SCG Daily – Blog Fanatic: Ben’s Private Book of Magic Poetry

Magic has been an integral part of my life for over a decade. During that time, I’ve kept a book — a book of my poetry. Today, for the first time, I share my innermost, private poetry with you, the readers of StarCityGames.com.

Editor’s Note: In the name of all things holy, don’t read this article! Ben threatened to fire me if I didn’t publish this Daily. You’ve been warned — Craig

Hello and welcome to the last of my Dailies for this week at StarCityGames.com. This column is very personal to me. Over the years, I’ve collected my private poetry into a book I keep at my bedside. Until now, only a couple of people have ever read my innermost thoughts. Today, I share with you, my secret passions, fears, and loves. These are from my private book of Magic poetry.

This first poem was written back in 1996, when I was falling in love for the first time. It was written for my first serious girlfriend, but I was too shy to ever let her see this poem.

My Love is Like a Black Lotus
My love for you is like a Black Lotus
but don’t sacrifice it too early
oh no
‘cause if you discard too soon
you’ll burn my heart for three

I want you to twiddle it

make my bone flute minus one power
i wanna show you my o face
like the casting cost on a Mox

shuffle me up
deal me out
i’ll sleeve myself up
so you’ll stay near mint

but not mint
cause i’m gonna play with you

That brings back a lot of memories. Ah, young love! My heart doth ring aflutter. This next piece was inspired by a piece of popular music I happened to hear while listening to the musak in an elevator, after losing badly at Pro Tour: Rome. My Academy Deck wasn’t quite up to par, and my spirits were feeling low. There was a certain someone who really pissed me off that day, and this poem was written about him.

You’re So Stains
You walked into the Pro Tour
like you were opening up a pack
Your Pro Tour shirt tucked in your pants
Your pants they were a sack

You had one eye on other match
As you watched yourself go off
And all the guys wished they they had your hand
They had your hand and

You’re so stains
I bet you think this poem’s about you
You’re so stains
I bet you think this poem’s about you
Don’t you?
Don’t you?
Don’t you?

Without my poetry, I don’t know how I would have weathered the bad times. After I wrote my article about White Cards that would see play at the Extended Pro Tour, many people at Misetings said some really mean things about my writing. The following poem was my way of getting down my negative thoughts, without dragging others into pointless and prolonged flame war.

I Ain’t No Glass Jaw
I ain’t gonna be mised
No, not me
Not gonna mise me at all

Stains on the windows
Stains in my pants
No, not gonna be mised

I ain’t no glass jaw
I’m a Tight Tommy
Yeah, I’m the original fat Moti
You can’t FTK me with your words

Yeah, I’m running on pure gas
I’m a Johnny, a Spike and a Timmy
All rolled into one
‘cause I roll like that

I ain’t no glass jaw
I ain’t gonna get timmed by your words
I’ve got fat pants on my backside
And I’ll mise the misers in the end

It hasn’t all been hardship and pain over the years. I’ve had a lot of great things happen in my Magic life, and those happy days have also inspired private musings on life, happiness, and life. And happiness. As everyone knows, happiness is a limerick.

There once was a guy we’ll call Ben,
Who kept his life on pad with pen.
His opponent did cheat,
But was caught on Ben’s sheet,
And the judge gave a DQ again.

I just won my fifth Pee Tee Cue
By top decking a burn spell or two
I tapped for a Torch
Which happened to scorch
My opponent, who felt quite askew

When I’m feeling really depressed, I turn to Haiku. When I was railing against the power level of one of the five colors of Magic, my spirits were really down. Luckily, I was able to adjust a traditional Haiku for my own purposes.

Jareth is White trash
I don’t like him very much
F**k his ma and pa

Those who are close to me know that I am proud of my Jewish heritage. This next little ditty was adapted from a popular song about Chanukah:

Keiga, Keiga, Keiga
I made you out of clay
And when I tried to eat you
My stomach said “Oy Vey”

Well, it was quite hard for me to share my secrets with everyone, but I felt like I could give back to the Magic community like they’ve given to me. Please let me know what you thought of these poems — which were you favorites? Did any of them touch your heart like they touched mine? Would you like to see me do another poetry recital in a future daily? Let me know in the forums, and let your voices be heard loud and clear!