Congratulations, <MAIL-MERGE NAME HERE>, you may already have won a combination toaster and tumble-drier. You have been randomly selected from the population of the Magic Internet Community by our state-of-the-art computer technology* to participate in our 2001 Census. Not only will this afford you the best chance of winning the remarkable dual-function, mostly-safe kitchen appliance, but it will also let us add your personal details to a vast database which we will then sell to direct mail companies for inflated profits.** Simply fill in your answers to the questions provided and send to the address at the end of this questionnaire, not forgetting to include your $10!
Best Regards,
Juan Bone-Avery Meneet
Chairman – Strictly Above-Board Enterprises, Ltd.
(A subsidiary of The It’ll Never Stand Up In Court Corp.)
Here follows a transcript, of sorts, of an e-mail based interview conducted with my good self and the Lord And Master (He Who Must Be Obeyed) Peter Hoefling, Grand Vizier of all things Star City Games. Please note that while Pete’s responses are all ‘intact,’ other elements of this article MAY be fabrications.
*** START THE BLOODY INTERVIEW HERE ***
TONY:
(calmly, with an ocarina in hand)
Please give a little background information about yourself, e.g., full name, date of birth, credit card details, place of birth, height, weight, shoe size, marital status, children, favourite food, which side you ‘dress’ to, etc.
PETE H:
Pizza. 🙂
TONY:
(tetchily fingering the ocarina)
Is this a universal answer, i.e., You were born on a pizza, you weigh the same as a pizza, you have married a pizza, and pay your bills using savoury italian bread-based snackage – or are you being coy?
PETE H:
Uh… Yes.
TONY:
(putting the wind instrument to his lips)
Do you get to play Magic often? Do you play any other games?
PETE H:
(a soft hooting, as of young owls at rest, can be heard in the background as Pete answers)
Unfortunately, no… To both questions. I’m a devoted student of Magic, but rarely get to actually play. As a result, I’ve ended up being a great deck designer, but a mediocre player. I believe that if I can get to an event to play, then I can get to that event to work, so I generally end up working… A lot.
TONY:
(already losing interest – stay on target!)
What about physical stuff like American "handball" – sorry, meant to
say football – baseball, swimming, lacrosse, full-contact mah-jongg, etc.?
PETE H:
(still hasn’t noticed that Tony has changed his shirt)
I’ve never been much into playing or watching sports… unless you count WWF Wrestling, which I’m hopelessly addicted to. 🙂
TONY:
(rolling ocarina betwixt fore-finger and thumb)
How long has Star City, the shop, been ‘up and running,’ and how long has the website been up? What’s the split in terms of business across website, shop, and tourney attendances?
PETE H:
The physical store has been open for almost ten years; the website has been online for two. Here’s a bit of news for you – I’m proud to announce that StarCityGames.com will be building a 10,000 square foot Game Center… from scratch… Here in Roanoke, VA. It will be one of the largest of its kind in the country, and should be open by the end of 2001… Hopefully. 🙂
TONY:
(drops ocarina in surprise)
Bigger than WotC’s game centre?
PETE H:
I don’t know how big the WotC Game Center is, but I can’t imagine there’d be too many 10,000 square foot Game Centers out there. What we have planned will be light years ahead of anything that I’ve seen personally.
TONY:
(caring, but persistent)
What has been the effect of the website on sales?
PETE H:
Sales are great. The website only exists because players support us by buying our products.
TONY:
(distraction technique designed to divert Pete’s attention while initiating the recovery of the lost ocarina)
Going back to ten years ago – what were the big sellers, product-wise?
PETE H:
Comic books, but that’s because ten years ago we were just a little 800 square foot store that sold primarily comic books.
TONY:
(reaching under his chair)
When did you first get involved with Magic? Can you describe the initial response/reaction from your customers?
PETE H:
I originally started carrying Magic because I got tired of saying "No" to all of the kids that kept asking if we had any. 🙂 Although I had no interest in Magic myself at the time, a good businessman listens to his customers, and those kids were my customers. I’m glad that I did. Incidentally, one of those "kids" was Omeed Dariani, former editor of StarCityGames.com and current editor of Sideboard Online. 🙂
TONY:
(still reaching; the beginnings of a cramp spread across his shoulders)
What are your feelings about the rise of Star City in 2000? Were there any particular milestones along the way?
PETE H:
(blissfully unaware of Tony’s hair being restyled as he speaks)
I’m proud of what the site became, and even prouder of what it’s becoming. We have big plans for 2001.
TONY:
Any chance of a sneaky peek?
PETE H:
Nope, although by the time this sees "print", our new site should be up and running. That’s step one. 🙂
TONY:
(placing the retrieved ocarina in his nest-like quiff)
I have to ask – if only to lend SOME kind of weight to this ‘linterview’ (shallow hussy that I am): Net decks or no?
PETE H:
If you practice with the deck, maybe tweak it a bit, and become skilled at its intricacies, then I say "yes." If you just copy a deck from the ‘net, then show up at a tournament expecting to win… Well… I still say "yes." The only way that you get better – at ANYTHING – is to practice. Copying a deck from the ‘net is a start, but that by itself isn’t going to get you very far unless you practice. Besides, aren’t 99.9% of all decks available SOMEWHERE on the ‘net? 🙂
TONY:
(automatically – this might have been his answerphone cutting in)
To I.D or not to I.D?
PETE H:
Let’s face it. If you I.D., someone below you probably isn’t going to make it into the top 8. However, if you made it illegal, there’s nothing to stop players from playing so slow that the first game doesn’t finish, or Earthquaking both players to death, or not attacking when you could win the game. There’s dozens of ways around it. I’d much rather debate the issue of the Grand Prix Bye system, which I believe is incredibly unfair.
TONY:
How would you change things, then?
PETE H:
Simple. I’d do away with the entire Bye system. A Grand Prix is supposed to be an open event, and there is a HUGE advantage for those that have byes. It’s like running a marathon and having the best runners get a one mile headstart. If you’re that good, then compete on a level equal to everyone else.
TONY:
When are you gonna get all of us together in one room?
PETE H:
I’ve heard rumors of some multiplayer craziness at PT: LA involving Ferrett, Anthony Alongi, and a bunch of others who are going to be there.
TONY:
(spotting the remote possibility of a free lunch)
You could invite everyone to the opening of the game center!
PETE H:
Anyone who wants to pay their own way is welcome to come. 🙂
TONY:
(initiating ‘closure’)
What’s left to achieve? What are your goals for 2001?
PETE H:
My primary goal is to make StarCityGames.com the best Magic: the Gathering site on the ‘net. Period.
TONY:
(pressing ‘Disconnect’ first)
Thanks, Pete.
*** END THE BLOODY INTERVIEW HERE ***
What a genuinely nice chap, eh?***
And what news: an enormous games centre! (HOO-RAH!)
Other, undisclosed, exciting stuff! (HOO-RAH!)
And all of it about 3000 miles from my front door! (HOO-ROO)
May the milk of your human kindness never boil on its way to becoming the hot chocolate of fulfillment.
Ciao babies,
Tony Boydell
[email protected]
* – Some folded raffle tickets in a converted plastic beer barrel
** – Er… We weren’t supposed to print this bit, were we?
*** – [THIS FOOTNOTE HAS BEEN DEEMED UNSUITABLE FOR PUBLICATION – P.H. Feb/2001]