Machinegun Rantings

Well, I haven’t been truly inspired to write anything of late, but so many columns out there have either touched me or irked me that I feel I must surface from the depths of indifference and bother the Ferrett…one more time. (Trust me, it ain’t a bother, it’s a pleasure — , connoisseur of fine…

Well, I haven’t been truly inspired to write anything of late, but so many columns out there have either touched me or irked me that I feel I must surface from the depths of indifference and bother the Ferrett…one more time. (Trust me, it ain’t a bother, it’s a pleasure — The Ferrett, connoisseur of fine rants)

Issue #1: The Quality Of Writing And The Abundance Of Articles On The Subject

Sheldon Menery recently wrote on the subject, and others have also written on this in the past. While I am by no means an expert on Magic, my field of study and work means I must be a proficient writer. In the field of translation in which I work, we are told very early that making a point in 500 words instead of 750 is always better. Obviously some columns require in-depth commentary – but how many words can truly be written about Sealed deck advice? I’ll touch more on this later, by the way. The problem with a lot of articles right now is that they are simply not worth reading. Have writers not read the Ferrett’s "ham sandwich" rule? The theory is that at any time, a reader could choose to go for a ham sandwich instead of reading your column. I sometimes pass out reading columns on StarCity and other sites. Adding SOME pizzazz wouldn’t kill you, would it?

Issue #2: The Lack Of Planeshift Analysis

Zvi wrote a column on the subject, Rizzo gave us his ever-prophetic insights, and some other writers also analyzed it for Limited – but where are the drawn-out analyses of every card? Where are the rants that certain cards are broken? Where are the complaints about the end of Magic? The set has been out for a week, people! Get out there and give us your opinions!

Issue #3: The Overabundance Of Sealed-Deck Advice And Analysis

Look at your arm. You’ll see about a million pores on your skin. Count them. Now write a 1500-word article on the subject. Explain how each pore interacts with the other. How the hairs coming out of these pores are key. How the hairs NOT interacting with other hairs are as important as the other ones. Have you gone to another article yet? You have? I don’t blame you ONE BIT.

Here’s a word of advice to ALL those people that thought that writing 1500 words on Sealed deckbuilding accompanied by a dozen Sealed deck listings would be interesting. BE BRIEF! Or at least, be CONCISE! I don’t need to know how to build a Sealed deck! And you know what? There ARE no beginning players, unless they have no access to the net (a rarity these days), unless they focus on casual play (there are FAR more of us than you would think, Mr. Wizards of the Coast… and we are very fickle…), or unless they simply don’t care about the whole thing. We really, really don’t need more analysis of Sealed deck construction. Here’s a primer: You open your deck, take whatever creatures with evasion and removal you can, build a maximum three-color deck and add 17-20 lands. Proceed to crush all that oppose you.

Everyone who surfs at least one Magic site a day and who plays semi-regularly has done a Sealed deck – there are no surprises here. Thank you all for the tips and tricks, but please, please don’t flog a dead horse… ‘Cause he ain’t moving, Chief.

Rizzo’s latest column<———————————-Worth A Second Read

Dead Men Walking, I believe it was called, was brilliant. I too, see too many people that are stuck in a routine, be it go to work then home, go to work then clubbing, go to work then die. To those people, I say try something different. Play some Magic, wrap yourself in Saran Wrap, eat a cheeseburger. Remember, you are NOT your perfect figure, you are NOT your Ikea household set, you are NOT your LA Raiders sweatshirt. What YOU are is an intelligent person (or maybe you’re a crackhead; let’s face it, we’re not all smart) with boundless potential. So open your mind! Finish reading this column then read a book, see a movie, ask someone out, buy someone a coffee, do something different, you’ll be glad you did!

The Rumored Changes to Extended

It started out rather innocuously: A thread on the newsgroups, quoting a thread from the mtgstrategy Yahoo group. It alleged that Alex Shvartsman had mentioned there would be huge changes to Extended come March 1st, so much so that only Slivers would remain the same.

Now, I’m as much a bandwagoner as the next guy, so I will say that IT’S ABOUT FREAKING TIME! While I completely understand that Extended should always contain older cards and dual-lands, some cards should definitely be removed from the format. And those cards include Survival of the Fittest (far too powerful; it lets you draw a solution in creature form at any time, and Squee makes its discard effect irrelevant), Replenish (too one-sided, and removes strategy and interaction from the game; it also isn’t fun to take 21+ to the head from Saprolings all in one turn), and Donate. I didn’t name Necropotence because while very powerful, it DOES have a drawback. Not enough of one to severely punish you, but if your opponent is playing Sligh, fast Stompy, or anything capable of punching though ten to twelve points in one turn, Necro will be a must-win card. Donate is just too much of a pain in the neck to be left alive; people will just Donate some other annoying card to you if Illusions is gone.

All that being said, I sincerely think the Dual lands should remain, as well as most of the older cards. Just remove the silly one-sided combo cards, and let us play in a flourishing environment.

And that’s all this person has to say on that….

Crazy [email protected]