Selecting 10th Edition – Mogg Fanatic!

After a brief hiatus, Teddy Card Game returns to champion the cause of the original pesky goblin – Mogg Fantastic! Can the “best one-drop ever printed” shoe-horn itself into the next Core Set? If Ted, and Dan Paskins – and, if I’m being honest, I – had the final say, he’d be an auto-include. Still, the Unwashed Masses have yet to cast their votes… will Ted’s impassioned pleas help sway the decision down the path of Honesty and Truth?

Greetings and welcome back to my good graces. Your support of Squire Goodman’s argument last week has won you a reprieve from what might have been a permanent hiatus on my part, after the horrible Ernie vs. Troll Ascetic vs. Ravenous Baloth affair. Heartbroken and deeply frustrated, I left Ben to battle Ben in a penguin versus leprechaun, Jew versus Jew battle to end all Jewish penguin leprechaun battles, and I was not disappointed. While this was going on, I hopped a luxury bus (welcome to the land of oxymorons, population: psamms, Jennifer Love Hewitt and the girls, and Rebecca Gayheart. Sooo lucky!) to NYC. While there, I played Coldsnap, ate sushi with Jonny Magic, wished baby Flores the happiest of belated birthdays, and watched Italy win the World Cup on penalty kicks in the street, surrounded by gorgeous Italian babes and skeezy Italian men. I also got drunk off my ass with old-time New York Magicians, at least in part due to two or three rounds of free shots purchased by a guy we immediately nicknamed Shoeless Joe because, as you may have already surmised, he was wearing no shoes. Then to top things off, I saw sports stars Maria Sharapova and Ronaldo up close and in person. It was a very good weekend.

What’s that? You’ve never seen Maria Sharapova in person or received numerous free rounds of shots from a drunken shoeless guy with a smokin’ hot girlfriend? Bad beat.

Perhaps if you started listening to me, you might.

Enough about me! We have cards to discuss. Specifically we have Red one-drops to discuss, and awfully good ones at that. Since last time I wrote I seemed to have confused you, I’m going to switch things up and tell you which card you are not voting for and why.

You are NOT voting for Kird Ape. I say again for those of you that bombed the Reading Comp part of your SATs, Kird Ape is the card you are NOT voting for.

The stubborn among you want reasons. Fine, I can do that. You are NOT voting for Kird Ape because he is just a guy (ape). He is not clever – he just sits there or he just bashes. In fact, if you look really closely, you can see a microscopic lightswitch in the art that says Sit/Bash. Since he merely sits/bashes, Kird Ape is deemed boring and he’s a monkey, and nobody likes a boring monkey. Remember that the next time you go to a party.

You are also NOT voting for Kird Ape because he locks you into color combinations that you may or may not want to be playing. I love a Mountain and a Forest together more than most, but I don’t want to be forced into playing them together just to make Kird Ape good. Besides which, shortly after the time 10th Edition shows up in Standard, all of your Forest Mountains will disappear, meaning Kirdy might be a 1/1 far more than you want him to be.

The intractable among you now want reasons for Mogg Fanatic. Fine, I shall indulge you, but not without a suitable amount of eye rolling first.

The Top 5 Reasons to Pick Mogg Fanatic
Reason #1: He’s a goblin. This is also known as the DPC or Dan Paskins Corollary.

Reason #2: He’s a clever goblin (we’re revisiting Oxymoronburg). Clever, as the late Chad Ellis taught us, is very good, and in goblins, very rare to boot.

Reason #3: He just might be the best one-drop in history, yet few current players have had a chance to play him. If he comes back into the base set, it won’t be just the old guys telling you how awesome Mogg Fantastic is to play – even the eleven-year-old who just beat you with his mono-Red deck will know the glory that is Mogg Fantastic.

Reason #4: Back before Extended rotated, Mogg Fanatic was one of a very small group of cards to appear in the Pro Tour: Columbus Top 8 in two different decks. That might scream "overpowered" to some of you, but the fact of the matter is he’s just a good card. Versatility should be valued by Pros and casual folks alike.

Reason #5: Because I said so.

Still don’t believe me? God, you people are like arguing with Flores. Fine, I shall now present incontrovertible proof that not voting for this card can bring about ruin on a scale you never anticipated. You want to know how good this card is? Japanese Nationals, national championship of the greatest Magicing nation on the planet, was lost because that lame knockoff Frostling is not Mogg Fanatic! Not only that, but the fact that Mogg Fanatic was not present actually altered time. I can see you are skeptical and do not know your history, so allow me to quote from wise scholar Bee Dee eM, who was there to witness the cataclysmic events in person:

"The table judge had ruled that Jun’ya was able to sacrifice his Frostling to target itself despite having protection from Red granted by the Sword of Fire and Ice. During the course of the game it seemed that it was too late to go back but after the match no one – Jun’ya included – seemed happy with the tenth Japanese Nationals ending on a botched call.

There was a full video crew covering the event for a Japanese documentary that was going to follow the National team to Worlds. Between the video tape and the judge’s notations every card in hand, in the graveyard, and in play was documented. There was much debate about how to proceed and after lengthy conference between all the tournament officials it was decided that the game would be backed up to the point where the incorrect ruling was made.

The judges and video crew got together and recreated the game state right down to the Mountain on top of Jun’ya’s library when he was ‘Slavered."

That’s right, Mogg Fanatic’s inferior replacement actually caused rifts in the space-time continuum. If Mr. Fanatic (and in light of the evidence, I think we are obligated to use the honorific now, though you should feel free to toss in "O’ Great Goblin" or "Sir Badass" if you need to change it up) is seeing play in that situation, this never happens. The Fanatic goes to the dome, Jun’Ya wins, and all is right with the world. Instead, they backed the whole game up and replayed it to a different outcome. Insanity! Since Antonino cannot actually defeat a Morifuji, one can actually go so far as to say that this play also lost the United States the Worlds Team titles as well. I think this sort of evidence is a clear indicator that the Powers That Be are actually demanding Mogg Fanatic in Standard again. Don’t piss the Powers off, my friend – you wouldn’t like them when they are angry.

Remember kids, a vote FOR Mogg Fanatic is NOT a vote for penis. Until next time, don’t call anyone’s mother or sister a terrorist whore.

Teddy Card Game
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