up the exact deck I was playing the night, before because I want to practice as much as possible. The things I have learned —
1. Creature-heavy Jund is harder to beat than creature-light Jund.
2. In the mirror, whoever draws the most Dragon’s Claws wins. One is enough but two assures victory.
3. Like with Paul, anyone playing a deck based on Lotus Cobra loses to this deck.
It is time for Friday Night Magic. I am driving alone this time. The road up to Burlington contains so many memories. As I pass houses I recollect. I had a strange one-night-stand in that building. A very fun time with a girl in that house. There’s the gas station where I had a scary experience that haunts me every time I pass it. There’s the camel by the round barn. Yup, a two-humped camel in a field with llamas and sheep. I know it gets cold in the desert at night, but I wonder how a camel does in a Vermont winter? Oh look, there’s something new — Superman.
Not hitchhiking but walking on my side of the road is a man with scruffy shoes, an old dirty backpack, bald head, a walking stick, and wearing a Superman suit. Not a shirt, but the whole foam plastic sculpted muscles Superman suit, complete with red cloth to cover his shoes, making them look like boots. I want to stop and ask him his story, but I am late.
(In fact, that’s been my idea for a book for a long time. Interview twenty random people who look like they have bizarre lives, and document how they got there. Just ask them if they will talk to me for a bit, buy them dinner, document their tale, because, you know, you always wonder… how did you get here?)
FNM is insane. It looks like a ten-year-old’s birthday party has exploded all over the site. So many kids! So much noise! So much chaos!
Round 1 begins, and I am playing ten-year-old Alex again. While a good player for his age, he still has the unfocused deck of a ten-year-old, which, I am sorry, cannot withstand a turn 1 Guide into Hellspark Elemental into Ball Lightning, Bolt you, Bolt you, Bolt you dead.
“I played you last time, right?”
“Yes Alex, you did.”
“You were playing… Green?”
“You have a good memory. Yes I was.”
“Good game.”
“Good game. Good luck in the rest of the tourney.”
Round 2 is against ten-year-old Taylor. He is a very nice kid as well, but it is a repeat of round 1. I am very proud…
My phone rings. It is Justin. “The PTQ in NH is tomorrow.”
“No, it isn’t. I checked on the web weeks ago. It is Sunday.”
“They changed it. It’s tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”
“Thanks, man.”
God damnit! Neither Paul nor Hilary have a passport to go to Montreal on Sunday. Lena’s birthday party (with guests and me grilling lobster) is Saturday. I can’t cancel that. Damnit!
I call and explain to Wendy there will be no PTQ this weekend.
“Are you sure? This is important to you.”
“I can’t cancel Lena’s birthday party.”
Singing and cake breaks out behind me.
“Is someone singing?”
“Yes. Apparently tonight is someone’s birthday.” Which, explains the dozen kids here tonight.
“I can’t hear you, call me back in a bit.”
“Will do.”
Hilary shows up. We go to a bar to get a couple of beers, and he gets some fries. I explain the deck to him, and show him different cards. This is when you play this. This has Unearth. This is the only sorcery in the deck. Understand? Good. I need to get back for the next round. Pay for my beer, I’ll get the next one, okay? Okay.
Round 3 is against Reni. He has an original enchantment based deck that takes a little while to set up. RDW doesn’t give you time to set up.
Let’s do some math… Bolt you?
I love original decks, but it’s over pretty fast. Sorry, Reni.
Wendy calls me back. “Look, Lena can make it Sunday. Call Michele and see if she can make it Sunday.”
I turn to Hilary “Can you make it Sunday? What if we went to the PTQ tomorrow?”
“Do you have a shirt I can wear?”
“I have a shirt, fresh underwear, deodorant, toothpaste, you name it.”
“Let me call Michele.”
Round 4 is against Benjamin, with lots of White and lifegain. He is a good player with a good deck that is well-suited to beating the snot out of me. And does.
Snotless, I call Wendy. “Are you sure? Sunday is okay?”
“Everyone can make it. If you go on Sunday to Montreal, you’re going to be going alone, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Everything’s set. You’re going to NH tomorrow.”
Until next time!